


The Observatory

by Shallw3run



Series: Blood Alloy [3]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Murder, Mystery, Pregnancy, Romance, Suspense, Unplanned Pregnancy, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-03-22 05:36:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 32
Words: 137,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13757391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shallw3run/pseuds/Shallw3run
Summary: “You’ve entered a place of clarity. Understanding. Peace. While you’re here in Acadia, synth-kind welcomes you, as long as you welcome us. My name is DiMA.”“Cut the shit. We’re not here to talk about your wonderful lives of tranquility. I’m looking for a friend,” Vel said.“I’d be happy to help you, but first I’ll need to ask you a few questions.”Nick snapped, anger in his voice. “We’re not answering any of your questions until you play straight with us. Just who the hell are you?"





	1. What a great achievement it was

“No, no, no, Duncan- Danny, no, stop!”

I managed to put a hand on the little boys shoulder and he came to a halt, frowning up at me. In his tiny hands was a pistol, loaded and ready to go.

“What?” he asked, disgruntled.

I gingerly plucked the gun out of his unsuspecting hands, holding it behind my back.

“This is not a toy-”

“Give it back!”

He immediately started trying to reach behind my back, which resulted in the two of us spinning in clumsy circles and me desperately trying to keep him back.

“Danny, Danny, Danny, stop, you can’t play with a gun!”

In the past month I’d discovered what it was like to actually parent a child. Yes, Shaun sometimes would give me attitude and try and get up to trouble, but overall he was very mature for his age and generally extremely respectful.

I assumed he thought being raised by me was heaven compared to the cold scientists of the Institute.

Danny though? Oh man, Danny hated having rules. He’d even called me ‘mungo’ one time. It made sense, since the age of three Harden Simms -the sheriff of Megaton- had been taking care of him. But his version of looking after a small child was getting drunk everyday and hoping the kid showed up at home by nightfall.

“Look, do you wanna go play with Shaun’s remote control car?” I asked, now raising the gun high above my head.

Danny began jumping, clawing at my abdomen as if he might gain some purchase and be able to climb me.

“Noooo, I want the gun!”

“Why!?”

“Dad sets up cans… on the bridge for me… and Shaun to shoot!” he said, struggling to think, talk, and reach for the gun all at the same time.

“What!?”

That was when Shaun poked his head inside from the front door, grinning, a knowing look on his face. Though I wasn’t proud to need my thirteen year old sons help in raising a five year old, there was no way in hell I was going to reject it.

“Hey, Danny, wanna come hang out with me?”

Danny was too focused on getting the gun back to respond.

“You two could go play with the radio Shaun’s been fixing!” I offered.

“Mom, I fixed that already and there’s nothing to do on it. I don’t have anyone to contact. I know! Danny, do you wanna go throw rocks at Codsworth?”

Danny’s face lit up and as if he was never interested in the firearm I held in the first place, he ran over to Shaun, the two of them disappearing from the open door.

“Hey, wait, that’s not… nice.”

I sighed in defeat, lowering my arm from above my head and examining the gun I’d just confiscated. Yep. It was was RJ’s. We’d had a few discussions in the days leading up to Shaun’s thirteenth birthday about letting him have a gun, but it had ended in me saying that he shouldn’t have something so dangerous if he didn’t know how to use it.

I guess RJ had taken that as a suggestion to teach him.

This was one of the few times I wished Shaun didn’t age like every other synth in the world. He’d be twelve forever and I could always have the excuse of him being too young to even touch a gun.

Of course, RJ thought Danny was also old enough to learn how to use a gun, so that excuse probably wouldn’t have worked for very long.

I tucked the gun into the back of my jeans, knowing now that if it was left lying around somewhere Danny was going to find it, and headed out the front door.

Like most mornings, my little settlement was as close to bustling as something it’s size could be. People were farming in the open area behind the house Mama Murphy, Sturgess, Preston Garvey and the Long siblings lived in. Codsworth -who was ignoring Shaun and Duncan hurling pebbles at him- and a few other settlers were working to clear the road and remove any large pieces of debris, while a different group repaired the houses that had remained standing after the bombs fell.

Since I’d ‘established’ the settlement eleven months ago, thirty five people had come to call it home. When RJ and I had left to get Duncan, there had only been twenty-nine, and upon returning to find six more people had moved in, I realized it was time to… revitalize the neighborhood.

Unfortunately some people had started to call me Mayor Flynn, something I discouraged because it lead to Preston pointing out how I was a natural leader and I was not ready to take on the project of fixing the Minutemen.

“Good morning, mum,” Codsworth said.

He floated anxiously over from my right and I was sure if he were human he would be wringing his hands together as a way to calm his nerves. Standing a couple feet behind him were Shaun and Duncan. I noticed there were a couple new dents in his spherical body. I was going to have to talk to the boys about not harassing the nice robot who just wanted to help.

“Cease fire!” Shaun called, holding an arm out in front of Danny to stop him.

“Why?” Danny whined.

“Because we don’t want to accidentally hit mom.”

“Good morning, Codsworth,” I said, “How goes cleaning?”

This seemed to perk him up a little bit.

“Oh, wonderful! You know what they say, many hands make light work. Though, I do wish I didn’t  _need_ any help. I feel as if I have failed you as a-”

“Codsworth, we bought you to clean one house, of course you’d need help to take care of the entire neighborhood! Don’t be so hard on yourself.” I glanced at the boys and then leaned in towards the robotic butler, lowering my voice.”Do you need me to tell them to stop?”

He sighed.

“Is it helping you to have them distracted?” I made a face, nodding. “In that case, it’s perfectly fine. I shall find you if they start causing any serious damage.”

“Thank you, Codsworth.”

I was going to continue off of my lawn and make an attempt to find my boyfriend -a title that didn’t quite seem to cover our relationship- when I spotted a familiar, worn down synth in a trench coat taking long strides up the road towards me.

I grinned, turning to face his direction completely, putting my hands on my hips.

“Why, hello there, Mr. Valentine. What are you doing here?” I called.

Now that he was closer I could see that his expression was annoyed. At least as annoyed as he could manage. His glowing eyes locked with mine and he shoved his hands into the pockets of his coat, coming to stop a few feet away from me.

“Why is trashcan Carla always here?” he grumbled.

I raised an eyebrow in incredulity, smiling a little.

“What? What’s wrong with Carla?”

“She tried to sell me things and I just wanted to get in but she wouldn’t-” He huffed, shaking his head. “Nevermind. Look, I came here for a reason, kid. Can we go inside?”

He gestured with his metal hand towards my home before promptly shoving his hand back into his pocket. I nodded, now realizing that if Nick had decided to make the journey to Sanctuary than something might be wrong.

“Of course,” I said, leading him through the front door. I sat on the rickety, red couch Nate and I had bought as a form of celebration when we’d moved into Sanctuary Hills, resting my elbows on my knees and leaning forward. “So what’s going on? I can’t help but notice Vel isn’t with you.”

Nick stood in front of the TV, developing a box of cigarettes, drawing one from the package impatiently.

“That’s actually why I’m here. She’s missing.”

“Vel’s missing!?” I cried, caught off guard.

From behind me I heard RJ’s voice.

“Violet’s arch nemesis is missing?”

I whipped my head around, glaring at him. He had an arm raised that he braced himself against the door frame with, a smirk on his handsome face. Goddammit, it was hard to stay mad at him, even when he was letting our children play with guns.

“She’s not my arch nemesis. She just hates me. A lot.”

“That’s not what’s important here,” Nick snapped, taking a drag from his cigarette -something I was going to need to tell him he wasn't allowed to do inside on a later date. I straightened my back in a way one might if they were being told to pay attention by their teacher, focusing on Nick. RJ walked into the living room, sitting beside me on the couch, and placing a hand on my knee.

I said out of the side of my mouth, “You’re in trouble.”

His head snapped to the side and from my peripheral I could see that his brows were knitted together in a deep frown.

“Do you have any leads?” I asked, ignoring RJ’s horrified stare. “When was the last time you saw her?”

“Two days ago.”

“Could she just be on a job-”

“No,” he said, finally making eye contact with me. “Well, maybe. But neither of us take solo jobs if we know it’s going to take more than a day.”

“Are you sure-”

“Kid, do you think I’d be here if I wasn’t sure? I’m a detective, give me a little credit here!”

I sighed, guilty.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m even questioning you. What can I do to help?”

“I just need to know if either of you have seen her,” he said.

RJ and I glanced at each other.

“I haven’t,” I said.

“I saw her leaving Diamond City two days ago. But I didn’t see what direction she was going in,” RJ said.

Nick perked up a little, taking a step towards us.

“You didn’t talk to her?”

He gave him a pointed look.

“Valentine, last time I saw her was a month ago when she verbally abused Violet. We didn’t say anything to each other. We gave each other some nice death stares and then pretended the other didn’t exist.”

“You’re as useless as ever-”

“Nick!” I scolded, shooting to my feet. “I know you’re worried, trust me, I know what it’s like to have someone you love go missing, but it’s not our fault. Lashing out at us isn’t going to make Vel magically walk through the front door.”

Nick sighed, shoulders slumping.

“I know, kid. I’m sorry. This is the first case that’s ever hit close to home.”

My chest ached a little at the sad way he hung his head, his yellow eyes on the floor. He really loved her. He was scared. I softened, crossing the room and moving to stand in front of him so he would meet my stare.

“I have an idea. Let’s have Dogmeat track her scent like we did to find Kellogg.”

He began to smile and then he pointed at me threateningly.

“I would have thought of that if this wasn’t a personal case, you know that, right? I ain't in the best head space.”

I laughed.

“I know, I know. You’re very smart. Now shut up and let’s find Vel. I’m supposed to make roast radstag tonight and if I don’t have enough time it’ll break Danny’s heart.”

Fortunately, once presented with an item of Vel’s, Dogmeat quickly caught her scent. Unfortunately, wherever Vel had ended up was on the other side of the Commonwealth. On the first day of our journey RJ had ended up having to turn back so that there was someone other than Codsworth to watch the kids. I would have gone too and left Dogmeat with Nick if my canine friend hadn’t made it clear that he wasn’t going to keep cooperating if I wasn’t there.

“If I’m not back in a week, come find me,” I said, giving RJ a quick peck on the cheek.

His brows shot up.

“A week!?”

“It’ll be another day or two if Vel is all the way by the coast! A week gives me enough wiggle room to get back without you making a pointless journey across the Commonwealth.”

“But what if that’s what you two are doing right now?”

As if he understood that RJ was insulting his tracking abilities, Dogmeat barked.

“Dogmeat can find anyone, how dare you.”

He’d rolled his eyes at that but agreed to go back to Sanctuary.

Nick and I had had to keep walking for another day before we finally came to a house on the coast, a motor boat docked out front in the water. When we’d been about fifteen minutes away, Nick had piped up, saying that he knew where Dogmeat was taking us. I didn’t recognize the place though. Once we’d arrived Dogmeat had run to the dock, sniffed around, and then seemed stumped.

Without a word Nick approached the front door, knocking impatiently with his skeletal hand, as if we’d been waiting on the porch for hours now and not just a couple of seconds.

“Kenji, open up!” Nick called. “It’s Nick Valentine!”

There was a muffled complaint from beyond the door that I couldn’t quite make out but I assumed it was someone telling him to calm down. The door opened and we were greeted by middle aged man and his wife.

“Nick-”

“Where’d she take the boat?” Nick asked, not allowing the two of them any time to talk.

It was strange, Nick was always so calm and collected, polite too. Part of the reason he and I had bonded so quickly was because of our prewar inclinations. Seeing him like this -like everyone else in the Commonwealth- was jarring. It was also a little sweet, if I was being honest, seeing his unadulterated love for Vel.

Even if Vel wanted to kill me.

“She’s in Far Harbor and no, I don’t know where that is, but she programmed the boat to take you there, yes, you may take it,” Kenji said flatly, about to shut the door.

“Wait,” Nick said, slamming his hand against the wood to keep it open. “Did she say what she’s doing there? Is she in danger?”

“She said she got a distress call from a friend. That’s all I know, Nick.”

Reluctantly he withdrew his hand, expression inscrutable. They were about to close the door again but now it was my turn to stop them, grabbing the side of the door.

“One more thing,” I said. “Do you guys have a radio?”

******

“You didn’t have to come,” Nick said.

I gave him a look, back braced against the railing of the boat, my red hair whipping in the wind, and said, “I wasn’t going to let you just run off to some unknown location by yourself. This is the Wasteland. There’s going to be danger.”

“I know, but I can handle myself, Kid. Plus, you’ve got a family-”

“Nick, if you really didn’t want me to come you would have told me so back when we were on the dock. You and I both know it's stupid to go somewhere unknown without back up. But if you want to get rid of whatever guilt you’re feeling for bringing me out here, try remembering that I am twenty-five and a grown woman who can make her own choices.”

Nick’s mouth was opened as if he might argue and then he slumped a little in his seat, sighing. “RJ knows where I’m going, he knows he’s in charge of the kids, we’re covered.”

The Nakano’s thankfully had had a radio that their teenage daughter had fixed and I’d been able to radio to Sanctuary and speak to Shaun and RJ.

“You trust him to take care of your child?” Nick said skeptically.

My stunned, enraged expression must have been enough to let him know that he was walking a dangerous line and he raised his hands, backpedalling. “Sorry, sorry, I’ve just known the kid a long time. He’s never struck me as… responsible.”

I folded my arms, glaring at the grey ocean we travelled across, the sun above us glinting off of the cresting waves.

“You also thought he was going to put a bullet in my back and run off with the caps I’d paid him.”

“Good point. Guess I don’t know him as well as I’d thought.”

The fact that he’d given in so quickly was a little disappointing. I’d never really had a chance to defend RJ’s honor after the way everyone had treated him; I was hoping this would be my chance. Then again, Piper had been the one who’d given us the worst of it, I would have rather yelled at _her_ about how wonderful MacCready was. “Why don’t we try a different approach to conversation other than insulting your boyfriend?” he said, smiling slightly. “How have you been?”

I couldn’t help but laugh lightly, shaking my head.

“Good. Really good.”

“Sanctuary’s becoming quite the settlement. I was on a case the other day and even heard some people out in the boonies say they were thinking of checking it out.”

“Really? Jesus Christ.” I hung my head, burying my face in my hands. “I really am going to have to become the mayor.”

Nick chuckled.

“Not happy with your success?” he asked.

I dropped my hands away from my face, pushing my hair away back, the wind turning it into a tangled mess.

“I don’t know. Of course I’m happy that these people have a safe place to take shelter, but I didn’t anticipate it becoming a _real_ settlement. It’s essentially a town now. A town I made.”

He nodded, shrugging, tucking his hands into his trench coat pockets.

“True. You might need to stop running off on adventures if it gets much bigger. They’re gonna need a leader over there.”

“Look, I lived my whole life being grounded in one place, I liked it. I don’t want to be gallivanting up and down the Wasteland, it just… happens,” I said.

He went back to being skeptical. I thought. Again, I wasn’t great at reading Nick’s face. He drew the box of cigarettes from his pocket, lighting one and placing it between his lips as he spoke.

“It happens because for some reason you think it’s your job to fix everyone’s lives. A woman destroys a major source of bad in the world and suddenly she thinks she’s a superhero,” he said.

“I don’t think I’m a superhero- You know what? New topic.”

“Alright, let’s talk about Preston Garvey. You gonna lead his army or what?”

“I thought I was supposed to stop trying to fix everyone’s lives?” I said, pointing at him accusingly. “You’re giving me very mixed signals here, Nick. Also, army isn’t exactly the word I’d use. He’s the only minuteman left.”

Nick took a drag from the cigarette, exhaling, the smoke trailing off in the direction of the Commonwealth.

“If you started helping him more would materialize. Trust me, they’re just in hiding. Contrary to popular belief, there are good people in this world. They just a need to a cause to rally behind.”

“New topic!” I snapped, narrowing my eyes at him. “Vel. When’d you meet her?”

Nick waved me off nonchalantly, acting as if the focus being on him didn’t bother him.

“I’ve known Gray for years. She’s -was- a Goodneighbor local.”

I quirked a brow.

“And when did you fall in love with her?”

This drew a reaction from him finally. His yellow eyes darted away from mine, his lips pursed, and if he’d been physically capable I thought he might have blushed.

“Kid-”

I smirked at him.

“You can’t make fun of my life choices and then-”

“A long time ago, alright? Are you happy?” he snapped, still unable to look at me.

I kept grinning at him for a brief moment and then my expression grew serious, a little somber even. I didn’t know much about Vel. In fact, I could count what I’d learned about her on one hand. First, that she was Nick’s girlfriend, second, her last name was O’Malley, third, she was once part of the Railroad under the codename Whisper, and finally that she would probably have killed me already if Nick had allowed it.

“Does she make you happy?” I asked.

He met my unyielding stare, smiling crookedly.

“Yes. Unbelievably so.”

“Good.”

Any hostility we’d directed at each other left the conversation after that, the next few hours being spent catching the other one up on what the other had missed in the past few months. It turned out while I’d been ditching Nick to run around with MacCready he hadn’t just been in his office twiddling his thumbs, he’d been running around with Vel.

“Of course I would worry about you,” he said at one point. “But you’d made it very clear who you wanted to spend time with.”

“I didn’t want to bring someone with me who I cared about!”

He let out a loud, surprised laugh.

“How did that work out for you?”

I pretended to glare.

“Backfired a little.”

He shook his head, laughing still, and then continued his story. Apparently, he’d essentially died for a while which was the reason why Deacon had had me smuggle parts out of the Institute many months ago. I would have to ask him why he’d kept me in the dark about that later.

Then Nick reached the point in the story where Vel was tortured by a member of the Brotherhood of Steel who wanted her to tell him the location of the Railroad HQ and Nick had ended up divulging the information to keep Vel alive.

“Jesus,” I muttered, pushing my hair off of my face. “That’s… I had no idea.”

Glory’s dead eyes flashed in my mind, her hand going limp as it held mine.

“Yeah, I guess you haven’t seen anyone from the Railroad recently, have you?” he said, not really expecting an answer.

He was right though, I hadn't gone to HQ in a month. I'd talked with Desdemona in the days following the destruction of the Institute and once more after I'd returned from the Capitol Wasteland, but that had been it. I'd see Deacon every couple weeks. Sometimes when he wanted to be seen and other times when he was in disguise, trying to subtly keep on me. Wasn't sure if it was his idea or Des'.

Nick wrapped up his tale by explaining what had happened while we’d been in the Capital Wasteland, but he’d been much vaguer for this section, abruptly changing the subject. “So I have to ask you the same question: Does MacCready make you happy?”

This caught me off guard, and if it hadn’t, I might have noticed his thinly veiled distraction.

“Yes!” I said a bit too quickly and then sighed, smiling at the floor of the boat. “Yes, he does. He’s half of what’s kept me from… from drowning these three months.”

Nick nodded, rubbing his hand across his jaw, sheepish.

“I guess Piper and I really were too hard on him. It was just... when he ran away with Lucy I sort of condemned him. Which isn’t really fair since I’m the one who helped them get away with it.”

If I’d been drinking I would have done a spit take. Instead I blurted ‘Ha-wha?’ rather inarticulately, blinking violently.

“I’m sorry, what?”

Nick frowned.

“Oh- Oh, no, you know about Lucy, right? You’d have to, you know about Duncan-”

“Yes, _yes_ , I know about Lucy. And by that I mean I know that she existed. What do you mean RJ ran away with her?”

Nick let out a heavy breath, putting a hand on the back of his hat, clearly unsure of where to begin. With every second that ticked by my curiosity escalated tenfold, a physical force engulfing me. “Nick, explain!”

“I’m thinking, hold your horses! It was six years ago, not yesterday!” he said. He thought for a couple more seconds, somehow managing to remember despite the pressure of my expectant stare. “MacCready came to the Commonwealth when Lucy was sixteen, she and her older sister had been living in Diamond City since they were kids -her parents had died when she was about eight.”

“How’d they die?” I asked, enthralled already.

“Disease. Not sure what. Just know that I found the two girls huddled on the porch of their house, afraid to go inside. The smell was awful. Don’t how long they’d been sitting there but they were gaunt, pale, weak. Thankfully, Diamond City wasn’t too far away and I managed to get them there and get them fed at the Dugout Inn. Vadim took a liking to them and offered them a room to live in. Lucy’s sister, Claire, was twelve at the time so she would sweep the floor and scrub the counter as way of payment- sorry, am I going into too much detail?”

“No, no, just keep going!” I said, gesturing wildly with my hands.

“Alright, alright. Anyway, eventually Claire became a sort of… bodyguard for a caravan when she was twenty, so she was out of the city a lot. By now Lucy was sixteen and was working as a waitress for Vadim and Yefim. That’s when MacCready blew into town.” He paused, shaking his head, smiling. “God, that kid had the confidence of an alpha deathclaw.”

I couldn’t help but grin at the mental image of sixteen year old RJ. I wished I could have seen him, wished I could have known him his whole life. What would I be like if I’d been born in the Wasteland? What would we be like? I wondered if we’d even have ended up together.

I never would have had Shaun… I never would have known Nate…

Realizing this was a dangerous train of thought, I focused back on Nick, only having missed information about who he’d arrived in town with. He’d said something about a caravan.

“Anyway, I don’t know all the details from there. MacCready joined the Gunners not long after his arrival, not certain on how long it took. Apparently he'd heard that they were in need of sharp shooters, his reasoning for coming to the Commonwealth. He courted Lucy after about a month or two. About a year later he and Lucy moved out of Diamond City. Don’t know what happened from there, only know that four years later MacCready showed up at my office saying he was taking Lucy to the Capital Wasteland and asking that if Claire came looking for them, not to tell her where they went.”

“And what did you say?”

“I wanted to say no. I’d always thought he was trouble. I’d even looked into him after he and Lucy had gotten serious, found out his Gunner background. But something in the way he asked me… Guess I felt bad for the kid. So a month later when Claire came back from a job that took her out of the Commonwealth, asking where Lucy was… I told her I didn’t know when she’d left or where she’d gone.”

I was silent for a few seconds, leaning my back on the railing as if his words had physically blown me away. When I did open my mouth to speak, Nick cut me off, saying, “I think you should ask MacCready if you have anymore questions. I’ve already told you too much.”

“Wait- just tell me what happened to Claire.”

He rubbed the back of his head, making a face, eyes on the floor.

“Don’t know. She left the Commonwealth a few days later.”

I bit my lip, wanting to ask every other question passing through my mind but I knew it was pointless. I eventually decided to try sleeping through the journey, never getting enough rest when I spent days on the road like we had finding the Nakano’s.

When I finally did pry my eyes open, the boat had become encompassed by a thick fog, something that didn’t make me feel any safer being out on the water. I couldn’t stop myself from imagining what the radiation had done to all the fish and sharks and whales. What was the ocean equivalent of a death claw?

I could vividly imagine giant tentacles wrapping around our little boat, splintering it and dragging us into the depths of the sea.

Before my thoughts could progress and become even more horrifying, I noticed a light in the distance. I shot to my feet, leaning out over the side, squinting against the cover of the fog. More lights came into view, little golden orbs floating in the air, but nothing else.

“Maybe we’re dead,” I muttered.

“No, those are definitely lamps,” Nick said, leaning over the other side.

A few moments later a dock came into view, then a building, and then a whole collection of them set on a pier. I noticed a sign displayed on some rocks, most of the letters faded, that read ‘Welcome to Far Harbor’, with a very excited lobster in the background.

The boat pulled up to a dock, coming to a halt on it’s own. Nick and I exchanged wary glances, but exited the vehicle, both of us resting hands on our holstered weapons. Standing on the dock was a man wearing a beanie with a greying beard and an older woman. They watched us, the woman with speculation and the man with unabashed disdain.

I couldn’t help but take notice of the shotgun he clutched tightly in his hands.

“Are you lost?” the woman called as we approached, her brow furrowed. “This is Far harbor. We… don’t get many visitors around here.”

The man spoke over the end of her sentence, saying, “We don’t need the likes of you. We don’t need _more_ freeloaders or more ‘help’, mainlanders. So why don’t you get back in your boat and leave. And take the other one with you.”

“Other one?” I asked.

“Are you talking about a woman named Vel? That’s why we’re here, we’re looking for her,” Nick said, urgency returning to his voice from yesterday morning.

That was when a voice carried from the boardwalk behind the nameless man and woman.

“It’s about time you showed up!”

Our heads snapped up, eyes landing on Vel who leaned over the railing of the pier, a smirk on her face. Then her gaze landed on me and she sneered. I wasn’t sure if I’d rather she pretend to like me or continue to be open about her hatred. At least I’d never have to wonder where we stood with each other. “Why’d you bring the house wife!?”

As she spoke she strode to the staircase, descending it quickly, the breeze that came off of the water blowing her short, dark brown hair from her forehead. Nick ran passed our welcome party, throwing his arms around Vel, visibly holding her a little too tight.

“Why didn’t you tell me where you were going, Gray!? Why didn’t you take me with you?”

“I-”

Her response was cut off by the grating jingle of a bell somewhere in the town on the boardwalk.

“Dammit,” the man said, glancing behind him. “Mariner’s incoming.”

“Something’s coming from the fog!” A woman said from the top of the stairs.

“All of you,” the older woman began, “Help us defend the town, and I’ll answer any questions you have!”

Vel glared at her.

“Oh, now you’ll be helpful!”

Despite her answer she started trekking up the stairs, pulling out her gun.

“Gray, wait!” Nick said, running after her.

The man and older woman were already on their way up the stairs, leaving me alone on the dock. I sighed, pulling out Deliverer and blowing my hair out of my eyes.

“Oh, good, for a second there I was worried we weren’t going to need our guns.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back baby! My GOD am I glad to be posting again! I would have done it earlier in the day but my Sunday was surprisingly busy. I hope you're all excited to read Scorpio and I's interpretation of the Far Harbor DLC because... we've taken some creative liberties. We'll be posting every Sunday and Wednesday from now on! Enjoy! Let us know what you think.


	2. Of Course We Need Our Guns

“why’d you have to bring the fucking housewife?!” I shouted over my shoulder as I ran up the stairs.

Nick came up behind me. A welcomed feeling after two or three days worth of not having it. Never realized how much I relied on that feeling until I’d had idiots like these so called Harbormen at my back. Nick met me at the top of the gate, striding up to my side. “did you expect me to come looking for you alone?!” 

“looking for me?! What the hell are you talking about?!”

“quiet!!” 

Captain Avery’s voice cut me off before I had the chance to yell at Nick more. I shot her a dark irritated look before turning my gaze back to the streets ahead. The fog rolled beyond the gate thicker than ever. Passed the street and fog condensers was what was left of the town. Now little more than ruined buildings and a refuge for the truly dangerous. A tense silence filled the air around us. The Harbormen, these idiots who liked living on the literal edge, watched the fog carefully.

Someone shuffled up on the other side of Nick and I tried not yelling at Flynn in response to her next question. “what’s going on?”

“what part of quiet don’t you understand?” I hissed, barely removing my eyes from the fog.

Nick leaned in, a hand on the railing beside me. “what’s going on gray? Why’d you come here?”

I gritted my teeth. My pistol wavered gently in my hand, not out of fear just out of exhaustion. Grimacing I looked up at him. “look now isn’t the time.”

“now is never the time, what happened?” his yellow eyes were heavy, concerned. In that single look I knew what he was worried about. Hintzen. He thought I’d fled the commonwealth because of Hintzen. 

Firmly I shook my head. “it’s not about that.”

“then what is it about?”

“there! Something’s coming through the fog!” someone yelled over the top of our heads. 

All our weapons went up, Nick and Flynn included. For a brief second all other thoughts were gone except for the need to survive. Then the figure came running out of the fog, waving his arms frantically. Just a Harborman. “open the gates! Hurry! Please!” he screamed as he stumbled into view.

Avery threw up her voice. “hold your fire! We can’t open the gate! Gulpers are coming!”

“oh god please!” the man wailed, flinging himself before the gate. “I don’t wanna die! Please god!”

“what’s a gulper?” Flynn questioned from off to our left.

I just narrowed my eyes at her. “you’re about to find out.”

As if on cue a massive, blood curdling roar rose up through the air. It would never matter how many times I heard that roar I would never get used to it. The first time I heard it I froze up. That first battle was rough. The ones after that though, weren’t nearly so bad. Considering what I’d gone through I expected at least Flynn to be trembling with fear. Grinning to myself I glanced at her, then that grin slid from my face. She had her eyes set firmly on the fog, gun out, calm, ready. 

Well, color me impressed. 

“they’re here! Guns up!” Avery cried over our heads.

The man on the ground shrank back. He didn’t even have a gun. “god no!”

Three shadows lumbered in the fog. Sweat beaded on the back of my neck. Carefully I raised my gun at them. We didn’t have enough bullets to waste, we had to wait for them to get closer. A massive head loomed out from the white. It was flat, round and huge. Its head led into a body like a lizard that had been taught to stand up straight. No eyes that I could see. Hands large enough to squeeze a man’s skull like a Mutfruit. Sturdy thick legs like tree trunks, and a tail to match. 

A Gulper.

And there were three of them. Fuck.

As they ran toward the gate a couple of mines went off at their feet. They roared in pain and rage as shrapnel shredded their slick cold skin. A roar off to the left answered. Shit, how many were there?! A split second before Avery gave the order I opened fire on the damn things. At this distance I wasn’t accurate but with heads that big it hardly mattered. I sunk two slugs into the head of one, he bucked back, clawing at its face. 

“so this is what you’ve been doing the last couple of days?” Nick called over the gunfire as the Harbormen rained hell fire on the Gulpers.

“pretty much!” I answered calmly, turning my gun on the next Gulper that got too close. Under the roars and gun fire I could hear the man below us crying. If he made it through this none of the town would let him forget. “where have you been?! I’ve been waiting for you!”

“I told you! I’ve been looking for you!” he dropped low behind the barrier, reloading his revolver. A Gulper got up close to the wall and started clawing at it. I leaned out and fired at its hands. One of my bullets tore through its shoulder and it fell back to the ground screaming. 

“and you decided it was necessary to go get the damn house wife?” I yelled, dropping to a knee to reload myself. My ears were already ringing again. Be a miracle if I could hear after this. “she can hardly take care of herself, what the hell use is she here?!”

“I can hear you ya know!” Flynn dropped to our level too, reloading a fresh magazine.

“good!” furiously I stood up again, showering the nearest Gulper in as much hot metal as I had. It eventually went down but now there were more of them. Practically pouring out of the fog. Had they brought their whole damn pack? Were the other attacks up till now just scouting missions or something? Were these things that smart? I’d heard that Deathclaws would do something like that. At the moment couldn’t remember where from. 

Nick got up alongside me, battering back a Gulper that had climbed the wall with his gun. “I needed Dogmeat to track you down, what was I supposed to do when my partner had gone missing?!”

“Partner am I?!” I shouted back in agitation. “my name’s not even on the fucking sign!”

“how many times?!”

A particularly large Gulper ran head long into the wall, getting itself impaled on the spikes below. Didn’t matter. The other gulpers used his flailing body as a stepping stool to get up higher. “Nick, grenade!”

“right.” good man, he always had a grenade when I needed one. Without so much as a question he pulled the pin with his teeth and tossed it at the growing mound of Gulpers. The grenade was joined by two others and the three explosions tore apart the mound. For a brief moment silence fell on the battle while the Gulpers reeled and the Harbormen took the chance to reload. 

We did too. As my hands worked to reload my magazine I turned to Nick. “I don’t actually want my name on the sign, ya know.”

“oh, no I think you do.” He replied venomously, reloading his revolver and flicking the cylinder back into place. “you bring it up all the damn time, I’m starting to think you do want it on the sign.”

“I really don’t!” 

A scream, a human one this time, cut off our conversation. We looked down right below us to find the Harborman struggling in hand to hand combat with a Gulper. He’d be shredded in a matter of seconds. Most of us were already writing him off as dead. Not even Avery would be dumb enough to….

That’s when Flynn jumped off the railing. 

My immediate thought, with some degree of satisfaction, was well good, house wife is gonna get herself killed. Followed by a rush of disappointment. She landed on top of the Gulper, pressing her gun firmly against its forehead. Unwavering, she emptied her clip into the Gulper. It screamed and fell right on top of the man who himself was still screaming in terror. “I’ve got you!” I heard Flynn cry, leaping off the dead monster. She must have forgotten about the pack coming out of the fog. Stupidly she reached out to lift the damn thing and free the guy. 

A Gulper saw his chance and charged for her, slithering across the ground like an oversized snake. Once again I grinned. Even after that little show she was about to get dead. Then Nick decided to leap off the gate and intercept the slithering behemoth. “god damn it!” stringing as many swears as I’d ever heard together, I leapt down beside him. We stood side by side and filled the Gulper with several holes. It hit the ground with its face and came to a skidding stop at our feet. 

“What are you doing O'Malley?!” Avery cried over the top of the railing. “you know better!”

“yeah, yeah.” Muttering under my breath I swept the area with my eyes. A few Gulpers were beginning their retreat while most of them lay dead or dying around us. Once again the town had been saved. The hairs on the back of my neck still stood on end. 

“I’m tired of hearing you complain about the sign.” Nick’s voice brought me around to find him helping Flynn drag the idiot out from under the Gulper. “I’m going to put you on it now just to stop you.”

“Nick, I really have no desire for my name to be on the damn sign.” 

“well too bad, it’s going on there.”

“if you start affiliating the agency with me how many Diamond City locals do you think you’re going to get?”

“that’s not the point, they’ll come to us anyway.”

“they hate me, everyone but Vadim and Arturo. You put my name on there and business is gonna come to a screeching halt.”

“are you guys seriously having this conversation now?!” Flynn cried exasperatedly, throwing her arms into the air. 

I narrowed my eyes at her, opened my mouth to say something along the lines of quiet or I’ll cut out your tongue when I heard it. A screeching roar flew through the fog. My blood went cold and slowly I turned. That wasn’t one that I’d ever heard before. Through the darkness and white I could see lights bobbing. They were orange, almost hypnotizing. Slow and careful they made their way toward the gates. 

“Anglers!!!” Avery screamed warningly. 

What the hell were Anglers?!

The worst damn thing on the planet is what they were. 

The face was a cross between a frog and a fish, with teeth as long as my finger. Spikes and plates protruded from its head, shoulders and arms. Claws like a Deathclaw’s scraped up the concrete underfoot. Milky white eyes bulged out of their skulls. That orange light came from an antenna sticking out the top of their heads. And there were three of them. 

“scatter!” Nick yelled.

I dived to the right, he went left and Flynn, well who cared what Flynn was doing? Probably trying to protect that idiot. The anglers spread out to catch each of us on their own. A clawed hand swiped toward my head which I ducked. Tucking and rolling I got out of range and swung my gun up to meet it. The gunfire was back. Combined with the roaring I couldn’t make out anything. All I had eyes for was the giant sea monster trying to bite my arm off. 

It got its mouth around my left forearm but thank god that Pipboy was built for military abuse. Its teeth barely even scratched the screen. I pressed my gun up against the side of its head and put a couple bullets in it before it tossed me. I flew about five feet before crashing to the pavement. The breath left my lungs in a rush. Groaning I twisted around, trying to get my bearings, when I felt the damn thing land on top of me. 

Disgusting fowl spit spilled over my front. I’d never get that smell out. It was suffocating and all I could do was keep from retching. It opened its mouth wide. It could take my head off in one bite with that. Where the hell was my gun?! Never mind that! I wrenched my knife free from its sheath and plunged it up into its skull. With all my strength I held it in place. It writhed and struggled, claws scraping at the ground on either side of me. Blood oozed out over my hand. I closed my eyes, willing myself not to let my arm fall. If I did that would be it. 

Three distinctive gunshots tore through the screaming. The Angler lurched to the side and fell away from me. Coughing, spluttering I leaned over to find Nick standing over me, hand held out. “alright Gray?”

“barely.” I admitted, taking his hand and using it to haul myself up. “turn off your sense of smell if you know what’s good for you.”

“I already did.” He chuckled, smiling crookedly. 

I found myself smiling right back at him. God it was so good to see him. If we weren’t still outside the gates, with the whole town watching, I’d have flung my arms around that neck of his and hugged him. 

The grin remained as he said, “I’m putting your name on the sign.”

“No! Damn it Nick! I don’t WANT my name on the sign.”

“well too bad, it’s going up. As soon as we get back I’m fixing it.”

“I swear to god.” I brandished a threatening finger at him. “if you even try, I’ll stop working with you.”

“I doubt that.”

“seriously!” Flynn’s exasperated voice brought us both around to her. She was standing out in the middle of the street, hands splayed, hair wild. “we’re fighting for our lives here and you two are arguing over a sign?! Pay attention!”

A shadow loomed up behind her out of the fog. Nick and I threw up our guns and deftly sunk the remainder of our clips into its head. Flynn shrieked and hit the ground, hands over her head. The Angler, which I assumed was Flynn’s, bucked and fell backwards. Blood spurted from its head in a torrent. I narrowed my eyes at the house wife as she slowly collected herself from the ground. “you should pay attention.”

I watched her eyes tighten but she didn’t say anything as she got up. 

Nick and I exchanged looks. Once again I saw that accusatory expression, the one that said ‘be nice.’ Instead I turned on the spot and peered into the fog, reloading. “I think it’s over….”

“it looks that way!” Avery called from the top of the wall. “open the gates! Let’s get the wounded taken care of and the bodies inside! Waste not want not!” 

Gulper jerky for dinner, lovely. At least it was better than Mirelurk, just as chewy though. Irritably I shoved my gun into its holster and dusted my coat off. That’s when a set of arms wrapped around my shoulders. A warm chest pressed against my back. “I was worried about you.” Nick murmured into my ear.

The Harbormen wouldn’t let me live this down. Ah well. Twisting in his embrace I folded my arms around his chest. It felt like forever since I’d hugged him. “I thought you knew where I was. I’d never go without telling you.”

“then why did you this time?” he muttered exasperatedly. 

Before I could answer another voice cried over the top of me. “Thank you! Thank you so much! I owe you my life!”

“it was uh… nothing….” 

I broke the embrace to find Flynn smiling kindly at the idiot she’d saved. He was practically beside himself with gratitude. How many times had I saved a Harborman and how many thanks had I gotten?

Groaning irritably I strode back through the gates into the town. A geeky looking woman ran passed me, the Mariner, worried about her walls. Captain Avery stood off to the side with that beanie wearing jackass talking. I didn’t even bother talking to them. I glanced over my shoulder just to make sure Nick was following, behind him was Flynn. Why had he brought her here? Why had it been necessary to use Dogmeat to find me? Don’t tell me….

Passed the gun shop, the general store and a large open area on deck, I made a B line straight for the Last Plank. It had served as my home away from home for the last couple of days. Inside you’d think there hadn’t been any kind of fight not ten seconds ago. Harbormen were slouched over tables or laughing with bottles in their hands. My eyes strayed to the far right corner to where an old man in a black coat sat. Longfellow. I didn’t even bother facing him again. His answer wouldn’t change. 

Impatiently I trudged to the bar and looked the owner dead in the eye. “can I get a beer Mitch?”

“sure O'Malley.”

“you’re well known aren’t you?” Nick appeared at my side, leaning over the counter with an elbow. 

I flashed him a smile before gulping down half my beer. A rush of warmth seeped into my limbs. “you could say that….”

“so is this what you’ve been doing the last two days?” his brows shot up skeptically, nodding at the door. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Flynn walk in. She’d probably stopped to chat with Avery. She spotted us first, before her eyes went to Longfellow. It would be entertaining to watch the old man verbally abuse her, but I didn’t care right then. Nick had an arm around my shoulders and I didn’t want to leave that. 

“when I got here the town was under siege by those things you saw.” I gave a shrug. 

“and you decided to stick around and help?” 

“I don’t like the surprise in your voice.” 

“are you getting paid for it?”

“not exactly.” I gestured to Longfellow who talked to Flynn. Didn’t like how well that looked to be going. “I need a guide for the island and that old fart over there is the only one that can do it. Only problem is, he won’t take me till he knows the town is safe. So here I am.”

“playing protector and drinking in a bar.” Nick chuckled, kissing the side of my head. “reminds me of classic stories about the reluctant hero.”

“reluctant hero is my architype.” I nodded solemnly twisting around in my stool to face him. “what took you so long anyway? I thought you’d be right behind me. Nakano said he’d point you my way when you showed up.”

“I had no idea where you went.” He grumbled irritably, leaning back against the counter, facing the room at large. “you left without a word. I got back from a case and you were gone. Ellie didn’t even know where you were.”

“I left you a note!” my voice rose an octave in indignation. 

He scoffed. “no you didn’t.”

“yes I did.” Leaning over I glowered into the side of his face. “it was on your desk, marked from Gray. It was on the top of the damn pile.”

“I didn’t see it.” he shrugged but refused to look at me. I’d like to think he’d be blushing right then if he were capable. 

My eyes narrowed. “ya know, if you’d clean up your desk every once in a while, then maybe you would have seen it.”

“my desk is perfectly organized thank you.” 

“it could be mistaken for a mole rat’s nest.” 

“now that’s just low.”

“it’s true.”

“no it’s not.”

“hi guys….” 

I flinched, visibly and swiveled my gaze around to Flynn. She stood awkwardly in front of us, arms folded. Once again she couldn’t quite meet my gaze. A hand on my arm forced me to turn and find Nick staring at me. 

“look, I didn’t see your note, so I had to track you down myself. The kid helped, that’s why she’s here. She came cause I was worried about you and she wanted to make sure I got to you in one piece.” 

Once again he was trying to temper my anger toward her but I wasn’t about to let him. He’d also be furious if I yelled at her again, so instead I just ignored her. Turning back to the counter I leaned over it. Mitch thankfully, had wondered off leaving the three, make that two, of us alone. “sorry I worried you….”

“why couldn’t this have waited until I got back?” Nick asked gently, a hand resting on my back. “if you had, then we could have talked this through, whatever this is.”

“I wasn’t sure I had the time.” I admitted reluctantly, toying with the neck of the beer bottle. Grimacing I glanced at Flynn over my shoulder. She was now looking at me, waiting. I owed Nick an explanation and I could trust him, but Flynn? Well I guess she’d been a railroad agent like me. Swallowing hard I turned to face Nick again. “I got a message from a friend.”

“what friend? What kind of message?” his business voice had returned. That one he used with clients when they walked into our office. Most clients found it comforting. Me? I’d rather he just act like Nick. 

“an urgent message.” Slowly I removed a battered discolored Holotape from a pocket. Nick could just download it straight to his hard drive but I wanted to listen to it again anyway. “When I first met the railroad and helped them, I helped a synth escape a courser, with Glory….” 

A sharp intake of breath came from Flynn but I ignored it. 

“That synth, S4-74, Sarah, I helped escape from Goodneighbor after her memory had been rewritten.” I put the Holotape into my Pipboy. “That was the last I’d heard from her until this. Have a listen.”

_“Vel, I hope this finds you well, I hope you remember me. This is Sarah. Yeah, I remember my name, I remember everything, I remember you. I remember how good you were to me, how you helped me escape the institute. I don’t have time to explain everything. I escaped the commonwealth and ended up here in Acadia. You know the settlement Far Harbor? It’s not far from there. I need your help. Something is wrong here. I don’t know what but you’re the only one I know that I can trust. Please, come find me. I’ll be-”_ silence fell for a few seconds, filled only by Sarah’s breathing. My heart pounded in my chest. I must have listened to this a hundred times on the way here but it still made me tense. 

Nick reached out a hand and ran it up and down my arm. I looked up into his yellow eyes which were steady. 

_“sorry…”_ Sarah continued even more quiet than before. _“I think they’re on to me. Vel please come find me. Come to Far Harbor, the people there will point you to Acadia. Hurry.”_

The recording ended. 

Shakily I ejected the tape and handed it to Nick so he could download it. “that’s why I’m here. When I got that I couldn’t wait, I had to go. I knew the Nakano’s made deliveries to Far Harbor every once in a while and that Kenji owed you so I borrowed his boat and came out here. Captain Avery, the mayor, told me that the only person that can take me to Acadia is that old man, Longfellow. But he refuses to take me until the town is safe.”

“about him….” Flynn spoke up.

Nick shook his head. “I can’t make out anything else in the recording. She’s scared though, that’s for sure. I believe her.”

“did you think she might lead me into a trap?” I laughed skeptically.

“guys….”

“considering the enemies you and I have made over the years, I wouldn’t be surprised.” He handed the tape back over. “so what’s the plan then?”

“well if Longfellow isn’t gonna take us then we’ll just have to figure out how to get there ourselves.” I shrugged.

“about that….”

“and when we get there?” Nick crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes. “what if we’re walking into hostile territory? We have no idea what we’re getting ourselves into. I’m sorry Gray, but Sarah might already be dead.”

“you think she’s been kidnapped by raiders or something?” I held up the tape. “do you think she could have gotten this out if she was a prisoner? And why would she have gone to this Acadia if she knew it was a raider den?”

“I’m just spit balling here gray, we gotta be prepared for the worst.” 

“we don’t even know what Acadia is, or where it is.” 

“will you two listen?!” Flynn’s outburst made us both flinch. We looked at her exasperated expression and I tried not to laugh. “thank you. I talked to Longfellow. He said he’s willing to show us the way to Acadia tomorrow morning. If you two are ready to head out by then.”

My jaw fell open. Furiously I leaned over to glower at the old man. He was smirking at me knowingly. Raising his glass of whiskey. “that old fart…. Why the hell is…. Fuck him…..”

“did he say anything else about Acadia?” Nick questioned leaning forward on his knees. 

Flynn shook her head. “no but Captain Avery told me that it’s a sanctuary for synths, run by some synth who calls himself Dima.” 

“what?” I sat up, gaping at her. These Harbormen hadn’t been nearly so helpful with me. Why the hell not? I was ten times better in a fight than the house wife! I thought they respected that kind of thing. Or maybe they were taken in by her… charm. God I hated her. “there’s a synth refuge?”

“apparently.” She shrugged without meeting my eye. “I heard rumors about it when I was in the railroad but not even Deacon believed them.”

“then Sarah must have heard about it and come here to find them.” Nick concluded matter-of-factly. 

I shook my head. “that doesn’t make any sense. Part of the memory imprint is erasing everything the synth remembers. She didn’t know she was a synth by the time she left the memory den. What reason would she have to come here?”

“maybe this Dima has people looking for synths?” Nick offered unconvinced. “or maybe it’s some kind of instinct, or maybe it was a coincidence. It doesn’t matter how she got here, what matters is she’s here and she’s scared.”

Nodding I looked down at the Holotape gripped tightly in my hand. Sarah was the first synth I’d saved. There were plenty others after that but she had left a mark. It was partially because of her that I’d joined the Railroad in the first place. Wasn’t sure if I should thank her for that or not. One thing was clear though, I couldn’t turn my back on her. She was my friend, one of precious few. 

Reluctantly I turned to look Flynn dead in the eye. “tell Longfellow we’ll leave first thing in the morning. We’ll be ready by then.”

“sure.” With refreshingly little talk back she took her orders and left. 

With her gone and well out of earshot I turned back to Nick. “I missed you.”

Tenderly he reached up and brushed some of my hair out of my eyes. “I missed you too.”

“I’m sorry I scared you, I really thought you’d find the note.”

“it’s alright Gray, I’m just happy you’re safe.” He leaned forward and I met him half way. 

Kissing in public in Diamond City wasn’t that embarrassing. Somehow kissing in front of all these Harbormen made my blush all the worse. Nick didn’t care. Of course he hadn’t spent the last two days trying to earn these assholes’ respect. When we parted I caught sight of Mitch smirking at me over Nick’s shoulder. “I don’t know about you but I’m tired.”

“you need to wash up first, I’m not sleeping with you smelling like a net of rotten fish.” Nick grumbled.

“I thought you couldn’t smell anything right now.”

“it’s the thought that’s curdling my non existent blood.” grinning crookedly he leaned back.

“fine, fine I’ll see what I can do, no promises though.” groaning I got up. My body ached from three days’ worth of fighting. Not even Goodneighbor had seen so much action for so long. The last time I’d dealt with something like this I’d been twenty-one. That was five years ago. Shit. I suddenly felt old. 

I passed by Flynn and Longfellow as they talked. She was smiling, laughing, and he was there right along with her. That pissed me off. Of course she’d win over the Harbormen, just like she’d won over every other person in the commonwealth. At least this time her charm was proving useful to me. Stepping out into the cold night air I stopped to stare toward the sky. “don’t worry Sarah, I’m coming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s finally here! I bet you all thought I’d never show my writing around here again! Well don’t worry about a thing! Not only do you have this story in the pipeline but I’ve got at least four other installments that you’ll get to enjoy. 
> 
> To those of you that don’t know me, I’m the one behind the OC Vel O’Malley. (what a handful). And you’re stuck with me I’m afraid. So I hope you find her stories as enjoyable as you found Violet Flynn’s. Make sure that you go and read at least Synth in my Blood Alloy series to get caught up. And as usual make sure you’re up to date on Shallw’s After the Fallout series. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this adventure. And as usual! Write on!


	3. To get a hotel room this late

I woke the next morning to the sound of protesting wood, someone pounding on the door to my room in the Last Plank. Generally this wouldn’t have been a problem, I’d adjusted to rude awakenings since waking up in the Wasteland almost a year ago now, and my week and a half living as a slave in Paradise had only helped affirm that adjustment. But this specific morning?

Well, it felt like I was going to throw up.

In fact, I was definitely going to throw up.

“I’ll meet you downstairs!” I called.

I heard some unintelligible grumbling from Vel and a patient response from Nick, both sounds fading as they left the hallway by my door. I fumbled around on the floor, my fingers enclosing around the cold metal of a trash can and I raised it to my mouth, heaving.

After a few minutes of emptying the contents of my stomach into the metal can, I breathed out heavily, wiping the tears away from my eyes. That had been strange but not totally unexpected. I’d thrown up last week as well and been nauseous the day before.

Maybe it was the exposure to the irradiated fog last night that had triggered this bout of sickness.

Knowing that taking too long would only earn me Vel’s ire, I got up, ignoring the unrelenting ache in my stomach. I pulled on my jeans, baggy woolen sweater and grabbed my jacket from the foot of the bed.

Going to sleep alone had been strange. Yes, I’d done it the night before when Nick and I had been travelling across the Wasteland, but the fact that we were trekking across the Wasteland made it seem more fitting. But lying down in a bed large enough for two without RJ? It felt wrong. The whole night I’d expected to feel his hand on my waist or at least bump shoulders with him. But there’d been no one but myself, no warmth or anchor.

Vel, Nick, and Longfellow were all waiting for me downstairs, the old man sitting at the bar while the other two stood and stared at him expectantly. Vel seemed irritated with him, unsurprisingly. Did she know how to smile?

Alright, that wasn’t fair, I’d seen her smile at Nick.

Only at Nick.

I pulled my hair into a ponytail as I clumsily came down the stairs, my jacket thrown over my shoulder. My stomach still ached. Maybe food would help. Upon hearing my footsteps Longfellow swivelled on his stool to look at me and Vel and Nick’s eyes landed on me.

I sure loved this spotlight.

“Sorry,” I said, finishing tying my long hair up. “Technical difficulties.”

“You alright?” Nick asked.

Vel chose to ignore his question, gray eyes snapping back to Longfellow.

“So can we go, old man?”

He gave her a patronizing look, a hint of amusement in his smile.

“How far did your attitude get ya with me, O’Malley?” He took a swig from a bottle of beer. “Try bein’ polite like this one.”

He gestured to me and I grimaced, glad he wasn’t looking at me. Praising me for being a pathetic, amiable housewife was just going to antagonize Vel towards me more.

Vel opened her mouth to argue, only for Longfellow to continue, “First, we eat proper breakfasts. I’m not takin’ any of you out into the fog just to have you use up all your energy and ask for a break.”

“We don’t need food, I’ve done way harder shit on an empty stomach and Nick’s a synth,” Vel said, folding her arms across her chest, briefly glancing at me. “I can’t speak for the housewife.”

In spite of the fact that I knew this would only anger Vel, I said, “I think eating would probably be a good idea.”

Longfellow smirked, giving me a sideway glance as he drank his drink. Vel just rolled her eyes, thankfully saying nothing in response.

“Perfect. Then you all need to load up on Rad-X. And stimpaks and ammunition. This ain’t goin’ to be some walk in the park.”

We all did what we were told, Vel and I buying some food from the barkeep, Nick buying the medicine we would need for the journey. Unfortunately, the smell of the food was so strong that it only made my stomach hurt more. I managed to have a couple bites but was no way near to finishing the entire meal.

Once we’d gone out and stocked up on ammo, being forced to buy from Allen Lee, the hostile man who had met us on the dock with the older woman, Captain Avery, we were on our way.

I’d like to think I’d become relatively desensitized to the sense of the unknown that came with exploring new areas of the Wasteland, having become aware of the fact that there were different kinds of mutated monsters depending on where you were in the country. But somehow the thick, grey fog accompanied by a somehow ever greyer sky seemed to erase all my time spent in this unforgiving new world.

I was jumpier, overwhelmed, the gun in my hands doing little to comfort me as we were lead down a cracked concrete path by Longfellow. I hoped my unease wasn’t as noticeable as I thought it was. To try and distract myself from thoughts of anglers, gulpers, and ‘fog’ ghouls, I chatted with Longfellow.

“I know you lead people to Acadia, but have you ever gone inside?”

He nodded, smiling a little, but his eyes were still focused on our surroundings.

“Yep. Go inside almost once a week.”

“Oh, so you’re friends with the people there?” I asked.

He shrugged.

“Friends might be a little to strong a word. We’ve got a more, I scratch your back you scratch mine sort of relationship goin’,” he said. He glanced down at me, and before I could ask, he explained, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I ain’t exactly young anymore. My memory ain’t what it used to be. So DiMA does a brain scan on me once a week, so even I forget somethin’, at least it’s on his terminal if I ever want it back.”

I nodded thoughtfully.

“Sounds comforting.”

“It is. Course, there’re some things I wouldn’t mind forgettin’. He offered to try an’ erase some of my bad memories, but it woulda been very ‘experimental’ he said, since I’ve got a human brain and not a synth one.”

“Huh… I’d never really thought about that,” I said.

The synth component must have made it easier to tamper with a synths memory. At least, that’s what I assumed. I was no scientist and the explanation was probably something far more complicated.

We kept talking, the trek up the mountain pleasantly uneventful until we stumbled upon a woman wearing some kind of ragged robes, her head almost entirely bald except for a few scattered chunks of brown hair.

“Hold there,” she called, “Stringing one more soul to their damnation, old man?”

Longfellow came to a halt, holding his weapon in a slightly more offensive position as if maybe he planned to shoot her.

“Well, what have we here?” Another rad-worshippin’ lunatic, that’s what.”

“Your barbs do not harm me. I am shielded by my faith.”

“How ‘bout bullets? Faith shield ya against those, too?” he asked.

“Let’s just settle down,” I said, more out of instinct than from a desire to get involved.

Longfellow glanced at me and then nodded.

“You’re right. Waste of ammo.”

Apparently this woman had no sense of self preservation though, because she decided to keep talking.

“Do not sully these people with your blasphemy, old man.” She then looked between Vel and I, saying, “You. I suggest you go no further. Acadia is a nest of snakes. Beasts that subvert the will of Atom.”

Vel opened her mouth as if she were going to give the woman an earful but I cut her off, unable to smother my curiosity. I had no idea what she or Longfellow were talking about.

“What are you talking about? What do you mean Atom?”

The woman frowned deeply and then gestured to the dead, grey forest around us.

“Look around you. You stride through his kingdom. A land blanketed beneath sacred fog. A land Atom has claimed for His Children. And you may join our family, if He deems you worthy.”

My jaw had dropped at some point in her explanation, the idea of a _religion_ based around the worship of the radiation in the air and undoubtedly the bombs that caused it the most ludicrous concept in the world.

How could a group of people revere such a horrible, catastrophic event -the event that destroyed my past life. The event that took who I once was and killed her.

Apparently sensing my train of thought, or at least knowing I was too stunned to speak, Nick stepped in.

“We’re not interested.”

“So be it. But I would be mindful where you step. After all, you’re in Atom’s kingdom now.”

Longfellow snorted at her, gesturing for us to follow him as she sat back down on the ground where she’d been praying upon our arrival. Still reeling, I was frozen, and Nick took my shoulder, steering me after Longfellow.

After a minute or two of silence I finally looked at Nick, my face molded by bewildered disgust.

“They… they think radiation is a good thing? They think the air being toxic is… something to give thanks for?”

“Kid, don’t try and find logic in it,” Nick said, eyes forward.

“You’ve been in the Wasteland for a year, how have you not heard of the Children of Atom?” Vel asked.

Although her question was laced with her usual disdain, it should have been easy to ignore. But my nausea, or maybe the words of the Child of Atom had stretched my patience thin.

Clenching my jaw and biting the inside of lip, I said, “Just lucky I guess. But I can see how my lack of knowledge of that idiot cult might upset you.”

Nick’s head whipped down to look at me and Vel glared at me from the side, not bothering to turn her head in my direction.

“Up ahead, the air’s clear,” Longfellow said, either not noticing or choosing to ignore our bickering. “No fog.”

As if on queue, light broke through the swaths of grey fog that soon disappeared, like someone had pulled back a curtain. As promised, the air was clear, and the moment might have been sweet if it were not for the skeletal arms and brittle remains of what was once grass and trees tainting it. I really missed the color green. “Acadia’s not too far now.”

Not long after we came across what appeared to be an old observatory.

I glanced at Vel and Nick as we approached, my hand hesitating over Deliverer in my holster.

“So what’s the game plan here? Guns, no guns?”

“No guns,” Vel said, not looking at me. “We don’t want to do anything stupid and start a gunfight that isn’t needed.”

“I don’t think you’ve ever said that before,” Nick said, smirking.

Vel tried to glare at him but couldn’t quite manage it. Strange that two people that seemed so totally and utterly different might fall in love. Of course, people would probably say the same thing about RJ and I.

God, I missed RJ.

“You don’t need to worry. Acadia’s a decent place,” Longfellow said.

We reached a rusted, makeshift metal fence, passing through without anyone trying to stop or shoot at us. Longfellow stopped in front a long set of stairs that lead to the door of the observatory. “And we’ve arrived. Acadia’s already been watchin’ us for a good spell, I’d imagine. If you want to talk with them just go inside. They’ll be waitin’ for you.”

Not needing more prompting, Vel started up the stairs.

“Thank you, Longfellow. You didn’t have to bring us here and you did anyway. It means a lot.”

Nick began following Vel, seeming conflicted about leaving me outside, his pace slow.

“Don’t mention it. Just don’t get yourselves killed when you come back to Far Harbor, alright?” he said, passing me and heading towards the exit.

I grinned at his back.

“We’ll do our best.”

He laughed and began to sing a song that could only be described as jaunty, disappearing behind the fence. I spun around, bounding up the stairs, ignoring my fear of tripping on the concrete steps and knocking my teeth out on the ground.

I threw open the door, entering a short hallway, Vel and Nick standing at the end.

The words of a vaguely familiar voice carried through the enclosed space, saying, “You know, when I first climbed this mountain, above the fog, I thought to myself: now here is a metaphor worth taking in.”

Frowning, I made my way down the hall, coming to stand behind Nick and Vel as the figure that had spoken turned to face us. I don’t know what I had expected, but it wasn’t what I got. The man before us was a synth, the same generation as Nick, which was clear due to their close to identical appearances. Of course, this person had light bulbs sticking out of their head and arms, along with frightening, dead eyes.

Oh, and he was shirtless, only wearing some kind of raggedy looking… tape pants.

“You’ve entered a place of clarity. Understanding. Peace. While you’re here in Acadia, synth-kind welcomes you, as long as you welcome us. My name is DiMA.”

“Cut the shit. We’re not here to talk about your wonderful lives of tranquility. I’m looking for a friend,” Vel said.

“I’d be happy to help you, but first I’ll need to ask you a few questions.”

Nick snapped, anger in his voice.

“We’re not answering any of your questions until you play straight with us. Just who the hell are you? There’s only one synth with that kind of face and a mind of his own, and I only see him when I look in the mirror.”

DiMA’s grey eyes widened, shock molding his leathery features as best it could.

“Nick? It… it can’t be you…”

Vel and I both looked at Nick, unable to mask our own surprise. How did this unknown synth know his name?

“Don’t give me that. What are you trying to pull?” Nick asked acridly. “I’ve never seen you before in my life.”

“Please, if you’re willing to give me a chance, I can explain.”

Nick just glared at him and the other synth took that as permission to begin his story. “We were prototypes, Nick. The first synths capable of independent thinking and judgement.”

Nick let out a huff of air through his nose. The pause in the conversation was only a second or two, but it felt like long, uncomfortable years when viewing it from the outside like I was.

“Keep talking,” said Nick.

“One of the Institutes experiments had to do with how our brains could process personality. If we could handle individualized feelings and behaviors. I was allowed to develop mine based on experience. But with you they wanted to try transferring an entire personality into you. It took several attempts before the personality imprint worked. I saw you wake up not knowing who or what you were so many times… I couldn’t let them do it to you anymore. We were the only two prototypes they made. I literally saw myself in you. You were my brother, Nick. I helped you escape the Institute. We left together.”

Nick stopped him, snapping, “If I were your brother, I’d remember!”

“That’s where you’d be wrong. This happened over a century ago. There’s…” he paused, as if what he was saying weighed on him heavily. “There’s only so much memory that can fit into the prototype brains we have…”

“I’ve heard enough! I think you and I need to talk about this… but not now. I can’t… I’ve gotta think about this.”

“Nick,” both Vel and I said at the same time.

“Nick, I don’t need you to believe me. I’m just glad to see you again. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here,” DiMA said, undeterred by his ‘brothers’ uncertainty.

“Look, as many questions as that opened up, you still haven’t told me about my friend. Her name is Ria- or Sarah. I need to find her,” said Vel.

“Ah, yes, Sarah. Another Synth ‘saved’ by the Railroad.”

“Hey!” I said reflexively.

Vel waved me off, drawing DiMA’s attention back to her. Probably a good idea. I still wasn’t feeling well, not to mention how sour my mood had been ever since we’d talked to that Child of Atom. I didn’t want to get into a misguided argument with DiMA three seconds into meeting him.

“Yes, her, where is she?”

“She’s downstairs. You’re welcome to go speak to her. But first, if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to ask you a question.”

Vel bounced a little, as if she were tempted to bolt and ignore DiMA’s request.

“Fine,” she said.

“Tell me. Are you a synth?”

Her face went pale, her stormy eyes widening by a barely noticeable fraction, and she swallowed.

“Gray,” Nick said, unspokenly telling her that she didn’t have to answer him.

“I… I don’t know,” she admitted.

What? What the fuck was happening? Had this always been a cause for debate? How had I known Nick for almost a year now and had no idea that he was building his pre-existing relationship with this woman who suspected she might be a synth.

I felt like this should have come up before now.

DiMA smiled in the way a salesman did when he knew he was about to close a deal.

“Would you like to?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, subbing, bookmarking and kudo...ing! Oh also, in case it's confusing, Violet chapters are song lyrics like they were in Sanctuary and Paradise. Also, I love you. That I all.


	4. Eavesdropping with a Housewife

“would you like to?” his smile was kind, welcoming. I could see Nick in him. Not a great deal but enough to make me hesitate. For a split second I forgot what had brought us here. I forgot about Nick’s rage at this synth. I even forgot that Flynn was standing beside me. 

“there’s no way to know who is a synth and who isn’t.” I murmured slowly, repeating the same ingrained assumption that the railroad had made. That everyone made. Unless you knew that you were a synth there was no way to figure out if you were or weren’t. Short of open brain surgery to find that fucking component. But that would just kill you. 

DiMA, or whatever he liked to call himself, took a small step forward. His smile became sad, sympathetic. “there are signs. What is the first thing you remember?”

The words got tangled up in my throat as the image of my dead face flashed across my mind. No, I had memories before that. I remembered growing up in Goodneighbor, I remembered joining up with the merc gang. I remembered meeting Nick and helping him with cases. I remembered meeting Sarah for the first time. Sarah….

DiMA sighed deeply, nodding. “I understand if you’re reluctant to speak right now. It’s not an easy transition to make.”

With a shake of my head I snapped out of it. Flynn was here. This wasn’t the time or place to have this conversation. “I’m not a synth.”

“of course.” DiMA retreated a step, relaxed. “but if any of you might think otherwise, know that you will have a place here in Acadia.”

“back to business.” Nick growled angrily. He took a step forward to put me behind him. I didn’t need him to protect me, least of all from this pacifist. Yet I found my hand reaching for his. “you said Sarah’s downstairs right? Can we go see her?”

DiMA's expression softened as he turned to Nick. If Nick hadn’t been so angry I’m sure he’d have seen it. Either DiMA was the best damn liar in the commonwealth or he really believed he and Nick were brothers. Speaking of transitions, that wasn’t going to be an easy one. Going from the only prototype synth in the world to having a, brother? “yes, she is downstairs. Please feel free to speak with her. Feel free to speak to any of Acadia’s residents. Explore the grounds, I want you to see what we have built here.”

“thanks.” Nick gripped my hand and steered me back the way we’d come. There were a set of stairs I hadn’t noticed on the way in and he pulled me through the door to them. Right behind us followed Flynn. 

Once we were out of sight of DiMA I strode up to Nick’s side. In an undertone, hoping Flynn wouldn’t hear, I asked, “are you going to be ok?”

“we’ll talk about this later.” He whispered back, his eyes darting around the stairwell carefully. This place now made him uneasy. “the walls have ears.”

“right….” I grimaced around. Some part of me wanted to trust DiMA, the part of me that couldn’t help but see Nick in him. The other part was still worried over Sarah’s message. 

“what about you?” Nick asked softly, putting a hand around my waist. 

“we’ll talk later.” And my reluctance had nothing to do with Acadia or DiMA. Pointedly I glanced over my shoulder up at Flynn. I only hoped she hadn’t picked up on any of what just happened. Who was I kidding? She couldn’t be that stupid! As much as I’d want to think otherwise. God damn it what was I going to do?

“relax.” His whispered voice reached my ear. He and DiMA sounded so similar. Like Nick was the human and DiMA was the copy. “everything is going to be fine, remember you’re human.”

“yeah….” We reached the bottom floor. I’d been so preoccupied that I didn’t even notice passing the other one. Guess this was as good a place as any to start. “let’s get back to it. Sarah has black hair, probably past her shoulders. She might have a red bandana. I don’t know.”

“that isn’t a lot to go on….” Flynn commented from behind.

Irritation surged up but it was overcome by my own impatience. “just ask around if we don’t spot her right off. You think you can manage that?” 

Her lips tightened.

That made me feel better. Certainly took the edge off. Even with Nick giving me a sharp look. Breathing a long sigh I lead the way out into the basement level of the building. No idea what this was used for before the war but it had a lot of equipment down here. Generators, machines, things that did things I probably didn’t understand. I almost asked Flynn what it was, instead I chose to ask the other prewar native. “Hey Nick, what was this?”

“it’s called an observatory. Back before the war eggheads used to use places like it to look at the stars.”

“what? Looking at them with your bare eyes wasn’t good enough?” 

“I’m not dignifying that with a response.”

“it was a joke.”

“a bad one.”

“you guys really are dating aren’t you?”

I shot a glare over my shoulder at Flynn who quickly wiped a smirk off her face. Alright, this meant war. Before I could start the string of insults I’d put together over night, Nick grabbed my arm. “is that her?” 

Whipping around I scanned the room in front of us. It was big and round, with one large generator in the middle. A lone woman knelt beside it, working with a wrench at an open panel. Her black hair was tied back into a pony tail, longer than I remembered. She wore an oil stained set of overalls and thick leather gloves. And around her neck was the red bandana. Well damn. 

“Sarah!” I called before I even thought about it. 

She cried out in fright, dropping her wrench with a clatter. Bolting to her feet she whirled around to face us. Her eyes went wide. “Vel?!”

That brought me up short. She couldn’t be surprised. Why should she be? “are you alright? What happened?” 

The surprise drifted away to be replaced by confusion. Frowning her brows farrowed in that childish way of hers. Her features were sharper, more experienced but she still looked like the fresh out of the institute synth I’d met all that time ago. “I’m fine, what -what are you doing here? How’d you find me?”

“what’s going on?” Flynn questioned stepping forward.

Sarah’s face instantly went defensive. She took a step back.

“don’t be scared, this is Charmer, she was a railroad agent like me.” was she still a railroad agent? I’d have to ask when I wasn’t trying to irritate her. “this is Nick Valentine.”

Her eyes strayed to Nick he gave her his best crooked smile. It only made her frown deepen. “you look like him….”

The grin slipped form his face and his eyes darkened. “yeah, I guess I do.”

Nick was hurting. And I didn’t have a god damn idea how to help. Carefully I slipped my hand into his and refocused on Sarah. His grip tightened on mine. “Sarah, will you talk to us? How’d you end up here? Why do you have your memory back?”

Any other person might have demanded answers first. I was willing to give them, yet something didn’t smell right. Didn’t she remember the Holotape? Thankfully Sarah still trusted me, maybe more than she should. “Chase found me.”

“who’s Chase?” Nick asked gently. 

She blinked and pointed over our heads. “she’s an ex-courser who helps protect and lead Acadia.”

“wait what?” Flynn blurted a hand up. “there’s a such thing as an ex-courser? I didn’t think those guys were capable of turning?” 

“neither did I….” I murmured quietly, frowning. “how’d she find you?”

“It was just a coincidence….” She shrugged, sitting down on the edge of the generator. We all took a step back, allowing her some room to breathe. “back then I thought I was Ria, a trader out of the capitol. Someone asked me to make a delivery to far harbor and that’s when I met Chase and Cog. Talking to them I started to… wonder…. Eventually I got them to let me talk to DiMA.”

“is there any reason why someone would have led you to Acadia?” Nick, always the detective, went right for the conspiracy theory.

But Sarah shook her head. “no! It was just a random job, I came here on my own. And they accepted me. When I got here DiMA told me that it was possible to undo railroad mind wipes if I had one. That would be proof that I was a synth since most human minds wouldn’t take a wipe that well. When I woke up I remembered that I was a synth, you Vel, the railroad, the institute everything. It was like waking up for the first time in a long time.” 

“and he just did that for you? Asking nothing in return?” Flynn shifted her weight to one foot and folded her arms.

“not everyone is out for themselves.” I shot her a glare which she just ignored. 

“he didn’t ask for anything. He didn’t even ask me to stay.” Nodding Sarah leaned over her knees staring up at us brightly. “DiMA is a good… man. He’s not like anyone I’ve ever met. He’s trying to protect everyone on the island. Those fog condensers you saw at far harbor? He and Faraday built them.”

“who’s Faraday?” Nick and I asked at the same time.

“he’s the other leader of Acadia, the one that takes care of DiMA’s… body I guess?” her frown came back and she dropped her gaze.

Swallowing hard I knelt to her level, reaching for her. “look, the last thing I want this to sound like is an interrogation but we came here because… we….”

“think something might be wrong.” Flynn finished for me.

I suppressed the urge to tell her to shut up, instead keeping eye contact with Sarah. This was delicate. “please Sarah, is there any reason why we should be worried?”

Thank god she didn’t ask for any proof. The poor girl, as trusting as ever, locked gazes with me. The debate in them was brief before she sucked in a long breath. “I’m worried… something isn’t right here.”

“what’s not right?” Nick dropped to my level on the other side, taking off his hat in an attempt to look less intimidating. Considering that he and DiMA looked alike that probably didn’t help much. 

“well….” She waved a vague hand at the generator. “back when I was in the institute I did a lot of technical maintenance. Fixing things, rebuilding things, that sort of stuff. They have me taking care of the generators and the wind farm. Faraday asked me to help with some of DiMA’s servers. You know all those monitors and machines upstairs in the main room.”

Patiently I nodded. Nick had better be impressed with me right now. 

Sarah sat up, glancing around the room apprehensively. We were used to seeing that. Even at the agency some clients acted cagey, like they might be overheard. Here there was a distinct possibility of that. Nick and I scanned the room too, waiting until we were sure no one was nearby before turning back to Sarah. She leaned in, voice low. “those machines hold DiMA’s memories, or offloads data or something like that. I got curious, so I poked around a bit.”

“that was dangerous.” I murmured with a little pride.

She flashed a smile. “I learned from the best.”

“what’d you find?” Flynn asked quietly. At least she knew enough to keep her voice down. 

The smile faded and now fear seeped into her expression. “there are at least a century’s worth of memories in there. Thing’s about the island no one knows anymore. And more recently there were computer models. There was one modeling the fog taking over the island, another one about a nuclear explosion, all with… death counts. I think DiMA’s been running simulations to see….”

“you think he’s planning to destroy the island?” I asked my heart feeling heavy in my chest. 

Sarah shook her head. “I don’t know, maybe? Those models took a lot of work, they weren’t just a curiosity. He’s up to something.” 

“if DiMA’s crooked we need to find out.” Nick muttered in a dry dark tone. “we can’t let him run around free if he’s planning to kill people.”

“it’s not just that.” Sarah fixed him with a hard look. “Acadia is my home. It’s the first home I’ve ever had. I won’t let it fall apart because of the actions of one synth.” 

“we understand.” I said softly. And I really did. Being a suspected synth. This might be the only place in the whole commonwealth that I’d be truly safe. Here I wouldn’t have to worry about being found out, or looking over my shoulder. Or any of that. So maybe it was a little selfish on my part but I wasn’t about to let DiMA ruin Sarah’s home. “we need more to go on. I doubt we’ll be able to hack into DiMA’s memories or Faraday’s work.”

“speak for yourself.” Nick rolled his eyes.

Sarah nodded. “I already tried the terminal, the security on it is insane. But… there is another option. Faraday, Chase and DiMA have meetings in the lab at the other end of the hall and lately when they come out of there they haven’t looked happy.”

“a private meeting hm?” Nick’s brow shot up. “that’d be useful if we could easily eavesdrop.”

“you can.” She pointed a finger down the hall from where we’d come. “that lab is right next to a storage room with a window, but the door’s locked. I’m sure someone has the key.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that.” I shook my head with a grin. “no lock can keep me out.” 

Nodding she smiled. “good, yeah. Then you should go. Come back and tell me as soon as you find anything out.”

“that’s not a good idea.” Nick shook his head firmly, grimacing. “you’ve already done enough. We’ll handle the rest. You just keep your head low alright? You’ll know it if we find anything.”

“but….”

“he’s right Sarah.” Gently I squeezed her shoulder. I produced what I hoped was a comforting smile. “you’ve done more than enough. If DiMA thinks that you’re on to him I don’t like to think what he’d do. Just keep your nose clean ok?” 

“ok.” Reluctantly she nodded, slowly picking up her wrench from the ground. Flipping it over in her hands she stared at it with a grimace. “just… be careful Vel ok? I don’t know how you found me but… I don’t want to lose you again.” 

Maybe it was Nick’s influence, maybe I just had a ridiculous soft spot for the girl. Smiling I put my arms around her shoulders and hugged her. “don’t worry, you won’t.”

She hugged me back, swallowing. “they usually have a meeting sometime around noon. You’ll want to be in position before then.”

When we parted I looked at Flynn as she checked her Pipboy. “it’s almost twelve already.”

“then we don’t have time to stand around spit balling.” Nick strode for the hall. 

I gave Sarah one last smile before turning to follow. Flynn came level with me. “why didn’t you mention the tape?” she questioned once we were out of ear shot.

Nick waited for us beside a door at the far end of the hall. He didn’t look pleased. “I can’t pick that….”

Grinning my brow shot up. “step back and watch the master then.” While I knelt at the lock I closed my eyes to focus on the feeling of the picks under my fingers. Nice excuse to ignore the woman.

Nick took pity on the house wife though. “she didn’t remember sending it. Which means one of two things. Either she never did, and that tape was forged or, her memory’s been tampered with.”

“who would do that?” Flynn whispered back hoarsely. 

The silence that followed her question was answer enough. I didn’t even need to look at Nick to know what he was thinking. “this is a refuge for synths, messing with a synth’s memory that’s… that’s more than sick.”

“we don’t know anything about DiMA.” Nick’s voice went hard. “he could be capable of anything. And besides, you were an agent of the railroad and you wiped synth memories all the time.”

“that doesn’t mean I ever agreed with it.” I muttered. 

“could someone have forged it?” Flynn asked.

“but why?” Nick questioned. “why would anyone make a fake tape? To lure us out here? To lure Gray?”

“I doubt this has anything to do with me.” the lock came loose at last and the door swung inward. Before anyone noticed we slipped inside, closing the door quietly behind us. The storage room was filled with boxes and shelves. A window looked out into the lab next door. Didn’t question the convenience of that. “but I don’t think DiMA would betray a synth like that.”

“you don’t know him.” a growl from Nick.

Grimacing I turned to face him. This wasn’t what I expected from him. Granted I doubted he’d have accepted DiMA with open arms without proof. But this attitude? He wasn’t even willing to give the synth a chance. Even knowing that DiMA had built the fog condensers and started Acadia in the first place. “you’re always telling me not to make an assumption. That as soon as I start I’ll only see the evidence that supports it. DiMA might be a bad guy, he might not be. We don’t know why he made those models or if he necessarily did. Shouldn’t we wait to pass judgment until we know exactly what’s going on here?”

His jaw tightened and his lips pulled into a thin tight line. Groaning airily he tilted his head down to hide his eyes, like always. “you’re right, sorry. Let’s see what they talk about during these secret meetings then we’ll go from there.” 

“do you really think DiMA’s up to no good?” Flynn passed by us to stand at the window, staring out into the lab.

I narrowed my eyes at her. “judging by your tone I’m guessing you do.”

Without rising to the challenge in my voice, she just shrugged and turned. “I’m not saying that, I’m just saying maybe you shouldn’t be so quick to trust him.”

“quick to trust him?!”

“Gray….” 

Gritting my teeth I tore my gaze from Flynn. She was fucking lucky I didn’t knock her teeth out for that. Quick to trust. She was one to fucking talk. “why are you still here anyway?” I snarled sharply, kneeling at the window. “what’s your purpose here?”

She fixed me with a cool expression that was, honestly, a little unnerving. “I’m here to make sure that you and Nick don’t get yourselves killed.”

“because you’re way helpful in a fight.”

“gray.” Nick’s voice was a little sharper this time. 

Grimacing I folded my arms defiantly. “fine.”

Silence fell for several minutes after that. It was tense, not because we were spying on a potential megalomaniac, but because I wanted to punch Flynn. It had irritated me plenty to find out Nick had brought her. The fact that she stayed? For no damn reason? Sure she said she was here to protect Nick but she had no fucking right to even say that. 

Before I could follow that rabbit hole of rage any further the lab door opened. In walked a woman wearing a tattered courser uniform. This must be Chase. She carried herself with military discipline and a severe face framed by dark brown hair. Next followed a man in a lab coat. Faraday probably, with swept back brown hair and a weirdly trimmed beard. Last came DiMA. Generation two synths all looked like Nick I was used to that. Maybe it was knowing what his voice sounded like, that he had a mind of his own, that made me feel uncomfortable.

They closed the door behind them then settled into their places. DiMA in the middle of the room, Chase against the wall and Faraday with his back to us. The three of us eavesdropping sank back into the shadows as the conversation began. 

“we need to accomplish this without bloodshed. Far harbor and the children of atom have a right to exist on this island the same as us.” DiMA seemed to be continuing a conversation they’d been having on the way in. 

The courser looked angry, then again I’d never seen a courser that looked happy. “They’re going to kill each other, DiMA. There’s no stopping it. We need to pick a side now.” 

“haven’t we already picked a side?” the scientist pointed out irritably. “Building the fog condensers around far harbor wasn’t exactly a neutral act.”

“we couldn’t stand by and let the people of this island die to the fog.” DiMA replied quietly, shaking his head. He had the tone of a man that had been through too much. Tired. 

“just like you couldn’t just leave the cult of atom without a home?” Chase spat, glaring daggers at DiMA. You’d think that she hated him for all the venom in her gaze. “giving them the submarine base was a mistake. “the nucleus” as they’re calling it, is basically one big fortified position.”

“that doesn’t sound good.” I murmured aloud to which Nick just grunted.

“Far Harbor had cast them out. They have strange beliefs but they have always accepted us for what we are.” DiMA’s gaze dropped and his voice filled with deep sadness at his next words. “And confessor martin was a friend.”

“well the new confessor isn’t.” either Chase didn’t care about his pain or just didn’t hear it. She spoke as harsh as ever. “ _high confessor_ Tektus is an unstable megalomaniac and he’s going to keep threatening us as long as we’re helping Far Harbor.”

“guys. Can we talk about the elephant in the room? We keep dancing around it.” Faraday interrupted her before she could likely continue chewing DiMA out.

“my old memory banks in the submarine base.”

“I can’t believe you never told me about those. I have to wait until they become a security risk.” Chase growled.

“dissention among the ranks?” Nick murmured. 

“just Chase it looks like.” Flynn added.

“I know how it looks in hindsight, but at the time, it was an act of trust.” DiMA put up his hands defensively. Unlike Nick neither one of his hands were whole. It made me wonder what Nick would look like in a few years. “I was honestly more worried they’d accidently trip the prewar security and get hurt. Giving the children my old home. Allowing them to safeguard my old memories. I thought our people would be working together.”

Chase gave a long sigh. “just how secure are the banks? How long do we have? And what’s in them?”

For the first time DiMA appeared to be irritated, as irritated as he was capable. Maybe he didn’t feel emotions like normal people, or even Nick, did. “I’ve gone over this before, Chase. I don’t know what’s in them. That’s how it works. It’s as close to forgetting something as I have. But I’ve run some projections of… worst-case scenarios. If we do nothing, and the wrong knowledge falls in the wrong hands….”

“the simulations….” I breathed. Nick shifted beside me.

“so send me over there. I’ll be in and out in a day.” As if fully prepared to take the journey right then Chase pushed off the wall and straightened. 

Firmly DiMA shook his head. “we can’t risk it. They know you’re from Acadia. If you’re caught or even seen, then it’s war.”

“we should at least prepare for her to go in.” I was beginning to think Faraday was the voice of reason here. DiMA was all well and good but he was so worried about keeping everyone happy he failed to see the bigger picture. A bit ironic really. “We’re running out of options. I say we tell her how to crack into the memory banks.”

“you’ve been working on this without me?” she shot him a sharp look.

“it came up in a private moment, Chase. But yes.” Always the pacifist DiMA tried to calm Chase down. “we’ve been writing a program that will let you access and download my memories.”

“I’m finishing up some tweaks to the program right now.” Faraday added. “it should be finished in a couple more days, give or take.”

Clearly the prospect of waiting didn’t sit well with the courser. She crossed her arms and returned to the wall, teeth bared. “get the program. Use it to break into the memory banks. Got it.”

“hopefully you won’t have to. We’ll keep monitoring the situation. I only want you going in if we have no other choice.” DiMA said firmly, making a move for the door. “but for now, please, just go on as if nothing has changed. We don’t want to frighten our people.” 

“don’t worry, they won’t get tipped off from me.” Faraday shot Chase a warning look as the three of them headed for the door. 

Silently we waited, scarcely daring to breathe until we were sure they had completely gone. At last we backed up from the window, coming to stand in a dark corner. “looks like DiMA’s got his fingers everywhere on this island.” Nick was the first to speak, reaching into his coat to light a cigarette. “And whatever’s in his memories isn’t something we can wait for someone else to find.”

“they certainly sound dangerous.” I nodded, folding my arms as I contemplated the floor.

“we should find them.” 

Irritation surged up and I fixed Flynn with a sharp stare. “why? you think there’s something in them that might prove DiMA’s up to something?”

To my surprise she kept my gaze without flinching at all. “you said yourself these memories are probably dangerous. DiMA’s worried about them, so is Chase. If we find them and there’s nothing there to implicate DiMA, then we’ve done him a favor. But if we do find something then we have the proof.”

“proof of what?” I snarled. 

She held out her hands. “I don’t know, that’s why we’d be looking for them.”

“I think it’s worth doing.” Nick said around his cigarette, making his voice even more gravelly than normal. “I don’t know what to make of DiMA yet, but I want information. We find the memories, and return them to him if there’s nothing to raise alarms.”

It didn’t sit too well with me. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Sarah. Finding those models would have set off alarms in me too. But that conversation had already cleared up why they existed. Of course, that did bring up the question of how the models connected to his memories. That alone made finding them worth it. Going around DiMA’s back? After he welcomed us with open arms? That didn’t feel right. 

Nick was on board though. If anyone had the right to call the shots here it was him. With a sigh I nodded. “alright, guess we’ve got to figure out how to get to this Nucleus thing….”

“let’s spend the night, make nice with the locals, do a little quiet investigating here. I’ll figure out where the nucleus is and we can head out first thing in the morning.” Nick took a drag of his cigarette and blew the smoke out into a corner. 

Flynn grimaced. “not sure I like the idea of spending the night here….”

My eyes narrowed at her. “why? cause of all the synths?”

The look she gave me for that made my stomach tighten. She wasn’t quite sure how to look at me. She was wondering about the synth comment from before. Damn it. Not good. I didn’t need this house wife figuring out that shit. Hiding my discomfort with anger I turned my back on her. Leaving the room I suddenly got the urge to shoot something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and supporting our work. It’s near and dear to our hearts. We’d love to hear what you think, so don’t be shy about commenting. Thanks to Gr8katesky for commenting! You’ll just have to wait and see what we have planned.
> 
> Write on!


	5. I bet they charge by the hour here

I didn’t have a problem with synths.

 _Clearly_ , I didn’t. Half of what I’d done since getting out of the vault was fight for synths to be free. I’d blown up my son and his life’s work for the freedom of synths. My current son _was_ a synth.

Whether Vel was a synth or not didn’t matter to me. What did matter was the fact that she was constantly an asshole. Yes, I agreed that I deserved it to a certain extent, I had royally fucked Nick over by putting Kellogg in his brain. But it was the fact that she seemed like she was awful to everyone that was really starting to get on my nerves.

These were the thoughts that kept running through my fatigued mind as I laid on an old mattress in the bottom floor of the Observatory. After Vel had pitched sleeping here I’d realized how worn out I was. Nick and Vel were still feeling energized though, so they’d gone to talk to some of the other synths who called Acadia home, wanting to get a feel for the overall quality of life here. If Sarah had felt afraid, were their others going through the same thing?

I knew I wasn’t at ease here. The way DiMA had spoken… it was the way I did when I was trying to manipulate someone. Of course, maybe I was just projecting and that’s why I was struggling to trust the old synth.

Or maybe it was the fact that Sarah had sent some kind of distress call about this place. Maybe it was that. Maybe it was for a logical reason and not because I have a problem with synths.

MAYBE IT WAS THAT, VEL.

I clenched my eyes shut, curling into a tight ball on my side and trying to suppress my irritation. I wasn’t the most patient person on earth, but I usually didn’t get angry over something this petty. I’d had people not like me before, I’d had people make assumptions about me, it wasn’t anything to get so worked up over.

The stomach ache that had been coming and going all day hadn’t been helping my disposition though.

And suddenly I wanted to cry. Tears sprang up in my eyes and my throat thickened. Why was I choking up? After mulling over everything that had gone wrong in my twenty-five years of life, I eventually dropped abruptly into sleep.

******

My eyes snapped open and I jolted slightly, my heart racing.

I groaned quietly, rolling onto my back and stretching. I’d been having a horrible nightmare. I’d always been a vivid dreamer, but that had been something else. It had been so real. It was strange, last week I’d had a dream like that too, but instead I’d been chasing a rabbit through the woods.

I sat up, immediately being hit by a wave of nausea. I covered my mouth, heaving but managing to keep anything from coming up. I threw my head around, spotting a metal bucket sitting beside some crates. I scrambled to my feet, keeping my mouth covered and threw myself across the ten feet of space. I collapsed to my knees, hitting the concrete floor unforgivingly and pulled the bucket up to my face.

What followed was very loud and not very dignified.

“Kid!?” Nick’s familiar voice cried from my left.

A moment later I felt a spindly, metal hand on my back and I wished I would just die now. Like most humans, I didn’t enjoy vomiting in front of people. As soon as I could speak, I moaned, “Go awaaay, Nick.”

“What?”

“You don’t need to hear this,” I said, a monstrous gag following after.

“Jesus, Kid, you sound like Godzilla!”

Once I was done heaving a frowned at him without taking my head away from the bucket.

“I always hated that movie.”

“What!? It was a classic!” Nick said, laughing.

“I didn’t like seeing so much of the city get destroyed.”

Nick opened his mouth to speak but couldn’t seem to find the right words to say. It was fair, he’d probably quickly identified the parallel between the destruction of tokyo and the real world.

“She needs to see a doctor,” Vel said.

Judging by her tone, she hadn’t spoken out of concern, but irritation at the thought of me potentially holding them back. My bowels seemed sufficiently empty now and I removed my head from the bucket, setting it on the other side of a crate and out of their view. I’d have to find somewhere to dump it.

“I’ll find one myself. You two can do whatever you need to do.”

“We’re not going to just leave you to wander around Acadia in this state,” Nick said.

I waved at him dismissively, using a crate for support and pulling myself onto my feet. Nick put an arm around my shoulder, leading me forward. Vel reluctantly followed, trailing a couple steps behind us.

“You really don’t have to do this,” I said, “I don’t want to hold you guys back.”

“I’ll breathe easier knowing you found the doctor. Now shut up.”

“But you don’t breathe, Nick,” I said, grinning at him weakly.

He smiled, glancing sideways with his glowing eyes.

“Kid, what did I just say?”

“Shut up?”

He smiled wider.

“Shut up.”

Soon after he towed me into a room with equally as bad lighting as the rest of Acadia, tables of planters lining the room. A woman stood with her back to us on the other side of the room, gently patting down some dirt into a clay pot.

Upon hearing our footsteps she turned a fraction, her short, sandy colored hair tucked behind her ear.

“Hello- Oh, it’s you three,” she said, facing us with a smile. “I’d wondered when you’d make it to me. I’m Aster.”

“You’re the doctor, right?” Nick said.

“Yes. Is she alright?”

“Not unless you thinking throwing up your insides is a good thing,” Vel said.

“I hope that was hyperbole. Let’s get her on a bed,” Aster said, gesturing for us to follow her.

We crossed the large room, curved room, passing by a window that looked out on the hub of Acadia, a round room with a store and plenty of places to sit where it seemed most of the synths here spent their time. At the very back of the room, pressed against the wall on all side except for one, was a one person bed.

Nick lead me to it, and I sat down, resting my head against the cool concrete wall.

Aster picked up a clipboard from the counter in the middle of the room, coming to sit on one of the metal containers beside the bed. Vel leaned against the glass, and Nick watched me with his arms folded.

“Alright, I want you to tell me all of your symptoms…?”

“Violet,” I said.

She smiled warmly.

“Violet. That’s a beautiful name and a beautiful flower. I’m afraid I’ve only seen pictures of them in old books. I named myself after the aster flower that grows on this island.”

I smiled weakly, my stomach beginning to ache again.

“That’s a pretty name too.”

“Thank you,” she said, writing something down. “I’m sorry, your symptoms?”

I took in a heavy breath.

“Um… I’m not sure. Nausea… vomiting. I threw up yesterday too. Actually I’ve been nauseous on and off for a little over a week now. Also, I’ve been exhausted recently.”

Aster nodded, a clinical expression on her face, eyes on her clipboard as she checked boxes and took notes.

“Would you say the fatigue is severe?” she asked.

I shook my head.

“No, I’ve just been getting a little more worn out than usual.”

“Could she have radiation poisoning?” Nick asked.

Aster looked up from her clipboard, shrugging slightly.

“Radiation poisoning is quite common on this island, but I doubt she’d be suffering from the effects after only two days. Still, after I’m done examining her I’ll give her a radaway.” She made eye contact with me. “First though, let's keep narrowing down your symptoms. Any lightheadedness? Or fainting spells?” she asked.

“I got randomly lightheaded twice last week. But I’d been helping with construction at my settlement so I think it was just from that.”

More nodding and writing. She pursed her lips, glancing at Nick and Vel.

“Maybe you would prefer we continue the examination in private. The next couple of questions are more… personal.”

I raised my eyebrows, surprised, gaze flickering between Nick and Vel.

Wordessly, Vell pulled herself away from the wall, heading for the exit of the room. After wishing me luck, Nick followed her out and I watched through the glass as they began discussing something before disappearing.

“Shall we proceed?” Aster asked.

“Yep.”

“Alright.” Her blue eyes scanned the clipboard. “Have you experienced any tenderness or swelling in your breasts?”

Oh. That was the turn the conversation was taking. I was definitely glad she had Vel and Nick leave.

“Um, a little. But I’m overdue for my period so I assumed that was why. I haven’t been the most regular since coming out of the vault.”

She raised her eyebrows, her lips turning down, surprise coloring her expression.

“You’re from a vault?”

“Yep. I’ve only been out for a little under a year so occasionally the radiation likes to wreak havoc on my body.”

“I see. Let’s see, what’s next? Ah, yes. Have you experienced any spotting or cramping?”

I nodded, an action that only made me nausea worsen.

“Yes. Again, I’m going to start my period literally any second now.”

“Have you experienced any mood swings recently?” she asked.

“Aster, I’m not pregnant,” I said, deciding to stop entertaining her questions. I’d known what direction she was going in the moment she’d asked about my breasts.

“Your symptoms suggest otherwise. I’d like to run some tests, take a blood sample. As you’ve probably guessed, I don’t often test for pregnancy but I do know how.”

I sighed.

“And if it’s something else?”

“Then the blood test will tell me.”

“Okay.”

After checking my breathing, checking my heart rate, and performing a few other physical tests, she drew my blood, something I never enjoyed.

“It’ll take me a little while to get the results of your blood test. I know what I’m looking for, but again, I’ve never had a need to test for pregnancy. For now you should get some rest, maybe eat some food if you think you can keep it down.”

“Rest sounds good,” I said, biting my lip. “I won’t be stuck here all day though, will I?”

Aster sighed, getting to her feet.

“I see you’re going to be one of those kind of patients. One of the ones who’d rather run around and risk getting sicker than listening to my advice.”

I gave her a sheepish smile.

“I mean, hopefully without the getting sicker part, yeah.”

Aster shook her head, walking away.

“I won’t hold you hostage. But I recommend sleep for another hour or two,” she said.

Despite being told I should eat, I ended up falling asleep on the bed within minutes of my conversation with Aster. I didn’t dream this time. At least, if I did, I didn’t remember it.

Sometime later I was woken up by someone lightly touching my shoulder. My eyes flickered open, incredibly heavy, and I was greeted by Nick crouching beside the bed.

“We know where the Nucleus is. How are you feeling?”

I sat up, doing my best to fight how groggy I felt. At least the nausea seemed to have passed.

“I’m better. I’m ready to go. How long was I asleep for?” I asked, getting to my feet.

“Two hours,” Vel said in a monotone voice. “Let’s go.”

She started walking and Nick and I followed after her.

“I’m surprised you guys didn’t just go without me,” I said.

Vel smirked now, turning to face me, all of us coming to a stop. Her grey eyes were locked with mine, something that happened very rarely -she’d avoided eye contact with me almost this entire trip.

“We couldn’t leave without you. You’re the one who’s going to talk to the Children of Atom.”

Rage flared up within me at the mention of that bomb worshipping cult.

“Oh, I am, am I? And why is that?”

“You want to be helpful, don’t you? That’s why you’re here, right? To protect Nick? Well, he can’t go into the Nucleus because as we know, the Children of Atom aren’t on great terms with synths right now. So it’ll have to be you,” she said.

I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to keep my temper in check.

“And what about you?”

“I’ll be staying with Nick while you go into the Nucleus. Keep him safe. Of course, if you want to run home to MacCready, you can. Nick will just have to wait in the fog on his own. For days, maybe.”

A bitter smile pulled at my lips and I shook my head, incredulous. She’d fucking trapped me. I could either stay and go into that pit of crazies or admit I wasn’t needed her and go home. Either way, she won.

“Fine. I’ll go in. But I don’t know if I’ll be able to pretend I believe in all that bullshit.”

Vel’s smirk darkened.

“You’ve done it before.”

She was referring to my time in the Institute. The jab boiled my irritation into fury and I was about to snap at her, tell her that she wasn’t allowed to say SHIT about the Institute or my dead son, when Aster walked over to us.

I’d forgotten she was even in the room.

“Violet, I have the results of your blood test.”

Vel must have seen Aster as the perfect distraction to get her out of this argument, because she slipped out the door, Nick following after.

“Oh, uh, okay. Am I sick?” I asked, all my anger sapped by my curiosity.

“No. You’re pregnant.”

Silence enveloped the room. My lips were parted ever so slightly in shock, my eyes widening a fraction. It was as if the world around me had frozen, put on pause by my inability to process what I’d just been told.

“Well… fuck.”

******

“It shouldn’t be too far now,” Nick said from a few feet ahead of me, Vel at his side.

I hadn’t told them about my...development. I didn’t know how. I didn’t know how to accept it myself. So when Nick had asked if I was okay, I’d told him she didn’t find anything in my blood that would explain my vomiting. I chalked it up to the radiation.

Not the baby.

The baby I had growing inside me _right now_. “You feeling alright?”

I looked up from the uneven terrain to see Nick peering over his shoulder at me. We’d left for the Nucleus almost immediately after my talk with Aster, only buying a couple of provisions for the excursion and then getting out of Acadia. Now we were marching through the dead, but somehow overgrown forest of the island, Nick and Vel deciding it would be faster to cut through then exclusively follow the winding path.

But they weren’t the clumsiest people on earth, hence my reasoning for being stuck a couple feet behind them.

“Yeah, I feel fine right now. Full of rad-x. Just struggling to stay on my feet.”

As if to emphasize my point, I stumbled over a root.

Vel made a noise shaking her head. It seemed like maybe she’d been entertained. Or maybe she just liked the idea of me falling flat on my face. No, she was probably just annoyed that I was slowing them down.

Deciding not to think about my current predicament and whether or not the extremely irradiated air of this island was going to turn my baby into a mutant, I asked, “So what’s the plan? I’m just going to march up to the submarine and tell them I want to join?”

“Yeah, that’s about it,” Vel said.

“And you guys are just going to wait from a safe distance?”

“Don’t worry, Kid, we’ll keep an eye on you,” Nick said, smirking.

I increased my speed, tripping a little, and then coming to walk on Nick’s left side. I wanted him to see my glare.

“Yes, until I’m inside the submarine where you won’t be able to see me get torn apart by a cult.”

Nick rolled his eyes, scoffing.

“Being a little dramatic, aren’t you?” he said. “They’re just religious nuts, not raiders.”

“As long as you can convince them you’re one of them, they won’t hurt you,” Vel said, sounding bored. “Isn’t undercover your thing, _Charmer?”_

I looked forward, clenching my jaw. You know, I’d really liked my codename when I’d picked it. Deacon had thought it suited me. But with the way Vel just used it, it seemed dirty now. Because she and I both knew it really meant ‘manipulator’.

“Yeah. I guess it is.”

From the corner of my eye I noticed her briefly glance at me but she didn’t say anything else. We were all silent from then on, only speaking when a couple of gulpers had come barreling out of the nearby water and we’d had to put them down.

There were three, and we’d each taken one on, killing them almost instantly. Thanks to my continued practise with MacCready I was becoming a decent shot. I’d manage to rapid fire three bullets into my gulpers head before it made it within ten feet of me.

Maybe if enough things attacked us and Vel could witness me not being terrible she’d warm up to me. Even if she still thought I was a terrible person, she might respect my shooting skills enough not to want to kill me anymore.

About fifteen minutes after our discussion, we reached the submarine. Well, at least we reached a safe distance from the submarine. The three of us took cover, eyes on the fence that surrounded this side of the submarine.

“You ready, kid?”

I glanced at Nick, my lips pursed.

“Yeah, sure. Like Vel said, I’ve already done this with Institute. I’m great at pretending to believe in an organization I vehemently despise.”

“Great. Get going,” Vel said, narrowed grey eyes on the guards outside of the fence.

“Try not to miss me too much,” I muttered, stepping out from our cover and making my way over to the lions den.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoooope nooo oooone haaaates thiiiis deeeeveeeloooopmeeent. I've had her getting pregnant planned from close to the very beginning of writing this series and I've been nervous about people's reactions the entire time haha! Anyway, hope it doesn't make anyone lose interest in the story! Anyway, thanks for reading, thanks Gr8katesky for commenting, and thanks for all the support! (Also RJ is in this story more, I promise.)


	6. Water Can Go Fuck Itself

As we came up on the submarine I tried to keep my mind on the reason we were here. As entertaining as it was to jab at the housewife she wasn’t important. Well I guess she sort of was. After all the children of atom were more likely to talk to her than me. If the Harbormen were any indication. I hated that she seemed to get along with everyone. The old man didn’t bother me so much if he wasn’t just the next in a long line of people she had wrapped around her finger. I didn’t have many friends, Nick, Hancock, Fahrenheit, if you could call her that. People like Arturo and Daisy just stayed on good terms with me so I’d run jobs for them. I wasn’t an idiot. In the wasteland you took care of yourself cause no one was going to do it. Yet somehow she had managed to make everyone in the commonwealth help her. 

There I went, thinking about anything but the reason we were here. Goddamn it. Arms folded I stopped on the path and looked up at the arches. These things had weird designs drawn into them, things I’d never seen. Hadn’t interacted with the Children of Atom in the commonwealth all that much. Didn’t care to. They gave me the creeps. Honestly I didn’t envy Flynn for having to go in but she was our best bet for this. As much as it killed me to admit it.

“You ready, kid?” Nick asked.

I turned around to find him facing her. She had pursed lips and looked about as nervous as I’d expect. 

“Yeah, sure. Like Vel said, I’ve already done this with Institute. I’m great at pretending to believe in an organization I vehemently despise.” She replied with venom that I knew was directed at me. 

“Great. Get going,” I muttered, glaring at the guards that were watching us. Hopefully they didn’t get a good look at Nick or Flynn wouldn’t be getting in at all. 

“Try not to miss me too much,” She answered in equal tone and headed up the path toward the guards.

Nick and I retreated back down the path a few feet. Not far enough to be of no use, but out of sight. If things should go wrong we’d hear and could get back in time before the house wife got irradiated to death. Sighing heavily I sat on the side of the path, removing my gun to check the mag.

“you know, you should lay off her a bit.” Nick’s rough voice brought my eyes up. He stood right in front of me, arms folded, yellow eyes heavy. 

Groaning I shook my head. “why?”

“she came here as much to give me a hand as to make sure you didn’t die out here.” With a huff he sat on the dirt beside me, checking his own gun. “she could have easily just told me she hadn’t seen you and let me go on my way.”

“so she tags along, providing you with one more person to worry about, and someone who can hardly defend herself.”

“I’m sick of you talking about how bad she is at combat. She held her own fine back at Far Harbor and we didn’t need to help her during that Gulper fight.” Nick sounded almost angry about it. Sheepishly I frowned at the ground, refusing to look at him. “you don’t have a lot of ground to stand on there anymore.”

“you forget how stubborn I am.”

“no I haven’t forgotten.” I could hear him rolling his eyes. “you’re going to have to cut her some slack soon though. She didn’t refuse to go in there remember?” 

“whatever.” He could be right, hell he probably was. Until I had to actually acknowledge that she was doing any good I’d keep up my current attitude though. Satisfied with our respective weapons we put them back then leaned back on our arms to stare toward the sky. The fog was thick, not as thick as the day before. The water sloshed off to our right. It was weirdly calm for the island. 

“I noticed you didn’t go talk to DiMA before we left.” Nick stated, in that way he did when he was trying to act casual but there was more to it than that. “after what he said I thought for sure you would have gone.”

I leaned forward, elbows on my knees, glaring into the fog. “you don’t trust him.”

“I don’t know him.”

“neither do I.” running a hand through my hair I gave him a sideways look. “Acadia seems alright though…. Everyone’s happy, or at least they think they’re safe.”

“except Sarah.” He pointed out quietly.

“did you talk to Faraday?”

“no. I was trying to get a feel for the people, not so much those in charge.”

That sounded like Nick. Always thinking about the people more than anything else. I shifted and turned to him, voice low. No idea how safe we were here to talk. “he told me that DiMA hates the mind wipes the railroad does. He developed a way to reverse the wipes.”

“with a memory lounger?” Nick’s brows shot up.

“I can’t think of any other way to do it. But DiMA’s had over a century to put something together. Plus you’ve got Chase here who probably knows a thing or two about what the institute can do with synth memories.” 

“so you’re saying it’s entirely possible that someone tampered with Sarah’s memory after she sent the tape?” the prospect disturbed him as much as it did me. 

Grimly I nodded. 

Groaning he glanced toward the gates of the Nucleus, a hand on the back of his neck. “I don’t suppose Faraday told you who has access to the machine or where it even is.”

I shook my head, grimacing. “he got weird about it after I asked him if there had ever been any complications. According to some of the people I talked to there was some kind of accident involving one of the synths. No one could give me details.”

“Is Faraday up to something?” 

“I don’t know. What about Chase? Do you know anything about her?”

At last Nick turned back to me grimacing and shaking his head. “no. According to everyone I talked to she helped Faraday and DiMA establish Acadia about a decade ago. No one knew her before then. I still think it’s weird that a courser switched sides.”

“could she be working for the Institute still? Somehow?” 

“but the Institute is gone.”

“as far as we know.” I murmured quietly and we both dropped our gaze. It was good pretending that the boogeyman of the commonwealth was gone. Hell the whole commonwealth loved believing it. But if we were all being honest that was too easy. Sure Flynn had destroyed the main hub, but there were rumors abound of generation two synths that were still out there. Where were they getting their orders? Why were they still operating? I wanted to believe we were safe as much as the next person but that just didn’t work. 

“so Faraday is under suspicion because he can use the memory wipes. Chase is under suspicion because she is a courser and DiMA because of these memories.” Nick counted each person off on his skeleton hand, frowning. “is there anyone else at Acadia who could be the problem?”

“unless you think anyone you talked to could scare Sarah that much or wipe her memory.” 

“no, I don’t think so. Everyone else loves Acadia and will do anything to protect it. Either from outsiders or from insiders.” A dark look overshadowed his face and Nick dropped his head to hide his eyes. “I think they talked easily to me because I … look like him.”

My heart grew heavy in my chest. Gently I reached over and touched his knee, leaning forward to look him in the eye. He refused to let me. “we haven’t really talked about DiMA yet….”

“guess not….” He murmured around lips that barely moved. Silence followed. In the distance I could hear Flynn talking to the guards. No idea what was taking so long but I didn’t mind. Nick wouldn’t talk about this in front of her. Eventually he took in a breath. “What do you think? Is he really … family?”

“you’re asking me about family?” I couldn’t help but laugh. It was ridiculous. 

“humor me.” 

Sighing I shook my head. “you know my story. I don’t believe in family being the people you’re born to. They’re the people that you care about and care about you.”

“but…I spent a long time wondering if the Institute had made any other prototypes. If I was just a …failure, or they gave up or just plain got bored.” His voice got thick, like it always did when he talked about the Institute. It still wasn’t clear how much he remembered of being in the Institute. It seemed like he should remember DiMA if all of this was true. But like that old synth had said, that was over a century ago. 

Swallowing hard I squeezed his knee, leaning into him. “you’re not a failure Nick, you never were.”

He leaned into me, head still down to hide his eyes. “I always thought I was just more of their discarded trash. Never thought of the possibility that someone wanted me out. Helped me escape….”

“So are you saying you believe him?” Should have known it wasn’t that easy. Nick was a man of logic. He believed what was right in front of him.

Jaw set tight he sat up and glared into the fog ahead of us. “There’s gotta be some kind of proof out there. What really happened between me and DiMA.” 

“What kind of proof do you think we’ll find?”

Fierce yellow eyes turned on me. There it was, part of what I loved about him. He wasn’t just some passionless survivor. He cared and he cared a ton. “I don’t know, but our best bet is to keep looking into DiMA and Acadia. Maybe we’ll get lucky and these memories will have something. Or we could have a look at the memories he backs up at Acadia.”

Grinning I gave him a firm nod. “I’ve been meaning to practice my hacking skills anyway.”

“you don’t have hacking skills.” He chuckled.

In mock hurt I gave him a shocked look and surged to my feet. “I beg your pardon? I happen to have excellent hacking skills.”

“charming a machine and hacking aren’t the same thing.” Grinning crookedly he gave me that look from under his fedora, that one he knew excited me. “sorry gray.”

Rolling my eyes I sat back beside him. He put an arm around my shoulders letting me lean into his side. I wasn’t cold but this felt good. It sounded like Flynn was done talking to the guards. She should be back soon. Before she came back though I had to say it. “we’ll find something Nick, I promise.”

He squeezed my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. “Thanks. I know we don’t have much to go on. But we’ve done more with less right?”

“that’s for sure.” 

Footsteps reached us and I extracted myself from Nick, plastering that glare back on. Flynn came down from the path, looking less than happy by the exchange she’d just had. So displeased she didn’t seem to have noticed Nick and I cuddling. I’d never live it down if she had. 

Nick got up and approached her. “everything go alright? Are they going to let you in?”

“they’re insane.” She growled bitterly, shooting a glare over her shoulder.

“well that’s one thing we can agree on.” I murmured dryly. “why are you back here? Did they turn you away?”

Her glare went from over her shoulder back to me and I returned it in equal measure. “no, not exactly. Do you know their followers will kill each other if told to? What kind of cult does that?!”

“the insane kind.” Nick growled angrily. 

“I talked to the man at the gate. Didn’t catch a name.” she shrugged her shoulders. “he said that only Atom can judge those worthy of entering his domain, or something like that.”

“great, so what kind of sick test do you have to do?” always concerned about the housewife, Nick shot a glare at the gates. 

“drink from a sacred … pool….” She replied slowly.

I cracked up. It was probably the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard in the wasteland and that was saying something. A hand over my mouth I turned away, chuckling too hard. “so a magic pool huh?”

“you’re getting way too much entertainment out of that.” Didn’t have to turn around to know Flynn was glaring at me. 

“you gotta admit that’s pretty funny.” Internally laughing still I stopped chuckling long enough to look at her. “so where is this magic pool you’ll have to be drinking from?”

Scowling she jabbed a thumb over her shoulder. “He gave me the coordinates. It’s that way.”

“let’s give the nucleus a wide berth.” Nick suggested, glancing in the direction Flynn pointed. “they’ll get suspicious if they see you traveling with two others. There should be a way to the other side around the back.”

“sounds good to me.” if Flynn was eager not to talk to the children of atom again it wouldn’t surprise me. Sort of envied her that she’d manage to avoid them for the last year. Just another crazy cult in a world of crazies. Wondered if there had been any of them before the bombs fell. 

Nick led the way up through the half dead forest that grew above the base. From this vantage I could get a good view of the front entrance. Three guards, two of which were hauling a body toward the water. The water surrounding the base was a disgusting green yellow color. Would bet my piece it was radioactive. My Pipboy hadn’t stopped ticking quietly since I got here. It would be nice to get back to the commonwealth where I didn’t have to keep taking Rad-X every couple hours.

A giant gate, probably for ships, stood in the water beside the main gate. The water sloshed noisily against the metal. A bridge spanned the water way, providing easy access to the other shore. We reached the other side and Nick gave the lead over to Flynn. She checked her Pipboy, which was as active as mine, then pointed. “it’s over there, shouldn’t be too far.”

“go ahead kid, we’ll follow.” Nick nodded with a wave of his hand. 

She glanced at me, probably expecting me to make some kind of comment. Personally I was just worried about coming across more gulpers. Those damn things. Someone told me they like to hang in trees waiting to ambush people. I did not look forward to dealing with that. 

As it turned out there were worse things coming. Flynn led us up the shore onto a cracked road. This probably had been what serviced the base before the war. A few trucks still sat on it, waiting. Along with skeletons as large as trucks. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen one of these things but it still struck me at how damn big they were. The biggest thing I’d ever seen in my life was Swan the Behemoth. And he didn’t even compare to these things. Someone could practically use one of these ribcages as a house. Hoped to god whatever was that size didn’t exist anymore. 

The growls of gulpers brought all three of us low. Leaning into a rusted truck we barely dared to breathe. We’d dealt with the gulpers already, we weren’t in the mood to handle them again. Nick nudged me with his shoulder and pointed into the fog. There it was. Its massive head swung back and forth searching. Did these things have noses? They barely had eyes or ears. How did they track? That was the worst part about these things, you just didn’t know anything about them. Facing a Mirelurk, go for the underbelly. Mole rat, watch your feet. Deathclaw, roll into a ball and pray. I hadn’t had enough experience with any of the island’s creatures to know how to handle them. 

“move slowly and quietly.” Nick murmured to both of us. “Violet lead the way.”

“we could just take it out couldn’t we?” she murmured back.

“listen.” I hissed, pointing toward the sky. There was another growl, further away. Branches and dirt crunched somewhere behind us. We were surrounded. “too many, unless you’ve got a rocket launcher hidden up your sleeve.” 

Hard to tell in the weird greenish light that filled the air but I liked to think she went a bit pale. Gun held in one hand she practically crawled across the path. Nick went next and I brought up the rear. I willed my heart beat to stay calm, listening to the growls and footsteps of the Gulpers around us. If we made the wrong move the entire pack would be on us in seconds. Pack? Is that what you called a group of gulpers? Made as much sense as a school of fish.

The weird things your mind wonders to when your bordering on panic. 

My panic was about to get so much worse. Flynn led us across the road, leaving behind the sounds of the Gulpers. Out of the frying pan and into the fucking fire. She started wading through knee high water. I stopped just on the edge of it, heart in my throat. Fuck this island. Just fuck it. First trapped in that god forsaken town, then Acadia and DiMA and now this?! I was literally stuck between a rock and a hard place and I was almost willing to risk the damn Gulpers.

Flynn didn’t notice. She quietly and easily made her way through the water. It got deeper and she had to stand up a little as she moved. I still stood there, watching her, listening to the Gulpers prowling at our backs. Nick stopped about a foot into the water and turned around. He grimaced and slowly made his way back. “you’ve got to move.” 

“I think I prefer the Gulpers.” I murmured back. My voice shook a lot more than I cared for. 

Nick grabbed my arm gently and tugged me forward. “do you want to get shredded? Close your eyes, I’ll help you across.”

“yeah that’s gonna help.” venomously I fought his pull. Sweat started dripping down the back of my neck. 

“then focus on me.” mercilessly Nick pulled me closer until my feet started treading water. The cold seeped in through my leather boots. “you can do this.”

“no I can’t.” I replied thickly, so tense my arms actually ached. 

“yes you can, just focus on me, don’t think about the water. What do you want to do when we get back to the commonwealth?” 

Oh this tactic. Keeping me talking so my mind stayed off of the cold radioactive water slopping at my knees. Shit it was up to my knees. God damn it. My limbs started to shake. My legs threatened to give out. They would if it didn’t mean I’d be taking a dip. “Nick please….”

He stepped back, wrapping his arms around my shoulders to keep me moving. “stay with me, we’re almost there. Have you thought about if you might settle into Diamond city permanently?” 

The water was up to my ass now. I stood a little to save myself. “I don’t know…. Hancock wouldn’t like it….” 

“what if you were moving in with me?”

I blinked. “are you asking me to move in with you?”

“you practically live at my place, I’m just suggesting you make it a bit more permanent.” 

Chuckling nervously I shook my head. Flynn had reached the other side already. She turned. Even at this distance I could see the frown she was giving us. Damn it, fuck her. The water started to recede. I could no longer hear the Gulpers. “you don’t want me to move in with you. Thanks for the offer.” 

“I wouldn’t make the offer if I didn’t mean it.” he squeezed me tighter as we walked up the shore on the other side. Flynn stepped back to allow us room. “just think about it.”

Maybe I would. If we got off this piece of rock. At last we were out of the water. Shaking I extracted myself from Nick and staggered inland. Solid ground, and I hadn’t even had a panic attack. A set of hands touched my shoulders gently. “I’ll be fine Nick….”

“I know.” He murmured gently. “take your time.”

“are you ok?” Flynn’s voice turned my gaze. She was staring at me, with those large green eyes. I didn’t want to see the genuine concern there. Why? after all the shit I’d said to her. Was she stupid, naïve? Or just that much of a good person?

Swallowing hard I sat up straight. “where’s the magic pool?”

For a minute it looked like she might not let it go. My hand flexed, ready to punch her if she asked any more questions. Then she nodded and pointed. “it’s over there, I think.” 

“great lets go.” Determined to leave that trip behind, I marched up the hill. The trees looked even more dead here. They were gnarled, like stuff of nightmares. Overhead the sky churned with a radioactive storm. I’d long stopped wondering about the weather on this rock. Over the hill we came to a pond that was even more green than the water around the base. It gurgled out of a hole in a rocky outcropping. It was almost playful, if not for the urgent ticking now coming from the Pipboys and Nick’s chest. 

“not exactly what I’d call magical.” He grumbled, kneeling down beside it. 

“it’s no wonder those atom weirdos like it.” Flynn commented frowning into the water. 

I didn’t dare approach it. Instead I sat down at a rock on one side. “take a dip in that and you’ll come out looking green and angry. Have fun Flynn.”

“it’s an origin story.” Nick laughed, standing with a groan. “this is the beginning of the kid’s career as a superhero.” 

“you guys are hilarious.” But Flynn looked even more pale than before. She stared at the water with a drawn expression, one hand over her stomach. 

Nick eyed her, frowning deeply. Then he lifted his head as his jaw dropped. “kid don’t tell me….”

She whirled around at him. “what?”

“yeah what?” I echoed, shooting brows up at him.

He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. “how long have you known?” 

Flynn looked about ready to flee, fidgeting back and forth, hand firm on her stomach. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m a detective kid, it’s my job to know something no one else does.” He fixed her with that unamused, no bullshit face. At least someone else was getting that for once. “I should have seen it sooner. Did Aster test you?”

Frowning Flynn nodded, arms folded across her chest protectively. “yeah….”

“then you cant drink from the pool.” He said firmly.

“why the hell not?” I snapped, shooting him a glare. “someone has to, and she’s the one that’s supposed to be the initiate.”

Groaning Nick shook his head. “not going to happen.”

“she’s right though.” did Flynn really just say that? “how am I supposed to get inside if I don’t drink from this thing?”

“we don’t even know what the pool is going to do other than give you the worst case of radiation poisoning you’ve ever had.” Nick grabbed her arm and pulled her back from it. “I’m not allowing it.”

“you’re not my dad Nick.”

“but you’re going to be a mother.” He snapped.

“wait… what?” my jaw fell open and this time there was nothing I could do to stop it. 

Flynn swallowed hard, looking even more ready to run. “so what are we going to do then? What if that pool does do something, or leads us to something that we need to get in? We can’t just walk away.”

“gray’s going to have to do it.” 

“I’m not going to do anything until someone stops to explain what the fuck is going on.” I snapped rising to my feet. Shooting glares between the two I waited for one of them to spill it. 

Sighing heavily Nick dropped his head, gesturing at me. “tell her.”

Flynn sucked in a long breath, clearly reluctant to clear this up. Thought I was ready for what she said next. Not in the slightest. “I’m pregnant,” she mumbled at the ground. 

“well… fuck.” I groaned throwing my head back and turning on the spot.

Nick stepped up to my side. “Gray I hate to ask but you’re the only one that can do this now. I can’t drink, and the kid can’t put her baby at risk.”

“shut up.” Punching him in the arm I strode for the pool, glaring at the fountain that dripped through the rocks. 

“are you really going to do it…?” Flynn asked in surprise.

This close to the source of the spring my Pipboy ticked like a bomb. That should have sent me for the hills. Damn it. Why did it have to go this way? “look Flynn, let’s make one thing perfectly clear, alright?” I turned around to glower at her. She waited, unmoving, face slack. “I’m not doing this for you. Hell I was looking forward to watching you throw up your lungs.”

“gray.” Nick warned.

“Nah, I’m doing this for that devil spawn.” I jabbed a finger at her stomach. “it’s Macready’s right? last thing I want in this world is more versions of him running around but your kid isn’t at fault for their parents. So I’m doing it for him. Not you, not Nick, not those damn children. This is for that kid, are we clear?”

“crystal!” her voice rose an octave, eyes wide. 

“good.” Slowly I turned, eyes straying over Nick who was giving me that crooked grin. “shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.” He smiled before his face went serious. “don’t worry gray, I’ve got Radaway and rad-x on hand for whatever happens. We’ll take care of you.”

“thanks….” With a hand on the rock I reached for the fountain. It felt warm. Which just made it worse. How a natural spring had become permanently radioactive was beyond me. Maybe it was magical. “I guess this won’t be the first time I’ve vomited blood.” then I took a handful of water and drank it in one gulp. Going down it tasted rotten, if water could. It burned my insides, right down to my stomach. Coughing violently I took a step back, bent doubled over. The coppery taste of blood was already in my mouth under the heavy taste of the water. 

Slowly I lifted my eyes to the fountain. Then a figure stepped out of the trees above it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Vel isn’t that much of a scoundrel. She does have her moments. Even if she doesn’t like to admit to them. Hope you’re all enjoying this. Personally the next chapter is one of my favorites but I’ll let you be the judge.
> 
> I really want to know what you all are thinking! Don't be shy about commenting. If you don't like leaving messages on boards you can always email me too if you wanted to. My email is still on my bio. 
> 
> No pressure, in any case though, write on!


	7. The kind of place where you should bring your own UV ray

“I guess this won’t be the first time I’ve vomited blood.”

Oh, wonderful. As if I wasn’t already feeling guilty enough. With her hand gripping a rock at the edge of the pool for purchase, Vel leaned over the spring, scooping a handful of water and bringing it up to her mouth. A second passed and she began coughing, the sound raw and painful, stumbling backwards.

I expected her to turn and curse me out, point out how stupid it was for any of us to drink the water. It was just rotten, irradiated water, I could have just lied and said I’d drank it- like I was going to anyway.

Instead, she looked upwards, seemingly stunned, as if she were seeing something unbelievable at the top of the rocks the spring poured through.

“Gray, you alright?” Nick asked, taking a step towards her.

Vel’s head moved to the right, again as if she were seeing something we weren’t. Instinctively I walked up beside her, examining her face, hoping her expression would give me an answer. Her eyebrows were pulled together, but only slightly, her lips parted in surprise. And then abruptly her eyes widened and she threw herself forward.

“Wait!” she cried.

She began scrambling up the rocks along the edge of the spring, trying to get to whatever she was looking at the top of the tiny waterfall. Nick and I exchanged alarmed glances, running after her. Nick easily got in front of me as I tried to navigate the rocky, slimy terrain around the spring, his feet splashing in the creek above me.

Once I was at the top of the rocks I closed the gap between the three of us. Vel was still blindly chasing something, her movements a little more sluggish than usual, a dazed look in her eyes. In fact, we didn’t even have to run to keep up with her, just sort of speed walk beside her.

“Gray,” Nick said again, tone nervous. “You in there?”

“Fog lady, slow down,” Vel said, gaining a little bit of speed.

I laughed, surprised more than amused, though the smile was immediately wiped from my face as Vel led us into water that reached my knees. I’d been too busy looking at her to notice she was approaching one of the many swamps on this island.

“Something’s obviously wrong with her, why’re you laughing!?”

I met Nick’s crazed, glowing stare, giving him an apologetic look.

“I’m sorry- It was just- Fog lady? What the hell does that mean?”

“She’s hallucinating, that’s what it means!”

“Well, yeah, clearly. But what’s she seeing?” I said, gaze shifting back to Vel’s wide eyes and goofy half smile.

“How am I supposed to know!?” Nick snapped.

I decided there was no point explaining that my question wasn’t one I expected an answer from. If I were in his place and RJ was the one stumbling around a strange island after ingesting toxic water I would also be upset.

As we exited the water, two gulpers slithered out of the swamp from the right, heading straight for Vel. Instead of equipping her gun or even flinching at their swift approach, Vel merely waved at them, muttering a hello.

Nick and I quickly filled the gulpers with bullets before they could quite reach Vel, and they slumped to the ground with pained cries. We closed the gap we’d left between us and Vel, looking around a little more protectively now.

“If you see _anything_ , gun it down,” Nick said. “She’s not going to defend herself.”

“We can protect her, Nick.”

“I know. We have to.”

He said it as if failure was not an option. As if he would move heaven and earth, defy the damned universe to keep Vel safe. It was sweet, even if I wasn’t a big fan of who his love was directed at.

“Please, fog lady, talk to me,” Vel slurred in front of us.

“God, I wish I was recording this. Or I at least had a camera.”

“Kid, this isn’t funny!”

A radstag ran past us, it’s hooves clacking against the fractured road we were walking on, and Vel watched it pass us with a starry eyed expression, making an ‘oooh’ sound.

“It’s a little funny,” I said.

After about ten more minutes of this, we came upon a small building, a destroyed chain link fence surrounding a portion of it. Vel stopped, looking to her right as if someone was talking to her and then looked upon the building with dawning realization.

She jogged over to the building and we followed her, only to hear a cacophony of groans. Feral ghouls.

Expecting one of us to have to shove Vel behind us so she didn’t get herself killed, I was surprised when she finally retrieved her gun from it’s halster, firing at the nearest feral ghoul that was barreling towards us.

“You with us?” Nick asked.

She didn’t respond, only kept putting down ferals with a determined scowl.

“Doesn’t look like it. Maybe the ‘fog lady’ finally told her to pull out her gun,” I said, managing to blow off a ferals head in one shot.

Nick grumbled something I couldn’t hear over the gunfire but I had a feeling it was something not very complimentary about the ‘fog lady’. After clearing out the large number of ferals and pretending my skin wasn’t crawling at the sight of so many, we followed Vel into the open door of the building.

As if the doorway had been a cleansing portal, Vel collapsed to her knees, taking in a sharp breath. She fell forward, barely managing to catch herself before her face met the concrete floor of the room. Nick immediately dropped down beside her, hand on her back.

“Gray!”

“Fucking goddammit,” Vel spat, pushing herself upwards so she was on her knees again. She looked around only to crumple, Nick’s arms shooting out to hold her upright. “Where the fuck am I?”

Good question. Where had she led us? Giving the room a quick sweeping glance it was pretty apparent

“Some kind of shrine to Atom. Fucking dumbasses,” I said.

The idea of people worshiping radiation and the bombs that had brought it still filled me with violent rage. But now wasn’t the time to vent. We needed to find something that would serve as proof that I’d drank from the spring. Vel shook her head, eyes clenched shut, putting a hand to her forehead.

Guilt panged in my chest.

“Are you okay-”

“I’m fine, just do whatever you need to do in here,” she snapped.

I suspected that if she weren’t feeling ill her words would have had a much stronger bite. I nodded, inspecting the room properly now.

Against the wall in front of me was two metal bookshelves, a third set of shelves on my right pushed to the wall that Vel was now propped up against. In the left corner of the room there was a caged off area.

I crossed the room, peering through the small holes in the metal cage, spotting a statuette sitting on a desk. That. It had to be that.

I moved to stand in front of the terminal that hung off the cage, expecting to see the usual hacking screen. If it were simple enough, I could get in without having to pull Nick away from his spot beside Vel.

Unfortunately, not even he would be able to hack this terminal. It was set to only open with a specific password.

“Shit,” I muttered.

“Password?” Nick asked.

I nodded.

“I’ll look around. There’s gotta be a clue.” I looked down at Vel, who had her eyes closed, her lips pressed into a thin line. “Unless the, uh, woman told you the password?”

Her eye’s opened, dark in the limited light of the storage room, her brows pulled together in an irritated frown.

“What?”

Nick took over communicating with Vel.

“While you were still… um... under the influence, you kept talking about some woman you were following.”

Vel’s frown deepened and lost the brunt of it’s annoyance.

“A woman…” she said. “I think I remember… she told me to follow her.”

“Did she say anything else? Something important?” I said, a little impatient.

Vel’s stare snapped back to mine.

“She just babbled about Atom’s realm, alright? It was just my brain trying to come up with something equally as stupid as the Children of Atom themselves. It was all bullshit.” She seemed like she wanted to smirk at me. “I thought you didn’t believe in Atom?”

I shook my head, raising my hands defensively.

“I don’t, okay? But you got us this far, I thought it was worth a shot. I’ll just look around.”

As I began searching the room for anything significant, I tried to convince myself that being here was worth it at all. But that seemed to be impossible. Vel didn’t want me here, I was sure neither of them really needed MY protection, and I was pregnant. Everything I did here put my unborn child at risk.

God, my unborn child. What a terrifying thought. One I’d been purposefully smothering. What was I going to tell MacCready?

Now isn’t the time, I reminded myself.

I picked up an old textbook, flipping through the charred, illegible pages before placing it back on the metal shelf. My thoughts shifted back to what my purpose was here. How was I helping?

The best I could think of was that I was preventing either of them from having to deal with Children of Atom. That was something, wasn’t it?

My mind transported me back to Fort Hagen, back to the concrete floor, Kellogg’s lifeless body before me. Nick had grabbed me, calmed me, pulled me from my blood crazed reverie. Next I saw Doctor Amari’s office, saw him make an entirely selfless decision. One that would momentarily cost him his identity months later. I saw all of the countless times that Nick put himself in harm's way for me without a second thought for himself.

And that was my reason for staying. Even if it meant furthering provoking Vel, I would stay. Because I owed him my life, owed him my sanity. I would stay and I would do my best to repay his kindness, even if that were an impossible task.

As I returned to the present, I noticed that my unfocused eyes were locked on some graffiti on the side of the metal set of shelves. Painted in white were three elements from the periodic table, lined up beside each other.

“Mo, Th, Er,” I murmured.

“Mother?” Nick said from behind me.

I smiled, turning to the terminal and typing the word in, selecting the option ‘Open Security Doors’. There was a satisfying click and the two, thick metal doors of the cage flew open. I rushed inside, eyes flickering across the metal desk and the shelf above it in case there were anything important other than the icon. But there were just melted candles and a note. I picked up the statuette in one hand, unfolding the note in the other.

_toThisSHRINEretreat_   
_uponATOMthink_   
_knowHisSERVANTSwatch_

I made a pfft noise, shoving the note into my baggy, leather jacket. I turned to see Nick had pulled out a radaway and was preparing to give it to Vel.

“I think this should serve as enough proof that I drank from the spring,” I said, shaking the icon and almost dropping it. I held it with both hands. “I’ll go back to the Nucleus and-”

“Just wait, I’ve gotta get this radaway into Vel and then we can go,” Nick said.

“You two just stay here. Set up camp. I’ll go back to the Nucleus by myself and as soon as I can leave again, I’ll meet you two here.”

Nick shook his head.

“No way, kid, this is way too far away-”

“It’s a half hour walk- maybe less, and it’s the perfect place to hang out. Especially if we don’t want to go back to Acadia or Far Harbor right away. There’s a door you can close, room to lie down-”

“You can’t just go back by yourself-”

“Actually, I can.” He opened his mouth to argue. “Do you want to go back to Acadia?”

He sighed.

“Not yet, no.”

“Exactly. We make camp here, I go to the Nucleus and come back here tonight or maybe tomorrow. Don’t want to have them get suspicious of me by leaving the moment they let me into their stupid club.”

“I agree with Flynn,” Vel said.

My eyes widened and both Nick and I looked at Vel as if she’d grown another head. She weakly raised her eyebrows. She looked pale, a light sheen of sweat on here forehead. “What?”

“Let’s get you healed up,” Nick said, focusing on the radaway in his hand again. “You’re delirious.”

Vel rolled her eyes.

“I’m not delirious. I just think that for once Flynn has a point. We’re not going back to Acadia until we know if DiMA’s hiding something, and there’s no point dragging ourselves all the way back to Far Harbor. Flynn’s going to need to spend a couple of days with those Atom obsessed nut jobs, so we should stay right here.”

Nick again tried to argue but I cut him off.

“You’re outvoted Nicholas, deal with it.”

He gave me an incredulous look, his jaw dropping.

“My name is not Nicholas-”

“I’ll see you in the morning!” I called, quickly throwing myself out of the small room. I got a couple feet away from the doorway when I sighed, turning back around. I poked my head into the room, and the two of them looked up at me, confused. “I know this is the last thing you want to hear and I’m the last person you want to hear it from, but Vel, thank you. Thank you so much.”

Before she could swear at me or berate me, I ducked back out of the doorway, hurrying away from the building. I checked my pipboy, orienting myself in the direction of the Nucleus and started jogging.

My stomach still ached like it had this morning, and after about ten minutes of running I slowed, groaning. I braced myself against the rough bark of a brittle tree, closing my eyes. Not the smartest plan on an island as dangerous as this one, but there was little I could do in this state. I’d been ignoring it all day, doing my best not to drag Vel and Nick down. Now that I was alone though, I had lost my motivation to be strong.

Worried it was due in part to being exposed to so much radiation, I popped a rad-x. I was going to need it anyway if I was going to go into the Nucleus. Something told me that the Children of Atom weren’t going to shy away from living somewhere highly irradiated.

It was then that I heard a strangled groan that had not come from me. Before I could look for the source, something grabbed my ankle, wrenching on it. I hit the hard dirt, catching myself on my forearms, pain shooting up all the way to my shoulders. I flipped myself over, kicking hard at the hand around my ankle. It was a feral ghoul, one of it’s legs missing, and it dragged itself up my shins.

I lost my voice, my throat crushed by fear, and I ripped Deliverer out from my holster with panicked hands. I’d gotten my phobia of feral ghouls under control for the most part, but being alone and having one catch me off guard like this seemed to erase all the progress I’d made.

I pressed the barrel of my gun to it’s forehead, squeaking as it opened it’s rotting mouth, and pulled the trigger. It’s skull blew out, warm blood spilling over my legs and I clumsily dragged myself backwards and out from under the corpse.

I got onto my knees, breathing in heavily, my stomach churning more than ever.

It felt oddly like my first day out of the vault. Probably because since then I could count the times I’d wandered the Wasteland by myself on one hand. I’d always had someone beside me ever since the moment I’d stepped foot out of Sanctuary. RJ, Nick, Piper, Deacon, Dogmeat- one of them had always been with me. My constant companions.

It was then that I realized how scared I was right now. Of being ripped to shreds in this endless, dead forest. Being torn apart by ferals just like Lucy was. Leaving RJ alone with another child to take care of.

But I’d made it through the Glowing Sea by myself. This was nothing compared to that. I’d lived all the way up until now, I could keep on going. I would make it. I could survive.

So I stood, picking up the statuette from where I’d dropped it upon being attacked and shoved it into my backpack. Then I began jogging once more.

A little under twenty minutes later I arrived at the fence of the Nucleus, proceeding inside as if it didn’t cause me a massive amount of anxiety to do so. The man that had been referred to as Richter was standing in the same place as before, a look of shock on his rugged, painted face.

“You’re back,” he said, his tone mirroring his expression. “More than I expected. Did Atom reveal something to you?”

I took off my backpack as I spoke, a swift movement that seemed to make him nervous. Probably expecting me to whip out a gun like I wanted to.

“I drank from the spring and a woman led me to this icon.” I pulled out the wooden statuette. “Does this mean something?”

Richter’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open.

“A woman? Led you to this icon? What woman? What did you see?” he asked, voice gaining in intensity.

Uh oh. I hadn’t really seen anything since I wasn’t the one who had hallucinated. This was probably something I should have asked Vel before coming here. Of course, how hard would it be to make up a vision? This idiots would probably believe anything at this point, judging by his awe.

As I spoke, I tried to sound as devout as possible.

“It was… otherworldly. The woman, she was like a living shadow, cloaked in mist.”

“Atom above,” Richter said, “You really did see her. The Mother of the Fog.”

Oh _come on_ , what the fuck? The Mother of the fucking Fog? What was all this bullshit? How had worshipping radiation turned into a full-fledged religion? This was the stupidest fucking shit I’d ever heard.

Using all my self discipline, I did not voice these thoughts, and instead tuned back into whatever Richter was babbling about. “She’s the one who led the first of us to this place. And if she revealed herself to you… then I’d say the path He’s lain for you is clear. If you are prepared to take the next step, then I believe there is a place for you among Atom’s children.”

I bowed my head in false reverence.

“I am ready to follow His path.”

Richter nodded.

“Then it will be so. Head inside and present the icon to the High Confessor once his sermon is done. He’ll be interested to see that.” With that said he gave me some robes and told me I should come to him later because he had a job for me. I mostly nodded, pretending to pay attention. As I moved to walk past him, he reached out, gripping my arm. “Know this - we are all devoted servants to Atom here. Messenger or no, actions against the Family will not be tolerated.”

I wanted to rip my arm from his hand and lay my fist into his face. But I did not. Instead I held a calm expression, as if I thought his thinly veiled threat was necessary and rational.

“Of course.”

He held eye contact with me for a few more seconds and then released me.

“Welcome, sister.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, so if you like the Children of Atom, I'm sorry. But Violet just REALLY doesn't. Also, sorry this update is out so late, I forgot it was Sunday and I've been doing stuff all day ahahaha. Again, sorry. Thanks for reading and all that jazz!


	8. I’m Not Going to Like It.

“it wasn’t funny.”

“come on it was a little funny.” I tried to hide the chuckle behind a hand since Nick clearly hated it. 

“you could have died.” Nick snapped, narrowing his eyes at me. 

Dramatically I shrugged, tugging a little at the Radaway sticking out of my arm. “and I didn’t! Thanks to you guys. Seriously though, it had to be funny, watching me stumble around, saying hi to random deadly things.”

“you’re taking all this remarkably well.” He grumbled, folding his arms.

“are you pouting?”

“I just wish you’d take better care of yourself.”

“hey I didn’t want to drink that water! And considering what it did to me you should be happy you didn’t make Flynn drink it.”

“I wouldn’t have made anyone drink it if we had a choice.” Nick cast a distasteful look at the cage that sat in the other corner. Sleeping in this tiny shake had been infinitely more preferable to sleeping out in the open. “but it looks like we didn’t have one.”

“the statue?” I raised a brow at him. “you think that worked to get her in?”

“well she hasn’t come back.”

“that could mean any number of things detective.” With a sly smirk I winked at him. “she could have died on the way by a feral. Or the children didn’t believe her story and killed her before she got inside. Or they locked her up to put her through some kind of hazing ritual. Or-”

“gray, I love you, but shut up.” 

Holding down a laugh I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the wall. Yesterday had been rough when Flynn left but thank god she did. There was no need to let her see me vomit that much blood in one sitting. Nick gave me more Radaway, Med-x and Stimpaks than were probably necessary. A lot of last night was a blur. Felt great today, for the most part. A little weak in the legs. This last dose of chems was purely because Nick was the overprotective boyfriend he was. 

“do you really think she’s in trouble?” he murmured in that self deprecating way when he blamed himself. 

Taking in a breath I tried not to let his words get under my skin. I couldn’t expect him to hate Flynn the way I did. And I couldn’t expect him not to worry about her. Nick just wasn’t like that. I loved, and hated, that about him. “I’m sure she’s fine. So long as she didn’t get dead between here and the Nucleus she can talk her way inside. As for the hazing, I doubt the hazing will kill her.”

“shut up about the hazing.” Grumbling he started pacing.

Ah hell, here we go. Sometimes I wish I knew when to shut my mouth. “I’m joking Nick, honestly calm down.”

“we let her walk into the lion’s den and we’re too far away to help. I knew I should have insisted we follow her back.” 

“she’s gonna be fine.” I waved my free hand, trying to act confident in her ability. That was hard. “just wait, she’ll walk right back through that door and it’ll be back to covering her ass and drinking from poisonous wells.” 

At that he stopped pacing, looking down at me with a heavy expression. Ah shit, what now? “you did a really good thing back there. She would have done it if you hadn’t.”

“of that I have no doubt. Seems like her self perseveration skills are as lacking as mine.” I grumbled, attempting to fold my arms. Not an easy task when the IV made it hard to move. He slowly made his way back to my side and sat next to me on the floor. “but she’s pregnant, you know how I feel about that kind of shit.”

“I know.” He nodded, slinging an arm around my shoulders. “still, it was a good thing. I’m proud of you, even if I hate that you’re taking it so lightly.”

“the fog lady told me something while I was under.” Lowering my voice I leaned into his shoulder eyes closed. 

Nick stiffened against me. “and what was that?”

“that you need to stop taking care of people and start taking care of yourself.”

“right, and I will be taking that advice to heart.” I didn’t even have to look to know he rolled his eyes at me. “if I did though, who’d be left to worry about you?”

It was a joke, I knew that, but it struck a nerve that I hadn’t realized was there. My shoulders slumped in spite of myself and I knew Nick would feel it.

His arm squeezed me. “I’m sorry gray, I didn’t mean it that way. There are plenty of people that worry about you.” 

“no, it’s fine Nick, you’re not really wrong anyway.” with a heavy sigh I leaned over on my knees, staring at the floor in front of us. 

“I am wrong, don’t take what I said to heart.” One of his hands rubbed my back gently, soothingly. It worked a little to take the edge off. 

“no, no seriously it’s fine.” Forcing a laugh I sat up, flashing a smile that hurt to make. “I’m not Flynn, I don’t make friends easily. And I don’t want to. I’ve got you, Hancock, Fahrenheit, that’s all I need.”

“you know, Violet wouldn’t turn you away if you wanted to be friends.”

I scoffed. “and why would I want to be friends with the housewife?”

“just a thought.”

“that housewife is a walking liability.” I replied loudly, shooting him a look. “my friends need to be able to take care of themselves.” 

At that exact moment the door swung open and in strode Violet Flynn. Judging by that hard look she cast me she’d heard what I just said. Not that I cared. Nick surged to his feet, hands outstretched to her. “your back, you look like hell what happened?”

She did look a little like hell. She was pale, shadows under her eyes and her lips were parched. Silently I reached over to our pack and dug around it for a moment. Flynn in the meantime started talking. “I got in, that place… god it’s disgusting. There’s an old submarine there that’s spitting out radiation like a … fountain.”

“poor choice of words.” I murmured, getting to my feet with a bottle of water and some jerky in hand. “here, eat and drink, you look like you’re about to pass out.” 

“thanks….” Slowly she took them from me, eyeing me like I’d just poisoned it or something. 

Rolling my eyes I sat back down on the ground before my legs could start shaking. “don’t give me that look, it’s for the kid. At this point if I do anything for you, just assume it’s because of it.”

“ok, ok I get it.” she raised a hand defensively, backing up a step.

“so what did you find?” Nick asked almost impatiently. 

With closed eyes I leaned my head back against the shack wall, listening to Flynn’s story. 

“the statue thing got me in. Apparently the fog lady Vel was describing is part of their religion, the mother of the fog.” 

“hear that gray? You actually had a real vision.”

“define real.” I grumbled at Nick. 

“the high confessor is a mad man.” Flynn went on, avoiding the subject of the fog lady much to my appreciation. “when I got inside he was spouting off a speech about taking over the island with something from inside the Nucleus. He said something about finding what DiMA left behind. I think he knows that there’s something in DiMA’s memories that he can use.”

“the nuclear explosion….” Nick said slowly. “the models DiMA was running. So there really is something that dangerous in there.”

“I guess so, and the high confessor knows it. He wants what’s in DiMA’s memories so that he can… let Atom purge the island.” 

“destroy Acadia and Far Harbor?”

“yeah.”

“did you figure out where the memories are?”

There was a pause while Flynn shifted. I opened my eyes and looked at her. She stared down at the floor with a small grimace. “I gave the high confessor the statue, he seemed satisfied with it. But I got the feeling he doesn’t trust me. the Nucleus is on high alert, they’re all suspicious and paranoid.”

“must be the radiation.” I offered, examining the bag of Radaway. It was almost empty. Good didn’t need to sit here any longer. “it probably causes delusions and paranoia.” 

“yeah well with all that paranoia I didn’t want to draw their attention by asking about DiMA’s memories. I’m not sure any of them know exactly where they are anyway.” 

Rage sped up my heart and I shot her a venomous glare. “so what good was me drinking from that damn spring and sending you in?” 

“take it easy Gray.” With a reprimanding look Nick glared. “she did what she could.”

“and it wasn’t good enough.” Furiously I tugged out the IV and stood. My knees were shaky so I leaned up against the wall to hide it. “now what? We’re out in the middle of fucking nowhere with nothing to show for it but a bad case of radiation poisoning.” 

“and a bad attitude.” Flynn muttered under her breath.

“what?”

“nothing.” 

Before I had the chance to beat Flynn to within an inch of her life Nick stepped between us. “sit down gray, you’re still too weak to go running around the island.” 

“we need a plan.” Completely ignoring his attempt to make me calm down, I rounded my eyes on Flynn. “are you sure that you can’t find where the memories are without arousing suspicion?”

“yes.” A little rage leaked into her face while she stared at me. “believe me, I tried, I don’t want to go back there anymore than you want to drink from the spring again.”

“so what are we going to do?” Nick asked hollowly, arms crossed. “how are we supposed to figure out where the memories are if we can’t scour the place ourselves?”

“isn’t it obvious?” with a groan I shoved myself off the wall. My legs burned in protest but I ignored it. “there’s only one friendly person that knows where the memories are.”

Slowly Nick turned to look at me, face slack. “you mean DiMA.”

“we’ve already gone around his back to get here.” Flynn pointed out with a grimace. “do you really think he’s gonna tell us anything?”

“look I wasn’t happy about going around him in the first place. But we don’t have a choice now. If we want to know what’s in his memories we have to find them, and to find them we need him.” 

“and what if he refuses to help us find them?” Nick spoke quietly, reluctantly. 

I didn’t need to ask to know why. Gently I touched his arm, hoping my face was sympathetic. “then we know he’s hiding something he doesn’t want us to know. But if he does help us then we’re protecting not only Acadia and him, we’re protecting the entire island.” 

“I guess when you put it that way….” With folded arms Flynn turned scanning her eyes over the shack. “if Tektus gets his hands on what’s in DiMA’s memories he’s going to use it to wipe out Far Harbor. We can’t just let him do that.”

“do we really want to trust DiMA this much?” 

As much as I trusted Nick’s judgment I didn’t agree with it this time. DiMA wasn’t a bad guy, there was no way. The people of Acadia loved him, more than that they trusted him. Excluding Sarah of course. But it wasn’t clear who had erased her memories. For all we knew DiMA had nothing to do with it. Regardless of whether or not he was secretly plotting to take over the island those memories were dangerous. “look at it this way, we don’t have to give his memories back to him unless we want to. Besides maybe there’s… proof in them.”

Nick met my gaze and a quiet understanding passed between us. I wasn’t talking about proof of DiMA’s bad intentions, but about their history. If he could trust that DiMA wasn’t lying about their time in the institute maybe Nick would give him a chance. I hoped so. With a long breath he nodded. “alright, let’s go talk to the old synth. If I get the whiff of something fishy though, we’re out, end of discussion. We’ll figure out some other way to find his memories.”

“deal.” 

“it’s pretty clear out, we should probably head out now.” Flynn gave us a half confused look but said nothing. It wasn’t any of her business anyway.

“then let’s move.” I led the way from the shack. 

Walking back to Acadia was hard but at least we weren’t attacked by anything more than a couple of ferals. I barely kept pace with Nick and I was sure he set a slower pace on purpose. By the time we reached the mountain my legs were about ready to give out and my lungs hurt. If I didn’t hate chems I’d have taken some Buffout or something. Instead I gritted my teeth and kept going. Flynn noticed, I’m sure, but thank god she didn’t say anything. 

The sun hung high overhead by the time we reached the fog free mountain top. The synths on guard waved at us as we entered to which we waved back good naturedly. A tight knot formed in the pit of my stomach. This was my idea. Didn’t even need to ask Flynn or Nick, it was my job to do the talking this time. So as we entered the observatory I tried to even my breathing before meeting DiMA again.

Inside, at the center of the building, he sat, eyes closed, almost peaceful. Faraday was with him, watching over his friend carefully. For a moment I wondered what it would be like to be strapped to that chair. Just how much memory did DiMA have when he was under? 

Carefully I cleared my throat as we walked up the hall toward them. Faraday gave a start and turned to face us. “oh, it’s you. We were beginning to wonder if you were coming back.” 

“we’d like to talk to DiMA alone if you don’t mind….” I may have wanted to trust DiMA, for whatever reason, but Faraday was a different story. If it turned out DiMA was on the up and up then our number one suspect became Faraday. 

And he wasn’t helping his case at all. With a defensive step forward, he shook his head. “he’s doing some software repairs right now I can’t let you disturb him. Whatever you have to say you’ll have to say it to me.”

“afraid not friend.” In a rough voice Nick replied, giving him a significantly dark look. “when’s he coming out of it?”

“I don’t know.” Faraday dropped the clipboard to his side and glanced at DiMA. “but I can’t let-”

“it’s alright Faraday.” We all jumped a little when DiMA suddenly opened his eyes and sat up. Beside me, Nick tensed, fists tight at his sides, Flynn wasn’t quite so obvious about her discomfort but I could tell she wasn’t much better. Smoothly DiMA stood, placing a comforting hand on Faraday’s shoulder. “I am fine, go back to what you were doing.”

“I was making sure you were ok.” Faraday shot back a little hurt, eyes narrowed.

Smiling softly DiMA shook his head. “go, it will be fine.”

With a reluctant sigh Faraday nodded and stepped down the platform. As he passed me he gave me a significant look, a warning. Once again I was struck at just how loyal the people here were to DiMA. That had to speak for something. 

I waited silently until he was gone before turning my gaze back to DiMA. “we know about your memories. The ones you left with the Children of Atom at the submarine base.” 

The barest hint of surprise leaked into DiMA’s face, probably as much as he could manage. Carefully he relaxed his arms and faced us. “You’ve been… busy. I was hoping you were taking your time learning more about us. Huh. I suppose you have….”

“suppose so.” With folded arms I waited for him to continue. Knowing DiMA he had plenty to say. 

He didn’t disappoint. “maybe this is an opportunity of both of us. I can’t send any of my people without risking the Children of Atom linking them back to Acadia. But you. You’re new to the island.”

“we’re already ahead of you.” maybe it wasn’t wise to tell DiMA we’d already undertaken this task. The look Nick shot me out of the corner of his eye said he thought so. If we were going to get anywhere with DiMA we needed to be honest, to a point. “we went looking for your memories ourselves. They’re dangerous right? Someone needed to get them out of the children’s hands.” 

DiMA was clearly taken aback by the development. With a hand to his chin he averted his eyes, processing it. Unlike Nick he seemed to have greater control over his own face. I couldn’t tell what was going through his mind while he considered the floor. Waiting I exchanged looks with Nick and Flynn. He looked grim, she had things to say, though she kept her tongue. Well this is what happens when you let me lead the conversation. 

“and were you successful?” DiMA asked finally in a careful tone. 

“no.” frowning I shook my head, allowing a little annoyance to leak into my voice and face. “we couldn’t figure out where your memories are kept. Let alone how to get to them.”

“I see.” Letting his hands fall he turned fully to us, looking each of us in the eye one at a time. “Before I begin, how much do you know? Did you have any questions for me? About Far Harbor, the Children of Atom, or my memories?”

His openness surprised all of us. We exchanged another set of looks, each of us debating. Then Flynn looked up. “You’re keeping Far Harbor safe, is that it?”

“Not exactly.” With reluctance DiMA admitted. “They’re fiercely independent, but the fog was starting to choke more and more of the island, so I proposed a trade. We would give them the technology to keep the fog at bay, in return for them being a lifeline to the outside world. A safe dock and a place to buy supplies.”

“I’m guessing the Children of Atom didn’t take too kindly to that.” Nick’s voice was rough and reluctant. He wasn’t in the mood to talk to DiMA and I couldn’t blame him.

DiMA nodded. “Unfortunately they view the radioactive fog as a holy portent, and their bloodied history with Far Harbor puts us at odds.”

“idiots….” Flynn grumbled angrily.

Couldn’t have agreed more. Looking back at DiMA I frowned. “You left your memories behind, with the children? Why?”

“As a prototype synth, my… raw data capacity is limited. I began using computer banks to expand. To give me room to ponder. See new things.” To illustrate his point DiMA waved around the room, at the computer banks that filled the available space. This wasn’t a surprise, Sarah had said something similar. “I had to leave some of my earliest memories behind when I left the sub base to the Children of Atom. I thought they were safe. Their leader at the time was Martin, a close friend. I thought he’d protect them.”

“is that why you helped the children?” a little accusation leaked into Flynn’s voice and I shot her a warning look.

DiMA didn’t notice or didn’t care. “not exactly. I know their faith in radiation as a type of god is a bit… different, but who am I to judge?”

“they worship the damn bombs!” Flynn yelled, waving her hand in frustration. “they’re out of their minds! They want to let the fog kill everyone on this island. It’s sick!”

“it wasn’t like that before.” In spite of Flynn’s rage DiMA remained composed. I was beginning to wonder if anything could get this guy to act passionately. “I was using the submarine base as a home when Martin and his followers stumbled inside. They had been cast out of Far Harbor for their beliefs. They needed a home. A place to belong, just like I did.”

“that’s all well and good DiMA.” Before Flynn could make this conversation personal again, I stepped over her. “but now Tektus is in charge.”

“I am aware.” Still no sign of frustration or anger in his voice as he started to pace the length of the platform. It reminded me of Nick back at the shack. Why did I have to see Nick in him so much? “Tektus wants to finally end the feud with Far Harbor, by letting the fog swallow them.”

Keeping his voice low and even Nick took a step forward. “and will your memories allow him to do that?” 

A pause. DiMA stared at Nick almost wistfully. How much could he remember of their time at the institute? If his earliest memories were locked in a computer elsewhere what did he remember? Maybe it wasn’t about his memories, just an instinct. Or he was lying. Either way I couldn’t read him, not like I could Nick. “it is a possibility. I do not know what is in my memories but it is conceivable.”

“then we’ve got to get them back before Tektus and the children break in and take them for themselves.” Nick took out a cigarette from his coat and lit it. One of his nervous ticks. “we’re lucky they haven’t already got them.”

“it sounds as if you’ve already done half the work.” DiMA stepped down from the platform and approached a terminal in one corner. Funny I hadn’t even noticed that before. “My memories are located in the old command center, near the top of the Nucleus, guarded by some prewar security measures. I’ll give you the program you need in order to access my memories.”

With folded arms I came to stand beside him, watching him type quickly on the terminal. After a second a Holotape popped out of the drive and he handed it to me. “this will get us through?”

“It’s not going to be like a normal hack. You’ll be breaking through a version of my own mental network. It’ll consider you an intruder.” He straightened, turning to face the others. “I’ve loaded the program with some instructions I’ve recorded that will help guide you through it. I’m afraid it’s difficult to explain without seeing it for yourself.”

I pocketed the Holotape, more determined than ever to get those memories. “we’ll handle it.”

“but if we find anything we don’t like in those memories we’ll be back.” Nick growled in an astonishingly menacing voice. 

DiMA just stared at him with an expression somewhere between sadness, and a puppy that just got kicked. “I understand, I would not blame you brother.”

“let’s just stick with Nick and DiMA for now.” 

“of course….” It pained him to look at Nick, obviously, so he shifted his gaze back to me. “be careful in the base. The prewar security measures are likely still active, it will not be easy to access the command center.”

“don’t worry about me DiMA, or Nick for that matter.” I jabbed a thumb at Flynn over my shoulder. “she’s the one that needs it.” 

“thanks.” She grumbled at me, shuffling off down the hall.

A small smile split DiMA’s face as he watched her go. Then his milky white eyes met mine and I felt my chest tighten. “please return safely, you’re a part of Acadia now, I don’t wish to lose anyone else.” 

Did he think I was a synth? No doubt he knew I suspected it. I still hadn’t talked to him about it, and maybe that was because I didn’t want to. Even admitting I might be a synth out loud was a battle. Just thinking about it made me want to throw up. Or maybe that was the radiation poisoning. “don’t worry, we’ll make it back.” 

With that I turned to leave, Nick at my side. 

“One more thing before you leave.” DiMA called after us just as we reached Flynn who waited for us by the door. We turned back to find him standing on his platform again. “Whatever you do, don’t assault the Children of Atom directly. Our ultimate goal must be to bring peace. If you attack them, they’ll consider themselves at war with the outside world.”

“we understand, we don’t want a war any more than anyone else.” Nick growled, eyes narrowed at DiMA. “we’ll be back.”

We left together, stepping out into the cool afternoon air. “so I guess it’s back in the Nucleus for me….” Flynn grumbled as we walked toward the gates.

“not alone.” Nick shook his head firmly, looking back at Acadia. “if there is prewar security between us and those memories I’m not letting you go in alone.”

“well you can’t go in.” I pointed out. “imagine the shit storm if they catch you trying to sneak in. I hate to think what they’d do to you if they mistake you for DiMA.”

“I can get in on my own.” Flynn protested, shooting Nick a glare. She knew where this was going even before I did. “it’s safer that way anyway.”

“hell no kid.” he jabbed a finger at her, face unamused. “you can’t just go galivanting across the wasteland anymore. You’ve got an unborn child to think about. And I’ll be damned if I let you die out here for any of us.”

“so what are you suggesting exactly?” now I eyed him suspiciously. 

He looked me in the eye. “I think you know what I’m suggesting.” 

“I wont ask her to come with me into that place after she already drank that water for me!” 

“once again!” voice loud with irritation I walked passed them, back down the path toward the Nucleus. “I didn’t do it for you! I did it for the devil spawn. Hell I’d rather do the devil himself a favor than anything for you.”

“you make that abundantly clear.” She shot back.

“so will you do it?” Nick asked hopefully.

Groaning I rolled my eyes at the sky. “how exactly are we sneaking me into the Nucleus? I’m not drinking that well to find another statue.”

“I’ve got an idea.” 

“am I going to like it?”

“I doubt it.”

“fan-fucking-tastic.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say here, just thank you to everyone that’s taken the time to read and support us! Things so far have been pretty much the same between our story and the DLC but soon we’ll be veering off the official cannon quite a bit. Hope you enjoy the ride as much as we do!
> 
> Take care and remember to write on!


	9. It's not a problem with me, love

Getting Vel inside the Nucleus was hard for two reasons. One, I was a new member of the Children of Atom, which meant I hadn’t had much of a chance to build up trust amongst the cult. Second, Vel’s specialty wasn’t… being anyone other than herself. So making Richter -whose full title I couldn’t be bothered to remember- and the zealots at the door believe that she was a member of the religious group from the Commonwealth was one of the most difficult jobs I’d taken on since waking up.

“Who is this sister Flynn?” Richter said, voice full of distrust.

Thankfully, I had spent the trip from Acadia to the Nucleus planning for this question.

“Last night, while I was sleeping, I had a dream and when I woke up this morning, I knew there was a lost child trying to find her way back home.”

“I’m from the Commonwealth,” Vel said.

I was hoping she would add more, help me tell this lie, but she just stood there, somehow making it clear that she was uncomfortable in the robes I’d given her without even making a face.

“She told me that their faith and connection to Atom was not strong enough for her. So she travelled here, sensing His presence,” I said, gesturing to the fog around us.

“Is this true?” Richter asked, looking straight at Vel now.

There was a beat of silence and it took all my strength not to kick her or elbow her in the side.

“Yes, it’s true.”

“I’m sure she’s a little overwhelmed,” I said.

“Yeah, exactly,” Vel added, glancing at me as if she was grateful for my help. I doubted that though. “Atom’s presence… is just so strong. I’m not used to it.”

Richter nodded, still seeming a little skeptical, but stepped away from the door.

“Alright. Well, go talk to High Confessor Tektus, explain your situation to him.”

He opened the door and she walked inside. I was about to follow her when he grabbed my wrist like he had the day I’d returned with the idol.

“Atom sent you to find this woman, correct?”

“It would appear so, yes.”

“He sent you a message in a dream so that you could track her down?”

I nodded. He released my arm, mystified. “This has never happened before. Atom has spoken to the High Confessor, but it’s never been such a clear message. I mean, he lead you to her in a dream and then you found her in reality.”

“I’m new to all of this myself, so I can’t even begin to understand. All I know is that Atom spoke and I answered,” I said.

Richter nodded.

“Go inside, sister Flynn. Help our newest member get settled in.”

******

Unsurprisingly, the path to DiMA’s memories was riddled with obstacles. One of those obstacles being an assaultron. We were literally in the room with the terminal that contained DiMA’s memories when a side door in the command center burst open revealing nothing at first. It wasn’t until we heard the sound of heavy, metal feet that we realized what was going on. Just as it was about to swing one of the blades at the end of it’s arm at me, it appeared, Vel quickly yanking me backwards, causing both of us to fall to the floor.

Since our guns were already out, I was able to immediately fire into the assaultron’s chest, sending sparks flying out like drops of neon blood. Ignoring the hole forming in it’s chest, the assaultron charged towards us, disappearing a few feet away from us. Reflexively, we both rolled to the side, it’s blades hitting the concrete where we had just been lying.

Without thinking, I spun -still on the ground- to face it, kicking at it with both my feet. I made contact, sending it sprawling to the side and directly onto Vel. It became visible as it landed on top of her on it’s side, thankfully, meaning the blades didn’t touch her.

“Flynn!” Vel snapped, furious, placing the barrel of her gun against the assaultron’s head and firing twice, the bullets travelling through the robot and hitting the light hanging above us.

Sparks showered down on us and the room became a fraction darker as she shoved the assaultron to the side. We got to our feet, both putting a few more bullets into it to be safe. It made a fractured whirring sound, becoming completely limp. I looked up from the assaultron to see Vel glaring at me, her dark hair more disheveled than usual.

“Look, I’m sorry I kicked an assaultron on you, I was just trying to make sure it didn’t run off anywhere,” I said.

She seemed to resist the urge to argue with me, letting out a huff of air.

“Let’s just get the memories.”

We crossed the room, making our way to the terminal. In front of it was a chair and hanging above that chair, attached to the main console of computers with a bunch of wires, was some sort of helmet. Honestly it looked a lot like a colander with wires and bulbs running all over it.

How both versions of Shaun had become genius scientists with me as their parent was beyond me.

“I think…” I began, frowning, “I think it’s like the memory chairs at the memory den. Of course, we can’t be sure until we put that helmet on.”

Vel had stiffened at the mention of the memory chairs.

“So who goes in?” she asked.

“There’s more than one memory to sift through. Maybe we take it in shifts, or turns.” Sensing her discomfort, I continued, “I can go first.”

Vel didn’t react much externally, but as she looked at me I liked to think it was relief reflected in her gray eyes.

“Sounds good.” She handed me the holotape DiMA had given her that would help guide me through whatever hacking obstacle was ahead. “DiMA said this will help.”

I sat down in the chair, sliding the holotape into the terminal, releasing a shaking breath. I wasn’t sure why I was nervous. Maybe because the last time I entered someone’s memories they were Kelloggs.

Maybe because last time I was reliving the death of my husband.

I reached up, wrapping my fingers around the cool metal frame of the helmet. There was a creaking sound as I lowered it, feeling it hum to life along with the terminal. After putting in a password, I was taken to a selection screen, choosing the first memory from the list.

Nervously, I glanced at Vel, the helmet lighting up inside. Surprisingly, she looked a little concerned. “Good luck.”

“Thanks-”

Abruptly, my vision turned black, as if all the lights in the room had been turned off. I gasped, but no sound came out. In fact, I didn’t even experience the sensation of air travelling down my throat and filling my lungs. I felt nothing.

As if I had no body at all.

I tried to breathe again, not because I needed to relieve any pressure, but because I needed to hear the sound. But there was nothing. Just the black void I seemed to be suspended in.

Suddenly my vision returned, but I was standing in a swamp, one much like any other you’d find in far harbor. But unlike most swamps, I didn’t hear whistling birds or chirping crickets or croaking frogs. I heard a strange, low, indistinguishable hum.

I took a step forward, quickly discovering that the water of the swamp was much more mud than water. It made moving through the swamp harder than I expected and about three steps in I slipped, falling onto my hands and knees.

It was then that I realized what the strange humming was. It was someone speaking. I straightened my back so my arms were no longer submerged elbow deep in the mud, closing my eyes and listening.

DiMA was midsentence and I wished I’d been paying attention from the moment I’d awoken in this strange place.

“The mud you are surrounded by is data -my data. You’re using an earlier version of the technology I use when plugged into my chair. The helmet you are wearing is a brainwave scanner instead of a direct neural wire. Look around. Do you see a line of trees in the distance? That forest represents long term memory storage. That’s your goal. Once you pass through those trees you will be able to retrieve my memories. But unfortunately, I set up some… security to ward off unwanted visitors. Do you see the boulder in the middle of the swamp?”

I wanted to say yes, but knew that that was pointless. DiMA paused, allowing me time for me to locate the boulder as if I were watching a kids show. I could see from here that there was something on the boulding, something metal.

“I have supplied you with a weapon to get through said security and a flashlight to get past some of the encryptions on the memories. Once you make it through the forest, you will be able to continuously retrieve my memories. If you ever need to leave the simulation, then don’t worry, nothing gets reset. You can keep going from wherever you left off. Re-entering will also restore your weapon and flashlight should you lose them. Good luck.”

DiMA’s voice disappeared, leaving me feeling suddenly very alone.

“This isn’t real,” I said, surprised when I heard myself speak. I wondered if I’d said that out loud, in reality, where Vel was waiting.

Getting back to my feet, I pushed forward through the mud, ignoring the feeling of it drying on my arms. After a minute of painfully slow slogging across the swamp, I arrived at the rock. What I’d seen glinting in the light was a machete.

“Oh… that kind of security.”

Why couldn’t this be like hacking any old terminal?

Again, I reminded myself that this wasn’t real.

I collected the machete and the flash light sitting beside it, walking forward, the muscles in my legs aching from the effort it took to move through the mud. A minute or two passed and I reached the edge of the swamp, collapsing once more and clambering onto the shore line.

From here, the forest seemed innocent enough. A bunch of trees interlaced with thick, gray fog was nothing to be afraid of. I stood, tightening my grip on the handle of the machete, ducking under tree branches.

For the first few minutes of walking, nothing happened. In fact, I was starting to think DiMA had only been trying to scare me.

That was until I heard a deafening screech that made my hairs stand on edge. I whirled around, shoving the flashlight into my belt loop, clutching the machete with both hands. My eyes scanned the trees with a mix of fear and determination.

Another scream split the air and an angler materialized out of nowhere, barrelling towards me. I jumped to the side, every muscles in my body become tense, my mouth clenched shut so that I didn’t make a sound. As it passed me I swung the machete to the side, cutting through it’s abdomen and coming out it’s back.

It hit it’s knees, falling forward and sliding on it’s chin a couple feet away from me, disappearing as if it had never really been there at all. Certain there was more, I looked around, ignoring my shaking hands. I didn’t like that they essentially didn’t exist until they were right on top of me, it was going to make being vigilant almost impossible.

Maybe if I got through the trees they would stop coming. DiMA had said I just needed to get out of the forest to start retrieving the memories.

Deciding that was my best bet for survival, I began running, hoping I didn’t end up just tripping and impaling myself on my weapon. Of course, maybe only the security system could kill me. I wasn’t willing to test that theory though.

As light began breaking through the trees in front of me, I heard another shrill scream but this time I didn’t turn. I could make it through before it caught up with me, I could. I pushed my feet harder against the dry earth of the forest, gritting my teeth. My hand was so tight around the machete now that it was beginning to hurt.

The sound of a second set of footsteps reached my ears but I could see the gap in the trees now, see that I was so close to breaking through. The angler or gulper or whatever was behind me shrieked again and I felt the tips of it’s claws swipe across my shoulder blade. It didn’t break my skin, but it did catch on my clothing, sending me tumbling to the side. I hit a tree, the machete slipping from my hand. I sat up in time to see the angler’s jaws open and it lunge towards me. I slumped against the tree, watching in horror as it’s teeth sank into the cracked bark above me, completely splintering the trunk of the tree.

I briefly felt around for the machete, refusing to take my eyes off of the monster above me. When I didn’t find anything, I panicked, punching upwards, hitting the bottom of it’s jaw as I simultaneously kicked up and out, hitting it’s stomach. It stumbled backwards, whining, but seemed otherwise unharmed by my attack. DiMA had given me the machete for a reason, I wasn’t just going to be able to beat this thing to death.

Not that that would be an option in the real world, unless I was armed with a bat or a large pipe or something.

While it was reeling backwards I looked around, sifting my hands through dead leaves, my fingers bumping the handle of the machete. I would have been happier had the angler not already been hurling itself at me, jaws open. I squealed, grabbing the machete and shoving it out in front of me. The angler threw itself onto the blade, screaming out in pain, teeth mere inches from my face.

And then like the last one, it disappeared.

I wanted to sit and be for a moment, recover from almost having my head bitten off -twice- but I also didn’t want to stay in this forest a minute longer. I staggered to my feet, surprised to feel an ache in my spine from hitting the tree. Before I could think too deeply on my mild injury, I heard a scream, signalling the arrival of another angler.

Releasing a frustrated growl, I broke into a run. The second I passed through the last of the trees the scream cut off and I was met with a peaceful silence. I grinned, panting, glancing back at the seemingly empty trees. I’d made it through security. Now all I had to do was view the memories to retrieve them.

I faced forward, frowning at the sight before me.

I was in front of an old factory. Was this where the memory was taking place? Assuming I was out of danger, I approached the large front doors, my legs and back aching, and stepped inside.

A female voice spoke from above, saying, “Memory file identification: 0V-9AX0. Converted to audio transcription. Beginning playback.”

When she’d first begun talking, I’d frozen where I was, caught off guard. But now I continued through the dusty, old abandoned factory, pretending the place didn’t give me the heeby-jeebies.

That was when DiMA started speaking instead.

“Things are not going well with Far Harbor. Several of my people have been assaulted, spat at, interrogated for no reason. This is getting out of control. But there’s still a chance they can learn to trust us. We just need one of their own whose on our side. I can’t let anyone know what I’m about to do. I’ll need to set up the equipment far away from Acadia. It’ll double as a place to bury the evidence.”

As he spoke, I reached the basement level. I wasn’t sure why I was heading in this direction, but it was as if I was being guided there. I reached the door to another room, the place I needed to be, I could tell.

The woman said, “Additional location data appended. A makeshift medical facility underneath the Vim! Pop factory. Coordinates downloaded.”

I pushed open the door, expecting to see the memory of whatever the hell DiMA had been referring to only to be greeted by pitch blackness. Ah, this was the encryption he’d been talking about. I reached for the flashlight I’d tucked into my belt loop.

It wasn’t there.

I felt around the whole beltline of my pants, but it was gone. It must have fallen out when I’d been thrown around by the angler.

“Fuck,” I muttered, letting my eyes shift forward, as if maybe if I squinted hard enough I’d be able to see what was going on.

But I couldn’t. All I could hear was the sound of… digging. There was the metallic clang of a shovel hitting dirt, the scrape of it sliding across the ground and then the soft thud of the dirt being put into a pile.

Why was DiMA digging?

If I’d been smart enough to check for the flashlight before I’d left the forest I’d be able to see. At least I’d been given the location of where I was currently. I’d just have to go investigate the real Vim! Pop Factory once we were done here. Find out what he’d buried.

At the thought, a chill ran down my spine. I’d been so focused on retrieving the memory that I hadn’t truly absorbed what I’d heard. DiMA was burying something in a facility far away from Acadia. This was something he’d been so ashamed of that he hadn’t even wanted to remember it himself.

Stomach churning, I fumbled for the handle in the dark, wrenching the door open and exiting the pitch black room.

Instead of the factory though, I ended up in the courtyard of an old rundown hotel. I blinked sluggishly, realizing how tired I was becoming. Why was I so drained? Was it dragging myself through the fog? Dealing with the anglers? Running through the forest?

I was only on the second memory and I already felt like I could pass out.

I rolled my shoulders, cutting across the courtyard that I knew must have once been very beautiful judging by the fountain, dead shrubs and flower beds, and yanked open the door to the building.

This time I just had to make it to the room to receive the location coordinates. I knew there was no point going inside without the flashlight.

“Memory file identification: 0J-2NN8. Converted to audio transcription. Beginning playback,” said the female voice from before.

This time I didn’t stop walking when she spoke, I followed the force that had lead me through the factory, waiting patiently for DiMA to start speaking.

“I’m offloading this memory. I cannot bear lying to Confessor Martin and his children of atom any longer. Better to just forget. I found it. The location of the launch key to fire the nuclear missile inside the submarine. Confessor Martin believes it can bring his people into division. Destruction at the hands of an atomic blast. He struggles with how literal his interpretation of that precept should be. I can’t risk him deciding to find the key and use it. His people were the first to… accept me for what I am. The thought of them being gone fills me with nothing but pain.”

“Additional location data appended. The Harbor Grand Hotel safe room. Key code: 485130,” the female voice added.

I reached a door. I began punching in the code, figuring the only way to get to the next memory would be to leave this one. But as I was inputting the code, I noticed my hands were shaking, flickering in and out of existence. I gasped, stepping back, my stomach twisting.

My legs buckled, my knees hitting the floor, and before I could catch myself, it seemed my head too was destined to crack against the ground. My vision blurred and I closed my eyes just as I was about to meet the floor.

And then my eyes opened, a fluorescent light above my head momentarily blinding me, the floor I laid on was hard and cold. Vel leaned over me, sighing with relief when I blinked up at her.

I gasped, sitting up, realizing I was no longer in DiMA’s memories.

“What happened, why am I out?” I asked, holding a hand to my head.

Vel leaned back, sitting on her legs, hands on her knees.

“You started shaking and hyperventilating! I didn’t know what to do so I pulled you out!” she said, defensive.

I frowned, nodding.

“Makes sense. I was getting so tired… and it was all so strange… like it was real but at the same time it was clearly not.” I looked up at her, smiling a little. “Sorry, I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense.”

She just stared at me for a moment and then sighed, getting to her feet.

“Sure doesn’t. It also doesn’t help me know what to expect when I go in there.”

I got to my feet too, my vision swaying and my ears ringing. I braced myself on one of the consoles, taking in a deep breath.

“Look, I went through the main hacking process… if that’s even what it could be called. All you have to do now is go to the last couple memories.”

“What does that require?” she asked, sitting down in the chair.

“Just walking through the location of the memory and listening to DiMA. I’ve already got the location of… something, I’m not sure what, and the location of the launch key for the nukes in the Nucleus. Oh- look, you’re going to have a machete and a flashlight when you go in. Do _not_ lose the flashlight,” I said.

She cocked an eyebrow.

“Why do I need a flashlight?”

“The memories themselves are encrypted. And the way the encryption is represented is through darkness. So if you want to decrypt the memories and actually _see_ them, you’ll need the flashlight.”

“Here I thought we’d have to actually hack something. With numbers and codes and passwords.”

I laughed.

“I’m kind of glad it’s just fighting anglers and using a flashlight. My hacking skills are… well they’re non-existent.”

“Fighting anglers?” she asked, grimacing.

“Don’t worry. They’re only in the forest and I already got us through that.”

Vel scoffed and I narrowed my eyes at her, choosing not to verbally acknowledge her skepticism. “Of course, I don’t know how you get out of the simulation on your own. Maybe you’ll need to go back to the swamp.”

“If worst comes to worst, pull the helmet off of me in… an hour.”

I frowned.

“How long was I in there for?”

“An hour and a half.”

I put a hand on my hip, quirking a brow. She rolled her eyes at the sight of my doubtful expression.

“And you think you can get through three memories in less time then it took me to hack the system and get through two?”

She smirked, side glancing at me and pulling the helmet down.

“Exactly.”

I laughed, deciding I was better off being good natured about her unabashed lack of belief in any of my skills. I’d just have to keep proving her wrong. She opened the next memory on the terminal and I watched as the helmet turned on. She looked at me for a split second and I thought about how scared I’d been when I was sitting in her place before. I smiled at her, though she wasn’t looking at me anymore, and echoed her words. “Good luck.”

She wasn’t conscious long enough to thank me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very excited for the next couple of chapters ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	10. A Hundred Anglers

Well it certainly felt like using a memory lounger. The lights went up, I caught a glimpse of Flynn’s face, giving me a sympathetic smile. She said something but by the time I registered that I was already under. My body slipped away, not an entirely uncomfortable feeling, neither was it comfortable. I was just used to it at this point. Though my trips to the Memory Den had become infrequent lately. My feet landed on solid ground and when I opened my eyes I was standing on the shore. The sea spread out gray and churning around me, like one big middle finger to my anxieties. 

Involuntarily I took a step back, heart in my throat. Fucking hell. This island was just hell bent on making me shit my pants. Didn’t help that I knew it wasn’t real. It sure as hell looked, felt and smelled real for that matter. The dead trees on either side of me creaked like creatures a thousand years old. Across the water I could see a spot of black. Like a great big shadow settled over the next spit of land out there. Flynn’s words came back to me about the encryption and I glanced down at my hands. 

Like she’d promised there was a flashlight in one hand and a machete in the other. Suddenly it donned on me that I’d be facing off against anglers with a machete. I only hoped that DiMA’s programming didn’t quite simulate them to their fullest, meanest extent. So far I couldn’t hear or see any so I assumed while I was in the memories I was safe. For the most part anyway. That of course didn’t include hazards like the fucking water. 

Swallowing hard I inched my way toward the water’s edge and dipped my boot in it. No idea what I was expecting here exactly. Maybe for it to part? Red sea style? Or maybe for me to walk on it, or something, anything to keep me from having to wade through this shit! No such luck. I just came back with a damp toe and a darker mood. I’d almost lost it back in the real world, if it weren’t for Nick I’d have turned into a blubbering mess. 

And there was no pretending that water wasn’t deep either! I could see it, how dark it got and it sure as hell would reach my chest if not further. But my gut was telling me to move forward. Maybe it was the programming or something else but I had to get to that shadow before I could finish this. It was the only way to collect the memory. Why DiMA needed to remember this scenic little view was beyond me. 

Worst of all was the prospect of backing out now. if I left, or tried to, wasn’t sure how that was gonna work, that meant facing Flynn. She’d laugh once she realized what had brought me back out. She wouldn’t let me forget it. And after the bragging that I’d done. God damn it…. if I made it out of here without my head frying I’d consider myself lucky.

Eyes screwed shut I took in a sharp breath and started walking. I tried to think of Nick, tried to conjure up his voice in my head. Tried to make myself think he was right there with me. His arms on my shoulders, guiding me through the knee high water. Fuck it was already knee high. 

“have you thought about moving to the Diamond full time?”

Course I had, I’d love to honestly but I was scared. I didn’t know where Nick and I were headed. It would be stupid to think that we were meant to last. Nothing ever lasted in the commonwealth. One of us was gonna end up dead and judging by his record, it was probably gonna be me. After all, he’d managed to survive in the commonwealth for over a century. Knowing that it kind of felt selfish to make myself a more permanent part of his life. For that matter he was essentially immortal, barring getting shot or crushed or whatever. If his body kept going so would he. 

I’d die though, eventually, one way or another. Either from a Deathclaw or old age. Could I do that to Nick? Leave him alone? It seemed to me he’d already suffered enough loss over the years. I’d hate to be the source of that. 

But then you might not die of old age, you could be a synth.

Not a comforting thought and I reeled away from it the moment it appeared. Refocusing on the path I found that the water was receding from around my chest. Excitedly I picked up the pace, just pleased that I’d managed to make it through without a panic attack. And the flashlight and machete were still gripped in my hands. Perfect. 

With one last push I spread myself out across the shore, panting, cold and wet, but pleased. Take that fucking water. Never mind the fact that my heart was hammering painfully in my chest and my head was buzzing like a bad hangover. I’d made it across a fucking pond. And I hadn’t even had to call on anyone for help. 

A wave splashed over my back and my heart leapt up into my throat. Suppressing whimpers I crawled further up the shore, eyes still screwed shut. Once the water stopped lapping at my shoes I collapsed again. Wondered what my body was doing out there. Was I crying? Hell I hope not. Flynn would be recording that shit. Bet my body wasn’t having a good time either way. 

“Memory file identification: 0H-3X0P. Converted to audio transcription. Beginning playback.” A voice spoke somewhere over my head and I flinched.

Throwing my eyes open I span around, prepared for a fight or something, or at least to see a person standing with me. Instead I found myself sitting in thick darkness. I could still hear the waves just beyond but I couldn’t see anything. 

Then DiMA started talking in my ear. “I’ve made a contingency plan in case Far Harbor discovers the truth, or gives into their xenophobia despite all my efforts.” 

Still couldn’t see him. Why the hell was this darkness so thick? Then I remembered. With a sheepish frown I glanced down at the flashlight in my hand, then flicked it on. As I swung it around the darkness disappeared, like wiping away oil on a window. It revealed DiMA knelt down on the ground. 

That DiMA wasn’t the one talking though, instead the voice kept drifting around from an unseen source. “I’ve isolated the wind turbine powering Far Harbor’s fog condensers. A kill switch command will leave them defenseless from the fog and its creatures. But now that it’s done, am I really capable of this?...” 

The horror of what he was saying left me feeling cold. Slowly I walked around the DiMA I could see. He’d buried something, a strong box or something in the dirt. The kill switch. What the fuck was wrong with him? 

The DiMA voice was thick with emotion, regret even as it continued. “this massacre that I’ve engineered? I’m going to remove the command code from my memories, I’ll bury a hard copy if I need to use it. But I can’t keep it close to me, it… makes me sick.”

“Additional location data appended,” the woman’s voice from before spoke again. As she did the DiMA I saw stood and faded from sight. “coordinates to the kill switch command code and the wind farm maintenance building.”

It was sick plan, a kill switch to leave Far Harbor open to the fog? Given an opportunity those Gulpers and Anglers would tear through the town in a matter of seconds. But… it was just a contingency right? He wouldn’t do it unless he thought Acadia was in danger from Far Harbor. I hoped anyway. He certainly sounded regretful in his recording but this? I stood there, staring down at the patch of earth he’d covered up. Maybe it was worth finding the switch. Could we trust DiMA with it?

The world around me started to fade, like the sun was setting. Confused I turned on the spot. The waves stopped sloshing and island melted into the landscape. Then gradually the trees started reforming around me. A thick dead looking forest appeared with fog to match. Scrub brush tugged at my clothes as I started walking. There were no birds, no rustling of trees nothing except the sound of my footsteps. This forest wasn’t real, maybe it wasn’t even a memory. It didn’t feel real at any rate. Maybe this was the forest Flynn had talked about. If that was the case then the Anglers shouldn’t…. 

A growl filled the silent forest. Blood going cold I crouched. This wasn’t right. Why the hell did I have to go through this? I thought Flynn already had? Was there something particularly special about the next memory? Did DiMA encrypt the shit out of it or something? Another growl this one closer, the sound of four great big limbs dragging against the ground.

Had to move but where? There was no indication which way to go, no way to tell which way led back, forward or any direction really. My only hope was that the program would do that work for me. All I had to do was move and stay alive. 

As I crept carefully through the trees I started wondering what it’d be like to die in this simulation. The memory loungers were designed to give users a taste of their own memory. Nobody had a memory of dying so there was never a danger of experiencing that in a lounger. Amari of course usually went the extra mile and refused to let you relive near death experiences. Too much stress on the body she said. To top it off she refused to make simulations. 

This wasn’t like that. Not a memory, and not a lounger, and Amari wasn’t working out in the real world to make sure I didn’t turn into a blubbering idiot. Would DiMA design his hacking program to keep us alive? Hoped so. Had no desire to experience death first hand at the jaws of an Angler. 

As I stepped over a protruding root I felt hot putrid breath waft over my face and almost instantly retreated. Back pressed against a tree I held my breath, listening to the grunting and huffing of the sea monster as it passed. How it hadn’t seen me was beyond me but I’d take miracles where I could get them. It rumbled by, it’s massive head swinging back and forth. Some childish part of me was actually entertained by that little light as it bobbed around. Of course that would probably be its purpose, lure you in so that it didn’t have to chase you to get a bite out of your face.

I let it pass. No point fighting the damn thing if I didn’t have to, and to be honest I wasn’t great with a machete. Once it was out of sight I stood back up and continued on. As I went I noticed how there weren’t any tracks. Even the one I saw before hadn’t left any. There was no way I’d be able to tell when or where they’d be coming. Twice I barely heard them before they were right on top of me. The further I went the more frequent they became. It was like security was getting worse. Just what was in this last memory?

Then suddenly the tree line appeared. And I mean suddenly. One minute I was in the forest, the next I was in open terrain. Gulping I took a step back to the cover of the trees. There was maybe twenty feet of open, tree free, cover free space. On the other end stood an exact copy of the C.I.T ruins. At first I didn’t recognize them at all, after all that building was a crater now. But no mistaking it. Weirdly it looked younger, less run down. There weren’t as many holes in the walls and the bricks weren’t quite so discolored. 

My gut said that the memory was in there. Wish it wasn’t. Twenty feet of open terrain with no options for cover and entire forest of Anglers at my back? Fuck that. 

“if I get out of here.” I growled quietly to myself, gathering my legs under me. “I’m gonna kill DiMA. No two ways about it. I’m gonna kick his ass for putting us up against god damn Anglers with a fucking machete. Why couldn’t it have been oh I don’t know, a damn fat man or something! And Flynn if you can hear me right now, you know I’m right.” 

The forest was writhing. I could hear the Anglers prowling closer. Maybe they picked up my scent, or saw me or heard me. Or more likely the damn program had finally figured out there was an intruder and now they were just coming for me. No time to waste. Ignoring all my instincts, I tore off across the open field. Seconds later I heard an entire pack leave the forest, chasing me down. Anglers were fast. I’d seen them chase down a Radstag in front of Far Harbor before. I didn’t stand a chance. 

Head bent low, arms pumping, legs digging in, I started zigzagging. The Anglers were hot on my heels, one of them gave a roar and lunged toward me. I dodged, maybe going a little further than was necessary. It crashed in the dirt beside me and I just kept running. Another came up even with me and swiped toward my legs. Smart move for an animal. In response I swung the machete which cut clean through its arm and sent it tumbling back. Its prone body tripped up some of the others and a whole chunk of the pack fell behind. 

My lungs were beginning to burn and my legs felt heavy. I needed to do more running and hand to hand combat. Usually I could get away with creeping around places and quietly dispatching people but not this time. Another Angler came up even with me. I expected it to swipe like the last one but instead it put on an extra burst of speed. Before I realized, it was standing in my way, mouth wide open, spit flying. I tried to switch directions but my momentum carried me right into its waiting jaws. Its thousands of teeth plunged deep into my shoulder and I screamed. 

The other Anglers got in close but didn’t move to enter the blood bath. Didn’t have time or energy to think about that too hard. The Angler that had me shook its head and me along with it. Muscle, bones and tendons tore in my arm. Agony shot up my spine and I screamed again. Didn’t matter that this wasn’t real, it sure as hell felt real. Pain forced me to the edge. Out in the real world I wouldn’t be surprised if my body was convulsing. Flynn might even be considering pulling me out. No way in hell. 

With gritted teeth I swung the machete up and slammed it into the Angler’s eye. It howled in pain, jaws wide enough to let me slip free. It pawed at its face, trying to dislodge the machete. Blinking and panting through the pain, I crawled under its legs. The other Anglers roared in fury, scattering around to get at me. I had no way to defend myself. If they swarmed I’d be dead. The blood dripped down my next to useless arm. The pain should have been enough to make me throw up. 

The entrance was only a few feet away. The Anglers fewer still behind me. Their enraged roars drowned out my own breathing, my heart beat. There was nothing around me except their putrid breath and their deafening growls. The door was right there. An Angler’s clawed hand appeared in my vision, aiming to take my head off in one smooth swipe. 

I dropped to my knees, my momentum carried me the last few feet and I smashed through the front doors of C.I.T. Flailing around on my back I kicked the door shut. The moment it closed silence fell. My ears were ringing, my heart was hammering and I panted like a dog in the summer heat. But I was alive. In spite of the blood trickling out of my shoulder, and the pain that was tugging me toward unconsciousness I was alive. 

Take that you fucking Anglers! 

Did that count as fighting off a hundred Anglers alone? Sure they weren’t technically real but they had been just as mean as the real ones so did it really make a difference? Would probably have to leave out the bite part since I wouldn’t even technically have a scar from this encounter. 

Once my breathing evened out, as much as it was going to with all the adrenaline in my system, I sat up. It was definitely C.I.T but not the one I remembered. The furniture wasn’t as roughed up. The paint wasn’t peeling quite so bad. And there wasn’t as much debris on the floor. This was the C.I.T of an early time it had to be. And if this was one of DiMA’s memories it would make sense. 

Cradling my useless arm with my hand and the flashlight I slowly made my way through the building. I had no idea where I was going. My feet just carried me along a path. Up some stairs passed desks and couches and paintings until I came to a door. When I pushed it didn’t even give any resistance. Easily it swung open revealing a wall of shadow. Having already done this song and dance before, I just shined the flashlight on it. Unlike the last shadow though, it completely disappeared the moment the light touched it, revealing bright clear sunny sky.

I stepped out onto the roof of the C.I.T ruins, exactly how I expected it to look. The city sprawled out around us instead of the forest from before. A warm summer breeze drifted over the rooftop. Two figures flickered into view a few feet away. One stood tall, hands outstretched to the other which sat on all fours on the roof. As I approached them, the woman’s voice spoke, “Memory file identification: 0Z-7A4K. Converted to audio transcription. Beginning playback.”

The figures solidified. They were two generation two synths, fresh out of the factory, fully intact. The one on the ground shook his head, sitting up. His eyes were a familiar yellow and he looked up to the other one. Fear and rage filled his face and he yelled in Nick’s voice. “get away from me! What the hell are you!?” 

I flinched, surprised to be seeing Nick like this. I was so used to his run down, tired appearance that it was easy to forget what he’d once looked like. It wasn’t just his shiny new body that was weird though. His angry, furious expression made my insides twist. That wasn’t the look of my Nick. He was younger, angrier.

“it’s me, we escaped the institute together. You’re my brother.” The emotional voice sounded similar to Nick’s. I stepped around to get a better look at the other synth. Milky white eyes stared in shock at Nick. DiMA. 

“I don’t have a brother!” Nick shouted, swiping a hand to keep distance between them. “The name’s Nick Valentine! And no one in my family is a plastic skinned freak!”

Those words too clearly hurt DiMA. He tried to smile comfortingly, taking a step forward. “you’re just confused, let me help you.”

Nick punched DiMA hard in the face with enough force to send him staggering. I jumped back, heart in my throat. Seeing Nick like this was almost too much. “stay away from me!”

DiMA recovered, a hand on his jaw. When Nick swung another punch he grabbed it. Nick struggled against DiMA’s grasp but they were fairly equally matched. “I don’t want to hurt you!”

Nick had other ideas. He slipped free and launched a punch into DiMA’s side. He huffed, grabbed Nick’s arm and twisted. It forced him to double over for a few moments before he tugged his arm free. His other hand came down toward DiMA’s face. DiMA just managed to dodge that before tackling him to the ground. They hit the roof together. 

And I just stood there. Too stricken to move or do anything. It probably wouldn’t have mattered anyway. I doubted I could influence anything in these memories.

Nick eventually got the upper hand, pinning DiMA to the roof. DiMA punched him in the face. He jerked, dazed. DiMA took the chance and kicked him in the stomach. Nick went tumbling off DiMA and over the edge of the roof. He disappeared into a hole in the roof. Before I realized what I was doing I ran to the edge as if to catch him but when I got there all I saw was a pitch black hole.

DiMA staggered up beside me, groaning in pain, and stared down into the hole. His jaw was set. For a moment he just stood there, staring, like he wasn’t sure what to do. Then with a long breath he turned his back on the spot. “good bye … brother.”

DiMA faded away, and the woman’s voice spoke over my head. “End playback.”

It left me feeling weirdly numb. Watching that fight play out. Nick had been a different person back then, I don’t know why I thought otherwise. Silently I stood there, listening to the wind blow until DiMA’s voice spoke through the air. “all memories retrieved, well done. The program will eject you now, remain calm. All retrieved memories will be written to Holotapes that you can take from the terminal in the real world.”

“thanks….” I murmured to the voice, as if it mattered.

The world faded out to black again only this time when I opened my eyes it was to find the hood rising. Groaning I sat forward, rubbing my shoulder where the Angler had bit me. Four tapes popped out of the terminal in front of me. Quickly I found the last one and pocketed it. Only Nick was allowed to hear that one.

Flynn appeared at my side, green eyes wide with concern. “you alright? You started panting I was worried something went wrong.”

“and you didn’t pull me out?” I questioned without much bite in my words. Shakily I got to my feet. Sweat dripped down my temple. That had been one hell of a ride.

Flynn stood silently by, arms folded and face slack. Oh great that look again. “I didn’t think you’d want me to unless you went over an hour?”

“how long?”

“fifty minutes.”

Perfect, I had done it in less time than her. Grinning in self satisfaction I handed her over the other three tapes. “come on, we’ve been gone too long, Nick’s gonna be getting worried.” 

“agreed.” She took the tapes and pocketed them. At least she didn’t ask about the fourth one.

It burned a hole in my pocket as we made our way out of the nucleus. At least that was easy. Nobody tried to stop us as we left then headed up into the woods surrounding the base. Nick was waiting for us beside a tree, arms crossed and that brooding look. The moment we stepped into the clearing he shot up, cigarette falling from his mouth. “Gray, kid! You’re alright!”

“seems so.” Flynn glanced back at me before meeting Nick’s eyes. “we got the memories, and… well I think we need to talk.”

“what’d you find?” he glanced between us, brows drawn down. 

“not here.” I stepped over Flynn while she opened her mouth to start a conversation we weren’t ready to have yet. “It’s late, and I’m not camping out here. Lets head back to Far Harbor first and we’ll talk more there.”

They exchanged looks. Nick was concerned and Flynn didn’t know quite what to make of it. But thankfully neither of them argued with me. “alright, guess you’re right. Shouldn’t be long back to Far Harbor.” Nick nodded taking a step down. 

“besides, the pregnant lady needs a place to rest.” I added snidely, leading the way back toward the path. 

She cursed and said something behind me but I was too far ahead to hear her. Getting back to Far Harbor wasn’t without danger. A couple ghouls got the drop on us and a gulper showed its nasty head. Between the three of us we dispatched them without trouble. Things got a little dicier when the sun went down but thankfully we were close to town. 

The town was quiet and sleepy when we entered. The bar wasn’t crowded, apparently everyone else had decided to take their drinking elsewhere this night. That suited us just fine. We ordered drinks and food with Mitch before settling into a corner away from the other patrons. Once we had our food and drinks Flynn spoke. “DiMA’s up to something.”

“oh great, that’s helpful.” I rolled my eyes at the charred meet on my stick.

Flynn gave me a dark look but refocused on Nick. “I decrypted two memories. The first one sounded like he’d done something to … pacify the people of Far Harbor?”

“did you get Holotapes or something?” Nick questioned.

She handed over the three tapes and he downloaded them one at a time. While he downloaded them Flynn continued. “the second one revealed that he’s got the nuclear launch key to the sub in the base.”

I choked on my meal. Coughing violently I waved off Nick’s hand as he reached over to pat my back. “you mean to say the sub is still armed?!”

“I guess so.” She grimaced then disgust twisted her mouth around. “the key’s hidden, DiMA suspected the Children of Atom would use it to achieve something called division.” 

“it’s their ascension.” Nick provided, handing the tapes back over. “the Children of Atom believe that in order to return to Atom they have to die in a nuclear explosion. The sub’s nukes would fit the bill.”

“that’s just sick.” She hissed, glowering down at her untouched plate. 

“what about the next memory?” Nick glanced at me. “what should we do about that?”

Flynn gave me a questioning look so I begrudgingly filled her in. “DiMA’s figured out how to isolate the fog condensers around Far Harbor. He’s made a kill switch and buried it, in case Far Harbor ever turns on Acadia.”

“are you fucking serious?!” Flynn’s voice rose an octave before she leaned in and quickly brought it back down. Rage and disgust filled her eyes and I couldn’t blame her. “how could he even think to do something like that? It’s sick. He’d really leave Far Harbor defenseless?” 

“look I’m not condoning it, but in terms of a last resort it’s better than a nuke.” 

“not by much.” She spat angrily. 

“he sounded pretty upset with himself in the tape.” Nick stepped in before the conversation got too heated. “he’s hidden the kill switch off sight to protect and keep it away from him. I don’t think he wants to use it, but he will if Far Harbor makes him.”

“they’re just trying to survive out here.” She countered, gesturing toward the door. “they’re no different than the rest of us. And he’s talking about committing mass murder.”

“lines get a bit blurred when your people are on the line.” Nick’s voice was low but gentle. He reached out and put a hand over Flynn’s arm. “and you don’t exactly know what it’s like to be a synth in the wasteland. These Harbormen might not like strangers but I promise they’re more hostile toward synths.”

“it’s just wrong.” With her elbows on the table she cradled her head in her hands. “how could anyone justify killing all these people?”

Was beginning to get the feeling that she wasn’t just talking about Far Harbor. All three of us had been there when the Institute was ransacked and destroyed. But Nick and I hadn’t been the one to press the button. Sure the railroad had done what it could to get innocent people and synths out of there but we’d never been able to save everyone. We just hadn’t had the time. Flynn was drawing parallels between that and what we’d learned. 

“if it meant protecting the people I cared about, or watching them die, I’d do a lot of things I wouldn’t be proud of.” in a rare moment of clarity I looked Flynn in the eye. Slowly she met my gaze. There was the guilt. For destroying the institute, killing her son. Didn’t know what that was like but I could guess. “DiMA understands that, so do you. As hard as the truth is.”

“either way.” Nick tried to move the conversation along. Probably didn’t want her drowning in guilt. “I’m not sure we should leave the kill switch out in the open.”

“then what do you want to do?” Flynn asked hollowly. 

“I’m not sure. If we destroyed it we’d be removing any chance Acadia has of defending itself. But it doesn’t sit right with me leaving it around.” 

“I don’t think we can decide tonight, it’s late.” I added, frowning at my drink. 

“wait what about the fourth memory?” Flynn’s eyes darted between me and Nick. “there were four but only three tapes, what’s that about?”

“must not have come with a tape.” I gave a shrug.

“well what was it about?”

Silently I locked eyes with Nick willing him to get the message I was trying to hide from Flynn. “just some stuff about when he first got to the wasteland.”

He seemed to understand, or at least suspected. Nodding he leaned back. “we should at least tell DiMA his memories are safe.”

“I’m not going back there.” With a shake of her head, Flynn firmly refused. “something is going on at Acadia, it’s dangerous.”

“then why don’t you just leave?” in spite of my biting tone it was a legitimate question. “you’re pregnant for god’s sake. You shouldn’t be here anyway.”

Her eyes snapped back on to me and for a moment I could see the angry woman that had managed to kill Kellogg the first time. “because, if DiMA is up to something, I’m not about to abandon these people.”

“maybe it works out this way.” Nick leaned his elbows on the table. “Gray and I can keep investigating things on the Acadia side while you stay here and look into things on the Far Harbor end.”

“you’re not actually encouraging a pregnant woman to stay in one of the most dangerous places on the map are you?” not that I cared if Flynn got herself killed but coming from Nick, that was a surprise.

Grimly he nodded, frowning. “not that I get a choice, you’re not leaving until you’re satisfied am I right kid?”

Flynn grinned determinedly. “damn straight.”

“then it’s decided.” He leaned back from the table. “we’ll head back to Acadia in the morning, and Violet will stay here and see what she can find. Are you sure you’ll be ok here alone?”

“I’ll be fine, you’re the ones going back to that … place.” 

“good, then we should get some rest. Mitch said our rooms are still open.” 

I rose, pretending to make a large yawn. “sounds good to me, been a long as hell day. Coming Nick?”

“if the kid doesn’t have anything to add.” 

She shook her head and pointed at her plate. “I’m just gonna finish this and head up. You two go ahead.”

I’d have thanked her if I still wasn’t standing on principal. Nick got up and followed me to the stairs. Once we were safely in our room with the door closed Nick wrapped his arms around my waist and pinned me to the wall. “you had me worried when you took so long. I was this close to mounting a rescue operation.” 

I put my arms around his neck, holding him tight to my body. The feeling of his mechanical parts pumping against my chest chased away the anxiety. “sorry we took so long.”

“so long as you’re alright.” He whispered into my ear before kissing my neck gently. When he pulled away his expression was heavy. I knew what he was going to ask even before he did. “what’d you find in the fourth memory.”

My mouth felt dry as I removed the Holotape from my pocket. Loosely I held it in my hand until both our eyes were on it. “are you sure you want to know?”

“Yeah.” He replied thickly, one of his hands clasping the tape against mine. “Gotta admit the possibility that DiMA is right, and I really don’t remember him, is … unsettling. But I need to know the truth.”

“I understand….” I just hoped the truth wouldn’t hurt him more than he already was. 

So I handed over the tape. Nick took it and sat on the edge of the bed. With folded arms I waited against the wall until he’d downloaded the contents. When he came out of it his shoulders slumped even harder. “God… DiMA really did help me escape the Institute? I wasn’t tossed out with the garbage?” 

“see? You’ve never been a piece of trash.” I sat at his side, gripping his arm. 

One of his hands found mine as we sat there. He stared at the wall as he spoke. “I must’ve still been in a haze from one of the institute’s experiments on me. Did I really attack him? Did he really knock the daylights out of me and leave me for dead? …Damn it. Why can’t I remember?” those last few words sounded angry.

I touched his face, unsure how to comfort him in all this. “what do you need?”

“I’ll keep, don’t worry.” He shook his head. After a few more seconds of staring at the wall he turned his gaze back on me. “Well I wanted proof DiMA and I had history and I got it…. now I just gotta figure out what to do…. Should I give him a chance? Try to accept him as my brother? He might just be the only other prototype synth that exists.”

“that’s not an easy question.” gently I ran my thumb over his cheek, staring him in the eye. “what do you want to do Nick? Do you want a brother?” 

“And if I did would I want DiMA to be that brother?” he finished with a dejected huff. “after everything we’ve already learned about him he’s not… well he’s not what I’d hope for.”

“family rarely is.” Even when it was an adopted family. 

“I guess no one gets to choose their family, but when your family is built in a lab, things get …weird….” He took off his hat. With a flick of his wrist he tossed it onto a dresser, frowning as it landed. “what should I do?”

“I’m not going to tell you what to do here Nick.” Sitting up I folded Nick up in my arms, holding him tight to my chest. His chin rested on my shoulder and I could feel his breath on my ear. “this is a decision only you can make.”

Gradually his arms locked around me. A shuddering breath escaped him as his grip tightened. For a few minutes we just stood there. Then he sucked in a hard breath. “Huh. Maybe when we go back to Acadia, I’ll try to be a little nicer to the old synth. Make up for lost time….”

I smiled, relief flooding me. Maybe it sounded a little selfish but I was happy he’d made that decision. I had questions for DiMA and some part of me wondered if he was the only one that could answer them. If Nick had decided not to accept DiMA then I’d have to stand with him. This was just better for both of us. “I’ll be right there with you Nick. I promise.”

“thank you.” his voice was warm in my ear. “for everything, I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.”

“for running off without telling you?”

He chuckled. “yes, that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously we took some liberties with the hacking protocol. Come on, don’t tell me you guys wanted to sit here reading a walkthrough of how to solve DiMA’s memory puzzles! I realize I’m in the minority when I say I enjoyed them the first time.
> 
> But seriously that was fun. Shallw came up with it and a simulation suddenly becomes a writer’s best friend because you no longer have to worry about keeping your characters out of the hospitals. Sometimes I wish I could get away with the level of Deus Ex Machina the Stimpaks could actually give.
> 
> Anyway, let us know what you think! Thanks for reading! And write on!


	11. You don't look that hygienic anyway

“Why can’t you take the hint, mainlander? No one here trusts you, and we don’t want your help.”

I sighed, tucking hair behind my ear and backing away from Allen Lee’s gunshop. There was no door for him to slam in my face, so instead he just stood there, arms crossed and anger burning in his eyes. I checked off the last name on my imaginary checklist. I’d asked everyone I’d managed to learn the name of on this damned pier of they needed help and they’d all turned me down, even Small Bertha, who didn’t seem old enough to already be so jaded.

Most of them had been more polite about it, simply declining, assuring me that they didn’t need anything from me. Still, it was clear to me now why Vel had been struggling to get anything of use out of these people before Nick and I had shown up. They weren’t a very trusting bunch.

I strode away from Allen Lee’s shop, avoiding making eye contact with anyone I passed. It was like when I’d returned to the Institute after my month long absence all over again. Only this time I wasn’t as upset or uncomfortable. I was just annoyed.

Must have been the hormones. Or maybe the Wasteland had hardened me.

I’d originally planned to go straight up to my room to wallow in my newly found unlikeability, but as I entered the Last Plank I saw Old Longfellow sitting in his booth, nursing a glass of whiskey.

He liked me.

Upon seeing me cross the room, he smirked, leaning back against his chair.

“Kid, I didn’t know you were still here. Figured you’d gone back to the Mainland. Or died.”

I laughed, dropping into the seat across from him.

“No such luck. Far Harbor is too mysterious for me to just pick up and leave,” I said.

Longfellow chuckled, throwing back his drink as if it were merely water.

“That it is. So where’re your friends?”

I released a frustrated huff.

“Acadia.” I was about to continue, explain how we thought they could investigate whether anything was going on in Acadia while I figured out if there was anything suspicious happening in Far Harbor. “It’s a long story but… Nick and DiMA have a history.”

Longfellow nodded.

“You want somethin’ to drink?” he asked, shaking the bottle on the table.

I shook my head.

“No thanks… I’m, uh, trying to cut back.”

He scoffed, pouring himself another drink.

“I tried that a couple times. Never stuck. Which I can’t say I’m sad about,” he said, drinking and humming approvingly. “Cause the stuff tastes damn good.”

I pretended that alcoholism wasn’t extremely depressing and smiled weakly, eyes on the old table. He seemed to pick up on my sour mood, giving me a concerned look that forced me to meet his gaze. “You alright, girlie?”

I shook my head, hoping my smile had turned reassuring.

“I’m fine. It’s just… how long have you lived on this island?”

“Whole life. Seen this island through too many of it’s ups and downs.”

“Have the people of far harbor always been so distrustful?” I asked.

He chuckled, shrugging.

“Of mainlanders, yeah.”

“Any advice on how to get them to stop being so distrustful?” I asked, unable to hide my irritation.

“Well, in case it isn’t clear, this island is a bit of a shithole. Gulpers, anglers, giant hermit crabs, you name it, we got it-”

“I’m sorry, giant hermit crabs?”

He ignored me.

“And because of all these things constantly trying to kill the locals, they usually need a lot of help. You help them, they’ll start trusting you.”

I slumped in my seat, hanging my head over the back with a groan. I’d dropped all pretenses of being an adult.

“I already tried that,” I said.

“Well keep tryin’. Ya can’t have asked everyone,” he laughed.

I stood, my stomach growling.

“Alright, I’ll try again. Later. Thanks for the words of encouragement.”

Not wanting to risk annoying Longfellow, seeing as he was the only person in this damned town that didn’t dislike me, I ate at the bar, having a very non committal conversation with Mitch. At least Mitch was nice to me. Of course, that was probably because I was a paying customer. Then again, ‘the customer is always right’ was more of a prewar mentality.

Once I was done, I thanked Mitch, heading for the stairs.

“Cassie Dalton.”

I frowned, coming to a halt, turning my head to look at Old Longfellow. He was swirling his drink around in the glass, eyes on the amber colored liquid.

“What?” I asked.

“She’ll want help.”

“Cassie Dalton?” I repeated.

He finished the glass, getting to his feet

“Yep. Cassie Dalton’ll want your help.”

And with that he strode over to the bar, his footsteps unhindered by the amount of alcohol in his system. The way he’d said her name… it was like he’d been reluctant. As if it were more a curse than a blessing for me to know that she was one of the few people who would accept my help.

“She wants me to kill a deathclaw,” I murmured, pursing my lips and nodding.

But I’d been wrong. Nope, Cassie didn’t need me to kill a deathclaw, she just needed me to kill something called a ‘fog crawler’.

“What’s a fog crawler?” I asked.

Cassie, who was sitting across from me at a table on the docks leaned forward, beginning an animated explanation of the creature. What she described was basically a gigantic lobster. Or a shrimp.

That was better than a dinosaur, right?

Unfortunately, the whole point of me staying in Far Harbor was to be safe, get out of the fog and out of danger. Because I was pregnant. Because a little life was growing inside me, whether I’d planned it or not.

Because as far as I knew nobody in the Wasteland was manufacturing condoms.

And so once I promised Cassie I would eventually try and take down the fog crawler that killed her family or something -I’d been too distracted by imagining what the hell a fog crawler was to hear her tragic backstory- I dragged myself back to my room at the Last Plank.

I locked the door, sighing, dropping my forehead against the ancient wood.

Well, in my one day alone I’d achieved… next to nothing. I wondered if Vel and Nick were having any better luck. They had a repore with DiMA. In fact, they had more than that. DiMA’s desire to bond with Nick and help Vel come to terms with whether she was a synth or not would most likely make him open up to them, or at least be more pliable.

The people of Far Harbor had no reason to warm up to an outsider like me.

But I had Cassie Dalton now, a possible way in. That was if I could bring myself to help her. Maybe if Vel and Nick came back I’d ask for their help.

I could hear Vel’s rejection already, hear the disdain in her voice.  
My stomach hurt and this time it wasn’t because of my unplanned pregnancy. It was from all the disappointment and frustration I’d been dealing with since I’d woken up this morning. I pushed off of the door, crossing the small space to the bed and flopping down onto the mattress. It was only midday. Was I really going to just go to sleep again?

What else was I supposed to do?

That was when something occurred to me. Old Longfellow was the certified badass for Far Harbor. He was capable -the only person who was willing to lead people through the fog on this godforsaken island.

Maybe he would help me kill the fog crawler?

Deciding to ignore the nagging voice in the back of my mind that insisted there was no way in hell he’d want to help me with something like that, I unlocked my door, wrenching it open and throwing myself down the stairs.

“Longfellow,” I said, slamming my hands on the table he sat at, a new bottle of whiskey shaking from the hit.

He raised his eyebrows, looking up at me in bewilderment.

“Yes, girlie?”

“Will you help me help Cassie Dalton?”

Immediately he groaned, running a hand down his face.

“I knew I shouldn’t’ve told you about her.”

I grinned.

“But you did.”

“I did,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean I need to get in involved.”

“But you will?”

He sighed, flipping his glass upside down and standing. I kept beaming at him, pretending not to notice that he was evidently annoyed with me. I’d gotten a lot of practise at that during my early days with Mac.

“But I will.”

******

“So what’s the plan?” I asked, looking up at Longfellow.

We stood under the cover of a dead pine tree, watching the fog crawler lumbering around down the road from us.

“You’re the one who brought me here, you’re in charge. So what’s the plan, _Cap'n?”_

“Ah… we kill it. Now as the captain of this expedition, I’d like to hear any plans you might have,” I said.

Longfellow chuckled, pulled his rifle out, rolling his shoulders and striding forward.

“We kill this ugly son of a bitch.”

He pulled the trigger, hitting the fog crawler in it’s armored back, dark blood spraying out of the wound. It shrieked, whirling around and scrambled towards us.

Fear shot through me, my temperature spiking and my heart rate kicking up a few notches. A second later the shock wore off and I was able to come up with my own plan.

I ran to the left, keeping at a safe distance from the fog crawler as it barreled towards Longfellow.

 _“Hey!_ Where are you goin’!?” he yelled.

Once I was behind the thing, I aimed Deliverer, firing until the gun was empty. The first two shots didn’t do much damage, the plating on it’s back too thick, but they did create fractures that my other shots were able to break through. More blood flew from the new wounds, followed by another cry of anger, and it whirled around, focusing on me instead of Longfellow. “Ah, I get what you’re doin’!”

While it came towards me I began reloading the gun, backing up instinctively, trusting Longfellow to shoot it and regain it’s attention. I prayed that this thing wasn’t very smart.

Longfellow did so, firing into it’s back, a sickening crunch ringing through the air as the part of it’s carapace that we’d been targeting shattered. It released a high pitched sound of pain, coming to a stop to arch it’s back, it’s massive claws snapping.

I finished reloading my gun and raised it, waiting for the fog crawler to turn and go for Longfellow. It would have probably sped up the process if I’d popped some shots off in it’s chest and head now, but I didn’t want to risk it continuing to come at me when it was only a few yards away from me now.

But that didn’t seem to matter, because once it recovered from it’s newest injury, it began running towards me again.

“What!?” I cried, voice cracking.

Apparently it wasn’t as dumb as I’d thought. Panicking for a moment, I shot twice, hitting it in it’s chest which it didn’t seem to mind.

“Run, Cap’n!” Longfellow bellowed.

Oh, yeah. I bolted to my left, heading for cover in the nearest building. And by building I meant two walls standing opposite each other, one with a door and the other with an open window.

I yanked the door open, slamming it shut behind me, as if I’d needed to use the door at all and as if a closed door would stop the fog crawler. Behind me I heard the sound of Longfellows gun and the splintering wood as the fog crawler quickly demolished the wall behind me. I didn’t stop moving or turn around though, knowing that if it caught up with me I would be instantly killed.

Instead, I hurtled through the broken window, the shattered glass cutting a line across my shin. I bit into my cheek, a strangled noise clawing up my throat from the pain. I felt hot blood immediately turn cold in the exposed air as I ran, veering to right, running around one of the more intact buildings.

Instead of circling around the building like I had, the fog crawler barreled through it, sending broken wood and hundred year old dust raining down around me. I was headed in the direction of Longfellow now, who had a determined scowl on his face as he waited for me to get out of his line of sight.

I veered again, leading the fog crawler into a vast field, deciding it would probably be more helpful to Longfellow if I just kept distracting the thing. Of course, I could only run for so long. Already my lungs burned and my thighs ached, not to mention the insistent stinging in my left shin. Every time my foot hit the ground pain vibrated through the long cut.

I needed a new plan.

I holstered my gun, pulled off my backpack, and threw myself to the right before turning around completely so that I was running back in the direction of Longfellow. Thankfully, the Fog crawler wasn’t built to make abrupt u-turns, and it stumbled as it attempted to follow me, skidding, giving me a few more feet of space.

While running I blindly reached into my bag, keep my eyes in front of me, not wanting to increase how clumsy I was by not watching where I was going. I found my knife, and threw my backpack to the side.

Then I dropped to the ground, lying flat on my back, holding my knife a couple inches above me, the blade pointed to the sky, just as the fog crawler reached me.

My movement had been too abrupt and it had run right over me. It’s scaled body brushed my nose and chest, it’s sharp legs set wide enough that they didn’t touch me. The knife dug into it’s lower abdomen, cutting a line all the way to it’s tail.

Hot, sticky blood poured over me and the monster screamed, hitting the ground, dirt flying up around it. I sat up, hurling myself as quickly as I could on top of it, stradling it’s back as it wailed. I raised my knife above my head and slammed the blade into the top of it’s skull.

It cracked the exoskeleton covering it’s soft head, but didn’t break through entirely.

The fog crawled bucked, too injured to stand entirely, instead choosing to try and throw me off.

I could remember a little over a year ago when the most violent thing I’d ever done was slap a boy who’d been teasing one of my friends in the seventh grade. When even swatting a fly made my skin crawl. I remembered when Nate had kissed my knuckles, told me my hands weren’t designed to hurt people.

I remembered all this as I shoved my fingers between the cracks in the fog crawlers broken exoskeleton, ripping it away from it’s flesh. Blood sprayed across my hands, my neck, my chin, but I ignored it. I almost had it.

I held my knife up again, arcing the blade down towards the hole in it’s armor I’d created. It sunk in all the way to the handle and the creature stiffened, a pained shriek slipping through it’s jaws. It weakly bucked one more time and then relaxed, it’s claws dropping to the ground with a dim _thud._

“Jesus Christ Almighty,” Longfellow said, lowering his gun. “Why’d you even bring me along?”

I smiled weakly, my eyelids heavy, the adrenaline in my body beginning to fade.

“Because someone’s gotta get me back to Far Harbor,” I quipped.

“What do ya mean-”

That was when I passed out.

******

There was a knock on my door and I gasped, my eyes snapping open. I sat up, my vision swimming, my head pounding. I frowned, looking around, unsure of where I was. It was my room in the Last Plank. How had I gotten here?

I noticed my left leg was cold and I looked down to discover my pants had been cut away at the knee and my leg was covered in a bandage all the way to my ankle. My clothes were also stained nearly black by something yet to be identified.

The memory of my fight with the fog crawler returned at the sight.

I wasn’t able to relish in my victory or be grossed out by the fact that I was covered in fog crawler blood, because whoever was at the door knocked again, this time with more urgency.

Was it Nick? Had he and Vel come back from Acadia for some reason? Had they figured out what was going on over there and they needed my help to deal with it?

I doubted that.

Fighting through my fatigue, I got to my feet. Before I could make it to the door Nick knocked once more and I increased my pace, fumbling with the door handle.

“One second-”

I pulled the door open, surprised to see eyes the color of the blue ocean I once knew staring back at me.

Mac.

“RJ, what are you-”

I couldn’t finish my senseless question though because RJ’s hand was already sliding into my hair, already pulling me forward, already bringing his lips to mine. It was as if all the uncertainty, the sadness, the frustration from the last couple days melted away, dripping off of me like water, and I was left completely cleansed.

I wrapped my fingers around the collar of his familiar coat, backing into the room and tugging him with me. He took the cue, kicking the door shut, keeping his lips locked with mine. Both of his hands held my face now, the kiss becoming more and more passionate with every passing second.

It was as if a hole in my chest was being filled, flowers sprouting where it had once been -beautiful, red and basking in the light that was Robert Joseph MacCready.

After who knows how long -not long enough, honestly- he broke the kiss, his gaze shifting between each of my eyes.

“Hey,” he said, smiling crookedly.

I laughed, the sound choked, and I realized there were tears in my eyes.

“Hey.”

“What’s wrong, beautiful?”

I shook my head, letting it hang, grabbing onto his wrists.

“Nothing- I just missed you a lot.”

With that said, he craned my head upwards, kissing me once more. His hands moved to pull up my sweater just enough so that he could grip my bare waist, my hands snaking around his neck, fingers tangling in his shaggy hair.

“I love you so much,” he said, kissing my cheek, my jaw, below my ear.

“I love you too. I love you so much, RJ.”

His arms slid around my back, his fingers pressing into my ribs as if maybe I was going to cease to exist at any second, the hug so tight that it pulled me onto my tiptoes. I buried my face in the crook of his neck, my lips trembling and a shaking breath passing between my lips. He stroked my hair with one hand, giving me a kiss on the top of my head.

“Now, I know that you told me where you were going, but did you have to be gone this long?”

I pulled back enough so that I could meet his warm stare.

“I told you I would be a few days.”

“It’s been five days already!”

I unhooked my arm from around his neck, checking the date on my pipboy.

“No way, it hasn’t been- oh, I guess it has been. Oh, shit!” I gasped. RJ grinned at me. “It’s your birthday!”

I covered my face, hiding in his chest. I couldn’t believe I’d almost forgotten his birthday. Oh, who was I kidding, I HAD forgotten his birthday! If he hadn’t shown up now who knows when I would have remembered.

“Violet, it’s okay!”

“No, it’s not,” I said, voice muffled by his chest. “I’m a failure!”

He pulled me off of him, holding onto my biceps, ducking his head a little so that he could look me right in the eye.

“Violet May Flynn, will you stop? I’m surprised I even remember my birthday- honestly I thought I might have been a day or two off! So will you stop beating yourself up?”

“Still, you had to come to me to celebrate your own birthday! I should have gone to you.”

“And leave whatever mystery is keeping you here?” he scoffed. “Never.”

I laughed, putting a hand on his cheek.

“I’m sorry. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

For a blissful moment we just looked at each other, just held beautiful, peace filled eye contact. But the feeling wasn’t destined to last, because there was something I had to tell him. Something I’d been putting off thinking about.

“RJ, there’s something I need to tell you.”

He frowned slightly, cocking his head a fraction to the side. I pursed my lips, unsure of how to say it. I untangled myself from him, lacing my fingers together in front of me.

“Um,” I began. “I- Um… it’s just-”

“Vi, what is it? Is something wrong?” He looked down, noticing my bandaged leg. “What happened to your leg!?”

I waved my hands emphatically, shaking my head.

“No, no, don’t worry about my leg, it’s fine, it’s not important-”

“But your whole shin is bandaged!”

“RJ-”

“Have you had a stimpak-”

“I told you it doesn’t matter-”

“Of course it matters, I should never have let you come here on your own, I should have been with you-”

“I wasn’t alone, I was with Nick- Never mind! Mac, just listen-”

“Yeah, but Nick isn’t as good a shot as I am, I should have-”

“MacCready, I’m pregnant!”

That shut him up. His mouth remained open, his eyes widening and his eyebrows shot up. Ten long seconds passed as he just looked at me before he finally reacted.

“Oh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter, or as my boss said yesterday, Merry Esther! I hope you all enjoy this mild cliffhanger. How is RJ going to react!? Is he going to run for the hills!? Will Violet and RJ's relationship survive this test!? Find out next week.


	12. There Is No Right Answer

Nick didn’t like leaving town without talking to Flynn first but he was probably more impatient than I was to get back to Acadia. At the first sign of light we were up and making the long vertical trek back to the observatory. I found myself relaxing. This felt good, it felt right. First three days of being separated, then that damn housewife getting in the way. For the first time in what felt like a week Nick and I were alone together. I savored it. 

Didn’t matter to me that we were surrounded by radioactive fog, or that the Gulpers could be hiding in the trees or that a pack of ghouls could be prowling around in the forest. Nick and I were together and everything would be fine. Or maybe I was just more nervous about going back to Acadia and was looking for any distraction to take my mind off it. After all DiMA’d already guessed I could be a synth. Did he have a method for figuring out the truth? Seemed likely. Was I ready for it? 

A hand took mine drawing me out of those thoughts. I glanced down at it then followed the arm and shoulder to a gentle smile. “you alright?”

“are you?” we weren’t far from the gates to Acadia now. If what Longfellow had said before was true then they already knew we were coming. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. “nervous?”

Nick sucked in a breath and turned his gaze back to the cracked road. “maybe a little.”

I tightened my grip around his hand. “it’s normal to be nervous.” 

“ya know I never used to get nervous.” He sighed toward the sky. “only time I felt like this was when I was walking into a death trap and I knew it. This is… weird.”

“weird is an understatement.” I couldn’t help but laugh. Tugging on his hand I drew him up the road. The prospect of Gulpers in the trees was starting to get to me. “after all, you’re a century old synth, that thought he was alone for that entire time until exactly two days ago.” 

“are you trying to help?” he grumbled barely audibly. 

The gate welcomed us into Acadia and I glanced back at him smiling. “Nick, you are weird, it only makes sense that your family is gonna be weird.” 

He opened his mouth to retort but after a few seconds nothing came out. Instead he chuckled and wrapped his hand around my waist. “if I’m weird what does that make you?” 

“someone with odd tastes.” 

“that it does.” He put a gentle kiss to my temple before dropping his arm. We stood at the bottom of the stairs, staring up toward the door to the observatory. There were a couple synth guards around. They eyed us curiously as we stood there. I had to wonder what they thought of Nick’s resemblance to DiMA. Apparently they trusted him but beyond that? “well… here we are.”

“and if we go back to far harbor I’m telling Flynn you chickened out.” I smirked.

Nick just shot me a half hearted and playful glare. “warming up to her?”

Before I had the chance to tell him to go screw himself, he strode happily up the stairs. Always with the last word. If DiMA was anything like that I’d have my hands full. Suddenly I realized I was faced with the prospect of being stuck with two of them. That was great. One of them was already hard enough to deal with. Hopefully DiMA was a little less stubborn than my old synth was. 

Smiling to myself I followed Nick up the concrete stairs to the door. It was as dark and gloomy inside as it had been when we arrived. Chase leaned against a wall to our left. The presence of a courser still made me uneasy. If DiMA trusted her I had no reason to question it but she just…. She reminded me of Fahrenheit, if Fahrenheit was about thirty times more indestructible than she already was, and had a family history of violence. Sometimes I still had nightmares about coursers. 

I shook off that thought as I caught up with Nick just as he stepped into the main round room. DiMA sat in his chair, leaned back and eyes closed. Faraday was nowhere to be seen this time. For a few seconds we stood there awkwardly, staring at DiMA. “should we poke him?” I asked.

“seriously?” he eyed me out of the corner of his eye.

I shrugged. “I’m just saying.”

“how would you feel if I poked you awake?”

“you do.” 

“only when you oversleep.” He rolled his eyes.

“maybe I need that much sleep, thought of that?”

“you two certainly bicker like a married couple.” The smooth muted voice made both of us jump a little. DiMA sat up from his chair, glancing between us with a slack face. I still wasn’t convinced he had the same range of emotions that Nick did. “Miss Flynn isn’t with you?”

“no, she decided to stay back at Far Harbor.” Nick replied with a somewhat thick voice. Still nervous, and it was getting worse.

In the hopes of being comforting I slipped my hand into his. 

He didn’t look at me but his fingers tightened around mine. “look, I was hoping we could talk….”

DiMA didn’t say anything, his head tilted a little however. Curiosity clear. 

Nick sucked in a breath then cleared his mechanical throat. “I didn’t want to believe you at first, about us being brothers….”

His milky eyes widened a fraction, which I assumed meant he felt surprised. The corners of his mouth turned slightly upward. “you don’t have to apologize, Nick. I know it must have been a shock.”

“yeah, well, I still don’t feel proud of taking it as bad as I did.” He tilted his head to hide his eyes from DiMA. I knew it, he knew it, so I elbowed him hard in the side. He stiffened and sat up. “Maybe we can start over?”

There was a genuine smile on DiMA’s face that reminded me all too much of Nick. If Nick was a little more childish and a lot less private. “I’d like that…. It’s been good to talk to you again, Nick.” 

“maybe you could tell me a little about the time we spent on the inside.” 

I could tell that Nick was hopeful. About what I had no fucking idea. Why would he want to know more about what he went through in the institute?! There were some things better left forgotten for god’s sake.

And judging by DiMA’s face he agreed with me. “I would prefer to hear what you have been doing all this time. A century is a long time, by anyone’s definition.”

“ya don’t want to hear what this old bot’s got to say, believe me.” Nick waved his hand dismissively. 

“don’t be so modest.” DiMA smiled at him, likely grateful that Nick had let the conversation move on from the subject of the institute. 

“there’s something we need to talk about anyway.” I stepped forward. As much as I wanted to give these two time and space to bridge the gap, DiMA needed to know what we had. 

“yes of course.” DiMA switched his milky gaze to me which made me stand a little straighter. “What did you find in my old memory banks? Are we closer to resolving the conflict on this island peacefully?”

“we retrieved the memories.” From my pocket I produced the Holotape that contained part of what we retrieved. “wasn’t easy, you couldn’t have programmed a better hack?”

Pretty sure that was supposed to be a sympathetic face he offered me. “I am sorry there was nothing more I could have done.”

“I almost got my arm ripped off.” I grumbled.

Nick swung to face me. “what?! You didn’t mention that!”

“the forest was designed to integrate with the older version of my mental networks which reflected the world I came to know when I arrived here.” He dropped his gaze grimacing. “the Gulpers were an unfortunate addition.” 

I wanted to be angry but honestly I wasn’t. It had all been virtual after all, even if the pain was real enough. With a long heavy sigh I handed over the Holotape. “don’t worry about it, I’m fine after all. But we do have some questions about what we found.”

“you built a kill switch for the fog condensers surrounding Far Harbor.” Nick picked it up, a little edge coming to his voice. “we don’t have to tell you what taking down the condensers would do to the town.”

“Let me see this….” DiMA actually looked shaken by the news. He downloaded the Holotape. When he was done he sunk into his chair like the weight of the entire island was on his shoulders. “I remember. I was afraid that Far Harbor might turn against us. See us as too different for their precious island.” 

“so you made a kill switch.” I murmured quietly, hoping my voice didn’t sound too accusatory. 

DiMA’s milky eyes turned to me for a moment. He nodded with a deep grimace.   
“I made a contingency plan. Mass murder. I hid the kill switch code because I couldn’t stomach the thought of actually using it. Then I hid the memory because I couldn’t even stand knowing I made it.”

“what was the point of making it then?” Nick questioned almost venomously. Everything else we’d learned about DiMA wasn’t incriminating, in fact him hiding the location of the launch key was probably a good thing. The kill switch was the only thing that gave Nick any reason to doubt him. 

“I wanted to protect my people but I didn’t fully grasp the ramifications until it was too late. What have I done?” he leaned over, clasping his face in his hands like a man defeated. “if the children of Atom were to ever get a hold of that code, they would destroy Far Harbor without hesitation.”

“and that code’s still out there.” I murmured more to myself than the other two. “as much as I’d like those Harbormen to learn some manners we can’t exactly leave them out in the cold.”

“so we have to find the code.” Nick looked over his shoulder at me.

“it is far too dangerous for you both to go.” DiMA shot to his feet like he’d been stung in the ass. Pleadingly he gripped Nick’s arm. “I barely made it back from the location alive. It’s out-”

“on a tiny island surrounded by water, I’m aware.” Grumbling I crossed my arms angrily. I’d already been there once, I hated the thought of going again.

Nick looked me in the eye, frowning. “DiMA, can you spare Chase to go with me?”

“brother please.”

“Nick! Don’t you dare leave me behind.” I threw up a finger to him.

Ignoring it he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and whispered gently into my ear. “it’s for the best Gray. Think about it. you can’t make it to the location without having a break down. I don’t know if I could protect you.” 

He was right, I knew he was right. It made absolutely no sense for me to go with him when I was more of a liability than an asset. Still…. “this island is hell bent on making mincemeat out of me and scrap out of you. Please don’t ask me to stay here while you go out there with an ex-courser.”

“can you think of anyone more qualified to make sure I come back in one piece?” he grinned as he held me out at arm’s length. 

That was a fair point. So long as Chase knew I’d tear her fucking head off if anything happened to Nick on her watch. “don’t leave just yet, I’d like to have a word with Chase first.”

“I can’t ask you to do this Nick.” DiMA continued pleading but of course this was Nick.

The stubborn old synth adjusted his trench coat and grinned at his twin. “this ain’t about you or me DiMA, this’s about doin the right thing.” 

Sheepishly DiMA averted his eyes. Nodding he submitted. “very well. Take Chase and anyone else that you need. I suggest you stalk up on ammunition if you haven’t already.” 

“I’ll go see what Cog’s got on offer.” 

“before you go, was there anything else you found in the memories?” 

At that Nick and I exchanged looks. Of course there was more. The more however was back in Far Harbor with Flynn. I wasn’t entirely sure of their safety. In the very least Flynn wouldn’t try to do something stupid. Couldn’t say anything about her accidentally doing something stupid. Nick though answered before I had the chance to decide. “the rest of your memories are safe. The Children of Atom won’t get their hands on them.”

“but what was on them?” DiMA asked a little more urgently. 

Nick didn’t know quite how to answer that but I stepped forward. Honesty was the best option here. “one of the memories holds the location of the nuclear launch key, you were hiding it from the children.”

“I found it?” guilt made his voice crack. Once again he sunk into the chair. “and what else did you find?”

“that was the only other thing worth mentioning.” I shrugged.

He nodded slowly. “I understand. I suppose miss Flynn is in possession of the other memories?”

“that’s right.” Nick nodded a little guardedly. 

That seemed to satisfy DiMA. “very well, then they’re as safe as we can make them. Thank you, both of you, for all the work you’ve done to protect Acadia.” 

“don’t thank me yet, not till I get back with the code.” Nick tilted his hat a little then strode back down the hall. “I’ll go arm up with Cog. Be back in a second.”

“in the meantime I’ll have a word with Chase.” I growled bitterly. My eyes snapped on her. Old railroad instincts kicked in every time I saw that damn uniform. I’d only fought a couple of coursers, and I used the word fought loosely. More like distracted then ran away from. Chase made me uneasy. 

She didn’t even look at me as I walked up to her. “I overheard.” She muttered at the wall opposite her. “you have DiMA’s blessing so you have run of the place, don’t destroy it while I’m gone.” 

I forced a tight smile, trying to act intimidating even if that was impossible standing next to a courser. “how about this, you make sure Nick comes back in one piece and I’ll make sure I don’t set off a nuke in here. Deal?”

Her dark narrow eyes slid to me and the urge to turn tail built up in my chest. Eventually she extended her hand, half smiling. “I think you and I are going to get along.”

“that so?” I shook her hand, marveling at the strength in it. She could probably crush my fingers without even trying to. These coursers really were a breed all on their own. 

“DiMA trusts you, he thinks you’ll make a good addition to Acadia.” 

“who said anything about staying?” 

“he seems to think you will.”

I glanced over my shoulder at the old synth. He was preoccupied with a particular screen attached to his memory banks. Hopefully he wasn’t listening. 

Nick came back a few minutes later, shoving a grenade into his pocket. “Chase, gray give you the obligatory threats?”

Silently she nodded. With a kick she shoved off the wall. 

I slipped my hand around Nick’s arm and dragged him closer to me. “be careful out there please. We don’t have a scribe to put you back together this time.”

Grinning crookedly he leaned down and kissed me full on the lips. A light blush surged up my cheeks knowing that Chase and DiMA could be watching. Chase seeing this was in itself embarrassing enough to make my legs buckle. When we parted Nick gave me another peck on the cheek before stepping back. “don’t worry gray, I’ll be fine. Don’t go wondering off into new trouble while I’m gone. I’ll be back before sun down.”

“fine.” I’d have made a joke but Chase was giving me a look somewhere between condescension and actual disgust. Fuck her. She could deal with Nick and I having our moments. They left out the front door, it clanged loudly behind them. 

Standing there in the hallway I slowly turned around. It felt weird to be here without Nick. Not like I felt being in Far Harbor without him. Back then it almost felt like Goodneighbor, normal. But this was different. Acadia felt peaceful, quiet, maybe even a little boring, if not for the whole synth thing. I didn’t feel like I belonged exactly. Synth or no. 

For several minutes I debated on what to do. I thought about making the rounds again, chatting with the locals. Maybe go and hang out with Sarah, give her an update. Then DiMA’s voice drifted down the hall to me. “are you two… involved?”

It was an innocent enough question and one that probably deserved an answer. With a somewhat reluctant sigh I jammed my hands into my pockets and walked back to DiMA’s room. Still no sign of Faraday. “yeah, we are.” 

DiMA stood beside one of the computer banks, arms loose at his sides as he stared at me. “you make him happy I think….”

I tried to banish the smile that brought but it didn’t quite work. “I hope so.”

“can you tell me about him?” 

“no.”

“I’m sorry?” DiMA frowned.

Sympathetically I smiled back at him. “I’m sorry DiMA but that’s just not my place ya know? If Nick wants to tell you about himself that’s his business. I … can’t go around his back like that.” 

Dejectedly he let his head fall forward. “I see. Yes I understand. I just wasn’t sure that Nick would be willing to speak about himself with me yet….” 

“don’t interpret his eagerness to go back into the island as him wanting to get away from you.” with a groan I sat in a chair next to the computers, my back to the warm whirring machinery. “he’s just trying to do the right thing is all. It’s not about you.” 

“are you sure?” 

“damn I guess they programmed self-deprecation into both of you.” rolling my eyes I looked up at him. “seriously DiMA, don’t worry. This is a shock to Nick, you understand that. It’s gonna take some time for him to open up. But he was the one that wanted to come back here this early, not me.”

At that, one of DiMA’s pseudo eyebrows shot up. He slid from the computer then sat on the floor beside me. I don’t know why but that gesture surprised me. In a weird way DiMA looked so fragile, like the wrong move might cause all those bulbs to pop and his wires to break. Seeing him do something this ordinary was a pleasant surprise. “were you reluctant to come back then?”

“no, I didn’t mean that.” Groaning airily under my breath I leaned forward on my knees. The concrete under my feet suddenly held so much visual promise. “I just wasn’t as eager as he was that’s all….”

DiMA shifted beside me, probably trying to get a better look at my face. “when did you begin to suspect you were a synth?”

He asked the question so gently it barely even qualified as probing. I drew my gaze slowly to a point just over his shoulder. And by point I meant one of those light bulbs. 

When I didn’t answer right away he elaborated. “many of our people begin to suspect after having certain dreams, or when their memory doesn’t seem to reach quite as far as it should.”

“I watched her die.”

He fell silent. For a few seconds he processed that. It wasn’t an easy thing to wrap your head around. Hell I’d lived it and I still hadn’t quite accepted that it happened. When at last he spoke his voice was gentler than ever. “I am sorry…. Do you … wish to elaborate?”

“not really.” I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. The memory hurt to even think about let alone tell out loud. “it was just a normal day, normal job. Then I heard some fighting and ran to help. I found her. She looked exactly like me, had the same weapons, the same clothes, the same everything. Like some kind of fucked up mirror.” 

A skeletal hand fell on my shoulders. It just sat there. Not exactly the most comforting gesture but at least he was making an effort. “did you kill her?”

“I tried to, she tried to kill me too.” I murmured thickly. “she would have won too if someone hadn’t stepped in. She got her brains blown out and I didn’t even get the chance to find out the truth.” 

“I can’t imagine what it’s like to be faced with your double in such a way.” He murmured sympathetically. That hand still didn’t move. 

I pulled my hands away and looked at him. “that was almost a year ago.”

“and you’ve been living without knowing whether you are the synth or not….” He nodded with a tight grimace. “I am sorry.”

“you said there are signs….” I hadn’t prepared myself to have this conversation, but now that we’d arrived I couldn’t stop myself from asking the questions that had built up since we arrived. “what kind of signs? Is there a way to know that I’m a synth?”

The breast hint of reluctance leaked into his features. He extracted his hand and rose. “miss O'Malley, I appreciate what you have been going through. Self-identity is important and to not know is painful. But are you certain that you’re ready to know the answers?”

That question certainly poked some holes in my conviction. After all I could know. At any time I could find out the truth just by saying those words. They were still burned in my mind. A nice little reminder of what I might be and how much of a coward I really was. 

“none of us take this transition lightly.” DiMA’s gentle voice brought me back out of my thoughts. I found him standing in front of me. There was no smile, just sympathy in that familiar plastic face. “you’re facing the possibility of your entire life being a lie. That someone gave you an identity that was never supposed to be yours to begin with.”

That bit hard. The pain in my chest worsened and I dropped my gaze. “If I’m a synth, I took her life. I took the original Vel’s life.” 

“that isn’t what I meant.” He knelt in front of me, forcing me to meet his eyes again. “I only meant that you could have been someone else if not for the imprint. Now you have to accept who you are and move on.”

“how am I supposed to do that when I don’t even know what I am?” frustration and venom both leaked into my voice. It didn’t feel right getting angry at DiMA, after all he was only trying to help. 

“you’re a synth.” He reached out and squeezed my shoulder. That felt normal.

“you don’t know that.”

Nodding he produced a small muted smile. “I don’t know, that’s true. But neither do you. You’re part of Acadia now miss O'Malley. That makes you a synth the same as the rest of us.” 

I wasn’t sure what to say to that. In a weird way it was a comfort. DiMA was the first person that actually seemed genuinely ok with the thought of me being a synth. Nick pretended but I could see it. If I turned out to be a synth he’d be disappointed. Like losing a friend all over again. DiMA though, he didn’t care about the human part. If anything, he wanted me to be a synth. 

I let out a long breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. “I can find out.”

His head tilted a little as he took back his hand. “excuse me?”

Surging to my feet, I dashed to the desk at the center of the room. Faraday had some technical document there and a pen. On the back of it I scribbled down the code. 

V3-27, Epsilon 78 cirrus. 

When I was done I slammed the pen on the desk and backed away from the thing like it might actually attack me. DiMA didn’t need any prompting to step close to it and read the code. Thank god he didn’t read it aloud. “this is your synth designation and recall code isn’t it?”

“yeah….” My throat made it hard to get that one word out.

Carefully DiMA picked up the scrap of paper, folded it and handed it back to me. “that is not something I wish to put you through but… if you truly want an answer then this will give it to you.” 

“I’m still not sure I want the answer.” At last the truth of the matter came through. It was almost freeing to finely say it aloud. 

DiMA nodded sympathetically. “I know. So when you are ready, we’ll help you through the transition. Whether you’re a synth or not, you will be welcome here as one of our own.” 

And I actually believed him. For the first time it felt like there wasn’t a right answer. Up till now if I wasn’t human then according to the commonwealth I might as well go tip myself over into the sea. DiMA made me feel like being a synth was an actual viable option. I shoved the paper into my pocket. “thank you DiMA.”

“of course.” That smile came back, a little more relieved than before. What did he have to be worried about? Wasn’t like I’d hit him if I got angry. “are you and Nick planning to stay in Acadia for long?”

“we were thinking so yeah.” There was still the mystery of who had spooked and erased Sarah’s memory to sort out after all. Now, I was almost ready to tell DiMA what had really brought us here. Of course Nick wouldn’t approve of that. 

DiMA perked up a little at the news. “excellent. I’ll have someone rearrange the storage room on the bottom floor for your use. I’m sure you two will feel more comfortable outside the sight of the others.”

“yeah….” Doubted he was implying anything with that but it sure as hell felt like it. “thanks DiMA.”

“of course miss O'Malley.”

I rolled my eyes. “please stop calling me that, Vel will do just fine.” 

“I didn’t wish to presume.” 

“god your formal, did Nick teach you that?” laughing I strode for the hall. “I’ll be down stairs with Sarah if you need anything.” 

“thank you, Vel.” 

The smile split on my face before I could stop it. For the first time in days I felt lighter. Maybe Acadia wasn’t as bad as we thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> out on a trip here so i'm going to have to make this brief. Thank you to everyone that's been reading thus far. i sincerely hope that you've been enjoying this story and what we've done with the DLC. and thank you especially to those that have commented and left kudos. if you're a creator you know how good those always feel. 
> 
> Take care, have a good week, and remember to write on.


	13. I'm only here because

“RJ?”

He was just staring at me, his blue eyes wide, his lips parted in shock, looking as if maybe he was going to make a run for the door. I held his face in my hands. “Anyone in there?”

He blinked.

“You’re… pregnant?” he asked.

I nodded, biting my lip. Oh, god, how was he going to take the news once he got over the shock? I still wasn’t sure how I was taking it. “And it’s mine?”

My jaw dropped and I took a step away from him, punching him in the arm a little harder than I probably should have.

“Yes, it’s yours- What the fuck, MacCready!?” I turned away from him, folding my arms. “You think I’m just sleeping around when we’re not together? Thanks for the trust, that’s what every woman wants to hear from her committed boyfriend-”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I asked that, I just- this is a lot to take in. I’m sorry, I do trust you, I’m so sorry.”

I turned, eyeing him. He had both his hands in his hair and his eyes were on the floor as if he was hoping the ground would swallow him up and he wouldn’t have to deal with this.

“It’s yours.”

I dropped back onto the edge of the bed, arms still crossed indignantly over my chest. MacCready moved sluggishly from his spot in front of me to the bed, sitting beside me.

“How… far along are you?” he asked.

I sighed.

“Judging by the blood test around six weeks, maybe seven.”

He looked at the window, his mouth moving slightly as he seemed to calculate something. The way the light touched his face made him almost seem like a painting and it lessened my frustration with him. I probably would have laughed when he’d asked if it was his if I wasn’t so damn hormonal.

“On our way to the Capital Wasteland,” he said, meeting my stare. “That’s when… it happened?”

I let my gaze drop to the floor.

“Yep. And we’d thought we’d been careful enough.”

RJ made a face, looking away as well.

“Yeah, apparently the pullout method isn’t a hundred percent effective,” he muttered.

Suddenly I felt like I was going to cry. Tears began stinging my eyes and I swallowed, trying to rein them in. I didn’t know how I expected him to react but it wasn’t like this. He’d given no sign whether he was happy or sad or scared. Just shocked. It wasn’t reassuring at all, everything was still so up in the air.

Calloused hands slid across my jaw on either side, his thumbs on my cheeks, and I made eye contact with him, a little embarrassed.

“Why are you crying?” he asked, softly, so tenderly that it just made my throat even thicker.

My lips trembled, pulling down at the corners as I attempted to hide the shaking in my voice, “What are we gonna do?”

He brushed away a tear with the pad of his thumb, gaze flickering between my eyes, the tear tracks down my face, and my lips.

“What do you want to do?”

I made a choked sound, still suppressing crying.

“I don’t know, I’m scared- I’m terrified. We didn’t- we didn’t _plan_ this. We’ve only been together for three months, how are we supposed to know if we want to raise a child together?” I asked, crying openly now.

RJ’s eyebrows pulled together.

“Vi, we’re already raising two children together,” he said, making a face. And then his expression softened along with his voice. “And because I’ve known that I wanted a life with you for a long time now.”

His words caught me off guard.

“What?”

“I’ve known I loved you since November nineteenth.”

I felt bad that I didn’t know the significance of that date.

“What was so special about that day?”

He smiled.

“That was the day I gave your caps back. I remember, you were standing in front of me and it was night time, and the moonlight hit your eyes- they were so damn green. And I thought, man, I could look at those eyes forever. I could spend everyday with this woman. I _want_ to spend everyday with her.” He laughed, my favorite lopsided grin on his face. “But you were so mad at me! Which made sense, I was being an idiot, but you were trying to have an argument with me while I was having an epiphany!”

I laughed, looking down, wiping at my cheeks.

“Sounds like me.”

“Yeah, we were mad at each other a lot,” he said and I met his stare, surprised to see he was still smiling widely.

“Well, pretending not to love someone is bound to create tension,” I said, stretching up and kissing the tip of his nose.

“Seriously,” he said, hands sliding down my waist to rest on my hips, his gaze flickering to my lips. “I had to be around you all the time, pretend that you weren’t the most beautiful woman alive, that I didn’t want to have my hands on you at all times.”

I smirked, holding onto the collar of his coat, angling myself towards him.

“That’s funny, because you barely touched me in the first like… six months of us travelling together.”

He scooted me closer, leaning in, pressing a kiss to my neck.

“That’s because I was trying to be respectful of you. I didn’t know if you wanted me to touch you. Plus, if I’d known what it was like to have my hands on you, I might never have been able to take them off.”

I tightened my grip on his shirt, turning my head and planting my lips on his. He didn’t seem surprised by the move at all, instead he placed a hand on the back of my neck, kissing me so hard that my lips ached.

I gasped against his lips, my hands slipping from his collar to his jaw, as if maybe I thought he was going to pull away at any second. But he didn’t, instead he scooted across the bed and guided me so that I was straddling him. His hands found my hips and he growled, digging his fingertips into my skin.

I leaned away from him, and he made a strangled sound of protest, his eyebrows pulled together, his lips parted in disappointment. I laughed, pulling my sweater off, my long red hair falling around me in waves.

I thought he was going to smile or say something but instead his eyes became dark, his fingers pressing even harder into my hips. He moved forward, kissing me with unbridled desire, his hands sliding up my back, making me shudder.

And then that was when I remembered what been talking about right before _this_ whole… _event_ had started.

I was pregnant. I was pregnant and it was his.

“Wait- RJ stop-”

He pulled away, untangling his arms from my back and I climbed off of him.

“What- Okay- Why?” he asked, and then moved into a kneeling position beside me, hands respectfully on his knees. “What’s wrong?”

I laughed at his sudden change in position, shaking my head, kneeling as well.

“Nothing’s wrong- I mean, things are a little- never mind. The point is, RJ, I’m pregnant, remember? That was the point of this conversation.”

He made a face, embarrassed.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry, it’s just been a long week without you.” He slid a hand over my hip. “And your skin is just so soft.”

I moved forward, wrapping my arms around his neck and resting my chin on his shoulder. He returned the hug, burying his face in my hair like he always did.

“I love you so much,” I said.

“I love you too, Vi. You’re my dream girl.”

I bit my lip, staring at the old, stained wall across from me.

“We’re having a baby… are you sure this is what you want?” I asked.

“Only if it’s what you want too.”

I shifted so that I could look him in the eye. They were so perfect, so unrelentingly blue. They encompassed me, filled me with warmth and certainty and love.

“It is.”

*****

“So you guys are here because some synth Vel knows sent her a- a… distress signal and now you suspect there’s something suspicious going on on this island?” RJ said, raising an eyebrow.

We were hiking up the path to Acadia, the old observatory looming over us. After spending the remainder of the day yesterday in my room at the Last Plank, we decided in the morning that we should check in on Vel and Nick. Not that Vel would want that, but I couldn’t just pretend that they weren’t off and away with DiMA -a guy who gave me a serious case of the heebie-jeebies.

“That’s essentially it, yeah.”

His expression became increasingly skeptical and the longer he stared at me the more I felt like I was doing something silly. “What?”

“That’s a pretty weak reason not to come home.”

I gave him an offended look.

“That’s not true! You know I wanted to be with you and the boys- I just wanted to be helpful to Nick! And this DiMA guy really is suspicious. He was burying something- maybe someone! Plus, Far Harbor and the Children of Atom are on the verge of war with all the synths in Acadia caught in the middle! This is a goldmine of action and mystery!”

“A superheroes dream,” he said, shaking his head with a smile.

I rolled my eyes.

“I never claimed I was a superhero.”

“I know, I am. Or I’m claiming that you think you are even if you can’t admit it.”

I glared at him, sidestepping away from him as we walked to make sure my resentment of his statement couldn’t be misconstrued.

“I know I’m not a superhero, I know I’m just a regular woman who doesn’t need to fix everyone’s problems.”

“And yet you can’t stop trying to do just that,” he said, grinning at me now.

I raised my hands, counting off on my fingers.

“The Insitute, Duncan, and now this. That’s only three instances of me trying to be a ‘superhero’.”

He started counting now.

“Turning Sanctuary Hills into a literal Sanctuary and inviting everyone you see to come live there, trying to save Venus, a psycho raider who was planning on bashing your head in, everything you did for the Railroad-”

“Okay, okay, I get it. But that’s not trying to be a superhero, it’s being a busybody who sticks her nose into other peoples business because she thinks she knows what’s best for them. Really, I’m just arrogant.”

He shrugged.

“Can’t argue with that.”

When I just silently glowered at him, he started laughing and hugged me to his side. “I’m just kidding, Vi. About the arrogant part. I do think you need to pull back on the day saving. As much fun as it is to be living with someone straight out of a comic book. You’re the one who told me you just wanted to live a quiet life in Sanctuary with me and the boys.”

I sighed. After I’d gotten the whole pregnancy news out of the way, RJ had informed me that he’d taken the kids and Dogmeat to Diamond City to stay with Piper again. He’d brought Codsworth too, just in case the boys together became a handful. Then they’d have someone to throw rocks at.

“And I do. I really do. But I can’t stand-”

“Idly by when you know someone needs help. Yeah, I know your catch phrase.”

I playfully pushed him off of me, folding my arms.

“That’s it, no more talking,” I said, turning my head away from him.

We made it through the gates of Acadia, the perfect escape from this conversation. RJ snickered, reaching for my hand and gently untangling my arms. I allowed him to do so, taking his hand and letting my other arm fall back to it’s place at my side.

“Alright. No more talking.”

We scaled the concrete stairs and RJ leaned over, whispering. “Um, so you didn’t tell me much about this place other than the guy who runs it is suspicious-”

“Shut up about the suspicious thing,” I hissed.

He gave me a dead stare.

“ _Anyway_ , should I be nervous heading in here?”

I bit my lip, shaking my head slightly.

“No, it’s fine. Everyone’s friendly. We’ll be fine.”

With that we reached the door, heading inside. Down the long hallway I could see DiMA leaning back in his lounger, Faraday barely in view fiddling with some knobs on a console. We entered the circular room and I scanned it for Vel and Nick. Neither appeared to be up here. My stomach ached.

What if he hadn’t liked what they’d found and had had them killed for it?

_Alright, Violet, rein in the paranoia a little bit._

Upon hearing our footsteps, DiMA sat up, opening his eyes and smiling welcomingly at us. I’d thought he was gone to the world when he was plugged into his chair, but apparently not. That was misleading and for some reason a little disconcerting.

“Miss Flynn, you’re back. I wasn’t sure if we’d be seeing you again. And you’ve brought another guest.”

He didn’t seem at all put off by the presence of RJ. Why was he so friendly? What did he have to hide?

_VIOLET, STOP._

I smiled back at him, masking my mistrust of him.

“This is my boyfriend, MacCready.” I didn’t want DiMA calling him RJ. “He came to help.”

“Nice to meet you,” RJ muttered noncommittally.

“Help with what?” DiMA asked. “The three of you recovered the holotapes already.”

Whoops. Help me figure out if you’re dangerous. If there’s something going on inside this ancient observatory that needs to be stopped.

“Help Acadia I mean. If there’s any jobs you need done, or any missions completed. The island is dangerous, if there’s anything out there that you need we’d be happy to be of service.”

“That’s very kind of you, but you’re guests and you’ve already done so much.”

“Really, it’s fine. We’d love to help you all in any way we can.”

DiMA thought for a moment.

“Well, I don’t need anything right now, but why don’t you talk to Faraday? Oh, and Chase?” he called.

I looked over my shoulder at the tall, black haired woman leaning against a wall. God, I hadn’t even noticed her there. Her sharp gaze landed on DiMA and she quirked one of her eyebrows. “Would you go let Miss- Vel and Nick know that their friends are here?”

Wordlessly, she pulled off the wall, heading downstairs.

Something told me she was going to resent us for playing any part in making her a messenger.

“Thank you, we’ll go talk to Faraday,” I said, the artificial smile still stretching my lips. My cheeks were beginning to hurt.

“Of course. And Miss Flynn? Thank you for coming back.”

Yeah, how could you ever get me under your thumb if I didn’t come back?

I nodded, dragging RJ over to where Faraday was.

“Faraday, right?” I said. He was typing at a terminal that was attached to a larger console, doing who knew what. Probably something that would make DiMA even stronger or live forever.

He glanced at me and then seemed to register who I was, straightening his back, his blue eyes wide.

“Oh- You’re back! When I saw that Miss O’Malley and Mr. Valentine were back without you I thought maybe you’d decided you… well, never mind. Is everything alright?”

“Yes, everything’s fine. I was actually just wondering if there was anything we could do for you? Vel and I are- were- we’ve both been apart of the Railroad in the Commonwealth so we’re happy to help in anyway you might need.”

He blinked, surprised, but then his expression quickly became guarded, a little wary. I was sure DiMA had instructed him to trust us though. All part of keeping the newcomers on his side.

Jesus, I really had a problem with trust.

The memory of a shovel scraping the ground in the pitch black basement of the Vim Pop! Factory returned to the forefront of my mind, reminding me that there was a chance I had cause to be suspicious of DiMA.

“Well, if you’re determined to help, there is something you could do,” Faraday began. “It’s likely somewhat dangerous though so I understand if you’d rather not.”

When I didn’t concede to his warning, he continued. “There’s a boat along the coast of the island, it was transporting some hardware we needed -storage drives. The boat never finished the trip, you see, so the drives are still out there. I could really use them here for extra parts if nothing else. My understanding is the boat wrecked southwest of here. Does that sound like something you could handle?”

Maybe it was the fact that I was looking for signs of something off around here, or maybe it was because there WAS actually something off, but I sensed he was hiding something.

“What happened to the boat? Why didn’t it make it?”

Faraday seemed caught off guard by the question.

“I-I’m not entirely sure, to be honest. Trappers, fog crawlers. There’s no end to what’s out there -what might still be out there. But the point is that we already lost someone once… and I don’t want to see that happen again.” His eyes were downcast, unfocused. He was remembering something. Then he met my stare, raising his dark eyebrows. “So, are you up for it?”

I glanced at RJ and he shrugged.

“Of course. We like a little danger, don’t we?”

He rolled his eyes at that, half smiling. Faraday seemed to be smothering his excitement a little, as if he didn’t want us to realized how important this was to him.

“Thank you. Please, let me know when you’ve found the drives.”

“Will do.”

We walked off of the platform, ignoring DiMA and heading straight to where Nick and Vel were waiting. Chase was back in her spot against the wall.

“Why were you talking to Faraday?” Vel asked, tone on edge.

“We were conspiring against you,” I said, keeping a neutral expression before looking at Nick. “He wants us to go get some storage drives from a boat wreck on the coast. Want to come?”

“Hello to you too,” Nick said. He made eye contact with RJ. “MacCready. Surprised to see you here.”

“Well, had to find out where you’d dragged my girlfriend off to.”

“She dragged herself,” Vel muttered.

“ _Anyway_ , mission? Yay? Nay?”

Nick looked down at Vel meaningfully, as if to ask if that was alright with her. She shook her head with as much subtlety as humanly possible, something I only noticed because I was looking for it. Nick smiled at me.

“We’ll come.”

Quirking a brow, I looked back to Vel, expecting her to be annoyed with him for misreading a head shake. But she just stared back at me with her big, stormy eyes. They really had their unspoken communication down. If I didn’t think it would make Vel hit me, I would have pointed out how cute that was.

“Perfect, then let’s head out.”

We travelled for about an hour and a half, maybe two hours, winding our way down the island in the direction Faraday had given us. Thankfully, the journey wasn’t silent, though there wasn’t much talking outside of our pairs. Vel and Nick talked, RJ and I talked, and occasionally Nick and I would say something to the other.

Apparently RJ had picked up on this detail, because eventually he leaned over, saying out of the corner of his mouth, “This is so stupid.”

I whispered back, “What? That we can’t have one big conversation because Vel’s too juvenile to play nice with me?”

“I’m sorry, Nick,” Vel began, raising her volume and speaking pointedly, “I just don’t like talking to _bitches_ who almost get my boyfriend killed.”

That shut me up. I sighed, lowering my gaze, fiddling with my backpack straps as the terrain turned rockier. We were getting close to the shore.

“Gray,” Nick said.

“Okay, O’Malley, maybe cool it with the b-word,” RJ said, managing to keep his temper in check. He knew I wouldn’t like it if he just snapped back at her. Even if my patience was thinning despite the fact that I agreed with Vel. I was a bitch who’d almost gotten her boyfriend killed.

“B-word?” she said, raising an eyebrow, looking over her shoulder. “The ex-gunner is afraid of cursing?”

“And the ex-raider is-”

At the same time Nick and I spoke, him saying, “That’s enough!” while I groaned, “Stop!”

We all fell silent. The trees were beginning to thin, the ocean coming into view beyond the edge of the cliff we were walking on. While I was trying to make out where the grey sky met the grey water, RJ’s arms shot around my waist, and he picked me up, swinging me to the side.

“Ah- What- Is there a reason you’re relocating me?” I asked as my feet met the earth again.

Wordlessly he pointed to the man sized hole I’d almost walked over. I peered in from where I stood, seeing the inside of a craggy beach cave. I looked up, scanning the ground ahead of us. There were more of them.

RJ and I moved to catch up with the other two.

“Hey, watch out, there’s holes!”

“Says the woman who would have fallen in one if not for her boyfriend-”

Since Vel was choosing to smirk at me and not watch where she was going, she didn’t notice as she stepped right into a hole herself. Apparently I was the only one paying attention to her footing, because it was my hand that flew out, wrapping around her bicep.

“Vel-”

She let out a little squeak, dropping into the hole, dragging me with her. Wind rushed past my ears as we plummeted, falling for less than five seconds and being enveloped by freezing water.

Vel’s arm left my grasp as she began thrashing, bubbles floating up around us, blinding me partially. I kicked my legs, my head breaking the surface, and I took in a loud breath. Water continued to splash over me though and I quickly noticed Vel wasn’t coming up.

“Vi, are you-”

The rest of whatever Mac was saying was cut off as I submerged myself, hooking an arm around Vel and swimming upwards. We burst from the water but this didn’t seem to calm her down at all.

“Vel, Vel, we’re okay, we’re fine-”

Her flailing arm flew out, the heel of her palm hitting me directly in the nose. I grunted, but managed to keep ahold of her, pain surging all the way to my forehead. We needed to get out of this water. If I wasn’t careful she was going to drown me too.

“Violet!?” RJ yelled from the hole above.

“You need to get Gray out of the water!” Nick called, panic in his generally calm voice.

If I wasn’t trying to conserve my air, I would have pointed out that that was abundantly clear to me already. I dragged her towards the wall, which wasn’t easy as she was still freaking the fuck out, and used the rough rock to tow myself towards where I could see there was solid ground.

Luckily, the pool of water was only about fifteen feet across, and we’d landed smack in the middle. It only took me a minute or two to get us over to the edge of the water. Once Vel spotted where I was taking her she threw herself away from me, dragging herself out of the water. Now that the endless sound of frantic splashing had stopped, I could hear how fast she was breathing, hear how truly terrified she was.

While she recovered, I hauled myself out of the water, supporting myself on my hands and knees. Water dripped off my body onto the damp cave floor along with blood from my face. God, I prayed she hadn’t broken my nose. I had few things left in this world after the bombs, and my looks were one of those things.

Of course some could argue that I’d lost those too thanks to all my facial scars.

“Are you two alright!?” RJ called, this time a little impatiently.

“We’re alive!” I said.

“How’s Gray doing!?” Nick asked.

I looked to Vel, who was lying sprawled out on her back, seeming to be attempting to get her breathing back in order. Her usually messy, short brown hair clung to her forehead, and she seemed pale in the dimly lit cave.

Poor girl had just had one of the worst panic attacks I’d ever witnessed.

“She’s alive too!”

“But is she _okay!?”_

I glared up at the hole, meeting Nick’s concerned stare. I was starting to get better at reading his expressions. Probably because he showed a lot broader range of emotions whenever Vel was involved. With me it was just disappointment or mild happiness. With her there was a whole technicolor wheel of feelings.

“She’s breathing, she’s not bleeding- I think she’s alright!” I yelled, leaning against the wall now. I dragged my sleeve under my nose, flinching at the twinge of pain the action brought.

“I’m fine, Nick,” Vel called, voice thin.

“Alright, I’m coming down!” RJ said.

At the same time all three of us yelled, _“No!”_

He froze, giving each of us a look of bewilderment.

“Jesus, okay, fine. What’s all your guys’ plan then?”

“This is a beach cave,” I said, using the wall to pull myself to my feet. “It’s bound to let out on the shore. You and Nick head to the shoreline and Vel and I will walk this way,” I gestured away from the pool and in the direction we’d been walking before we’d fallen into the hole. “And we’ll meet you where the cave lets out.”

“Well, damn,” Vel muttered.

“What?”

“I was thinking the same thing.”

I rolled my eyes, ignoring the disdain in her voice, choosing not to help her get to her feet even though it was obvious she was struggling. In my first couple months of being in the Commonwealth I’d had plenty of panic attacks. I knew what she was going through, I knew that her legs probably felt like gelatin.

“Sounds good,” Nick called. “You sure you’re alright, Gray?”

“What would you do if I said I wasn’t?” she asked.

“Fair point. I’ll see you two soon!”

With that, Nick’s head disappeared from the hole. RJ was still staring down at me, a mask of worried determination on his face.

“Do not jump down here,” I said.

He sighed.

“Fine. Be safe. Don’t kill each other. I love you.”

I grinned up at him, hoping my positive attitude would rub off on him.

“Love you too.”

He stood up, walking around the hole and disappearing. I sighed, facing forward to discover Vel was already walking. I bit back commenting on her poor team behavior, jogging up beside her. She didn’t say anything, just kept looking ahead.

I let out a huff of air, beginning to pile my soaking wet hair in a messy bun on my head.

A minute or two passed when finally Vel said something.

“Look, thanks for getting me out of the water.”

I shook my head, waving my hands dismissively.

“Do _not_ thank me.”

“Why not?” she grumbled. “Can’t say I would have done the same for you.”

“Still not a reason to thank me. Plus, if I hadn’t distracted you, you wouldn’t have fallen in the first place.”

She scoffed, giving me a disgusted look.

“Oh, fuck you, shut up. Do not pull this self-loathing crap with me. I know it’s just a way to make people feel bad for you instead of getting mad at you.”

My jaw dropped and I almost released a little offended gasp, but I knew better. I wasn’t the prewar housewife anymore, didn’t need to start acting like one now.

“Is that what you think I do?” I asked. She nodded wordlessly. “What? Because I own up to my actions?”

When she spoke next it was in a mocking, lilting voice, her hands clasped together against her chest and her head tilted.

“Oh, I’m ever so sorry I stuck a deranged killer inside Nick’s head, that wasn’t very nice of me, was it?”

Somehow, in spite of her impression of me, I started laughing. I’d never seen her act like that. I must have brought that kind of thing out of her. Of course, I didn’t know her very well, maybe she did things like that all the time.

“God, I hate myself and yet I just can’t get behind whatever _that_ was.”

“Again with the self loathing. Just because you don’t like the things you do doesn’t mean people can’t get mad at you for the things you do,” she said, meeting my stare now.

“What do you want from me, Vel? I’ve apologized, I’ve kept my distance, I’ve let you berate me in the middle of Diamond City, what else can I do for you?”

“Stay the hell away from Nick!”

“I tried!”

“You call this staying away from Nick?” she snapped. “Following him all the way to Far Harbor like a sad little puppy? Refusing to go back to the Commonwealth even though you’re fucking pregnant? That’s keeping your distance?”

Maybe if I wasn’t pregnant I might have been able to keep my cool. Then again, I’d never been particularly patient. Yes, I could be nice, I could be polite, but that didn’t mean I had a good temper. The early days with MacCready were a testament to that.

“Have you ever considered it’s not up to you who Nick spends his time with!? He’s a hundred years old- and he came to me! I only came here because he came to me first. Because you left without a word!”

“I left a note but his desk was too much of a mess for him to find it!”

I was about to reply but instead I started laughing, the fact that this whole thing might have been avoided had Nick just cleaned his desk hilarious to me. At least I wouldn’t be here and neither would RJ. Vel deflated a little. “Why are you laughing?”

“Nothing. I’m just surprised Nick’s desk is messy. Never mind.”

We didn’t speak for another minute. I sighed. “Vel, I know you don’t want me around and I know you don’t want to get to know me.”

“Good.”

I ground my teeth, inhaling through my nose.

“But you’re just gonna have to get passed that.”

She scrunched up her face.

“Why? Because you can’t do what’s right and get out of Nick’s life?”

I decided not to argue with her logic.

“Nope. Can’t.”

She turned, standing in front of me, forcing me to a halt.

“Do you think you’re helping? You’re not! You’re just a miserable, prewar housewife who uses and hurts all the people around-”

“Shut up!”

I’m not proud of what happened next. I had a long list of reasons for why it happened, but excuses couldn’t justify my actions.

My fist flew out as I screamed at her, hitting her smack dab in her nose with a muted _crunch_. She stumbled back, almost toppling over, catching herself on the cave wall. Blood trickled down her face, her bewildered, wide eyes landing on me. I was too upset to experience guilt yet.

“I don’t know if you realize this, but I’ve lost everything. I lost my son, my husband, all my friends, my parents, and even my world! All of them were wiped off the map while I was sleeping! I woke up with no one. But now I have a new family. Nick, and Piper, and Deacon, and RJ, and Shaun, and Danny, and everyone in Sanctuary. Their my new family. And yes, I agree, I fucked up with Nick! I was selfish and stupid but I’m trying to learn! I’m trying to do better. Because this is my second life -I lost my first. So if you think you calling me names and insulting me and threatening me is going to make me give up, you’re wrong. If the bombs didn’t break me, you sure as hell won’t.”

I took in a deep breath, letting my hands drop to my sides. My right hand ached. The only sound was the dripping of water from the roof of the cave to the floor.

“Nice speech,” Vel said, straightening her back and wiping under her nose. “But if you think that’s going to make me like you, you must be more of a dumbass than I thought.”

I groaned, letting my head fall back, rolling my eyes.

“Good talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I spent my whole weekend in Las Vegas packing my husband's grandmother's house and it was... an experience. Point is, I didn't have a literal second of free time, so sorry! Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter! I think it was cathartic for Violet.


	14. Mutant fish, Cultists and Cannibals, oh my

I wanted to get out of this fucking cave. I needed to get out of this god damn cave! When the light flooded down toward us I picked up the pace, barely paying any attention to the fucking house wife beside me. Bad enough that I’d had a mini panic attack around her before but that she’d been right there during one of my worst ones? Damn it, and that hole to hell. My legs were still shaking and I’m sure if I wasn’t so wet there’d be sweat pouring down the back of my neck. If it hadn’t been so sudden it wouldn’t have been so bad. But one minute I was making fun of the woman out of time the next I was submerged. 

God my heart still hadn’t stopped pounding. 

The cave finally opened up and we emerged out onto a stone strewn beach close to the sea. I immediately recoiled when I saw the water, almost backing up into the cave. Instead I backed up into Flynn. She gave me a questioning look, there wasn’t any sympathy there not that I’d want any. 

My nose gave a throb reminding me to keep being furious with her. I plastered an angry look on in response and forced myself to approach the water’s edge. No land marks that I knew from here, at least none I recognized. Damn. At least if this had been the commonwealth I’d know where we were. As usual there was thick cloud cover which made even seeing the sun hard. To our right, which could have been any direction, was a swamp. To our left the water opened up against a cliff side beach. Wreckage a century old scattered the beach. Like everything else in the wasteland it looked like a war zone. “well… I’ve got no fucking clue where we are.”

Flynn stepped up beside me, a brow up. “seriously?”

“what?” I tried to ignore the look and glanced around. “I don’t even see the boys.”

“you have a Pipboy.” 

“so?” this time I couldn’t ignore her. I whirled, hoping my glare would work to make her back down. maybe the blood on my face would help intimidate her, even she’d been the one to put it there. in the very least I supposed I deserved it, after all she had a nice blood nose to match.

Maybe my glare wasn’t quite as strong as I wanted. Or maybe she’d stopped caring. Or maybe since she’d seen that panic attack she’d stopped being afraid of me. If she ever was. In any case she stared right in my eye while her fingers fiddled with the dials on her Pipboy. Brows up she lifted the screen to show me a complete map of the island. “you’ve got a map in it.”

Not even I could stop the sheepish frown taking over my face. I glanced down at my own Pipboy and navigated to the map tab. Sure enough there was the island. I’d honestly thought it only had a map of the commonwealth. It made no sense that it’d have a map of this place too. “thanks….” I grumbled.

“sure.” At least she didn’t jab fun at me for that, but I bet she wanted to.

Nick would have. 

“we gotta find the boys, I’m not running around this island alone with you.” 

“I can pull my own weight.” 

“so you saying you want to fight a pack of Gulpers alone?” I shot at her with anger. 

Her jaw tightened with irritation and I almost thought she was going to argue with me. It would have been funny. Given me an excuse to leave her ass out here alone. Then I remembered she was pregnant. God damn it. 

With a long breath I turned to face the water again. Right, to a likely gulpers’ nest or left, to what might be a dead end in water. Well after the cave I didn’t have much dignity left anyway. Might as well risk a panic attack than getting eaten alive. So I started striding up the coast toward the ruined buildings that loomed out of the fog, trying in vain to clean up my face. The slosh of water used to be comforting. Living in the commonwealth you spent a lot of time near water. Between the sea and the Charles river it was pretty hard to escape. Water used to be a comfort. Now, I’d rather risk the glowing sea than the actual sea any old day. 

My shoulders remained tense as we walked. Passed ruined beach chairs and small little docks that jutted out into the murky water. No Mirelurks popped up which I considered a blessing. Slowly but surely my confidence returned. Which was rapidly dashed as we came around a rock and found that the water sloshed right up to the cliffside. My heart sank and my confidence abandoned me like I was a sinking ship and it was its crew. Sinking ship? Crew? This fucking island was getting to me. 

“can’t go this way….” I murmured under my breath.

“it’s not that deep.” Flynn walked passed me and started wading through the water. It came up to her knees. With outstretched arms she turned to look at me.

This was stupid. This was so fucking stupid. I tried sucking in a breath to take a step into the water. The moment the water flooded my shoe I got flashbacks. The feel of his hands on the back of my head, the pain of the tub pressing into my stomach. I recoiled before I even got my second foot in. “Damn it….” just that little bit sent my heart beat skyrocketing. It felt like I couldn’t breathe. 

Flynn’s arms dropped and she let out an irritated sigh. Didn’t she have any fucking phobias? Didn’t she have any idea what this was like?! No of course she didn’t, she hadn’t been water boarded to within an inch of her life for god damn hours. 

Calm down, just calm down. Fuck where was Nick when I needed him most?

Flynn really could have left me behind right there and then. Walked on through the water and left me to figure out my own route. Instead she trudged back toward me then pointed a little way up the path we’d followed. “there’s some stairs leading up, let’s take those.” 

I glanced over my shoulder and let out a relieved sigh. I’d risk walking up rickety old stairs over a walk through water any day. Eagerly I practically jogged to the stairs and took them two at a time. The further I left behind the shore the better off I’d be. Flynn took up the rear. Didn’t know how to interpret that expression. Probably irritated. My money was on irritated. 

Once we were up on top of the cliff I took in a long thankful breath. With the water down below us and a banister between me and it, I could relax a little. With each breath the world came back into focus. The panic slowly left me to be replaced by several unanswered questions. “so… what exactly are we after again?”

Flynn folded her arms, standing at my side. I hoped she’d forget about everything that had happened down below pretty quick. That wasn’t likely to happen any time soon. Especially since she’d punched me. if I were her, I’d be savoring that memory. “Faraday said that some memory drives went missing in route to Acadia. I’m guessing that means they’ll look like the computer banks DiMA uses.”

“right, ok.” That brought up a couple more questions. Like how the hell he expected four of us to transfer one of those giant computer banks up the side of that goddamn mountain. I guess we’d have to find the damn things first. “and he didn’t even give you any coordinate to them?”

“he didn’t know where the boat crashed.” She shrugged.

I started walking on while I talked over my shoulder at her. We were on the edge of some kind of fishing town. Ruined buildings lined the pier and cracked road. It looked like any neighborhood in the commonwealth. That familiarity was nice. “I guess he didn’t know what caused it to crash in the first place then.”

“could be Gulpers, Anglers, Fog Crawlers. You name it.” Flynn glanced around carefully, as watchful as me. “Trappers even, whatever those are.”

“I don’t like the sound of that.”

It was about to get worse.

We came to a cracked crossroads, with a truck and a red car left abandoned in the middle of it. The fog swirled around, making it hard to pick out movement in it. The buildings looked mostly intact around here. It was too quiet. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end a split second too late. I’d like to blame the residual panic from the water on my laps in awareness but I can’t.

Five or six men popped out from behind buildings and cars, screaming and yelling out like a bunch of wild animals. Some of them brandished wood planks and guns, the usual raider stock weapons. Others charged with god damn harpoons. I was not about to get turned into a human shish kabab on this god damn island by a bunch of idiots! As they charged I waited for just the right moment to dodge.

Flynn instead shoved me out of the way. I wasn’t ready for it and ended up tripping on my own feet just as the mad man careened passed me. She swung around and fired at him. Her shots were good, and took him down with two bullets to the back. Another raider swung his plank toward her face. I kicked her legs out from under her then shot the man in the face. She hit the concrete herd and I flinched in sympathy as her head smacked into the ground. 

The other raiders backed up a little, clearly having realized they weren’t attacking helpless travelers. Flynn got to her feet, rubbing the back of her head. We stood back to back, keeping watch on every side. There were only four of them and they circled us, grinning. Saliva dripped down their chins. It made me want to throw up. “plan?” Flynn murmured out the corner of her mouth.

“don’t die.” I answered.

“that’s really helpful O'Malley.”

I smirked. “don’t go down, if you do they’ll swarm you.” 

Guess she decided that was a little more helpful. There were only four of these fuckers. How hard could it be to kill them or escape? Not very. As we turned in a circle I came face to face with the road that lead into town and more buildings. We could use those to our advantage in a chase. Being out in the open like this would just get us killed. “when I say run, run dead ahead got that?” 

“fine.” At least she wasn’t arguing with me.

“don’t go!” one of the raider freaks jeered. A particularly stupid looking one with a wooden cage on his head. If he called that a helmet then my gun was a dress. “we’re having dinner and you’re our special guests!”

The rest of them sniggered. Whatever they meant by dinner and guests I was guessing wouldn’t be particularly pleasant for us.

We turned in another circle. Only four. Pop one in the head, another in the chest then follow Flynn. Hopefully she wouldn’t be stupid enough to try and fight with me. Hopefully she wouldn’t think twice about running off. Looking back would just ruin this plan. Once I had my back to the road, and Flynn faced it, I started firing. “Run!”

Flynn’s back left mine. I shot one raider in the head, then capped another in the chest. That’d have to be enough. I turned around and chased Flynn’s retreating back down the road. Roars of rage went up through the raiders. Several pairs of feet ran after us. Not just two, it sounded like half a dozen. Where the hell had the others been hiding?! I risked a glance back to confirm my suspicions. Sure enough a crowd of the damn idiots were chasing us now. 

“keep going Flynn!” I yelled, turning forward. She cleared the buildings ahead and turned left. For the time being that was as safe as she was about to get. 

If I hadn’t been paying attention to her I might have noticed the idiots running along the roof beside me. I might have realized they jumped right at the moment to get in my way. And I might have figured out that I should change directions. None of that happened.

Instead an armor crusted raider landed clumsily right in my path. I put on an extra burst of speed, aiming to smash my foot into the side of his head while he was on a knee. Then something heavy and loud smashed into me from above. I went tumbling to the ground, head over heels. Elbows and fists were exchanged between me and the thing wrestling me. I got a knee up where it hurt and the raider rolled off me groaning. I span around, dizzy from the roll, trying to recover. A wood plank swung out of nowhere and smashed into my face hard. My already broken nose let out a spurt of fresh blood, tears sprang to my eyes and I staggered. Another plank swung into the back of my head. I overbalanced and crashed to the ground. 

By some miracle my gun was still gripped in my hand. I got up on my back, gripping the gun in both hands. I fired blindly up at the man with the plank. Blood spurted from his shoulder and he retreated swearing. Then a foot connected with the side of my head. I twisted over groaning in time to catch sight of Flynn up the road.

She stood there, looking back and forth between the road ahead, and me. “run you fucking idiot!” I yelled. “get the fuck out of here!” 

Her red hair whirled around in circles for a second longer before she pulled her gun and charged back toward me. She fired as she ran. Making the raiders circling me scatter in every direction. One of them landed dead beside me, a bloody hole in his face. Dizzy, blood dripping from my hairline, I got on my hands and knees. Flynn reached me, her hand wrapped around my bicep. “get up, we have to move.”

“don’t tell me what to do.” Using her as a crutch I tried to stand. The world tilted under me but Flynn kept me steady as I rose. 

When I was finally steady on my feet I looked up. Just in time to see the fist smash into the back of Flynn’s head. She took a couple steps forward before she tripped and went down. If she hadn’t been holding me up she might have seen the damn thing coming. When she went down I went down too. My gun flew from my hand. When I reached for it a booted foot came down on top of my hand and I cried in pain. 

“fucking bitch.” A voice growled over my head. 

The rest of the raiders swarmed us. A few kicks landed in my sides which I took without uttering a single grunt. Flynn lay still beside me, taking none of the beating which I could be grateful for. Sure she deserved some punishment but not while she was pregnant. 

“get them up!” a deep angry voice broke over the top of the snarls. “put them in the diner, we’ll cut them up later. Nice and slow.”

“the fuck does that mean?” I grumbled as two pairs of hands hauled me to my feet. Someone had my pistol pointed at me and that alone was enough to make me angry. 

A guy stood in front of me, wearing full metal armor and looking sufficiently intimidating. He had my pistol. “what do ya think it means? We’re gonna eat you nice and slow. Waste not want not.”

“fucking great.” I groaned at the sky, my head tilted back. “mutant fish, worms and dolphins, then cultists now god damn insane cannibals! This island literally can’t get any worse!” 

Got a fist to the face for that. With the taste of blood in my mouth they dragged us back the way we’d come deeper into town. This camp was pretty well fortified. Besides the buildings they’d erected some walls up and even had turrets. Had to admire a good entrenchment when you saw one. They stuck us in what according to the sign outside had once been an ice cream shop. Whatever the fuck ice cream was. 

Flynn was groggy as they tied our hands then shoved us side by side behind the counter. The boss, who I was going to nick name Dipshit until I killed him, leaned over. “go ahead and try something, that turret will fill you full of lead before you can get up. We’ll have to make human surprise out of you after that.”

The cannibals all laughed like it was the funniest thing they’d ever heard. 

They left, following their boss Dipshit out the door. One of them stayed by the door, standing guard. At least they weren’t butchering us quite yet. I liked to imagine they went off to argue about the best way to cook us. Slow roasted on a fire. Boiled. Maybe charred like a steak. 

Flynn sat up beside me, eyes wide awake and bright. “well you recover quick don’t you?” I grumbled, going to work on the ropes that bound my hands. These guys knew how to tie their knots. They were sailors, or something close to that so I shouldn’t have been surprised. 

“I was faking it.” she replied quietly. 

“figures.” That didn’t annoy me as much as it probably should have. The prospect of being eaten alive by a bunch of men probably dampened my temper a bit. “why’d you come back for me? I told you to run.” 

Flynn leaned forward and got up on her knees to glance around the ruined building. There were some booths, windows and a juke box playing some melodramatic piano music that frankly, made me want to shoot it. The whirring of a turret could be heard just beyond the walls. “I’ve never left anyone behind.”

I scoffed. “even after all the shit I give you, you came back for me. The actual hell is wrong with you?”

“I don’t know.” She gave a half hearted genuine shrug before sliding back down beside me. Her green eyes met mine and I felt a little rage surface again.

“I’m not worth saving you idiot.” 

“I don’t care.” her eyes tightened in disgust. “now help get these ropes off. I’ve got an idea.” 

I felt like arguing. Flynn had no idea who I was. Macready might have told her about the raider thing and if she knew that much she should have wanted me as dead as the people planning on eating us. And yet she didn’t. More out of frustration than anything I turned around and put our backs together. My fingers found the ropes on her wrist and I went to work on the knot. “what’s the plan? There are seven out there and one injured. For all we know there could be more. Not to mention the turret.”

“yeah, we sound a bit screwed.” She replied mildly, like I was stating the obvious. 

“so what’s the plan?” I grumbled around gritted teeth. My nails finally found purchase and I pulled the knot loose.

The ropes came off of her hands. She turned to face me, stooped low and glaring. “first thing is that turret, stay here.”

“hey!” I wriggled against my own ropes, glaring as she crept away from me. “what about mine?!”

“quiet in there!” 

I grimaced irritably after her as she disappeared around the crack in the wall. Judging by the lack of shooting and screams the turret hadn’t noticed her. A few seconds later her head came around the corner. Thumbs up. Then she started mouthing something at me. 

Now it was easy having a silent conversation with someone you were used to arguing with on the job. When talking would draw the Deathclaw to you. Nick and I had years of practice with it. Flynn though…. she kept mouthing words at me, gesturing toward the door wildly. And I just stared at her with irritation. 

“are you having a seizure?” I hissed at her.

She stopped gesturing and rolled her eyes exaggeratedly. Stiffly she pointed at the door. “call the guard….” 

Oh great this game. The baiting game. Fuck it. “hey!” I yelled over my shoulder at the door. “hey cannibal freak! Why don’t you come in here and show me what you’re made of!” 

“shut the hell up meat sack!” he replied. 

“this meat sack killed two of your buddies!” I shouted back, hopefully this wouldn’t draw many others to us. “don’t you want to teach me a lesson? Come on! Or are you too scared to beat on a defenseless mainlander?!” 

“I said shut up!” bellowing he came marching through the door, fury clear on his face. In fact he was so angry he didn’t even notice Flynn hiding, or the fact that she was missing. At least not until he had his hands around my collar. “I hope we eat you from the feet up bitch! Nice and slow.”

“maybe you should start with the brain, seems like you could use one.” 

“you fucking cunt.” He raised his fist.

And Flynn wrapped the rope tight around his throat. He gagged on his last words, feet kicking while he reached up. I kicked at his feet, forcing him to lose his stance. His full weight came down on the rope. Somehow Flynn managed to hold on to it. He chocked and gasped. There wasn’t much he could do while the rope bit into him. Several seconds passed during the silent struggle. Eventually his eyelids fluttered and he went totally limp. 

“quick get my hands free before he wakes up.” 

Panting Flynn picked her way around the unconscious cannibal and untied the rope from my wrists. Before she had the chance to protest I reached for the cannibal’s knife and stabbed him in the eye. 

“what the hell?!” she screeched quietly. “he was down you didn’t have to kill him.” 

I cleaned the knife off and went searching for weapons on his dead body. “and risk him waking up to stab us in the back? Not likely.” He had a pipe-pistol and a couple grenades. Not much, especially considering what we had to go up against. “there are six left and an injured one. You take the gun.”

“wait hold on, we can just go, sneak out passed the turret.” She waved at the crack in the wall she’d crawled through.

“do you really want to leave these madmen alive to hurt more innocent people?” I narrowed my eyes on hers, daring her to argue with me. 

Indecision washed over her face for a split second. True she wanted to get out of here, and that self preservation instinct was a good thing. With a baby on the way she had better start listening to it. She fought with that noble side that Nick seemed to have in common with her. “fine…. We’ll stay and finish them.” 

“good.” Plus I wanted my gun back. That Dipshit was gonna eat lead. 

Standing up a little I scanned the area out the window. There looked to be only one or two of the cannibals milling around the quart yard in front. A third was making his way up the road. Flynn stood up beside me, gun gripped in her hand while I held the knife. “rush them?”

“lead them around the side of the building, I’ll come up from behind.” I murmured back. It was her turn to play bait. 

That didn’t sit right with her, clearly. At least she didn’t argue. Grumbling under her breath she jumped over the counter and shouted at the cannibals. “hey! Fuckers! Over here!”

They whirled on her, mouths flying open. She dashed away to the far side of the building. They gave chase almost immediately. They were so stupid they didn’t even raise the alarm. They ran passed the window. I leapt over the counter next. Racing after them. Once they were on the other side of the building Flynn span around to face her attackers. I caught the furthest one around the neck and stabbed him in the throat. The other one kept running at her. I expected Flynn to fire before he reached her. I’d get it even if the gunshot did alert the others. Instead she waited until her gun was pressed into his stomach then fired. 

The gunshot was effectively muffled and he went down in a bloody heap. Two more down. Five to go. Well four and a half. “stay low and quiet. With luck the grenades will do the rest.” I murmured at her.

Silently she nodded. 

We crept back into the quart yard and followed the road further down the coast. Eventually we heard someone scream in pain and we both went down. 

“shut up! It’s just a bullet you piece of shit.” 

“that bitch shot me!”

“she killed two of our people. I’m going to eat her eyes while she’s still alive to feel it.” another voice growled. 

As terrible as it sounded to get my eyes eaten out by cannibals while I was still breathing, I couldn’t help but smirk. They had no idea what was in store for them. Flynn pointed to a house at the end of the road and I nodded. We followed the voices, and screams, right up to the house. 

“what we are going to do with these computer parts boss?” another voice questioned above the cries of pain.

“we’ll sell ‘em. I’m sure someone is missing them. Probably that old synth up on the mountain.” That was Dipshit’s voice. As much as I’d have liked to shove my new knife in his face, getting that close wasn’t much of an option. 

The house was crawling with what was left of the cannibals. They’d made their main camp here. Flynn peeked around the corner just enough. “they’re all there….”

I handed her one of the grenades. “count of three.”

She nodded and pulled the pin.

“one,” I pulled mine and got ready to lob the grenade through the broken window. “two… three.” At the same time we tossed the balls of death inside.

“what the fuck?!”

“Grenade!” 

“everyone down!” one of the cannibals managed to get clear of the building, racing right passed our hiding space just as the grenades went off. Flynn stood up and fired at the cannibal before he even had the chance to turn around. He flailed wildly and a gun flew from his hands. 

I darted forward and scooped it up. As I pulled the slide I realized it was actually Flynn’s gun. Deliverer? Something like that. Eh I’d use it for now. Together we barged into the house. The body of one cannibal lay in pieces on the ground. A bloodstain a few feet away marked where another had been eviscerated. 

The remaining two jumped from an upper level between me and Flynn. I whirled around just in time to dodge the harpoon aiming for my stomach. Backing up I threw up the pistol. It was Dipshit. He looked so angry under the blood of his fellow cannibals that he could have been deranged. Who was I kidding, he _was_ deranged. He threw the harpoon with surprising accuracy and speed. It sailed over my shoulder, tearing my coat and skin as it went. Blood quickly spread down my front and back. The pain made it hard to aim. Thankfully at this range I barely had to. 

Three bullets left the barrel and tore him open. He slumped to the ground, as dead as the rest of them. As he went down I switched my gaze to Flynn, expecting that I’d have to kill her opponent too. Only hers was already down. She leaned over her knees, panting, looking pleased. “well… that sucked….”

“at least we’re not dead.” I offered with a shrug. My shoulder stung in response. Might need stitches for that. With a kick I knocked Dipshit over to find my gun slotted into his belt. The familiar weight back in my hand I sighed. “here, nice gun, good handling.”

“thanks.” She took Deliverer back, still panting. “we made a pretty good team….”

“yeah… I guess we did….” And I wasn’t about to admit that twice. I turned my back on her and scanned the house. “they said something about computer parts, might be what we’re looking for. Spread out.”

“hold on, you’re bleeding.” She tapped my injured shoulder gently.

I shrugged her off and turned. “so are you.” I pointed at her nose.

“you’ve got that too.” Flynn nodded at my face.

Gingerly I touched my nose only to wince when it shot pain up my forehead. “I’m telling Nick.”

“and I’ll tell him you did this!” she pointed at her own face.

I laughed, waving my hand. “alright fine, shall we agree not to tell him?” 

Footsteps came racing around the side of the house. We threw up our guns together only to relax when Nick and Macready appeared. Relief flooded the former’s face as he ran forward. “Gray! God damn it what happened to meeting us on the shore?” 

“sorry.” I mumbled into his shoulder, ignoring the pain shooting up my arm.

Macready had Flynn wrapped up in his arms too, mumbling gratefully about her being alive. “I’m fine RJ, you can calm down now.” she patted his back, like the separation hadn’t bothered her nearly that much. “how’d you find us?”

“we heard the explosions and followed a hunch.” Nick held me out at arm’s length, looking me over with a grim expression. “are you sure you’re alright? It looked bad in that cave….”

It was bad, it had been the worst it’s ever been. Saying as much would just make Nick feel guilty for not coming in after me so I forced a smile. “honestly…. It could have been worse.” 

“are you sure you’re ok Vi? That nose might be broken.”

“don’t say that!” Flynn’s hands shot to her nose, her green eyes going wide. 

“yeah don’t say that.” I chuckled, grinning at her. “she’s only got so much of her good looks left.”

“gray.” Nick groaned.

Flynn narrowed her eyes at me from behind her hands. “you know what O'Malley?”

“yeah?”

She flipped me off. 

“I deserve that.” 

After our respective boyfriends cleaned up our injuries, and Nick stopped trying to get me to apologize, we searched for the drives. We found two of them and Nick announced that they looked like the tech DiMA used. With those well in hand we left the fishing town and started back to the observatory. There wasn’t as much tension between us as there had been on the way out. Not by any effort of mine. I still gave Flynn the cold shoulder but to my astonishment she actually shot a couple jokes at me. 

When we got into the building Nick and I took the drives from the other two. “we’ve got a room down in the storage room if you two want to get cleaned up.” Nick offered without consulting me first.

“there any food to be had?” Macready question, like a child. 

Nick rolled his eyes. “ask Cog, I’m sure he’s got something.”

“thanks.” Macready wandered off down the stairs in search of Cog. 

I had to wonder how long it would take before he realized he didn’t know who Cog was. My eyes strayed to Flynn who was looking at me like she was debating with herself. I narrowed my eyes. “your nose is bleeding again.”

“oh shit.” She threw a hand up to her face, dropping her gaze. 

“go take care of that, we’ll meet you down stairs.” Nick chuckled walking toward the main room.

I followed him, smirking to myself at the house wife’s obsession with her broken nose. I probably should apologize since I’m pretty sure I’d been the one to do it. It was funnier to watch her squirm. Then again, she had broken my nose, so maybe that made us even. DiMA was preoccupied with one of the monitors or I’m sure he’d have tried to get Nick to stop and chat. Since setting up camp in Acadia DiMA had barley left Nick alone long enough to give me and him, well alone time. Faraday took the drives from us, looking a little disappointed that we’d only found two. He still handed over a bag of caps. 

As we made our back to the basement level I poked my nose into the bag. “two hundred, think I can steel a hundred and Flynn would notice?” 

“so how’d it go out there?” Nick pointedly ignored my question and changed the subject.

With a small sigh I tied the bag back up. “we came out of the cave and ran into some cannibals. Tried to get Flynn to run but she came back for me like some kind of idiot.”

“I’m going to have to thank her for that.” He smirked.

“we both got captured anyway.” I rolled my eyes at his satisfied look. “probably would have gotten shot without her distraction. She did a pretty good job during the escape too. Have to admit. Escapes are made easier with a partner.”

“so what I’m hearing….” Nick said slowly as we walked out into the hall on the lowest basement level. “is that she basically saved your life.”

“I didn’t say that.” Indignantly I shot him a glare. “did I say that? I didn’t say that. Don’t put words in my mouth.”

“words or not.” He grinned at me, this time tenderly. “you’re warming up to her.” 

“maybe I am.” I still glowered at him as we approached the door to our room.

Then I heard Flynn’s voice drifting out of the door, curious and confused. “V3-27, Epsilon 78 cirrus?”

The last thing I saw was Nick reaching for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we are. I’m curious what you all think of this. How many of you thought she was synth and how many of you thought she was human? I’ve had this planned since before Crooked Woman. Hope I haven’t upset anyone. 
> 
> As usual thank you so much for your time and for supporting us. We want to hear what you think so don’t forget to comment and leave kudos if you are enjoying this adventure! 
> 
> I’ll see you all in a week, and as usual, write on.


	15. I want to twist the structure of my average day

“Now, I’m no doctor-”

“Whaaa?” I said, cutting RJ off and widening my eyes. He gave me a flat look and I snickered. “Sorry, go on.”

He dabbed at my nose with a cloth, a little harder than he had been before, and continued, saying, “I don’t think it’s broken. It’s not all… wompy.”

“You sure you’re not a doctor? Don’t know if I can understand that medical jargon. What’s wompy mean?”

Now he couldn’t fight back his amused smile and he folded his arms, leaning against the makeshift desk in the room, shaking his head. We were standing in Vel and Nick’s room that DiMA had had set up for them. I hadn’t wanted to bother seeing Aster when RJ could easily give me a stimpak.

“I don’t know why I put up with you.”

I smiled, putting my hands behind my back and swinging up on my tiptoes.

“Because I’m cute?”

He gave me his signature crooked smile, pulling me forward.

“Good point.”

He pressed a kiss to my lips, but his nose bumped my nose and I sucked in a high pitched breath, wrenching my head back. His eyebrows pulled together and he grimaced at me. “Ah, crap, sorry. That’s going to get annoying.”

I sighed.

“You can thank Vel for this.”

His eyes narrowed.

“Who hits the person trying to save them? I swear, O’Malley-”

“RJ, you know she wasn’t in control of herself -she was scared. It’s fine, I’m not mad.”

He straightened his back, moving to sit on the edge of the one bed in the room. I could see now that there was only one thing on the desk: A small piece of paper with something scrawled on it in messy handwriting.

“You might not be mad, but I am.”

“Don’t be silly,” I said, picking up the paper with a frown.

“I’m not! Why don’t you react normally to anything? You always gotta be so reasonable?”

I gave him a look, smiling and shaking my head.

“You’ll be eating those words when the pregnancy hormones turn me into a monster.”

He laughed.

“I’ve handled a pregnant woman before, I’m not too worried.”

“Well, apparently pregnancy makes me violent because I may or may not have punched…”

I became too distracted by trying to read the paper.

“Punched what? What’s that?” he asked, gesturing to the paper. “What does it say?”

I squinted, trying to make out the words.

“I dunno… V3-27, Epsilon 78 cirrus?”

That was when Nick’s voice carried through the doorway from beyond the room, full of panicked shock.

“Gray!?”

RJ and I exchanged a confused glance, rushing out of the room. Nick was standing a few feet away from the doorway, Vel limp in his arms. He gently lowered himself to his knees, supporting her in his lap like she were a child.

“What’s wrong with her-”

And then it hit me. Two memories came crashing through my mind like tidal waves.

The first was Little Shaun standing with slumped shoulders in his glass cage in the Institute. The second was B5-92, the synth from Libertalia, his identity erased the moment I spoke his authorization code.

I’d done the same thing to Vel. Vel was a synth. What kind of damage I might have done to her was unclear. I hoped that I’d just temporarily… shut her off.

My stomach ached.

“Nick, Nick, tell me she already knew, tell me you both already knew she was a synth,” I said in a shaking voice, kneeling on the floor beside them. “Please, Nick, tell me this wasn't the moment.”

“Kid, I _can't,”_ he choked out, looking up at me with distress in his glowing eyes, a hand on vel’s cheek.

I covered my mouth and nose with two hands, my eyes filling with tears.

“Oh, god, what have I done?”

He spoke stiffly, clearly struggling to compose himself. I couldn’t imagine what was going through his head. “I need to get her to a bed.”

He scooped her into his arms, moving to his feet and striding into their room. RJ helped me stand. “It’s okay, Vi, you didn’t know. It’s not your fault.”

“How!?” I cried, voice cracking. “I’m the one who said it- This isn’t how they should be finding this out!”

“I’m the one who asked you what the paper said-”

“It doesn’t matter! I’m the one who said it. Oh, god.”

I covered my whole face now, lips trembling, tears flowing.

“Come on, let’s see what we can do,” RJ said, leading me into the room.

Vel was on the bed, still unconscious. If I didn’t know better I would just think she was sleeping. I couldn’t believe it. She was a synth. What did this mean for her? For Nick?

Nick was kneeling beside the bed, holding her hand, his head bowed.

“What do we do?” I asked, pretending I wasn’t crying. “How do we help her?”

He shook his head.

“I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know how long this will last. I don’t know if saying it again will wake her up. I don’t want to risk hurting her,” he said.

“Nick, I’m so sorry-”

“I know, kid. I know. You didn’t know.”

“Still-”

“Kid, _please_ ,” he said, looking up at me, an inscrutable expression on his face. “I know you feel bad, but I can’t… I can’t deal with that right now.”

I nodded, wiping under my eye.

“You’re right, I’m sorry.”

We were all silent. What was there to say? Should we get DiMA? He would probably only offer emotional support. I wondered if he was going to be excited, maybe a little satisfied when he was informed that Vel was a synth. Finally, I said, “I think… I think maybe RJ and I should go back to Far Harbor.”

Nick didn’t speak. I continued, “I think it’d be for the best if we weren’t here when she wakes up.”

He hung his head again.

“God, what am I going to say to her? This might destroy her…”

He didn’t seem to be talking to us. I wondered if he’d even heard what I’d said. I couldn’t imagine what he was going through. I wasn’t sure how far back he and Vel’s relationship went and now wasn’t the time to ask. But I wondered what it was like to have the rug pulled out from under you like this.

The real question was, was Vel a replacement, or a freed synth with her own identity?

Again, something I couldn’t ask.

“I’m so sorry,” I repeated, in spite of the fact that my words might have been falling on deaf ears. “Tell her for me when she wakes up.”

With that said, I turned, striding in the direction of the stairs. RJ walked beside me, easily keeping pace with me. He didn’t say anything. Tears still dripped down my cheeks, trailing down my neck. God, what had I done?

She deserved more than that. She shouldn’t have had to find out this way. I shouldn’t have been there for it. No one should have. Except maybe Nick. This was such an insane, life changing revelation and it shouldn’t have been brought on by some nosy idiot like me.

DiMA said something to me as we blew through the top floor of the observatory, but I didn’t hear it. I didn’t stop to find out what he’d said either, I didn’t care. I just needed to get out of there.

I needed to pretend I hadn’t just potentially destroyed a whole life.

We reached Far Harbor in silence, RJ beginning to glance over at me more frequently, in a way that I thought he thought was subtle, concern gnawing at his brow. I wanted to tell him it was okay, I was going to be fine, but I wasn’t sure I would be until Vel woke up.

Once we were in Far Harbor a pit formed in my stomach. I didn’t just want to go back to my room… All I would do there is think about what I’d done. Knowing me, I’d think about everything I’d done. I’d think about all the murders on my hands, think about abandoning everyone for a month, think about getting MacCready shot at Bunker Hill. Think about killing my son.

As if the universe were sensing my need for a distraction, Captain Avery’s voice came from inside a building to my left. I came to a stop, listening, ignoring RJ who was questioning why I’d stopped.

“Look, I believe in protecting Far Harbor as much as you, but that’s why I don’t think sending someone out past the fog condensers is a good idea-”

“If we want to make people safe, we’re going to need those tools!” The Mariner snapped back. “This is a pointless argument, none of these ungrateful wretches are willing to help anyway-”

RJ knew my well enough to guess what was going through my mind.

“Violet, no-”

Forcing myself into an interaction with people I didn’t want to appear vulnerable around was sure to help suppress my rapidly deteriorating mental health. As if I was making my first appearance of the episode in a sitcom, I swung into the doorway of the Mariner’s home, grinning.

“Did someone say they need a dangerous job done?”

Captain Avery was standing in the middle of the room while the Mariner sat in a chair, her shoulders hunched over. Both their heads turned in alarm to look at me.

“Oh, Miss Flynn, you’re alright,” Captain Avery said. “The last I saw you, Longfellow was dragging you to see Teddy.”

“You killed that fog crawler for Cassie Dalton, didn’t you?” The Mariner said, a smile beginning to tug at her lips. I knew exactly what she was thinking and it was exactly what I wanted. A mission. A distraction. “That poor woman’s been wanting revenge on that thing for years. No one before you had the guts to go out there and kill it.”

RJ stared down at me, eyebrow cocked questioningly but I ignored him.

“Well, where I come from I’m sort of known for helping people,” I bragged, folding my arms and leaning against the door frame.

“And throwing herself into dangerous situations,” RJ added, irritation coating his words.

I shrugged.

“Someone’s gotta do it.”

RJ was going to give me a hard time for whatever this persona I’d just adopted was. Captain Avery rolled her eyes and the Mariner got to her feet, coming to stand in front of me, a determined look on her face.

“I heard you were asking around the other day to see if anyone needed help. Well, I do. The night you and that synth detective arrived, the hull took a battering. I’ll admit that she wouldn’t be standing if it wasn’t for you two and O’Malley. But in order to make proper repairs I need tools. Specialized tools. And they won’t be easy to come by. 450 caps if you can though.”

My eyebrows shot up. It had been awhile since I’d been rewarded monetarily for a job. Most of the time I turned it down or didn’t even ask -something MacCready always complained about. I made most of my money through caravans I had that traded with Goodneighbor and Diamond City, something that was only sometimes lucrative. Sometimes people also forced caps into my hands after I helped them, so that helped keep caps in my pocket.

Now that Sanctuary was becoming a real settlement and my family was also expanding, I figured it was about time to stop turning people down when they wanted to pay me.

“Alright, sign me up.”

******

“Ferals,” RJ said. “Lots of ferals.”

I sighed, my gaze falling to the Deliverer in my hand. I was sitting beside him on a hill while he checked out the scene through the scope of his sniper rifle. The whole journey to the tannery had been mostly silent. RJ must have known I still wasn’t up for talking. It probably would have been nice, probably helped take my mind off of Vel lying in Nick’s arms, crumpled, unresponsive.

Shut down.

It wasn’t that I was upset that she was a synth -that didn’t mean much to me personally. I knew it would mean a lot to her and to Nick, but I hardly new Vel. But having that kind of control over someone? Violating someone in the way I did to her? It made me sick. “Vi?”

I looked up, jumping a little, realizing how deeply I’d been frowning at my gun.

“Hm- What?”

“You alright in there?” he said, putting a hand on my cheek.

I leaned into his touch, mustering a small smile.

“No, not really.”

He held my head in both hands now, dropping his rifle onto the cracked earth below us.

“Violet, you didn’t know. You didn’t know.”

“It doesn’t mean I didn’t do it,” I said, implored, as if convincing him I was a bad person would create some sense of relief. Like I could stop being at war with myself all the time, stop always feeling guilty for every decision I’d made since leaving the vault. Just accept what I was. A leech.

“If you hadn’t done it, it would have been me.” He smiled. “We’re nosy people.”

I laughed now, but the sound was off, strangled.

“Fair point.”

“Now that we’ve worked that out, I also have to let you know that I don’t support this plan and I think we should have stayed in Far Harbor.”

I frowned.

“Why?”

His eyes widened a fraction, his mouth hanging open.

“Because you’re _pregnant_ , idiot.”

“Oh, yeah. True.”

He rolled his eyes, shoving onto his feet, snatching up his sniper rifle. It was comforting to know that he’d come to terms with the fact that there wasn’t much of a point arguing with me.

He stuck a hand out, helping me up. “So, what’s the plan? We go in there, guns a-blazing?”

RJ grinned at me.

“Vi, when have we ever made a different plan?”

I beamed back at him and then we made our way down the hill, towards the tannery. There was some ferals lying around outside and we made quick work of them, blowing out their brains before they had a chance to stand.

RJ flipped his rifle over so it hung on his back, wrenching his pistol from it’s holster and threw open the door to the tannery. We both strode inside, guns held in front of us, trying to keep our footsteps quiet.

Across the dark room from us, between huge pieces of equipment, three ferals got to their feet, groaning. RJ quickly dispatched one with a single bullet, it’s brain matter splattering all over the wall behind it. While he did so I killed one with two almost well aimed bullets, clipping it’s cheekbone and then hitting it’s forehead. We both took aim at the third when a guttural snarl reached my ears.

I looked up, frowning, just in time for something to drip onto my cheek and forehead. A feral ghoul dropped on top of me from the catwalk above, sending both of us sprawling to the floor. I pressed my lips tightly shut, wrestling with the ghoul as it snapped it’s bloody jaws at me.

RJ grabbed it, wrenching it backwards and pressed his gun into it’s temple, firing twice.

I scrambled to my feet, wiping off the blood on my face with the sleeve of my new sweater. I’d had to retire my old sweater and jeans after my fight with the fog crawler. As intimidating as I looked covered in black green blood and with one of the legs of my jeans cut away, it just wasn’t what I was going for.

“Thanks for that,” I said, eyes going to the catwalk. “Let’s look around.”

We checked the whole room but there were no tools -at least not the ones we needed. Fortunately there was a ramp that lead down into a basement. The tools would probably be down there. Less fortunate was the fact that it was pitch black down there, meaning even with my pipboy’s light on feral ghouls would have an easier time catching us by surprise.

“Maybe you should just wait here.”

“What? Why? You don’t have a light,” I said, gesturing to the darkness that engulfed the bottom of the concrete ramp.

“Yeah, and you’re pregnant. Just give me your pipboy and I’ll go down there.”

I hung my head, gritting my teeth.

“Look, I know I’m pregnant, I don’t need to be reminded of it all the time, I know. I get it. But I’m here and I’m not gonna sit on the sidelines, alright?”

When I looked up at him he seemed legitimately angry with me, his jaw clenched, brows pulled into a frown.

“And I don’t get a say in this at all? I just have to pray I can protect you -BOTH of you?”

Uh oh. That made me mad.

“I don’t need you to protect me, RJ! I did fine before you got here!” I took in a short breath, closing my eyes and pressing a hand to my forehead. It was fair for him to be scared. It was fair for him to be frustrated with me. I needed to calm down. Thankfully, he waited for me to do so and didn’t start filling the silence with more yelling. “Look, after we figure out what’s going on on this island, I’ll go home, and I’ll stay put. I’ll stay in Sanctuary, I won’t go on jobs, I’ll keep myself safe. Just let me finish what I’ve started here. I don’t know why, but I feel like Nick and Vel need me, even if they don’t know it. Maybe it’s my ego, I don’t know. But I just think the two of them aren’t going to be enough to deal with whatever’s going on here, alright? In fact, I think they’re going to need both of us.”

RJ let out a sigh that was really more of a growl, looking at the ceiling above us as if it was going to give him all the answers, flexing his jaw.

“Fine. Fine. _Fine!_ But if anything happens to you, Vi, I don’t know-”

“Nothing will. Now let’s go into this scary basement and get those tools for the Mariner.”

With that, I switched on the dim, green light of my pipboy and we descended the ramp. At first, we saw no sign of ferals -only rows of metal shelves covered in various tools and supplies. We wordlessly veered to the left, checking between the first set of shelves. RJ stopped to keep an eye out for any ferals that might wake up, standing at the opposite end of the shelves as I crept through the aisle.

Sitting against the wall was a large chest, the lid half open. Beside the chest was a green duffle bag that was zipped closed. I opened the chest first, rummaging through it with care, not wanting to miss the tools amongst all the ammo and weapons. I collected all the ammo and then moved onto the duffel bag.

I opened it quickly and was immediately greeted by the power tools the Mariner had described. I grinned, pulling the zipper closed, and getting to my feet.  
Since I’d been using my pipboy light to examine things on my end of the aisle, I had unintentionally left RJ in the dark. And since RJ was a cocky bastard, he hadn’t bothered to point this fact out to me. That meant that when the feral ghoul that had been sleeping in the row of shelves over from us had woken up -thanks to the sound of me sifting through the weapons in the chest- neither of us had heard it, and RJ sure as hell hadn’t seen it.

And so, as I began dragging the duffle bag towards MacCready, creating more noise that masked the low growling of the feral, RJ, who was turning to face me, had no idea that it was barreling towards him at that very second.

No, it wasn’t until the thing latched onto his left arm that he became aware of it’s presence.

He cried out, and I held up my pipboy, shining it in his direction, my heart pounding. The green light that illuminated the scene only seemed to make things seem worse, turning RJ’s blood black as it spurted out from between the ferals teeth.

I wrenched my gun from it’s holster, taking aim and shooting three bullets at the feral. It’s head exploded from the first, the rest hitting the concrete wall. RJ shoved it’s body away from him, stumbling back, bracing himself against the wall. The sleeve of his left arm was ripped open, a thin coating of blood making the fabric shine in the light of the pipboy.

I ran over to him, almost tripping on the strap of the duffle bag I’d dropped.

“Are you okay?” I asked, voice thin, throat tight. “God, I’m so sorry, RJ, I’m so sorry.”

He waved a hand at me, shaking his head, sweat on his brow.

“It’s fine, I’m alright. Just a little surprised.”

Gently I lifted his arm, a hand on his elbow and the other on his wrist. The feral had bitten his forearm in almost the same place the fire ant had when we’d been at Little Lamplight. There were no holes in the warn fabric, but it appeared to be embedded in his skin.

“We need to get back to Far Harbor. You need a doctor.”

“Got a stimpak?” he asked, weakly raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah, yeah, I do. Sit down.”

Without a moment's hesitation, he slid down the wall and I dropped to my knees beside him, yanking off my backpack. Too panicked to search through it, I dumped the contents onto the dusty floor. Two cans of purified water, a can of spam, bandages, ammo, my knife, a bottle of radaways, two stimpaks, and finally, DiMA’s two holotapes clattered to the floor.

I’d almost forgotten about the holotapes. I frowned, picking one up, examining it as if it was going to suddenly tell my something.

“Vi?” RJ croaked.

I dropped the holotape, jumping, snatching up one of the stimpaks.

“Oh, god, I’m sorry.”

Without warning him, I shoved the stimpak into his arm through his shirt. He hissed in pained shock, but didn’t complain. I pulled out the syringe, throwing it over my shoulder. “Alright, I want to get your arm bandaged, is that okay?”

He nodded, sluggishly beginning to push at his sleeve, grimacing. With nervous hands, I helped him roll up the sleeve, my stomach turning as I watched the fabric pull out of the wound. Once his sleeve was out of the way, I checked out the extent of the wound. It wasn’t too bad, the fabric maybe having served as a bit of protection. Still, the wounds that had made it through were deep. I could make out the exact shape of the feral’s mouth through the crescent shaped line of craters on his forearm.

I grabbed one of my cans of purified water, snapping it open.

“Hey, what are you doing?” he said, pushing it away. “Don’t waste that-”

“You were bitten by a _feral_ , RJ. This isn’t going to be a clean wound.” He was about to argue with me but I gave him a meaningful look. “Indulge me.”

He sighed, looking away from the wound.

“Go ahead.”

I moved his arm so it wasn’t directly over his leg, and slowly poured the water over the bite. I released his arm and he kept it raised for me, holding his breath. With my now free hand, I wiped across the wound, helping to wash away the blood. The can ran out right before I was satisfied with the cleanliness of the wound, but it would have to do.

More blood was already rising to the surface anyway, albeit very gradually.

I picked up the bandages, winding them around his forearm as gently as I could. During this whole process he’d had his jaw clenched and his hard stare on the wall. I tied off the bandage and leaned back, admiring my handiwork. It was going to have to do until we got to Far Harbor and were able to see the doctor there.

“How does that feel?” I asked.

“Stings like hell,” he said. “But I know all that’s gonna help it heal. Thank you, Vi.”

I started gathering all my things and putting them back into the backpack. As I did so, RJ pulled himself to his feet, using the wall as a support to do so. I picked up the holotapes last, eyeing them. “What are those anyway?”

I didn’t look away from them as I started speaking.

“There’s a chance that these are possibly,” I began, meeting his confused stare, “the answers to all my questions.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you hate it when you're trying to make amends with someone and it kind of seems like maybe it's working but then you accidentally reveal they're a synth? Me too. Anyway, thanks for commenting, kudoing, bookmarking, subbing, and all that jazz. We really appreciate hearing from you and seeing your reactions!


	16. The Synthetic Truth

I woke up. There was no slow process, no gradual realization that I had a body or that it ached, or that what I’d been thinking about was a dream. Just one moment I wasn’t there, the next I was fully aware. My eyes flew open and I found myself staring at the ceiling of the storage room at Acadia. How’d I get here? The old mattress pressed almost painfully into my back. Slowly I sat up just enough to see Nick sitting on the bed beside me, his head in his hands, no fedora.

“Nick?”

“Gray!” he spun around, his eyes wide with shock and relief. “thank god, I didn’t know what- are you ok? Are you all in there?” 

“Nick I’m fine, what-” then I remembered. Right before I passed out. We were in the hallway outside our room. We were talking. He was teasing me. Then Flynn’s voice. She said it. She said the damn code and I’d- “oh god….” 

Nick’s arms were around my shoulders a split second before the shaking started. It felt like my world had been shattered in the matter of seconds. Wide eyed I grasped onto his coat, burying my face into his shoulder like I could hide from it. From the damn truth. “I’m… I’m a synth….” I cried. 

Nick stroked my back. “let it out, it’s going to be fine.” 

“I’m a synth… I’ve been a synth this whole time….” My stomach writhed around inside me. My heart hammered painfully against my ribcage. My head hurt. Everything just fucking hurt. The tears came hard and fast, pouring down my face. “It’s been a lie this whole time. My whole fucking life’s been a lie!” 

“that’s not true.” He murmured and his voice cracked. Emotion tore up his voice just the way it was tearing up my insides. 

“don’t you get it?!” I shoved him away, baring my teeth at him like he was the one to blame for all this. “I’m not real! I’ve never been real! I’m the fucking replacement! All these memories aren’t mine. This life isn’t mine!”

“don’t you dare say that.” He gripped my arms so tight it almost hurt. His yellow eyes burned into mine, fierce. “this is your life, you made this your life. You can’t take that back now.”

“but I’m not even human!” I was yelling hysterically now. This was a nightmare. This was my worst fucking nightmare. Sure I’d wondered about the truth since that day. Sure I’d wanted to know the truth. But in the back of my mind I’d always thought that I was human. I’d assumed that I was human. Now that the truth was out it was crushing. “I’m not even human Nick…. I never was….”

“what happened to all synths are human?” he countered with the barest hint of logic returning. “I thought you knew that, that’s why you joined up with the railroad remember?” 

“synths with their own minds and memories!” I shouted, tearing out of his arms. With my hands wrapped around my knees I pressed my back into the cold concrete wall. “but I’m a replacement. The institute built me to replace her and… and… and I did.” 

Greif now washed through me. Not only was I living a lie, I’d stolen someone else’s life. Vel. Me. No Vel. I wasn’t Vel, I’d never been Vel. The weight of the realization that I’d watched a real human being die in front of me and I’d taken everything she had tore me apart. I pressed my face into my knees until colored dots floated around behind my eye lids. “this can’t be happening, this can’t be happening, this just can’t be happening….” 

“Gray, calm down.”

“that’s not my name!” I shouted furiously into my knees. “I’m a synth, call me a synth I know what I am now. I can’t pretend anymore.”

“listen to yourself, you’re not making any sense.” His hands were on my shoulders. Trying to comfort me. “you’re still gray, human or not, you’re still my gray.”

“just admit it!” I swung my angry terrified gaze on him. “you’d have preferred if I’d been the one to die out there and not her!”

He hesitated. 

It was only for a split second but it was enough for my grief-stricken mind to absolutely lose it. “you do!” my jaw flew open with astonishment. 

“gray no that isn’t true-”

“don’t lie to me!” I shoved him so hard he fell off the bed and landed on the ground. I towered over him, fists so tight at my sides they shook. Anger flared up in me momentarily erasing the agony. “she was your gray not me! She was the one that you met, that you’ve known for years! I’m just an imposter! I took her life from her!” 

“gray please….” He didn’t know what to say, because he agreed with me? Fucking right he agreed with me. It wasn’t up for debate. I’d taken someone else’s entire life for my own and didn’t think twice about it. “it doesn’t matter if you’re a synth or not.”

“it matters to the rest of the world!” my legs were beginning to shake. They’d give out soon. A lot of things would give out soon. “it matters to me! I’m a freak!” 

“you’re not a freak!” he yelled right back, a little rage filling up his face. He surged to back to his feat and caught me in his arms. I fought his grip, trying to pull away from his chest. His arms were too strong. He kept me locked tight against his body murmuring gently into my ear. “you’re not a freak, ok? You’re a synth that’s it. You’re going to get through this.”

“stop it!” I shoved harder, hands pressed flat against his chest. “stop it! Let go! I don’t deserve this! I’m a monster Nick! I’ve always been a monster!” 

“that isn’t true.”

“yes it is!”

“no it’s not!”

“stop lying!”

“I’m not!”

At last I got myself free of his grip. Blindly I swung a punch at his face. It connected solidly enough to make him jerk. He stood there face shoved to the side, blinking in surprise and confusion. My wrist and hand hurt badly. I hadn’t held back at all. So wrapped up in the moment. I had never hit Nick before. “I’m- oh god I’m so sorry Nick I – I didn’t mean.” 

Slowly he brought his gaze back around to me. His expression was dead. Like when he turned off his facial functions to throw people off. Except he wasn’t trying to throw me off. He just didn’t know how to react. Or he didn’t want to react. Or he was trying to hide the rage inside. Did he hate me?

“get out.” Miserably I sank back onto the bed, cradling my flushed and wet face in my hands. “just get out.”

For a few seconds silence followed my order. What was he thinking? Staring at me like this? Was he thinking about her, and all the times they’d shared? How she was dead and I’d taken those memories and twisted them? Was he thinking about how I didn’t belong in this life? That I didn’t deserve it? “talk to me.” he murmured quietly.

“I said get out!” I shouted into my hands.

At last I heard his shoes shuffle away. The door opened. Hesitation followed for a brief second. He was looking back at me, or maybe trying to think of what to say. Then the door swung shut. 

I moaned miserably, folding in on myself while my shoulders shook with the sobs wracking my body. I thought things would be different finding out the truth. This wasn’t how I meant it to go at all. I thought Nick would be here. Comforting words, strong arms wrapped around me. Not this sobbing alone in a room. Instead I’d thrown him out. I’d hit him. I was a piece of shit. A piece of shit that let his friend die and took her life. 

As I sank into the mattress my mind went to all the other things I’d taken from her. Her life at Goodneighbor for one. Oh god. What would Hancock do when he found out? He’d kill me. There was no question of that. He’d shoot me right off and have done with it. No second thoughts, no remorse. To him the girl he’d raised since she was eight would have already been dead. And he’d blame me. The thought of facing down his rage filled me with fear as much as grief. 

Fahrenheit too. She might have questions, she might hesitate but I’d either die by her hand or get thrown out of the commonwealth. Could I even go back to the commonwealth knowing the truth? Face all those people knowing that I wasn’t the person they thought I was? I was living a lie. And it was only a matter of time before someone found out. What would happen then? Would they all turn on me? 

Of course they would all turn on me. Synths were hated in the commonwealth. Which was the whole reason that the Railroad existed, that Acadia existed. They may have gone about it separate ways but at least they were trying. If I went to the railroad they’d erase all my memories. That was almost preferable to living with this guilt. But then I really would be killing Vel O'Malley. I was what was left of her even if it killed me to be. Did I have the right? It felt like wearing someone else’s skin. My damn face wasn’t even mine. 

What the hell was I then?!

Couldn’t be sure how long I followed those thoughts around inside my head or how much crying I did. Down in that basement time might as well not have existed. My tears ran dry at some point so I kept sobbing without them. What was I going to do? What was the right thing to do?

The door creaked open and quiet gentle footsteps entered the room. 

“go away.” I croaked around a cracked parched throat.

“I brought you some water.” A gentle quiet voice spoke, one that sounded almost identical to Nick.

“go away DiMA.” I turned over, screwing my eyes as tightly shut as I could. “I don’t want anyone here.”

“I won’t do that.” The bed creaked and sagged as he sat down beside me. “I am sorry you had to find out this way.”

“shouldn’t you be happy?” my voice scarped against my throat as I spoke. Couldn’t he take a damn clue and leave? “I’m a synth, just like you wanted.”

“I didn’t _want_ you to be anything.” One of his cold hands found my shoulder and stayed there as he spoke. “I wanted you to find out what you were and now you have. I’m just here to help you transition.” 

I opened my mouth to ask him about Nick but I snapped it shut again. That was selfish, I couldn’t do that. Not after I’d punched him and sent him away. God damn it what had I done?! “go away DiMA.” I repeated instead. 

No chance of that, he stayed right where he was. “let me ask you something, you have all of Vel O'Malley’s memories right? From her earliest to the day she died. You have those memories.” 

“shut up.” What the hell was he doing? Trying to make me feel more guilty. Did he even understand what this felt like? To realize that the very thing that made you, you wasn’t even yours?! Nick would. My heart ached to have him at my side now. Why had I told him to leave?!

“you have her memories, but did she ever love Nick the way you do?”

My shoulders stiffened and I threw open my mouth to answer then paused. Blinking confusedly I forced my stinging eyes open to stare at the wall. “I … don’t know….”

“I do.” DiMA answered with conviction. “data is easy to migrate from one mind to another, but feelings, that’s an entirely different thing.” 

Swallowing hard I turned my head to look at him, frowning at his gentle kind expression. “what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that Vel O'Malley never loved Nick. She might not have even truly cared about him.” he continued softly and slowly, like he spoke every word with deliberate care. “the human didn’t have feelings for him. When you met him neither did you. You might have thought you should based on the memories you had but that was entirely up to you. It could have been that you developed pure hatred for him, or indifference, or that your friendship could have gone on as it had between him and the human.”

“I don’t think I follow….” 

He smiled patiently, like a teacher talking to a slow student. “you fell in love with him all on your own. You the synth. Not the human. And he fell in love with you. Not the human, the synth. Do you get it?”

Sort of. I sat up on my arms, frowning. My muscles protested sharply as I uncurled from the position I’d been holding for god knows how long. A cup of water sat on a crate beside the bed and my throat gave a throb as if to prompt me. I reached for it. “but… she’s dead. I’m not the person that he’s known for five years. I haven’t even been alive for a year.” 

“that’s true.” He nodded. Silence followed his words while he waited for me to take a drink. I guzzled the entire cup in one breath. Gasping as I dropped the cup down. Once he had my eyes again he continued, “but in that year you’ve lived your own life. You didn’t let her memories tell you what to do, or even the Institute. You’ve lived your life the way you wanted to. And you developed feelings yourself. You’re as much alive as she had ever been.” 

It didn’t quite make things better, or the best, it helped take the edge off a little. My eyes dropped to the cup gripped in my hands. I could see myself in the metal side of it. She looked tired, beaten and broken. With fresh bruises purpling on her jaw. Those scars stood out against her red flushed skin. Scars that I’d gotten. Vel hadn’t gotten them, I had. Those were mine. The story behind them was mine. Nick hadn’t loved her, or at least hadn’t been in love with her. DiMA was right. I had lived my own life. 

“thanks DiMA….” I mumbled.

He reached out and squeezed my shoulder gently. As I met his milky gaze again I put a hand over his. “this will be difficult and a few words won’t make things completely better, but know that every one of us had to go through this at some point. We’re all here for you.” 

“you barely know me.” I forced a halfhearted chuckle, smirking to hide the pain still broiling around inside my chest. 

DiMA shook his head. “that doesn’t matter. You’re one of us.” 

One of them. It felt weird to think about that. After all they had been the synths. I’d been a railroad agent just trying to keep them alive. Sarah and a dozen others. Now suddenly to realize that I was no different from them. What would Glory have said if she found out? “you? Psh, yeah right, and I’m a courser.” Yeah she’d have made fun of me. 

DiMA got up off the bed and headed for the door.

I stood shakily. “hey, DiMA.” 

At the door he paused and looked back at me. “yes?”

“don’t tell anyone yet…. That’s sort of my story to tell….”

The flash of disappointment crossed his face. “of course. You can tell the others in due time.” 

“thanks.”

He made to leave, half way out the door.

“oh and….”

Smiling to himself he turned back around to wait for me to continue. As patient as ever.

“where is he?”

Thankfully I didn’t need to elaborate. A little sadness slipped into his features. “I was talking to him up on top of the observatory. He’s probably still up there.”

“thanks.” 

With one last nod he left and closed the door quietly behind him. 

Alone again I sunk back on the bed, jamming the heels of my hands into my eyes. There was still so much to take in. I was still terrified, still in agony, but there was a little relief there too. Under all that turmoil the relief came because well, at least I finally knew. It wasn’t enough quite yet. I’d never be ok on my own.

Sucking in a breath I surged to my feet and ran out the door. Judging by the looks of synths I passed word had already spread throughout Acadia. There was sympathy, maybe pity in their faces. Even Naveen, who had up till this point treated me like an outsider. None of them tried talking to me as I ran up the stairs and out the front door. I was greeted by the red and orange colors of sunset, or maybe it was sunrise. How long had I been out? I should consider myself lucky that the effects of the recall code hadn’t been permanent, or worse yet, erased my memories. What would a blank slate synth act like? 

With a shake of my head I dislodged those thoughts and span around. I took the stairs two at a time until I was on the roof. There he was, at the far end of the roof. Leaning on the railing he slowly brought a lit cigarette to his mouth, gazing out across at the sun. That was west, so it was sun set. 

Feeling suddenly nervous I slowly inched my way toward him. He didn’t move, didn’t even say anything as I got closer. He had that far away look on his face, the one I tended to associate with his diagnostic tests. Once I was about five feet away from him I stopped. I followed his gaze across the island. It really was a spectacular view. With the tree tops poking their way out of the white fog and the sky lit up like fire. Calming even. 

“I’m sorry….” I murmured hoarsely.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Nick jump. The cigarette fell from his mouth which he didn’t even notice. He rushed forward after a split second, throwing his arms around my shoulders. “I love you Gray, I won’t love anyone else. It doesn’t matter to me if your synth human or a god damn ghoul. I love you.”

“I know, I know.” The tears were coming again. I buried my face in his shoulder to hide them. “I’m sorry I got angry at you. You were just trying to help and I ….”

“sh.” He ran his fingers through my hair gently, exactly the way I loved. “I know this is hard, trust me, I’ve been there.” 

And it was true. At some point Nick had to come to terms with the fact that his memories weren’t all his. That he’d been made. That his face wasn’t even his own. He knew exactly what I was going through. He was the single most qualified person to help me through this. “you’re not angry that I’m the synth…? You’re not disappointed?”

He took in a sharp breath, the sound of the coolant pumping through his body sputtered for a second. “I’ll be lying if I said that it didn’t hurt.”

I tightened my grip on his coat, biting down on the sobs threatening to break out again. 

“Vel O'Malley was my friend. She was. And the day that she died I knew there was a possibility that she was the one that got her brains blown out.” His voice was thick and heavy. Plenty of grief there for a friend that he had lost. “I let myself grieve as much as I could back then in the hopes to take the edge off when we learned the truth. It- it’s not that easy….”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be the human for you….” I murmured miserably into his shoulder. 

“I don’t want you to be human.” He took me by the arms and held me out. With a tilt of his head he forced me to look him in the eye. “I want you. Not the girl that had a change of heart five years ago, but the woman that I fell in love with.” 

Shock raced over his face which he quickly banished. 

Frowning I reached up and cupped his face with my hands. “you’re feeling guilty because you really did want me to be the synth?”

He dropped his head so that the fedora hid his face. His hands shook gently as they fell to my waist. “I … DiMA talked to me…. He said that even though Vel was the one that I’d met that she never had feelings for me. That she wasn’t the one that I loved, but the synth was. I don’t know if he’s right or not. For all we know I could have fallen for the human too. And to be honest, I’m not sure I get what he was getting at.” a little frustration leaked into his voice. Nick hated not being sure. This was as rough on him as it was on me. 

“yeah, me either.” I let my head fall against his collar, eyes closed.

“but there’s one thing I do know.” He murmured gentler this time. Carefully he put his arms back around my shoulders and squeezed me. “no matter who I fell in love with, the synth, or the human, I’d be right there for her. I’m here for you Gray.”

My heart ached so much the tears wouldn’t stop coming. The legs under me finally gave out and Nick took my full weight. Gently he guided me back along the roof until he made me sit at a picnic bench. Wrapped up in each other’s arms I just kept sobbing. I’d never cried like this in my life. Not once. Not even when my parents were killed. Or I guess Vel’s parents were killed. God I’d never be able to separate me and her. 

“how do you do it?” I murmured between gasps.

He rubbed his hand up and down my bare arm. “do what?”

“keep the old Nick separate from you?”

A long breath left him. “I hadn’t spent almost a full year thinking I was Nick. Pretty hard to pretend when your skin’s made of plastic and the world’s gone to shit.” 

I stiffened.

“I don’t mean that you’ve been pretending. Ah hell….” His arms tightened. “I’m sorry gray.”

“no… it… it’s fine. But how do you cope with it? His memories?”

Another breath. His shoulders slouched a little. “after a while I sort of… accepted it. Didn’t have much of a choice. Everything he was, I was. His personality, his memories, even his name. Ya reject all that, well what’s left?” 

“I’m a copy….” I moaned.

“so am I.” he whispered hoarsely. What was I supposed to say to that? That we were just a couple of broken synths, built to be something that we could never be? At least he didn’t have people from Nick’s old life to remind him that he wasn’t who he was. Even Nick himself was a reminder that I was a lie.

“what am I going to do?” 

“you’re going to let it out, then take a breath and move on.” He answered firmly, leaning a little back to look at me. “you’ll get through this, I promise. It might take a while but I’ll be here, every step of the way. I promise.” 

“and what about everyone else?” my voice cracked. “Hancock, Fahrenheit, Amari, Magnolia everyone…. What am I supposed to do?”

“we won’t tell them.” He said firmly. 

“I’ll be living a lie….”

“and the alternative?” 

“stay here?” 

That made him stiffen, his jaw set and his eyes hardened. “is that what you’d really want?” 

Sheepishly I dropped my gaze. “if I go back then… I run the risk of them finding out…. I can’t go back to Goodneighbor and how can I face anyone in Diamond City? What if Myrna found out?!”

“no one would believe her anyway.”

“you’re not hearing me!”

He ran his thumb across my cheek, wiping away the fresh tears that just wouldn’t stop coming. “I know you’re scared. You don’t need to be. If staying here in Acadia is what you need right now then we’ll stay.”

“no, Nick I don’t want to make you stay here with me. You’ve got a life, an actual life, back home.”

“the only life I care about is the one with you in it.” he murmured in a hard tone.

That sent a wave of emotions through me. Guilt, pain but most of all absolute and unfiltered relief. I leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips. His hand slid into my hair, drawing me closer so he could deepen the kiss. Our lips moved against each other in perfect rhythm. It wasn’t a rough kiss or gentle but somewhere in between. 

I could feel his confidence, his commitment and his love as his hand slid around my waist and guided me closer. One of my hands slid up the side of his face, desperate to feel him, to know that he was here. That even during this nightmare Nick wasn’t going to leave my side. Instead of leaving me to handle this on my own he would make sure I got out of it. 

I was so grateful to him. 

When we parted, it was mutual. I gasped for breath while he calmly held me. His chin rested on the top of my head. “you’re shivering….”

“I’m fine.”

“are you cold?” 

“no….”

“let’s go inside.”

“not yet…. Just stay here ok?”

He sighed and got up. I swung pleading eyes on him which turned to surprise when he shrugged off his trench coat and draped it over my shoulders. Then he sat right back down, an arm around me, his other hand tangled with mine in his lap. I leaned my head into his shoulder. The sun was nearly gone now. Taking with it the red and orange colors that lit up the sky. It really was a beautiful sight. 

“do you mind if I call you Gray still?” he asked slowly, almost reluctantly. 

Frowning I stared down at our hands. It was his metal one. The one that had left the scars on my face. I didn’t care, I still loved every inch of him. “I don’t mind… but lets steer clear of Vel for a while ok? That just… doesn’t feel right….”

“do you want to tell other people to call you Gray too?”

“no… they don’t need to know.” I shook my head into his shoulder. “just between you and me ok?”

“ok.” He nodded and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. We fell silent for several more seconds while the last rays of sun disappeared. We were plunged into darkness. Lamps were lit by the synths on guard duty and a fire roared to life over in a barrel behind us. Still didn’t move. “Violet feels awful about all this….”

“it’s not her fault.” and to my surprise I meant it. “she didn’t know what it was. I was stupid for leaving it lying around….”

“that doesn’t sound like you.” he grumbled. 

“yeah well… it’s been a weird couple days. Could have left it in the room before we left.” I shrugged.

“hm….” He settled back down, stroking my arm. A chill wind blew over the top of the observatory and I actually did shiver. Guess we were on the top of a mountain here, further north than I’d ever been before. “I love you gray.”

“I love you too Nick.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the hardest chapter I’ve ever had to write. How can any of us imagine what going through this would be like? Is there even anything comparable? Then as a writer you have to strike a balance. Sure you know your character needs time to process it but you don’t have time to give them. So I hope that I’ve done this right. Let me know what you all think of it. 
> 
> We’re about half way through this work. Don’t worry there’s still plenty to come. Shallw and I have plans. Thanks for sticking with us for so long. We hope you’re enjoying the journey. Don’t forget to tell us your reactions and thoughts! And never stop writing!


	17. We feel nothing so jump into the fog

I thought about the first holotape all night. I kept waking up to the sound of a shovel scraping the earth. I wasn’t sure why the prospect of DiMA burying something or someone bothered me so much. People were murdered every day in the Commonwealth.

Even I’d killed people.

Both my romantic partners had been killers in one way or another.

But neither of them had hidden it. DiMA though? He’d gone to the trouble of hiding it from himself. It wasn’t like when a raider killed openly and without provocation, or when settlers killed someone in self defense.

DiMA had murdered someone. He’d taken the time to plan the action and then go commit the dark deed. Then he'd buried the body in some remote location where no one would ever find it.

At least that was what I assumed had happened.

Part of me wished I was wrong, I would love for DiMA to be the man he presented; a savior, a protector. Someone whose sole purpose was to take care of the people of Acadia and keep peace on the island. But after finding out what each memory was, I couldn’t help but think it wasn’t about peace.

It was about control.

“Violet?” RJ said, sitting up in bed, looking around the dark room frantically.

I’d moved to sit against the door of the room, hoping not to wake him up while I listened to the holotape again. I’d managed to do so but it seemed now he’d simply been awoken by my absence. He spotted me and frowned, puzzled. “What are you doing over there.”

I used the doorknob to help me get to my feet.

“I wanted to listen to the holotape.”

His voice was slurred and husky as he said, “But you’ve… already listened to it like five times.”

I sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“You’re not wrong.”

He wrapped an arm around my waist, his chest pressed against my back as he kissed my bare shoulder. I bent over, dropping the holotape onto the floor and then leaned into RJ’s embrace.

“You need sleep, pretty lady,” he said.

I smiled softly, craning my neck to kiss his jaw.

“I know. I just can’t stop thinking about DiMA. About what he might have done.”

RJ brushed all my hair away from my neck on one side, trailing his lips gently across my jugular and jaw. Goosebumps followed everywhere his lips touched. “Excuse me, sir, I thought you wanted me to sleep?”

He snickered, his warm breath dancing across my collar.

“I do… but maybe _after_ we-”

I cut him off, groaning, “RJ, I told you I’m worried DiMA is a murderer and your first thought is to have sex?”

He froze behind me, pulling away a fraction. I glanced back at him to see a thoughtful expression on his face, his brow’s scrunched together and his lips pursed.

“Okay, first thing in the morning we’ll get up, eat, and go to wherever DiMA buried the body.”

“It might not be a body,” I said weakly.

He quirked a doubtful brow at me.

“The point is, we’ll find whatever he buried first thing tomorrow, alright?”

I sighed, pushing my hair away from my face, interlacing my fingers at the back of my neck and slouching a little. That really was our only option. It was the middle of the night, it probably wasn’t a good idea to go traipsing around this hellscape at this hour.

“Okay. Sounds good.”

There was a beat of silence and I made sure not to look at him, biting my lip and smiling expectantly at the ceiling.

“And I was thinking you might need a distraction to help you get to sleep…?”

I rolled my eyes, turning and planting my lips on his.

******

As promised, the next morning we set out across the island, only after I’d thrown up into our rooms trash can again. I’d been given a few days break from morning sickness but it had struck with avengence. It was so bad that RJ had suggested we put off our journey until the next day.

But I wasn’t having that.

No, I ate some two hundred year old potato chips, hoping they’d work like saltines, and we got going. Well, we got as far as Allen Lee’s counter.

“I don’t sell to people cozying up to synths,” he said.

“Are you serious?” RJ said.

I should have explained to him how impossible these people were to work with. It seemed helping Cassie Dalton hadn’t worked magic on everyone in Far Harbor.

“Yeah, I’m fucking serious. I also don’t deal with mainlanders. And I haven’t fucking seen you before, _mainlander._ ”

“I’ve been here for two days! I helped repair the hull of this stupid-”

“Alright, that’s enough, goodbye, Allen,” I said, tugging RJ away from the store front.

“Why are we walking away!? We need ammo!” he said.

“We’re going to have to figure something else out because that idiot isn’t going to change his mind-”

“Being stubborn is sort of a plague in Far Harbor,” said a mildly familiar male voice.

RJ and I came to halt, glancing over our shoulders. Teddy Wright, the town doctor, was standing behind us. I wanted nothing more than to get out of here, not to waste anymore time, but I felt I couldn’t afford to dismiss whatever he was going to pitch. I needed these people to trust me, it was only going to make my time on this island harder if they never warmed up to me.

I faced him entirely, sighing.

“You’re not wrong. Good morning, Doctor,” I said.

“Good morning. How’s your leg?”

“Healed up nicely. Got a cool scar now instead.”

“And your arm?” he asked, looking to RJ.

“Pretty good. Just a little tender.”

Teddy nodded, hesitant. He glanced at Allen Lee, who was still within ear shot.

“May I speak to you two? At my practice?”

RJ and I exchanged a look.

“Uh, sure.”

He lead us into the nearby building, a strange, narrow eyed look on his face.

“You are a curious specimen,” he said.

I raised my eyebrows.

“What?”

“Despite our ‘friendly’ town doing it’s best to chase you out, you keep helping us ingrates all the same. I got to ask: Why do you keep at it?”

I folded my arms, shrugging.

“You’re good people in dire straits. Figured you could use a hand,” I said.

He smiled, quirking an eyebrow, the expression incredulous.

“Huh?” he said, chuckling. “You running for office? If that’s the truth, we don’t deserve you. Most folk here are set in their ways, yes? Makes no difference how hard you try to get in good with them. Heck, it took my family three generations before the Daltons would would sell us a heel of bread. But there’s a way - a downright insane way, mind you - that you can turn even the most stubborn fool around.”

“Insane means dangerous in this situation, right?” RJ asked.

“I’d love to change their opinion of me,” I said, ignoring him.

“Do it right, and all the mainlanders might get treated better,” he said, launching into his explanation. “In olden times leaders were chosen by something called the ‘Captain’s Dance’. Legend says the toughest, meanest, and outright craziest would-”

“Jesus Christ,” RJ muttered, turning away and pinching the bridge of his nose.

Teddy didn’t miss a beat, as if maybe he was too enraptured with his story to notice RJ’s irritation. “Chum the waters and lure out the worst the island could throw at them. Once the would-be Captain killed the Mirelurk Queen, or the Fog Crawler, or what have you, they’d invite the whole island to feast off the bounty. You do this, well, you won’t be made Captain -but you’ll earn respect. Everyone’s respect.”

“What do you say? You ready to become a legend?”

I looked at RJ, who peered at me from over his shoulder, face lacking emotion. I knew exactly what was going through his mind, what mental battle he was fighting. He must have remembered the deal I’d made with him yesterday, because he sighed, shoulders sagging.

“As if you’re not one already, right, Sole Survivor? But sure, yeah, let’s do it. Who doesn’t want another ridiculous achievement under their belt?”

Teddy laughed, shaking his head.

“What? You two crack me up! There’s an old Mirelurk feasting grounds by Emmet’s Causeway. A treacherous stretch along the coast. Go there and throw any kind of meat you got into the water. All that blood and viscera will be sure to attract attention. And then wait. I’ll make sure there’s a witness or two. Prove to the rest of these clods you belong.”

After that, the doc did us the favor of buying some ammo from Allen Lee, who wasn’t observant enough to pick up on the fact that he’d just come from talking with us. Then, he brought a man name Dottie over to us, who was going to be our witness.

The trip to the coast was quiet, RJ and I talking briefly every now and then. Dottie was silent the whole time. Once we arrived at the water’s edge, I removed the two large chunks of Brahmin meat I’d bought before leaving Far Harbor, handing one to RJ.

“So, I don’t suppose you’ve got a fat man in your tiny backpack?” he asked, frisbeeing his chunk of meat into the rolling waves.

I waded into the water, knee deep, clumsily cutting off chunks of meat with my knife and scattering them at my feet.

“Nope.”

“A harpoon gun?”

“Nope.”

“Specially engineered poison that kills Mirelurk Queens on contact?”

“Yep.”

He laughed.

“Really?”

“Nope,” I said, grinning.

“That would have been too convenient.”

“Mainlanders,” Dottie muttered from the treeline.

“Less talking, more witnessing,” I said, pointing my knife at him.

He just gave me a vaguely disapproving look, folding his arms. That was when I noticed RJ approaching one of the taller trees about twenty feet away from the shore. He grabbed a lower branch, raising himself off of the ground. Part of me wished he wasn’t wearing his coat so I could see his arm muscles.

You know, because I had my priorities in order.

I shook my head, concentrating on the task at hand, retrieving two grenades from my backpack and shoving them into the pocket of my leather jacket.

That was when a muted shriek came from the water, drawing my attention back to the cresting, grey waves. Behind me I could hear RJ rustling around in the tree.

“Can you keep it distracted down there while I snipe?” he called as the bubbles started appearing at the surface of the murky water.

“Yep! But are you sure you’re okay with that? Aren’t you just going to worry?”

“Since when should a sidekick be worried about the super hero?”

I was about to argue with him when abruptly the giant, hulking body of a Mirelurk Queen burst from the ocean, water raining down over me. It was still about fifteen feet away, though it’s shrieking was deafening even at this distance.

Grinding my teeth together, I pulled out one of the grenades and removed the pin, tossing it into the water. The Mirelurk Queen barrelled forward, the wake of her body carrying the grenade with her, bringing it back towards me. Thankfully, it was far enough out that when it exploded it didn’t do anything to me, only the Mirelurk Queen.

She roared, rearing back, blood pooling in the water around her from wounds that were impossible to make out amongst all her mandibles and claws. I threw the second grenade, ripping Deliverer from my halster and firing madly at the Queen. The grenade went off while she was still recovering from the first, this time seeming to do more damage, the shredded wounds in her front becoming easier to make out.

Unfortunately, this didn’t slow her down, but instead motivated her to use all her strength to throw herself at me. I fired at her face, backing up, heart beginning to pound. She shrieked louder with every bullet that buried itself in her flesh, greenish blood spilling down her mandibles.

I wasn’t fast enough though, and she swung one of her long, claws at me, making contact across my thighs and sending me flying backwards. I hit something, or rather someone, and we tumbled to the earth.

Dottie swore as I clambered off of him.

“Watch it-”

“Just keep witnessing!” I snapped, diving out of the way as she dug a claw into the ground where I’d just been laying.

Dottie cursed again, fleeing down the shore line.

I grabbed my knife off of my belt -I’d dropped Deliverer when she’d thrown me- digging it into one of her legs. She made a shrill sound of pain, and I ripped the blade out, stumbling backwards. She turned to face me, holding her jagged claws high, preparing to impale me on them when there was a loud bang, followed by a brief, almost inaudible whistle.

I flinched as her face exploded, the back of her carapace shattering as the bullet RJ must have shot came out the other side. That never stopped being satisfying. She made a garbled noise, staggering backwards, swaying slightly. I backed up into the trees, not wanting to be crushed now that we’d beaten her.

She collapsed backwards, kicking up sand around her. A second later there was another thud from behind me and I turned around in time to have RJ plant a hard kiss on my lips.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

I nodded, grinning.

“Yep. See? Is it so hard just to trust I’m going to be okay?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“So you’re never going to stop being stressed over my survival?”

“Obviously not.”

“That’s fair.”

Dottie appeared to our left, panting, bending over with his hands on his knees.

“You… did it!” he gasped.

I pointed at him.

“Did you witness?”

He laughed, which I hadn’t expected, straightening his back.

“Sure did,” he said.

From there, it was just a hop, skip, and a jump before we ended up sitting at a table in Far Harbor, eating surprisingly well cooked mirelurk meat. Old Longfellow was sitting beside me, Small Bertha beside RJ, both happily eating and chatting with us.

And to think all it took was almost being eaten by a Mirelurk Queen.

Teddy Wright walked up to me, a tricorn hat in his hand.

“If these knuckleheads don’t trust you now… well, fuck em’, right?”

“Yeah!” Small Bertha cried, shoving some mirelurk into her mouth.

RJ laughed, happy outside of our room in the Last Plank for the first time in two days.

“I expect folk will be more talkative now, might even have some more work for you.”

“Thank you, Teddy,” I said.

He grinned.

“You the most peculiar main… _person_ , I’ve ever had the occasion to meet. Take this. The two of you will have to decide who gets to wear it,” he said, holding the hat out towards RJ and I, which I took from him. “Now get back to socializing. It’s your party after all.”

Old Longfellow snatched it from my hands, plopping it onto my head.

“Sorry, MacCready,” he said, “But this one’s already a Cap’n.”

We spent the rest of the night eating and talking with the people of Far Harbor. At one point Allen Lee even said I was ‘okay’ and that he would let me purchase items from him now. It was too late in the evening and so RJ and I decided we would have to find out what DiMA buried in the morning.

So at nine o’clock in the morning, after I was done removing my dinner from my body, we headed out of town mostly uninterrupted and carrying plenty of ammo.

It took us almost three hours to making it to the Vim! Pop Factory between fighting fog ghouls, gulpers, and one angler. Even RJ seemed a little shaken by the last two creatures.

“Still not as bad as centaurs,” he’d muttered, shaking his head.

I chose not to ask what the hell a centaur was, already creeped out enough by the fog that covered every inch of the island. I’d just pretend they looked like they did in greek mythology. Studly men with horse bodies.

It was strange when we arrived at the factory, part of me had expected it not to look exactly like it did in DiMA’s memories. No one could remember something perfectly. But then I was reminded that DiMA was a machine, something that felt callous to think about.

What didn’t match the memory I’d gone through in the Nucleus were the _super mutants_.

The factory was covered in them. It was a nightmare getting through, requiring MacCready and I to sneak around and lure one or two to us to pick them off without alerting everyone in the building.

By the time we reached the basement, almost another full hour had passed since our arrival, and we were both drained. The room we were in was empty, the only thing of interest was where a patch of the floor was missing, revealing the dirt beneath.

My stomach ached.

I came to stand in front of the dirt, folding my arms across my chest. There was a shovel leaning against the wall to my left and I crossed the room, picking it up. RJ was there in an instant, taking it gently out of my hands.

“You check that room out, see if there’s anything of interest. I’ll dig.”

I couldn’t really argue with him and I had to admit, uncovering that hole sounded like hell. I nodded, lips pressed into a thin line, and headed into the open door in front of the hole. Inside was a wall of consoles and terminals, and a long window built into the wall that looked out into another room. I frowned, approaching the glass, placing my hands on top of the console as I examined what appeared to be an operating room.

More stomach turning.

Suddenly a crackling voice came out of a speaker in the console I was leaning on, making me jump back, hand going to Deliverer.

“User isn’t approved to enter the medical containment area. Sorry. Nothing I can do about that.”

It had spoken in a completely monotone voice and yet it still seemed a bit like it was sassing me. I frowned, thinking of how to respond. It wasn’t until it had told me that I wasn’t allowed into the room that I realized how badly I wanted to go inside.

“DiMA sent me,” I said flatly.

“DiMA…” It replied thoughtfully. “The prototype synth?”

I nodded and then wondered if it could see me. Who knew with AIs like this.

“Yes.”

“Hmm… Ah, yes, I was originally programmed to help control medical facilities. Then I was moved here and I… huh… that’s funny. A lot of my history files have been erased.” Uh oh. “And I don’t have access to any equipment besides the door controls to the medical area. That’s odd… why didn’t I realize that before?”

“That’s weird alright. So will you open the door? DiMA needs some of the equipment in there.”

“Oh, yes,” he said, sounding distant, lost in thought still, even. “If DiMA needs it.”

I wondered if that would have been harder had he not been having some kind of internal crisis. I hadn’t meant to trigger that. There was a buzzer and the the doors swung open to my right. I could hear MacCready digging in the other room.

I hesitantly walked into the medical area, ignoring the churning in my abdomen. There were two different operating tables, one lying on the floor and the other intact. I walked over to the one that was standing upright, examining the red leather. There were dark, dried stains in the material. Blood. Beside it was a metal tray table, a bonecutter on top. It too was bloody.

I stepped back, recoiling from the sight, swallowing back my nausea.

I decided to look around the room for anything useful, not needing to dwell on what might have happened in here. I found a few stimpaks, a can of purified water, and there was a chest containing weapons and ammo. I took the ammo.

I noticed a gun sitting on a metal shelf in front of a sink, and picked it up, running my hands across the metal barrel. Something about the combat rifle seemed special, so I pulled off my backpack, shoving it inside. Unfortunately, it was a little too long and the handle stuck out the top. I zipped the bag back up as far as I could and slung it back onto my shoulders.

Once I was satisfied -if that was what you could call the pit in my stomach- I headed back out to where RJ was digging. He’d partially uncovered something wooden beneath all of the dirt and was now on his hands and knees, pushing the dirt aside without the shovel.

Wordlessly, I knelt on the ground, helping him clear away what little dirt was left on top of the object. A few minutes later we both stood, staring at the box in the ground.  
I swallowed, mouth dry.

“It’s a coffin.”

“Are you surprised?” he asked, wiping sweat from his brow.

I didn’t respond. Instead I bent over, attempting to pry off the lid. It wasn’t until he lifted from the other side that we were able to pull it away. We flung it to the side and it clattered loudly, sending small clouds of dirt spiralling in the air.

My gaze fell to the contents of the coffin, and the pit in my stomach expanded, becoming an endless, black void. I guess I should have been grateful that it wasn’t a partially decomposed body.

Instead, it was a skeleton.

I crouched beside the coffin, reaching inside, scooping up a rusted locket. I closed it, wiping my thumb across the dirt coated metal, revealing a word. Avery. I almost dropped the locket upon reading the name.

“Who’s that?” RJ asked.

“Captain Avery. Far Harbor’s leader.”

“Oh sh- That’s not good.”

I would have laughed if I weren’t so upset. DiMA had murdered the leader of Far Harbor and replaced her with a synth. Did the Captain Avery living in Far Harbor right now realize what she was? Or did she think she was the real deal?

Either way, this was even crueler than I’d imagined.

I tucked the locket into my pocket, retrieving the holotape that had been beside the locket and the body. I held my pipboy out in front of me and inserted the holotape. The brief seconds that passed before it played felt like years.

When it started, it was a woman who spoke.

“Is it… is it going to be painful?” she asked.

“Yes... “ DiMA said, a little sad, a little clinical. “It’s going to be like having everything you are ripped out and replaced with something else… someone else.”

“I’m ready. I just… I wish I could say goodbye to everyone.”

The wistful note in her voice made my stomach hurt. My eyes bored into the wall in front of me as I kept listening.

“No one else can know,” DiMA said, almost angry. “This isn’t just about infiltrating Far Harbor. It’s about becoming the human that synths drawn here will meet. Reasonable, willing to accept them as just another living thing. No greater or lesser than humanity itself. You’ll be part of the bridge between our two worlds. That all vanishes the moment anyone discovers that it’s been manufactured. That you’re a synth.”

“Did she have to die? The woman I’m replacing? God… she looks so peaceful lying there... “

“Don’t. Please. That blood is on my hands, not yours…”

And then the tape cut out.

It was then that I realized my free hand was in a tight fist, shaking, my nails digging into my palms so hard that I was sure any more pressure would break the skin. Not only had he killed Captain Avery and replaced her, he’d stolen the life of the woman on the holotape as well. Even if she appeared to be willing, I was certain that if someone asked her now, she’d decide against going forward with his plan.

How could someone allow themselves to be erased like that?

Manipulation, that was how. All DiMA appeared to be doing was manipulating people. The synth on the holotape, the people of Far Harbor, undoubtedly all the people in Acadia. Me, Vel, Nick. He’d gotten us to retrieve all his memories.

“That’s the guy Valentine and O’Malley are living with right now?” RJ asked.

I ejected the tape, nodding and standing at my full height.

“Yep.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but we’ve gotta warn them. He’s dangerous.”

I shoved the holotape into my pocket with the locket.

“My thoughts exactly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun duuuuunnnn. Thank you for reading, commenting, bookmarking, subbing, kudoing and such. Hope you're all enjoying the story so far.


	18. Some Hard Choices

“Nick stop it.”

“no.”

“Nick come on.”

“not a chance.” 

“Nick-” an indignant squeak slipped out of my mouth as his lips found my neck again. 

He chuckled into my skin, letting up for all of five seconds. “you’re so cute when you’re like this.”

The blushing started to get worse. I squirmed under the sheets, Nick’s body on top of me and set between my legs. Neither one of us had clothes on and we’d already been awake for a good hour and a half. What time was it even? The Pipboy was half way across the room with the rest of my clothes. 

Yesterday hadn’t been easy. Nick and I spent most of the time in silence, wondering around Acadia or the top of the mountain. We were both still in shock. That night I hadn’t been able to fall asleep so Nick took it upon himself to exhaust me to the point of having no other choice. Thank god DiMA had given us a room of our own. As much for our sakes as everyone else. 

“I’m getting the feeling you’re not paying attention.” he murmured into my ear playfully which sent an excited shiver up my spine. “are you having an inner monologue?”

“you have inner monologues all the time.” Wrapping my arms around his neck I tried to keep him from doing any more kissing. “don’t I get to have mine?”

“not while I’m trying to distract you.” Chuckling he slipped free of my grasp and moved down my neck.

That’s when the door opened. “Vel, Nick, I wanted to … come…. What are you doing?”

Blushing what I’m sure was crimson I sat up a little to find DiMA standing in the doorway. Nick froze, his lips hovering over my breast where he’d been about to kiss. I became aware then how the sheet only did so much to cover our bodies, leaving DiMA with a pretty good view of what Nick was doing. “what’s it look like?” I smiled broadly at him.

DiMA clearly didn’t know what we were doing, and obviously didn’t know the right way to react. He looked so innocent standing there, totally unaware of what Nick and I got up to. “I uh… don’t understand are you two…?”

“yes DiMA,” smiling brightly I lay back down and forced Nick to lay on top of me to hide my exposure. As funny as this was I did want to maintain some modesty. “we are having sex, or just got done.” 

“oh….” 

Nick groaned into the pillow beside my head, his hands placed strategically to hide me from his brother. “gray….”

“I thought that the institute built our bodies with that… piece excluded….” DiMA said slowly, still as innocent as ever. 

I buried my face in Nick’s shoulder, hiding my laughter. 

Nick shook his head at me. “I … had some work done alright DiMA?”

Yep I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I cracked up, laughing full force into his shoulder while Nick kept groaning. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry it’s just…. Oh my god.” To be honest I’d never given much thought to Nick’s assets. None of the other gen two synths I’d met had had that piece though so I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. “the thought of you getting that done though!”

“keep this up and I won’t share it with you anymore.” He grumbled irritably.

DiMA shuffled uncomfortably by the door. I pulled myself away from Nick’s shoulder just enough to look at the poor guy. It was awkward to stumble in on people having sex. It was made worse when you were related to one of them. Add to that this? “I don’t understand… why would you need such a thing?”

“look a guy’s got needs.” Nick grabbed his coat and tossed it over me as he sat up, sheet wrapped around his legs. “now what’s this about DiMA?”

He continued to shift from foot to foot, glancing between me and Nick like he might get some comfort out of one of us. Holding Nick’s coat to my chest I just grinned at him. “Miss Flynn has returned with Mr. Macready. They’re waiting outside for you.”

“Flynn’s back….” I murmured feeling my stomach tighten.

Nick glanced at me out of the corner of his eye before nodding at DiMA. “thanks DiMA, we’ll be up in a minute.”

Looking like he’d like very much to disappear through the floor, DiMA walked out the door stiffly. The moment the door closed I burst out laughing again, a hand over my mouth. “oh my god his face! That was even better than when Ellie caught us!”

Nick got up with an irritated groan. “she won’t let me forget that by the way.”

“we apologized.” 

“not enough she says.” Lazily he picked up some of my clothes and tossed them at me. Then pulled on a pair of pants himself. “if you mention this to anyone….”

“don’t worry, don’t worry.” Still chuckling I slipped on my shirt. “who would I tell? Sides how many people are gonna believe this whole Nick has a brother thing?” 

“good.” Once he had his shirt on he stopped to look at me. His face became inscrutable as he knelt down in front of me. “are you ready to talk to Violet?”

A mild scowl crossed my face but my heart wasn’t in it. “she’s probably already beat herself up over it plenty right?”

“probably.”

“then unless you think I have the right to stab her, I think I’m fine.” Besides that I wanted to see what she had to say for herself. 

“well alright.” That seemed to satisfy Nick, at least a little.

We quickly got dressed and headed out of the observatory to meet the housewife and her loyal merc. They weren’t waiting at the bottom of the stairs like I expected, in fact we found them standing beyond the gate. When we were within earshot they looked up at us. Flynn’s eyes fell on me first, relief and worry both there. I sighed. She just had to make it so hard to hate her didn’t she? 

“how are you… uh feeling?” she asked quietly. 

“you mean after you tore my whole world apart?” I asked coolly.

“O'Malley!” Macready snapped while Nick just groaned.

I waved a hand at both of them. “look Flynn, I’m plenty mad at you, but that’s not gonna change a damn thing. You said the code, you shut me off, and now I know. So lets move on before I decide not to listen to my conscience.” 

“Gray.” Nick nudged me with his shoulder, a pointed look directed at me. 

I just glared at him, adamantly refusing to budge on this matter. He just kept looking at me. Of course he knew what I was feeling, and judging by that look he knew that I had every right to feel that way. He knew it wasn’t entirely her fault though. 

“you know it’s fine.” Flynn waved her hands to draw our attention. which was actually pretty gutsy all things considered. “I get it, you have every right to be furious with me.”

“you didn’t know, you couldn’t have known.” Groaning irritably I looked back at her. “even though you really could have seeing as you were part of the railroad and all….” I added in a quiet rush.

Flynn looked ready to roll her. She resisted that urge surprisingly well. “I’m glad you see it that way.”

“great, now that that’s sorted out.” I’m sure Nick wanted me to make a greater effort. Even if I didn’t care to. Least of all in front of Macready. Maybe if Flynn had been alone I might have taken this seriously. “why are you here? Did you come out all this way just to make sure I hadn’t been permanently shut off?”

That question drained away her irritation and worry rushed in to fill its place. She and Macready exchanged glances. “it’s about DiMA… are we safe out here to talk?” 

“what about DiMA?” Nick questioned in that detective voice of his. Couldn’t help but wonder what that meant exactly coming from him. 

“can we talk?” Flynn repeated, shooting a pointed look at the guards standing around the gate.

Sighing I lead the way down the road a short ways. I got up right to the edge of the fog, didn’t dare go any further. As I turned I found the others following me. “there. Out of earshot of Acadia. What’s this about?”

Flynn looked back for a moment. When she seemed satisfied she finally looked us both in the eye before resting on Nick. “remember that memory? The one where DiMA was burying something?” 

“yeah, what about it?” still with the professional voice. What the hell was going through Nick’s mind? 

“well we went looking for it. We found Avery.”

“as in the captain mayor person from Far Harbor?” one of my brows shot up. “what was she doing there?”

“no… I mean we found her body.” Flynn held up a hand to stop me from interrupting so she could explain quickly. “DiMA replaced the original Avery. He killed the human and made a synth to replace her.”

That actually made me laugh. “you’re kidding right? DiMA wouldn’t hurt a fly, you’ve seen him.”

She scowled a little while her voice stayed even. “I know that you trust him and everything-”

“trust him? He’s Nick’s brother.” I waved a hand at the detective. 

“and I understand that, but… look we found evidence. See for yourself.” From a bag on her shoulder she produced a Holotape and a locket. Nick took the Holotape first, running it through his processor. Grimacing I took the locket from her and examined it. A picture of a woman lay inside. No idea who it was and I didn’t particularly care. Closing it my fingers ran across the engraving on the back. 

“it’s just a locket. That doesn’t prove anything. Let alone that DiMA is responsible for killing anyone.” 

“he did.” Nick spoke heavily, the Holotape fell from his hand. 

“what?” I frowned at him.

“listen for yourself, it’s all there.” He handed it to me, grim and angry even. 

Swallowing hard I plugged the Holotape into the Pipboy on my arm. We all four listened to it silently. Clearly Macready and Flynn had heard it already. So had Nick obviously. So that left me feeling sick to my stomach as I listened to DiMA’s sad pained voice. There was a woman there too, scared. Neither of them sounded well off. DiMA was distressed. No denying it. He had replaced Avery. I felt sick. After just finding out that I myself was a replacement…. Not to mention the synth that had agreed to this. He’d taken her identity from her, the exact same way the railroad did. 

Then DiMA’s words helped bring the reality into focus. “You’ll be part of the bridge between our two worlds. That all vanishes the moment anyone discovers that it’s been manufactured. That you’re a synth.”

The woman, innocent as Sarah on the other end, spoke. “Did she have to die? The woman I’m replacing? God… she looks so peaceful lying there... “

“Don’t. Please. That blood is on my hands, not yours…” the tape ended on DiMA’s pained words. Grimacing I let my arm drop.

“see?” Flynn finally spoke all be it reluctantly. “he’s manipulating everyone on the island. First the children by hiding the launch key, then Far Harbor with this, not to mention the kill switch.”

“which we’ve already destroyed.” I muttered a little defensively. “DiMA agreed to have it destroyed.”

“not that we gave him much choice.” Nick added. 

“so that’s one thing, but this? Can you guys really ignore this?” Flynn pressed.

“he had his reasons.” My fists tightened at my sides. Flynn just had to do this didn’t she? Bad enough she already tore up everything I thought I knew, she had to pull this too? “it’s not the best solution but if he didn’t do any of that this island would be plunged into chaos. If it weren’t for the replacement how long do you think Acadia would have lasted before Far Harbor turned on them?”

“you don’t give the Harbormen enough credit.” She retorted.

“they’re a bunch of assholes and don’t try to deny it cause you know it’s true.” It would just irritate me more if she tried defending them. “and don’t stand there and pretend that synths are welcomed in the wasteland. Didn’t Desdemona give her talk before you joined the railroad, Charmer?” 

Using her codename brought a tight grimace to her face, not that she looked angry about it either. “I know, I do, but how is this better? He replaced someone with a synth. That’s … that’s Institute levels of evil.”

“just cause she’s a replacement doesn’t make her a monster.” Only after I said it did I feel the wash of pain pump through my chest. In an attempt to hide the pain in my face I walked across the road, back on them. 

Flynn took in a sharp breath. Did she figure it out? What must she think of me now? “I’m not saying that Avery, or the synth did anything wrong.”

“but you’re saying that DiMA did.” To my astonishment I was actually getting angry at her for this. She was trying to drag DiMA’s name through the mud, based off of one of the hardest decisions he could have made. “he didn’t have a choice. If he didn’t act then Far Harbor would have destroyed Acadia. Where would that have left the synths living here?”

“look, I know you’ve got a connection to this place, especially since … well you know.” She sounded sheepish, I refused to look at her. No telling how angry I was going to get. “but replacing people isn’t right. Don’t forget that that synth had to give up their life too. DiMA killed two people.”

“that synth knew what she was doing, that she was sacrificing herself to protect her people. Any one of us would have done the same.” 

“and I understand that but there had to be another way.”

“you of all people should know what it feels like to make the hard decisions.” I murmured quietly.

Silence fell on us. It didn’t exactly feel good to bring up her time in the railroad, those were days I wanted to forget too. I wouldn’t just stand by though and let her pretend that her hands were clean. DiMA had to do what he had to do to protect his people, to protect synths. She’d killed untold numbers of scientists when she pressed that button. To protect synths. 

“you and DiMA aren’t any different.” I continued quietly, turning back to face her. “he just killed one person that didn’t deserve it.”

“you need to shut up.” Macready finally stepped in, growling at my shoulder. “you don’t have any right to talk about that crap.”

And maybe that was true. Of course she hadn’t had the right to read that code either. For all my talk I still hated her for it. Under all the other lingering doubts I had about myself. The only person that could understand that pain was Nick and I had no intention of ever talking to Flynn about it. She dropped her gaze, hurt and maybe swayed by my logic. 

“I won’t turn him in, and I won’t turn in the synth, but I don’t condone what he’s done.” She finally murmured at the ground. 

“and you don’t have to.” My chest didn’t feel right. Sure I didn’t agree with what he’d done, being a replacement made it hard to think clearly. 

At last her green eyes scanned upward until they landed on me. “I can’t stay here any longer.”

“then leave, I’ve been trying to tell you this isn’t the place for a pregnant woman.” why had it taken so long for her to get that through her thick skull?

She scowled a little, throwing up a hand to silence Macready before he could yell at me. “I’m not leaving the island. I won’t. Whether you believe me or not you need us.”

“need you?!” I laughed loudly, scaring off a couple birds that were perched in a tree near the road. “I need you as about as much as I need another dose of radiation poisoning!” 

Gracefully, wearing a cool expression, she took my laughter like it was nothing. When I was done she spoke again, calm and collected as ever. “I’m not leaving you Vel, I’ll be down in Far Harbor.” 

My fists tightened up and the laughter completely died in my chest. She just had to go play the martyr again. God damn her. First the code, then this, then she had to go make herself out to be better than me. Again. Damn her! “give me the tapes.”

“what?”

“the Holotapes with DiMA’s memories, give them to me.” angrily I held out a hand. “they didn’t belong to you in the first place, I don’t know why we let you keep them.”

For a minute there it looked like Flynn might argue with me. Hell, I almost wanted her to. Just give me one more reason to hate her guts. Then with a stony expression she slid the pack from her shoulders to dig around. After a few silent minutes she handed me over the two tapes, glaring. “give me the locket.”

Disrespectfully I tossed it at her, then did the same with the Holotape in my Pipboy. “there. What are you going to do with them?”

“I don’t know yet.” Carefully she put the evidence back in her bag, voice so low it might as well have been a growl.

“well remember, you already shattered one person’s world this week, might think about letting Avery’s ‘replacement’ lie.” 

“I think we’re done here.” Macready stepped between us, giving me a death glare that could have withered wild tar berries. “we came here to warn you, but you obviously don’t care. So, we’re leaving.”

“good.” Fists tight at my sides I started walking back toward the gates of Acadia. 

It wasn’t until I reached them that I realized I was alone. Confused I turned around to find Nick standing beside Macready and Flynn. He’d been silent through most of the conversation, a fact I only just grasped. “Nick?”

“I’m not going back.” he muttered at the ground.

“what? Why not?”

Slowly his yellow gaze came up to meet mine and I felt like my chest might implode. “he’s a murderer Gray.”

“so am I!” I can’t believe I was saying this in front of Macready and Flynn. Fuck it why should I care? They both already knew that. 

“he’s a murderer who can justify it to himself.” With his hands loose at his sides he turned fully to face me. “those are the worst kind. Those are the kind that will not and cannot stop.”

“he did it for a reason though….” 

“there’s always a reason.” Grimacing he tilted his head until the rim of his hat hid his eyes. “I just can’t see him again. Not right now. Please Gray come with me. Don’t stay here. He’s dangerous. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“but this is where I belong….” My arms were beginning to shake. This couldn’t be happening. Nick wasn’t really doing this. Not after all the shit that’d already happened! “please Nick… I can’t go back to that world, not yet…. I’m safe here.”

He strode forward, grabbing me around the arms. Over his shoulder I caught sight of Flynn and Macready sheepishly turning their attention elsewhere. At least they had that much decency. “gray please, I know you’re scared, that you think the world is going to turn on you just because you’re a synth, and being with your own kind is the safest place for you but DiMA can’t be trusted. Just come back to far harbor with me and we can figure this out.” 

“no.” my eyes were starting to sting. Desperately I grasped onto his arms. “I can’t go back out there. I can’t do this alone. Please just stay here.”

Grimacing in pain he dropped his hands from my arms, his hat completely hiding his face from me. “I can’t do that gray…. I’m sorry….” 

He turned his back on me. 

It felt like a hole had been punched through my chest. This couldn’t be happening. This just couldn’t be fucking happening. Flynn had done this. She’d brought this damn news here and now Nick was leaving me. It hurt everything just hurt so damn much. “go then!” the moment the words started to leave my lips I knew they were childish. “you’re always walking away from me! You selfish fuck!” 

His shoulders stiffened but his pace kept up. Without so much as a word to either Flynn or Macready he marched down the road. They exchanged looks, glanced back at me, then followed him. 

The tears were coming now. There was just no stopping them. It felt like the world had got just a bit colder, just a little more unforgiving. The blanket that I’d had wrapped around me cruelly taken. No it had walked out on me. And I’d let it. What a piece of shit I was. A selfish piece of shit. Miserably I trudged back into Acadia. Chase wasn’t in her usual spot and Faraday was preoccupied with a terminal in his office. Only DiMA stood around the main room, examining a monitor. 

When he saw me coming he turned smiling. The smile slipped as he recognized the tears on my face. “Vel? What’s happened are you alright?”

“no, DiMA I’m not.” Hands wrapped around my arms I sat heavily on the platform. How was I going to tell DiMA this? How could I explain why Nick was gone? Instead of doing the talking I decided to let DiMA do it for me. “here… these are the other memories we collected…. You need to hear them….”

Frowning DiMA took them from me and wasted no time downloading their contents. As the first memory went in I watched his face go from slack and serene to horrified and disgusted. “I … I did this…. I killed a woman from Far Harbor and replaced her. I stripped a synth’s identity from her and made her an agent.”

I nodded at the ground, unable or unwilling to look at him directly. “Why did you do it? Tell me why DiMA.”

“I needed to calm Far Harbor. A moderate voice.” The pain and guilt wracked his synthesized voice, tugging at my heart strings. He just sounded too much like Nick. Only Nick would never have done this. “An example of what humanity should be. How we could exist together as equals.”

“then why did you erase your memories of it?” a little anger and accusation leaked into my voice. 

“I couldn’t live with the memories of the blood on my hands.” He replied as if it weren’t already obvious. “A human and a synth are both gone because of me.”

“and you should have swallowed that guilt.” Fists clenched, I swung fierce eyes on him. In spite of the tears, and my defense of him, that was the part that pissed me off. “you killed one woman and erased another and then trashed your own memory of the whole thing. They deserved to be remembered!”

He took a full step back, face totally stricken by my outburst. Honestly I surprised myself with it. Where had that even come from? This whole thing just reminded me too much of my own situation. I couldn’t compartmentalize. Guiltily he dropped his gaze. “I didn’t think of it that way…. I am sorry….” 

With a deep sigh I let my eyes fall again. “Nick knows about this…. He’s left Acadia… I… I don’t think he’s coming back….” 

“I see….” With a small groan he sat on the floor beside me. He had a hand on my back, trying to do that weird comforting thing he did. “and… you didn’t go with him?”

“I can’t go back DiMA…. Not knowing I’m a synth, not knowing I replaced someone.” Drawing my knees up I leaned over them. Like that might stop the pain in my chest. “Nick is angry and confused I think about you now…. He might come back…. God I hope he does.” 

In a surprisingly human gesture, DiMA wrapped his arms around my shoulders. For a brief moment I could pretend that those were Nick’s arms, they felt pretty close. They of course weren’t entirely right. “I am sorry Vel, but… I’m glad that you’ve chosen to stay with us.”

“sorry DiMA, if I had another choice I wouldn’t. But… this is the only place where a synth can be safe.” Words DiMA had likely spoken to me before. It felt more right and true than ever. 

“Acadia will only be safe so long as the people of Far Harbor and the Children of Atom do not go at war. Hmm….” His arms slipped away. 

Well that was brief. Frowning I looked to him. “what?”

“As horrifying as it might be to suggest, this memory you’ve recovered has… given us a new option.” It pained him to even contemplate what he was about to say. Pained and terrified him. I hardly even needed to ask to know what it would be. 

My stomach tightened. Could I do this? Even if it meant protecting Acadia, could I really help with this? Then I saw Sarah’s face in my mind’s eye. This wasn’t just about Acadia. “What’s your plan?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When the main romance is a robot or alien you spend a little too much time thinking about how stuff like that works….
> 
> Anyway back to the angst train! Up until recently I thought Gray’s staying in Acadia was a little contrived. Like would she really be that scared to go back? But then recently I finished one of the Minutemen endings. Now if you go and talk to Desdemona after completing it you find out that many synths were killed by Wastelanders during the whole event. That’s when I was like “well damn ok, so the commonwealth really just hates synths, period.” 
> 
> So to me now it makes more sense that Gray would be too scared to leave. From her time in the Railroad she’d have known just how brutal Wastelanders could be to synths. That’s just my thought on the matter. What do you all think? You agree? Disagree? Angry? Let me know in the comments below! You know how much hearing from you guys means to me!
> 
> In the mean time, Write on!


	19. In the hope that we hit the ground upright

Nick didn’t speak the whole walk back to Far Harbor. He didn’t speak once we got through the gates of the little town on the pier. He didn’t say a word as he left RJ and I standing in front of Avery’s home, heading in the direction of the Last Plank.

I bit my lip, watching him go.

“I’m not sure how to feel,” I admitted quietly.

RJ stared down at me, frowning.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, usually when I feel this guilty, it’s because I think I did something wrong. But this time? I don’t. They needed to know.” I sighed, folding my arms. “But I can’t believe he left Vel behind.”

“O’Malley earned it.”

“How? Look, I don’t think she’s choosing the right side- not that there are sides. But I also don’t blame her for wanting to believe in DiMA. I can’t imagine what she’s going through right now.”

“The woman makes a point of bringing up your dirty laundry after you come to warn her and you’re not mad? You’re going to defend her?” he asked, more angry than incredulous.

I tucked my hair behind my ear, eyes on the grey waves lapping at the docks in the near distance.

“Don’t get me wrong, I am mad. I don’t love being compared to DiMA, but at the same time, she’s not wrong. People do unspeakable things in the name of what they think is right. But that doesn’t mean I’m never allowed to hold them accountable for it. If I ran into an Institute scientist I’d expect them to hold me accountable for what I did, even though they stole my son, killed Nate. I’m still responsible for all the steps back I’ve potentially caused the Commonwealth to take by destroying the Institute.”

RJ sighed, hugging me to his side.

“Okay, wise one. Whatever you say,” he said, kissing the top of my head.

I leaned into him, closing my eyes, breathing in the familiar scent of his coat. I really didn’t want to do this. If the woman I was about to speak to didn’t know she wasn’t the real Captain Avery, how was she going to react? Was I doing to her exactly what I’d accidentally done to Vel?

Could I handle that? Did I really believe that was justice?

Why did I even care about what happened on this island? I wasn’t a synth, I wasn’t a harbor man and I wasn’t a fucking Child of Atom. What right did I have to stick my nose into these people’s business? “Violet? What’re you thinking?”

I met his gaze, not bothering to mask my apprehension.

“I’m just a little tired of ruining peoples lives.”

“Oh, man, do you need a pep talk?” he asked, eyes widening. Then his eyebrows knitted together. “I only know how to give the ‘you’re not a bad person’ one. I don’t know or care enough about what’s happening on this island to suggest you do _anything._ ”

I hung my head, pulling away from him, groaning quietly, “RJ can’t you be invested in something?”

“Hey!”

“I’m sorry- I’m sorry. It’s just hard since I can’t stop caring about _everything_. Why do I do this, why do I think I’m the one who needs to fix the world!?”

A harborman passed me, quirking an eyebrow at me as if I were speaking gibberish. Probably best not to yell about the current topic. It would be a disaster if someone like Allen Lee overheard me talking about Captain Avery and DiMA. I lowered my voice. “I just wish you cared too. It would make me feel a little saner, maybe a little less arrogant.”

RJ put a hand on my cheek, face sympathetic.

“I’m sorry, Vi. I can try, but you’ve gotta understand, it’s the way of the Wasteland not to care. There are people like the Railroad, people who honest to god want to do the right thing. But even then, I kind of think they were looking for power just like everyone else was.”

I kept my eyes on the ground, trying not to feel offended by his words. He was probably right to a certain extent. The Railroad had destroyed the two other leading factions in the Commonwealth, it would make sense if Desdemona got a certain level of personal satisfaction from watching her ragtag team of rebels rise above the ashes of the Prydwen and the Institute. Still, everything we’d destroyed, it had all been to protect synths. They wouldn’t be safe with the Institute and the bigoted Brotherhood of Steel hunting them. “That was a pretty bad pep talk, wasn’t it?”

I laughed lightly, unwilling to meet his stare. He moved his hand to my jaw, gently craning my head upwards. Finally, I made eye contact, wishing there wasn’t a lump in my throat.

“It’s okay, RJ-”

“Hold on, let me try again. Well, let me try something else.” He held my face in both hands now, and I held onto his coat, ignoring the people milling around us. “Yes, it’s hard for me to care about things sometimes. I’ve become cynical and guarded and angry. But there are things I care about. I care about you. I care about Shaun and Duncan. I care _so_ much about our little family. I care about the boys happiness and your happiness. And if wanna try and fix people’s lives -if that makes you happy- then I care about that too.”

I smiled and he leaned in, kissing me softly, so tenderly that for a moment it didn’t seem like we were standing in this dreary, grey town. We were alone, in a space only he and I could occupy. Somewhere warm and bright and full of love.

He pulled back, a small, sincere smile lighting up his features. I sighed.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have given you a hard time. I guess this is something that’s going to come with being from another time. I’ve got all these idealistic dreams of how the world should be. I was bred to believe I alone could change the world, that my nation was made of the best and the brightest. I was a good little American girl, born on the fourth of July. But that’s not how this time works or even how my time _actually_ worked-”

“Wait, wait, wait,” he said, frowning, closing his eyes for a second. “July 4th was independence day, right?”

I nodded, frowning too.

“Yeah...?”

“So is that just a saying? The ‘born on the fourth of July’ thing?”

I wasn’t sure what he was getting at.

“No, that’s just also my birthday-”

And then I remembered where I was on my last birthday. I was sitting in an inn in Megaton with RJ, pretending it wasn’t my birthday because I didn’t want to distract from the problem at hand. I’d never gotten around to telling him, I hadn’t wanted to make him feel guilty. “Uh oh.”

RJ gave me an enraged look, his eyes widening. He released my face, folding his arms across his chest.

“Uh oh? That’s what you’ve gotta say? Come on, Charmer, convince me that you had a good reason to hide your birthday from me!”

I grimaced, dragging my hands down my face with a moan.

“We were getting Duncan back and you’d just found out he was missing and I didn’t want to be like, ‘Hey, I know your son might be dead in the Wasteland but it’s my birthday…’. So I thought I’d just tell you later. Or next year. I hadn’t decided yet. I sort of forgot.”

He chewed on the inside of his cheek, breathing out heavily through his nose, eyes in the sky. He was trying to calm down, something that was usually funny to watch because it was triggered by Zoon, or Piper, or Preston Garvey’s not-so-subtle suggestions to not trust an ex-gunner. “RJ, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep it a secret. I’m so sorry.”

He hung his head, expelling a huff of air, and then focused on my eyes.

“Look, as annoying as your reasoning is, it makes sense in a Violet kind of way. But no more WEIRD secrets alright? I mean, no more secrets in general, but specifically no more stupid ones, alright?” he said.

I nodded a little violently.

“I promise, no more secrets.”

He sighed, slinging his arm over my shoulder and guiding me towards Avery’s front door.

“Then let’s go do the right thing. Because it’s important, even if it’s hard to do sometimes and feels a little pointless.”

I laughed, despite the pit forming in my stomach, and rubbed a hand up and down his back.

“Great pep talk.”

I knocked on the open door, leaning inside slightly. Avery was sitting at her desk, doing something that was about to seem very unimportant once I’d spoken to her. She turned in her chair, eyebrows raised. Upon realizing it was me, she smiled, and I was almost surprised by the sincerity in the action.

I’d have to thank Longfellow for encouraging me to keep trying to help Far Harbor. It appeared my work was actually paying off.

“Oh, Miss Flynn, it’s nice to see you again. I saw what you two and the Mariner did to the hull!”

I smiled, though it didn’t reach my eyes, I was sure of it, walking all the way into the room.

“I hope it helps everyone feel safer.”

“Honestly, I think everyone’s in shock. This island doesn’t bring out the best in people, especially not outsiders.”

I was about to comment when she continued, waving a hand, “Sorry, I’m sure you came here for a reason. Is there something you need?”

Here came one of the hardest things I’d ever done. When I’d said Vel’s recall code, I hadn't realized what I was doing. It had all been an extremely unfortunate accident. But I was fully aware of what I was doing now and I’d seen the aftermath in Vel today.  
Captain Avery got to her feet and I immediately moved forward as if I were going to physically put her back in her seat.

“No, no, you’re going to want to be sitting down for this.” She sat back down, but opened her mouth to question me. “Captain Avery, how much do you know about DiMA?”

“Oh, uh, not much. He seems… pious, I guess?”

Something in my gut told me she wasn’t lying, wasn’t playing a part. This woman really didn’t know that she was a synth replacement. I nodded, face solemn.

“There’s no easy way to tell you this -at least not one I can think of. Just know that I’m sorry.”

I delved into the pocket of my large leather jacket, wrapping my fingers around the cool metal of the locket, holding it out ot her. Her brow was creased deeply in confusion, the sight of the locket only puzzling her further. Hesitantly, she reached out, gingerly taking it from the palm of my hand. “I found this in a coffin buried in the Vim! Pop Factory.”

“I… but this is… my locket. It was lost in a fire.”

She looked up at me, a silent plea in her eyes, like she knew exactly where this was going. Without needing a verbal cue, RJ shut the door to the room, leaning against it. This didn’t seem to bother Captain Avery; her focus remained on me.  
“There was a body in the coffin. It belonged to the real Captain Avery. I have proof that DiMA murdered her.”

“No-” she cut herself off, lowering her gaze to the locket she clutched in her hand like it were a lifeline. She released a shaking breath, her eyes closed. “I’m a synth, aren’t I?”

It was strange, seeing the woman so vulnerable. She had never seemed as callous as the other harbormen, but you had to specific kind of strength to run a town like this, had to harden yourself in a way that might make you appear cold.  
But sitting in her office, with the soft, dying light creating a golden glow on one side of her face, she seemed small. Fragile. Like she’d been on the verge of breaking for a long time now but the damn fog had hidden the cracks.

“Yes. I have a holotape too, if you need proof,” I said.

She shook her head, speaking in a strained voice, “That won’t be necessary.”

Silence filled the room, so apparent, so heavy that it might as well have been loud. I wasn’t sure what to do next, wasn’t sure how to comfort her. Was this what it had been like for Vel? Endless stretches of tangible sadness clinging to her shoulders, to Nick’s, like it was to Captain Avery’s now.

After what felt like an hour but had only been a minute or two, she looked out the window, exhaling quietly.

“I have a memory of the inside of the Observatory. Of a scientist with black hair and blue eyes. A friend. But I don’t know this man, and I’ve never been inside Acadia.” She met my somber stare, smiling in a way that conveyed everything but happiness. “At least Captain Avery hasn’t.”

“So you’ve always suspected…?” She nodded, eyes falling to her tan, weathered hands. “I’m so sorry. I wish it wasn’t the truth. I wish I hadn’t had to tell you.”

She shook her head.

“Don’t apologize. It’s… it’s good to finally know.”

“What are you going to do now?” I asked, unsure of the answer I wanted to hear.

“I still… feel like I am Captain Avery.” Her face became stoney, her brown eyes narrowing ever so slightly. “The only thing… the only thing I can do now is live the way I believe is right. DiMA is a murderer. And a liar. And he should pay.”

Abruptly, she stood, all the venom she’d been using her words now directed at me.

“But if you share this… with anyone here, especially Allen Lee… Many innocent people will suffer. Far Harbor’s on the edge, and this will just push everyone right over it.”

“I understand,” I said in as calming a way as I could manage. “There’d be a witch hunt. I won’t tell anyone else.”

“Exactly. But you can- you have to confront DiMA. If you can make him pay, do so.”

I hesitated.

“I will. But not yet. I still need more time.”

“For what!?” she cried, raising her voice for the first time since the conversation had started.

“Far Harbor isn’t the only place that’s on edge. There’s unrest all over this island, it’s the reason DiMA killed Captain Avery.” She opened her mouth to argue but I raised a hand, continuing. “I’m not saying I agree with what he did to the two of you, but I understand what he was trying to do. He wants peace and I believe… I HOPE peace is possible. But I can’t just storm in there and demand he confess, possibly allow himself to be executed. It’ll only make Acadia lash out at Far Harbor.”

She deflated a little, slumping back into her seat.

“You’re right. If Acadia turned on Far Harbor or Far Harbor turned on Acadia, the Children of Atom would undoubtedly would jump on the opportunity to get involved and it would turn into an all out war. Everyone would suffer.”

I folded my arms, nodding.

“You’ll get justice, just not immediately. I’m sorry, I know that’s not fair to you.”

“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few,” she murmured, defeated.

I crossed the small gap, putting a hand on her shoulder, as if maybe I could transfer her pain into myself through my fingertips. It was strange, I barely knew this woman and yet, I wanted to help carry some of her emotional burden. I think I saw a bit of myself in her. She’d lost everything in one fell swoop and logically, she wanted retribution. But she knew that that didn’t serve the greater good.

Just like I knew that I couldn’t let the Institute get away with all their wrong doings, even if I’d wanted to be with Shaun.

“Thank you.”

After exchanging a few more words of comfort and understanding, RJ and I left her to mourn. It was night now, the sun completely swallowed by the sea. The dim lights that hung off the buildings of Far Harbor illuminated our short walk to the Last Plank and made the evening seem almost dream like.

I’d expected to find Nick sitting at the counter, wishing he could get drunk. But he wasn’t. I assumed he’d rented a room and was sulking in there. RJ and I headed over to Mitch.

“Hey, your synth detective friend wanted me to give you a message,” Mitch said, cleaning a glass.

RJ and I glanced at each other, confused.

“Why? Where’d he go?” I asked.

“Back to the Commonwealth-”

“What!?” I yelled, slamming my hands on the counter and leaning towards him. “Why!?”

Mitch didn’t seem very phased by my outburst.

“He said he needed space and time to think and that he wanted to make sure Ella was okay that she knew he was okay and not to come after him.”

I didn’t bother correcting him about Ellie’s name.

“Did he say how long he’d be gone?”

He looked up, making a drawn out ‘uh’ sound as he thought.

“I think he said a week. Yeah, that was it. He said, “tell the kid I’ll be a week. No more, no less.’”

“Did he mention Vel?” I asked, voice cracking.

“He said that if I saw her I was supposed to tell her that he loved her and make sure she knew he was coming back. But he also said I shouldn’t expect to see her.”

RJ said, “Jesus, did Valentine pay you to remember all this?”

Mitch gave him a toothy grin.

“Yep! I didn’t even have to ask, he just handed me a bag of caps!”

I looked up at RJ, who wasn’t nearly as distressed about Nick’s departure as I was, and sighed.

“Well, shit.”

******

The wind that whipped up from the churning ocean waves was cold -colder than I remembered it being when nick and I had initially travelled to Far Harbor two and a half weeks ago. Maybe it was the fact that I hadn’t been making the journey alone that had made the crisp breeze and grey sky seem more forgiving.

I sighed, sitting on the chair Nick had occupied on the way to Far Harbor.

_“No- No way! You can’t go back to the Commonwealth by yourself,” RJ said as I pulled my sweater on._

_I rolled my eyes._

_“RJ, unless a sea monster eats me, I’m going to be fine getting to the Commonwealth. The trip to Diamond City will only take a day or two, three if I have to deal with raiders, and I’ve travelled that far by myself before. Several times, actually. Someone’s gotta bring nick back, it's been over a week since he left.”_

_“It's been a week and two days! Just let me come with you, this is stupid!”_

_I opened the door to the room, pulling my backpack on and heading downstairs. He followed me out, slamming the door behind us, quickly catching up with me._

_“No, I need someone to keep an eye on the town, notice if anyone disappears,” I said in a low voice. Thankfully, the bar was pretty busy, somehow they’d convinced Longfellow to sing one of the many folk songs he knew. Upon looking at him with full focus for less than five seconds it was clear how drunk he was. “Plus, Vel’s gonna show up any day looking for Nick and someone other than Mitch needs to break things to her.”_

_RJ scoffed._

_“Ah, yes, because I’m so emotionally available. At least Mitch would be upbeat about it. He might actually cheer her up.”_

_We were outside now, the morning sun glinting off of the waves below the pier, making both of us squint a little._

_“RJ please, pleeeeease, just stay. This is going to sound paranoid, but I’m sure DiMA has eyes and ears here and if we both leave who knows what might happen. Someone might get replaced and we won’t even realize it.”_

_“You’re right, that did sound painfully paranoid.”_

_I gave him a desperate look as we reached the stairs to the dock. Before either of us could say anything else, Small Bertha came running up to us. She tucked some of her short brown hair behind her ear, panting a little._

_“Are you two leaving?” she asked, upset._

_I smiled, glancing up at RJ. He sighed, running a hand through his hair, giving Small Bertha a reluctant smile._

_“Nope, just Violet. I’m holding down the fort until she comes back.”_

_This seemed to relieve Bertha a little bit._

_“Oh, well, that’s good. I mean, I wish you weren’t going but at least you’re coming back. Plus, the Mariner said MacCready’s more helpful when it comes to building anyway.”_

_Apparently supplying the Mariner with tools to fix up the hull had just been the beginning. Since then she’d had us go clear out some trappers from a ship and the Mariner had used part of it’s hull to improve Far Harbor’s and she’d also had us kill mirelurks and collect their carapaces. We’d been supposed to attach the carapaces today._

_I laughed._

_“That’s fair. He’ll be very helpful while I’m gone.”_

_Bertha grinned and back away, preparing to run off._

_“Come back soon, okay?”_

_“Sounds good to me.”_

_Once she was out of earshot RJ hissed, “You realize the only person I like here is Small Bertha? I’m going to have to hang out with a sixteen year old for a week.”_

_“Maybe Longfellow will start liking you,” I said, kissing his cheek. “Thank you, RJ.”_

_He pulled me forward, kissing me full on the lips._

_“Don’t die, alright? I love you.”_

_“I love you too.”_

I stood, becoming restless, moving to lean over the rail of the boat. In the distance I could see the Nakano’s house coming into view. Now all I had to do was survive the journey to Diamond City and inevitably knock some sense into Nick.

I was doomed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MAN I STRUGGLED UPDATING THIS WEEK. First, didn't get a proper chance until like nine o'clock at night AND THEN AO3 WAS DOWN AND SO IT MADE THREE DRAFTS BUT WOULDN'T LET ME EDIT OR POST THEM and so that is why I'm posting this at 6:30 Monday morning. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you're all enjoying the twists and turns of this story, I know Scorpio and I had a good time writing them haha. Get excited for a side of Nick Valentine I don't think any of you have ever seen. At least not from us haha. 
> 
> Thanks for all the support! I have to go back to getting ready for work (loud crying).


	20. Let’s go be Vi and Nick

“that’s all he said?” I murmured quietly at Mitch. 

One of his brows shot up at me, skeptical. “yeah, honestly he said that I probably wasn’t going to see you.” 

“thanks….” For nothing. Miserably I slid away from the bar, my eyes on the splintered floorboards of the last plank. 

He’d gone. Why had he left? Had I really hurt him that much? Or was he just that disgusted with me? Damn you DiMA. He just had to convince me to go looking for him. I hadn’t wanted to leave Acadia. At least I hadn’t wanted to go back to Far Harbor with all these humans. As deadly as the rest of the island was I felt infinitely safer out there than I did here. The Harbormen weren’t treating me any different. The terror of being discovered still lingered. DiMA had asked me to go, told me to, in order to find Nick. I guess he knew how much I missed him.

But it had been for nothing. Nick was already gone. It had been a little over a week already and he wasn’t back. The pessimistic side of me wondered if he ever would come back. Whether for me or DiMA. That old synth did a good job hiding it, I could tell Nick’s departure had hurt him. This would just make it worse. Maybe I shouldn’t tell him.

Sucking in a long breath I forced my gaze back up. The bar was as crowded as it usually was this time of day. Scanning the crowd no one popped out as important, couldn’t even spot Longfellow. At his table sat Macready though. The merc looked more moody than I felt, nursing a half finished bottle of beer in his hands. Before I knew it my feet carried me to his table. 

He sat back in his chair to look at me. “I was hoping you wouldn’t spot me.”

“might try taking that sniper off your back if you want to go unnoticed.” I answered coolly. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He dropped his blue eyed gaze back to the bottle. Making a good show of trying to ignore me.

“where’s the housewife?” 

No answer. His cold shoulder would have irritated me if I cared. I deserved it after all.

With a breath I sat at his table. “where’s Violet?” 

“where do ya think?”

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking.” Not that I particularly cared. Wasn’t even sure why I was taking the time to sit with him in the first place. It would make so much more sense to just go back to Acadia already. Maybe it was just cause he was familiar. 

Casually he leaned back and chugged his beer. Ok now I knew he was trying to irritate me. Obviously, he didn’t want me around. That somehow made me want to stay even more. 

“yo Mitch! Can I get a beer?” 

Macready groaned audibly. “you staying?”

“I could use a drink.” Mitch tossed the bottle at me which I caught easily. Much to Macready’s irritation I popped it on the side of the table and took a long draft. 

Out of the corner of my eye I watched his frown turn into an outright scowl. “why do you even care where she is? You hate her.” 

The answer to that had seemed so simple a couple weeks ago. I sure as hell hated her back then, it was easy to hate someone you’d barely talked to. Now she’d saved my life, protected Nick and gone out of her way to help people. And as much as I hated to admit it I did owe her for Acadia and Sarah. If it weren’t for Flynn’s damn good nature no one would have helped me reach the refuge. Likely as not I’d have died in the fog alone without help. “I hate what she did to Nick, and I hate that she keeps putting people on the line, but… can’t say that I hate her….” 

“she’s gonna be over the moon to hear you say that.” He grumbled bitterly into his bottle.

“your turn, where is she?”

His brows shot up. “is that how this works? Answers for answers?”

I smirked, leaning over the table. “want to play a different game?”

That got his attention. He let the beer hit the table top with a thud and looked me in the eye. “what have you got in mind?”

In answer I strode back to the bar with a grin. When I came back I had two shot glasses and a bottle of whiskey in hand. It wasn’t that big. Mitch hadn’t given me the best he had so I had no guarantee about taste. “how about this, for every question I answer you take a shot, for every question I don’t answer I take a shot. Same rules go for you.”

“this sounds stupid.” grumbling he sat back in his chair as I put my load down. 

“you mean you’re too coward to do it.”

“didn’t say that.”

“that’s what it sounds like to me.”

“fine.” Waving aside my hands he grabbed the bottle then poured us each a shot. I sat smirking at that determined look on his face. Macready was easy, pretty simple kind of guy. Like any other in the commonwealth really. 

“what does Flynn see in you?” I questioned before I could stop myself.

“don’t know, what does Valentine see in you?”

“does that mean you won’t answer?” cocking a brow I grinned at him even more.

His eyes narrowed. Defiantly he swigged his shot and slammed the glass down. A visible shiver ran through his shoulders as the taste settled. “that’s disgusting.” 

“you could have answered and avoided it.” I poured him another shot. “to answer your question, I’ve got no damn idea what Nick sees in me. Maybe he doesn’t see anything in me anymore. After all he did leave. Drink up bucko.” 

Sighing irritably he kicked back the next shot. This time he coughed violently, leaning over his knees. When he recovered he sat back up. There was a lopsided goofy grin on his face now. For a wastelander he sure was a light weight. “alright, how’d you meet?”

That made me hesitate. Not because I thought about telling him, but because I was weighing just how bad the drink was gonna taste. After a second I forced myself to drink. Tears sprung to my eyes while the burning sensation slipped down to my stomach. I held my breath, then let it out in a wheezing cough. 

Macready laughed, pouring my next drink. “tastes like Deathclaw piss doesn’t it?”

“I’ve had worse, bad batches of Bobrov’s brew.” My voice came out husky and gravely. Already I could feel the warmth flooding my limbs. “if they ever ask you to taste test, don’t, just don’t.”

“you were dumb enough to taste test?” no sympathy in that laughter. 

I rolled my eyes. “they were paying me, very nearly melted my stomach.” 

“you deserved it.” his laughter died down to a mild chuckle. 

That narrowed my eyes. “you’ve got one hell of a problem with me, it ain’t just cause of your girlfriend is it?”

“no it’s not. Your turn.” Pointedly he nodded at the cup.

Would have argued that wasn’t a good enough answer if the prospect of getting buzzed wasn’t so enticing. So I kicked back the next shot. 

When I put it down, coughing painfully, Macready poured another. “so is O'Malley your real name?” 

That question took me aback. “why in the hell would you want to know that?” before he could point out that was another question I threw up a hand. “it ain’t my name. I don’t remember my last name. There was this story that used to make the rounds in Goodneighbor, I … sort of wanted to be the …. Oh fuck it.” grumbling I went to take a drink then he stopped me. 

“hey you answered, it’s my turn.” He drank down his shot. His empty glass thudded loudly on the table. “now it’s yours.”

I frowned at the table. “you grew up in the capitol right? things much more different down there?”

He scratched at the light stubble that grew on his jaw line, contemplative. “Eh, not really. I mean slavery’s pretty common and there are centaurs but other than that, it’s pretty much the same. Then again I spent most of my life in a cave before coming here, so….”

That just brought up all kinds of questions. Not least of which was. “what’s a fucking Centaur?”

“oh no you don’t, you don’t get to skip, drink up.”

With a roll of my eyes I kicked back my drink. With most of my nerves dead it only burned a little going down. The warmth in my fingers felt nice, I expected I was already pretty flushed. 

As he filled my cup again he answered. “imagine a weird blob that looks like it might have once been human, with four arms for legs, and tentacles coming out of its mouth, and teeth on its stomach that crawls around. That’s pretty damn close to a centaur.” 

“that’s…. the most terrifying thing I’ve ever heard of….” I actually felt the sweat dripping down the back of my neck at the prospect of one of those things. Or maybe that was alcohol. It did feel warm in here. 

“yeah I still get nightmares about those things. They’re horrifying.” 

“I bet.” We were about half way through the bottle by now. How had we gone through so much in such a short amount of time? The buzz wasn’t even that strong. Mitch must be watering down his whiskey, cheap skate. 

“now you, what’s the story? The one you – hic – heard in Goodneighbor?” he managed around a hiccup. 

It was the alcohol talking now, and I let it. The story came out without so much as a protest. “when I was a kid this wonderer came through Goodneighbor. He didn’t stay long, and I don’t remember much other than how tall he was and his funny accent. But he used to tell stories. He had a ton of them. One of my favorites was this story he told about a guy out west. He had a farm, a family, everything was good, till it wasn’t. Deathclaws tore up his life and he was left with nothing. Should have died out there but he didn’t. He pushed himself, and kept pushing.” Leaning over the table with my elbows I stared at the glass. Tilting it I watched the lights play off its surfaces. 

Macready just sat there, quietly. Either he’d fallen asleep or he was really interested in this stupid old story. 

“One day he ran into a settlement under attack. He jumped in to help, one man with nothing but a revolver. He turned the tide. When it was over the settlement didn’t want anything to do with him but he didn’t mind. He took up residence just outside of town. Made a living for himself doing odd jobs here and there. Slowly but surely he made a name for himself with the town. They started looking up to him as a leader. Then one day he became their leader. With his help the settlement thrived. He became a legend, known for his cunning and strength. People came from all over to join his town.” 

“what happened to him?”

I smiled softly at the table top. “that’s a question I asked the wonderer all the time but he never told me. Said that a story like that had to end the way I thought it did.”

Macready nodded, as if that made total sense. I doubted it made any sense to either of us, sober or not. 

“the guy’s name was O'Malley in the story. I liked it so I took it. He started with nothing to his name and eventually he became a legend. I don’t know it kind of… well I was a kid after all.” I shrugged. “take a shot then it’s my turn.”

“still can’t believe you grew up in Goodneighbor, with Hancock of all people.” He spoke before swigging his next shot. He started to tilt a little. Can’t imagine I was fairing much better here. 

“it was something for sure.” Moodily I let my head rest on the table, still looking up at the merc. “what was that shit about a cave?” 

He huffed, puffing out his cheeks in a way that reminded me pointedly of a kid. “uh, it’s kind of hard to explain…. I used to be the mayor of this settlement called Little Lamplight and it was in a cave. That’s the simplest explanation.”

“and what’s wrong with it?”

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

“well you’re not there anymore. Did you run it into the ground? Not literally, since it was a cave and all, but ya know fig-figur- you know.” Couldn’t get my mouth around the word figuratively at the moment. 

“I was a great mayor I’ll have you know.”

“sure, yeah whatever, anyone and their brother can be a mayor.” I laughed whole heartedly at my own joke which flew right by Macready.

“take a shot O'Malley.” He growled bitterly. 

I obliged still chuckling. We’d need a new bottle soon. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea. 

“what was it like growing up in Goodneighbor?”

“I don’t know.” I heaved a shrug. “don’t exactly have anything to compare to ya know? I think I got there a little after Hancock took over from Vic. There were more fights on the streets back then. It was more dangerous than it is now. If it weren’t for Hancock and Fahrenheit I’d probably be dead or worse right now.” 

“how’d you end up there?” 

“don’t skip.” I glared him in the eye to which he just rolled his and chugged one more time. “I’ve heard of Little Lamplight. It’s full of orphan kids ain’t it? How’d you end up there?” 

“same way all the other kids got there… I had shitty parents.” He growled bitterly then his face went a little confused as he contemplated that a second longer. “at least I think they were shitty…. I don’t really remember them. They dumped me in the wasteland when I was two… no three.”

“they were the smart ones.” 

“ha, ha, fuck you.” he leaned over his cup. “now what about you, how’d you end up in Goodneighbor?”

“family got killed by a bunch of raiders and I ended up wondering into town, literally as it were.” I spoke casually it actually surprised myself. Sighing I leaned back and stared toward the ceiling. Judging by the haze in my head I’d drank way too much. 

“damn, sorry.”

“eh, it’s the past. At any rate. Nick doesn’t care about that kind of stuff, he looks forward more than back.” the words almost didn’t feel like mine as they left my lips. Couldn’t even be sure they were true. Nick didn’t hold someone’s past against them unless they weren’t trying to make up for it. What did that say about me now?

Silence fell on us as depression swooped in over my shoulders once again. The drinking game had been fun. Now came the moody part of being drunk. We stayed there for so long I could actually start to feel the buzz drift away a little. Or maybe I was drifting to sleep.

“they’re both too good for us.” 

“hm? what?” my brows shot up as I looked to Macready. 

He was slouching miserably in his seat, staring at his glass like he wanted to drown himself in it. “Valentine and Violet. They’re both too good for us. I don’t get why she stays with me, why she helped me get my son back, or why she even cared to begin with. I just don’t.”

Sighing I dropped back in my seat with loosely folded arms. “yeah, neither do I. Nick’s one of the best, if not the best, man I’ve ever met. Back when we met, he knew what I was. But he still gave me a chance. Anyone else would have just shot me.”

“how do they survive?” Macready tilted his head just enough to look at me, frowning as if totally perplexed by the idea. “they help and care about so many people! How have they not gotten shot?”

“I mean technically they have….” I mumbled around a thick tongue. “but that’s why they’ve got us I guess…. In case their hearts of gold get them into trouble.”

“I’ll drink to that.” He raised his glass.

We clanked them together and kicked back what was left of our whiskey. Too bad. It was just starting to taste good. I guess we could always go back to Mitch for another bottle. As it turned out it wasn’t meant to be.

“hey mister!” We both swung our gazes up. My vision swam a bit and the floor tilted under me dangerously. How many shots had I done? Hard to say at this point, not that it mattered to my warm belly. 

Macready swayed a little in his seat, grinning at the girl that came trotting up to us in her bare feet. “Bertha, what’s goin on?”

She stopped dead in her tracks, eyeing us both skeptically. Judging by her rush to find us she’d been wanting to ask a favor, clearly now she was debating that. “uh… maybe another time….”

“nonsense.” Macready waved a hand then slid a chair clumsily up to our table. “what’s going on?”

Reluctantly she came to sit with us. I tried not to look over eager, in spite of the grin that wouldn’t beat it. She gave me a look before focusing her attention on Macready. What she found there clearly didn’t make her feel any better. “I … I’ve got fourteen and a half caps…. I want to hire you.”

My brows shot up. “how do you have half a cap exactly?”

Macready talked over me, probably for the best. “I may be able to help, what’s the problem?”

Bertha shifted around uncomfortably in her seat. Bet she could smell the alcohol on his breath. Unlike Longfellow I doubted Macready could hold himself steady when he was this plowed. Neither could I for that matter. “Harbormen don’t belong on this dock. If we keep clinging here we’ll bleed out and die.”

“vivid imagery there kid.” I mumbled sulkily examining the bottom of my glass. I was starting to get the feeling I wasn’t drunk enough for this.

Shooting me a glare that could kill a Fog Crawler, she leaned forward. “To get better, to grow stronger, we need land. Echo Lake Lumber Mill has powerlines that connect to the old wind farm. If you clear out the land Harbormen can wire up the condensers. Make it safe from the fog.” 

“That’s a surprisingly grown up request.” Macready managed around a thick slurred voice.

That got a scowl out of her. “I’m sixteen, I’m not a kid anymore. Look the fog’s out to kill us all. Kids included. I know the money’s a joke, but if my friends can resettle… me and my friends will owe you big.”

Macready and I exchanged looks. Neither one of us should be doing this. That was for damn sure. Even my inebriated brain knew that. You’d be stupid to head out into the commonwealth like this, let alone out onto the island. Did any of that occur to either of us right then? Yes but quickly got squelched by an idea. “ya know…. Nick and Violet would do it.”

He slammed his hand on the table excitedly. “they would! And they wouldn’t ask for caps!”

“no they would not.” With my hands flat on the table I surged to my feet. I wobbled a little for a second before I found my balance again. “lets do it! Show those prewar types how good a wastelander can be!”

“yeah!” 

Bertha threw up her hands, now looking a tiny bit panicked. “wait, hold on, you two shouldn’t go anywhere…. You’re as shit faced as they come.”

“nonsense!” Macready slapped her on the shoulder which probably had the opposite effect he was hoping for. “we’ll be fine. You stay right here till we get back!”

“seriously! You guys shouldn’t-”

We were already out the door before she finished saying anything. And we were on the road outside of Far Harbor before one of us stopped to look back. “uh… do we know where we’re going?” Macready questioned slowly.

I frowned. “uh… well this is what they do right? Just run off and help people right? They don’t even get directions sometimes.”

“yeah…I guess….” Which was a fact I’d never figure out about Nick. 

Slowly I turned in a small circle, scanning the fog clogged road. “where would a mill be?”

Macready snapped his fingers which made me jump. Without warning, which almost got him a bloody nose, he grabbed my arm with the Pipboy on it. “there’s a map! Check the map!”

“oh yeah! Smart!” delightedly, I scanned through the tabs till I found the map. After a good half hour of navigating the screen I finally came across a little icon that read Echo Lake Lumber Mill. “haha! Found it! Come on Macready! Let’s go be like them!” 

Feeling a weird sense of adventure, we set out into the island. That adventurous spirit started to deflate about half way through the journey when we got a bit lost. Even with the map we managed to take several wrong turns along the way. Thankfully the nastiest thing we ran into were some mutated wolves, which were a bit terrifying when your brain was marinating in booze. A few hours later we finally found the right path and were sober enough to shoot straight again. 

Any other normal person might have turned back but at least some of the determination I’d felt remained. I wanted to at least get the place cleared out for Bertha and apparently so did Macready. If him sticking around was any indication. 

We came up on the mill’s front gates. The sun was low in the sky, inching toward the horizon. It looked nice, almost scenic if anything did in the wasteland. There were plenty of buildings around, farm land and a massive lake that looked pretty damn clean. No wonder Bertha had identified it as the best place to settle. It could use some work. For instance, the ghouls now pouring out of the main building.

Swearing under my breath I dodged to the side, removing my gun. Macready backed up with his rifle swung round from his back. His specialty was long distance, I had to get them off of him. Nick really was one hell of an influence on me if I was making it a point to play bate to keep Macready safe. What was the world coming to?

The ghouls came out in one large pack, led by a glowing one with glowing spit flying from its glowing mouth. A small part of my brain wondered what made those things glow before it hit me. Literally. The ghoul bore me to the ground, snarling fiercely into my face. Struggling I tried to get my gun free but it was lodged between our bodies. It snapped and bit at my face, coming dangerously close to taking my nose clean off. 

In the distance I heard more snarling as the rest of the ghouls either came for me or ran after Macready. If he was even remotely smart he’d turn tail and leave me to handle half the pack. At least until he got into a better position. The ghoul on top of me opened its mouth wide to bite into my throat. I jammed my Pipboy into it, pressing so hard that its jaw dislocated. It howled in pain allowing me to shove it away and finally get my gun free. 

Another ghoul was already in the midair, jumping toward me. Its brain exploded and it hit the dust hard. Scrambling I span around to find the source of the shooting. Macready stood up on top of the roof of one of the buildings, pulling the bolt on his rifle as he sighted his next target. Meanwhile ghouls scraped and scrambled at the walls of the shack. Well at least he’d gotten to a safe place if not a safe distance. 

With him picking off ghouls around me I got up and started firing at those left standing. It was probably the quickest fight I’d ever been in. Especially considering how many ghouls there were. Soon the whole pack was either dead or legless on the ground. Just in time too as my gun clicked. 

Macready got down from his perch as I reloaded my magazine. “we make a good team.” He said a little reluctantly. 

“I still killed more than you.” I replied with a smirk.

He rolled his eyes. “we should sweep the place, make sure that’s it.”

“you stay out here, I’ll sweep. And come running out, screaming if I find anything nasty.” It felt weird, and a little wrong, to turn my back to Macready. There were only a handful of people that I’d ever put my back to in the world and he hadn’t been one of them. Trust was a hard thing to come by in the commonwealth. We were on an island though so I guess that made it alright. I did a quick sweep of the rest of the mill yard. There were only one or two more ghouls hiding out which I took care of pretty efficiently. Satisfied I walked back out to find Macready standing in the light of a lone lamp in the dwindling light of sunset. 

As I approached he looked at me. There was something in the way his brows were drawn that made me stop. Whatever he was about to say, I wouldn’t like. And he didn’t seem too happy about saying it anyway. “ya know…. You’re not alone right?”

“what’s that supposed to mean?” I crossed my arms, glaring at him. 

With his rifle leaned against a shoulder he turned to face me fully. “I don’t know what you’re going through, but you don’t have to go it alone. Valentine still cares about you and Vi… she does too.” 

My arms fell to my sides. It felt like that hole in my chest was back. Did he have to bring it up? Killing ghouls had taken my mind off of it why did he have to bring it up again? “you’re right Macready, you don’t know what I’m going through. You couldn’t possibly know. Nick does and he left. I can handle this alone.”

Sighing he shook his head, slinging his rifle onto his back. “yeah figures, you and I aren’t as different as we like to pretend. Whatever’s up with that synth on the mountain be careful alright?”

“why should you care?”

“I don’t really, but Vi left me here to make sure you’d be ok. So here I am.” Groaning he ran a hand through his hair one more time as he turned. “she’d have some inspirational stuff to tell ya but I got nothin. Just think about coming back to Far Harbor.”

“I don’t belong in Far Harbor. Besides, I’ve got some business to finish in Acadia.” Business that shouldn’t take much longer to finish. And when it was done the island would be a much safer place. 

“whatever.” He waved his hand lazily as he walked away from me. 

“Macready wait!” 

He paused, glancing back at me. 

A knot formed in my chest. “if Nick does come back…. tell him I’m sorry ok?”

The corner of his mouth twitched, then he nodded. “yeah ok. Anything else?”

“tell him… tell him I love him too.”

“no problem.”

“thanks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll keep this brief. Thanks guys for reading my chapters. I realize I’m not the popular auther of the two so it means a lot that you’ll put up with my writing to get to the bits you care about. 
> 
> So thanks everyone.


	21. I just hope it's your bones that shatter not mine

I wasn’t sure what I expected to find when I reached Nick’s place. Maybe him milling away busily, reading files, talking to sources who could give him answers about DiMA. Half of me expected him to be out scouring the Wasteland for answers.

There was even a hopeful voice in the back of my mind that thought he was on his way back to Far Harbor and I’d just missed him. Of course, the fact that the boat had arrived on it's own the day before I left made that... well, impossible.

Unfortunately, all my guesses for what Nick would be doing were wrong. No, instead of being productive or helpful or any positive adjective, he was sitting at his desk.

Doing nothing.

He was slouched in his chair, his coat falling off of his shoulders, the top two buttons of his shirt undone, his tie loose. There was even the stub of a cigarette sitting between his lips and judging by the lack of smoke, it had burnt out a long time ago.

The only sign that he was functioning was the way his yellow eyes followed me as I came to stand on the other side of his desk.

“I don’t know what to do,” Ellie said, drawing me from my horrified trance. “At first I thought he’d shut down -like _actually_ shut down.”

“I can hear you, Ellie,” Nick said.

She jumped, putting a hand to her chest. She released a huff of air, trying to calm herself and then met his stare.

“I know, Nick! But if you’re not going to be responsive, then I’m going ignore your presence.”

He did a little shrug and the cigarette fell onto his chest. I watched with a troubled expression as he flicked it off, sending it skittering onto his messy desk. I put a hand on my cheek, shaking my head, lips parted in shock.

“He’s been like this since he got back?” I asked.

She nodded, putting her hands on her hips.

“Yep. When I asked him what was wrong all he did was ask me if there was a case he could work on. Then I told him he didn’t have any new cases because everyone knew him and Vel were out of town and then he sat down, lit a cigarette, and hasn’t budged since.”

My brows knitted even deeper together, if that were possible.

“Good god,” I muttered. Folding my arms, I turned back to him, giving him a look I might give one of the boys when I wanted them to confess to doing something wrong. “Hey, Nick.”

“Hey kid,” he said, sounding almost dazed. “How are you?”

Had this been a week ago, I might have gone easy on him. Had he not left me waiting for him to return in Far Harbor, I might have tried to talk things through with him. Had he not abandoned his girlfriend who was clearly going through something, I might have comforted him.

“Nicholas, what the fuck are you doing?” I said, slamming my hands on his desk, leaning towards him with my most intimidating glare. It generally triggered a panicked response in RJ, so I hoped it had a similar effect on Nick.

He sank a little further into his seat, eyebrows furrowing, his yellow eyes widening -at least it seemed like they did.

“What- Why are you yelling at me- My name’s not Nicholas-”

“I don’t care! I asked you a question! What the fuck are you doing?!”

He shook his head a little bit, as if he thought jostling his brain around might help conjure up the answer.

“I-I don’t know, what do you mean-”

“You left us! You said you were going to be gone a week _max_ and now it’s been over a week and a half! I’ve been worried sick, I’ve been involuntarily empathizing with you to the point where I’m not sure how RJ hasn’t killed me! I’m whiney enough about my own problems and that poor man has had to listen to me lamenting yours!”

“Kid-”

“But that’s not the problem.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“It isn’t?”

“No. The problem is that you left Vel.” This drew a real response from him, unlike the weird, stupefied ones he’d given me up until now. His face crumpled, his eyes falling to the desk in front of him. I followed his stare, noticing a sticky note with a message scrawled on it. I snatched it up, and he made a strangled sound of protest, reaching out for it. I felt a little bad now, but I knew now was the time for tough love.

Also, I was hormonal and his sad sack act was irritating me.

I read the note, ignoring his robotic hand swiping weakly towards me.

_Got a distress call from Ria, going to 'Far Harbor' to help her._

_Shouldn't be long, I love you._

“Give it back, Violet,” he said.

I lowered the note from my gaze, quirking a brow at him.

“If you want Vel’s note back, you’re going to have to stand.”

“Kid-”

“And then you’re going to have to pull your head out of your ass, and you’re going to have to come back to Far Harbor with me and help make things right.”

His mask of desperation collapsed into one of defeat and he slumped back into his chair. The movement made his hat fall down over his eyes, only his lips visible now. They were pulled down in a miserable grimace.

“Kid, I _can't._ ”

Despite my impatience, I didn’t speak or scold him. I reined in my urge to keeping berating him and instead let him feel his feelings. The yelling had done it’s work, he was opening up, something Ellie hadn’t been able to get him do the whole time he’d been back. “How do you expect me to show my face after what I did to her? I abandoned her.”

I looked over my shoulder at Ellie, who was now trying to make herself look busy by fiddling with some files.

“Can you give us some privacy?”

She looked a little shocked, like she’d thought I’d forgotten her presence, and dropped the file back into the drawer.

“Of course,” she said, disappearing out the door.

I felt a little bad kicking her out but I wasn’t sure if Vel would want her knowing about her situation and I didn’t want Nick and I to have to tiptoe around the subject. Once I heard the door click, I faced him again.

“Alright,” I said, tone softer than before but still with a steely edge. “You abandoned her. What does that mean? Are you never going to see her again? Are you going to turn off the sign when she gets back from Far Harbor and pretend you’re not home?”

He rolled his eyes, leaning his elbows on the desk.

“Of course not,” when he continued, it was barely audible, as if he were saying a prayer. “No, I could never do that. I’m not strong enough to be without her.”

My chest panged, his words resounding within me, like the deafening tolling of a bell. For the hundredth time I put myself in his shoes. I imagined leaving RJ behind because he’d made a decision I was so fundamentally against that I needed to temporarily distance myself from him.

And of course, as always, I thought about choosing to betray my son rather than live the rest of my life with my one remaining family member, all because my sense of morality outweighed my love for him.

“I know what it’s like to need more time to just _be_ , Nick, I do. But the world doesn’t go on pause -people don’t either. Vel has been alone for almost two weeks, right after discovering she’s a synth. I’m not saying you have to agree with her, I’m not saying you have to side with DiMA, but I have to believe that the two of you can get through this. That if you just go back to Far Harbor and talk to her, you’ll both figure out what to do.”

He nodded, sitting up a little, beginning to straighten his tie, his eyes on the floor as if he were in deep thought. Once his shirt was buttoned and his tie was fixed, he made eye contact with me.

“What if she can’t forgive me?” he asked, broken.

I smiled sadly, placing the note down in front of him on the desk.

“You’re in love, I don’t think that’s possible.”

With that, he stood, pulling his coat on properly, and tucking Vel’s note into one of it’s inner pockets. He adjusted his fedora, a look of determination molding his features.

“You’re right. It’s time to fix things. Let’s go back to Far Harbor,” he said, striding around his desk and heading for the door.

I hurried after him, a little caught off guard by his abrupt gusto.

“Okay, yeah, good, good, good,” I said, following him into the street.

Ellie was leaning against the wall and she pushed off of it, calling, “Are you going back?”

“Yep! Stay safe, Ellie!” Nick replied, refusing to slow down.

“Any ideas of what to do about DiMA?”

“Haven’t gotten that far yet. Was mostly thinking about Gray for the past week.”

I nodded, shrugging a little. That made sense. We walked out into the main hub of Diamond City, weaving through the crowd, and I did my best at ignoring the people who gawked at me. I’d become a bit of a celebrity, an unfortunate side effect of blowing up the Institute and taking down the Prydwen all in the span of two days.

We were about to walk right past Publick Occurences when Piper and Zoon appeared in front of us, her with her hands on her hips and him with his arms folded across his broad chest. The two of us came to a screeching halt, behaving like teenagers who had just been caught sneaking out.

“I heard people gossiping about seeing the Sole Survivor,” Piper said, her piercing green eyes settling on me. Oh, how I wished Zoon hadn’t brought that depressing nickname to the Commonwealth. “But I knew it couldn’t possibly be true, since you would never come to Diamond City after being gone for three weeks without saying hi, would you Blue? Especially since I’m currently raising your children.”

I glanced around, expecting the boys to appear from the shadows now that she’d mentioned them. Of course I’d wanted to see them, make sure they were okay, but I’d decided that would only make leaving harder.

“Look, Piper, I know this looks bad, but please, don’t tell the boys I was here. I just needed to get Nick to come back to Far Harbor -if I see them now, I don’t know how I’ll leave.”

“Why do you need to go back? What’s going on? Where’s Far Harbor, anyway?” she questioned in the rapid fire way she always did.

“I’ll explain everything when we come back, okay?” I said.

“How much longer are you going to be gone for?” she asked, relenting.

“Yeah, we’re not ready to be parents yet, Vaultie,” Zoon said, gesturing between himself and Piper. “You need to take your kids back eventually.”

Piper elbowed him, though she appeared to be fighting back a smile, her cheeks a little red.

“Shut up, Trench Coat. Just because you visit daily doesn't mean you’re helpful.”

“Hopefully we’ll be back in about a week,” I said, glancing at Nick, hoping he could give me some kind of confirmation.

He added, “Maybe.”

Very helpful. This seemed to be enough to appease Piper because she allowed us to leave and promised not to tell the boys I’d been here. Of course, if they each paid attention to the chatter on the street they’d have their suspicions.

“You sure you don't want to get ammo or anything?” I asked as we made it out of the city.

He shook his head.

“I've wasted enough time already, kid.”

I couldn't help but smile at his determined expression, his glowing eyes focused on the distance. At this rate we’d make it to the Nakano’s by tomorrow.

And we did. It was late in the evening when we made it to the dock. The only thing that prevented us from getting there earlier was my need to eat and sleep. It didn't help that it was easy to exhaust me now and I’d already spent the previous two days travelling.

Nick veered away from the house, going straight for the boat.

“Don't we need to talk to the Nakano's?”

He waved a dismissive hand, not bothering to look back at me.

“They'll know it was me.”

I glanced nervously at the house but didn't argue.

Once we were settled and the boat was going, I curled up on the deck, using my arm as a pillow. The ever increasingly familiar scent of cigarette smoke reached my nose and I opened my eyes, frowning. Nick sat in the same seat as he had on our first trip, his eyes locked on the dark ocean waves, the tip of his lit cigarette glowing faintly against the black sky.

I sat up, which drew his attention away from the water.

“Does that help?” I asked.

He cocked his head slightly to the side.

“Does what help?”

“Smoking. Is it calming your nerves?”

He smiled a little, gaze flickering to the cigarette he held.

“It’s more like a placebo, I guess. Nicotine doesn’t do anything for me.”

I bit my lip, narrowing my eyes slightly as I contemplated what I should do next. I needed to sleep, my body was violently protesting my eyes being open, but I knew I couldn’t sleep before I asked Nick one more question.

“Do you regret leaving?”

The small smile that had been lighting his face disappeared, and his eyes met the floor. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and took a long drag from the cigarette.

“I regret leaving Gray. I don’t regret leaving DiMA. Even if he is… family. I should have stayed and talked it out with her,” he said, expression impossible to read. “I’m going to make things right. I have to.”

I smiled, lying back down and closing my eyes.

“I know you will. Goodnight, Nicholas.”

“You know that’s not my name, right-”

“Goodnight!”

Unsurprisingly, the floor of a boat was extremely uncomfortable, and the chilled ocean air didn’t make sleeping any easier. I probably only got two hours of deep sleep and when the light began streaking weakly through the grey clouds above us, I awoke to discover Nick had draped his coat over my huddled form.

“We’re here,” he said, standing, holding onto the railing and gazing at the floating lights in the fog.

I sat up, stretching, and stumbled to my feet, aching all over. I handed Nick’s coat back to him.

“Thanks for the blanket.”

He shrugged.

“Got sick of watching you shivering over there,” he said, sounding just like one of my deceased uncles. I smiled, doing my best not to dwell on the reminder of the fact that my whole family was dead.

We pulled up to the dock and Nick practically threw himself out of the boat. I clambered out of the boat clumsily, failing to keep up with his long legged stride. It was like deja vu, except this time Vel wasn’t waiting for us on the pier.

“Nick, wait,” I called, catching up with him on the stairs. “What’s the plan?”

“Go to Acadia, talk to Gray, hopefully get Gray to leave Acadia.”

“Look, as much as I want you to get Vel out of there, shouldn’t the priority be stopping DiMA?”

He looked at me, frowning deeply.

“Stop DiMA from doing what?”

I opened my mouth to respond and then realized I didn’t really have an answer.

“Huh, I don’t know. But he’s killed before, he could do it again. If he killed Avery to keep the peace he could do the same to anyone -he’s probably thinking of doing it to Tektus since he’s been jonesing for a fight with Acadia and Far Harbor.”

“Good point, kid, but we can’t act based on a theory you only just came up with,” he said, giving me a pointed look.

I came to a halt.

“Look, I thought about this a little bit while you were gone, it’s not a new theory, and also, I need to go talk to RJ before we go running off. Also also, I’m not leaving until we come up with a plan.”

He shrugged, turning away from me.

“Then stay here, it’ll probably be easier for me to convince Gray to come with me if you’re not there.”

My jaw dropped and I released a little offended squeak. Nick stopped, raising an eyebrow, smirking. I took a moment to accept his words, smoothing my hair as if that it would make me feel better if I looked presentable. Like that mattered in the Wasteland.

“That’s fair, but also, come on, Nick, look at the big picture,” I lowered my voice to a whisper, pulling him closer by the sleeve of his trench coat. “DiMA has secret meetings with Faraday and Chase in storage closets, he erased his memories so he wouldn’t have to deal with all the shady things he's done, he murdered the real you know who, he had a kill switch for the fog condensers- what more proof do you need? He’s done terrible things and I’d guess that it wasn’t just a phase.”

He looked away, more annoyed with me then anything. If I were in his place I too would want to just run off and go get my significant other. “Come on, detective, you don’t want to solve this case?”

“Fine! But how do you figure we expose his nefarious plans if we don’t even know what they are?”

I bit my lip, folding my my arms, drumming my fingers on my bicep.

“I mean, if he does have a evil, master plan, there would have to be evidence of it somewhere, right?” I snapped my fingers, grinning at him. “Isn’t his whole brain in that giant computer?”

Nick’s face turned skeptical.

“You’re oversimplifying it a little,” he said.

I pointed at him, smile undeterred by his doubt.

“But that’s the gist, isn’t it?”

“I assume so, yes.”

“So if we can get Faraday, Chase, and DiMA away from the terminal, we could take a peek, couldn’t we?”

He scoffed, rolling his eyes at me.

“Is that it? Kid, I’ve only seen DiMA away from that chair of his once.”

I fumbled for an argument, knowing that we were on the right track.

“Okay, your brothers in his eyes, right? Say you want to talk to them all privately. DiMA will jump at the chance to get back on your good side and he’s in charge, so Chase and Faraday will have to follow him!”

The skeptical mask returned to his face. A couple seconds passed and then he sighed, hanging his head, his hat obscuring my view of whatever expression he wore now.

“Alright, that could work. Once you’re done snooping though, you get out of there and come back here while I talk to Gray, alright?”

I nodded, grinning.

“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is up so late, I'm having trouble keeping track of the days cause of my work schedule! Also, I have to be up for work in six hours so it's time for bed! Hahahaha I hATE WORKING FULL TIME. 
> 
> (Fun fact: The line where Violet says, "Good, good, good." Was originally "Cool, cool, cool." But I decided that was a little too... our reality/time. I'd been rewatching Community when I wrote this chapter.)


	22. Dances with Ghouls

“fucking owe!” 

“hold still.”

“how am I supposed to do that with you digging around in my arm?!”

“I’m not the one that was stupid enough to get bit by a wolf.” Aster chuckled at my expense while she dug the tooth out of my arm.

I almost pointed out that I was out there in the first place for her, DiMA and the rest of Acadia. Quickly I thought better of it. Not only would DiMA be furious with me for revealing our plans to the rest of the synths, it wasn’t her burden to bare. He’d been insistent on that point. If he had his way, only him, me, Faraday and Chase would remember it at the end. So instead I focused back in on the work she was doing. “I didn’t realize those things had barbed fangs.”

“they don’t, you’re just incredibly unlucky.” She muttered out of the corner of her mouth while she dug for the end of it. “it’s in there incredibly deep, probably the only reason you brought it back.”

“it also helps that I blew its skull apart while it was chewing on me.” had to admit, that might not have been the smartest move. Better than getting my arm gnawed off. Better that it hadn’t reached me at all. “owe!”

“there we go.” Triumphantly Aster removed the tooth. It was definitely much longer than I expected it to be. Jagged rough edges had taken some of my flesh with it too. “I should probably give you something to make sure you don’t catch rabies.” 

“I would greatly appreciate that.” Groaning I leaned over my knees, glowering at the bloody hole in my left arm. Didn’t hurt like a bullet wound at least. It was more of an annoyance than anything else.

“Vel!” The high pitched voice sent me reaching for my gun. A split second later my vision was obscured by a head of black hair. Arms attached to said black hair were wrapped around my neck. “I heard what happened! Are you ok? Did Aster fix you?”

Laughing I patted Sarah’s back, wincing over her shoulder. “I’m fine Sarah, calm down. It was only a bite.”

“from a wolf!” she cried holding me at arm’s length. Her eyes fell to my arm and they went wider than ever. At this rate she was just running the risk of them popping clean out of her skull. “Aster! This doesn’t even look clean!”

Aster laughed from the corner, carrying back to my side a bottle of rubbing alcohol. “I was getting to that hon. Calm down. Maybe you can give me a hand. I’ll need you to hold her down if she starts fighting back.”

“I won’t fight back.” I scowled at the bottle, hoping it would help to mask the blood draining from my face. This was always the worst bit. 

Sarah’s brows shot up, confused. Then realization donned on her and she mouthed an oh.

Aster gripped my arm, leaning over to double check the bite mark with a frown. “there’s a little dirt in there, I’m going to have to scrub Vel, you alright with that?”

“if it needs to happen it needs to happen.” Not that I was happy about it. Reluctantly I let her pull my arm taught, her hand tight on my wrist.

“Sarah, make sure she doesn’t try to hit me please.”

“um… ok….” As unsure as she could be, Sarah put her hands on my shoulders. That wouldn’t be enough to restrain me. Of course I wouldn’t strike out against her. Aster might be a different story.

Especially as she poured half the bottle over my arm. A long drawn hiss escaped me which was followed by a cry as she started scrubbing. “I’m working as fast as I can, just hang in there.” 

“hurry up.” I growled around gritted teeth.

Sarah’s hands at least tightened on me while I writhed. Out of the corner of my eye I watched her face twist up in concern. That was just great. The last thing I wanted was her worrying about me. 

The scrubbing went on for several minutes. By the end of it I could hardly tell where the wounds were under my flushed red skin. At least Aster was satisfied. “there we go, looks good to me. I’m sorry about that.”

“fuck off….” I grumbled under my breath with no venom.

She shook her head at me. “always so ungrateful.”

“just give me a Stimpak and we’ll be good.” 

At that Aster’s face fell a little. Carefully she pressed a compress on the bite marks then wrapped my arm in a fresh bandage. “I’m afraid we don’t have any. We ran out a day ago.”

“ah… well shit.” 

“does she need a Stimpak?” Sarah questioned in that innocent quiet voice of hers. 

“not really. It only relieves the pain a bit, it will keep it from scarring too.” with a jerk she tied off the bandage and finally released my blissfully numb arm. 

“wouldn’t be the first scar, and it won’t be the last.” Cradling my arm against my stomach I shoved off the table to find my feet. 

Sarah frowned at the bandage, an adorable little crease formed right through her forehead.

Smiling I tapped her forehead. “stop that, you’ll start getting aging lines.”

“synths don’t age.” She mumbled automatically.

Ok, never heard that voice before. Lost in thought or something? “what’s on your mind Sarah?”

Blinking rapidly she finally met my eyes. “what? Oh nothing! Don’t worry! You look tired maybe you should get some rest?!”

My brows shot up. She wasn’t wrong, I felt tired, probably looked it too. “maybe, I need to go talk to DiMA for a second.”

“but you’ve been working so hard.” A little pout pulled her lips down, that cute childish one. “since you got here you haven’t stopped trying to help Acadia. You deserve a break.” 

“I’m fine Sarah, seriously.” Waving aside her concern I strode for the door. “tell ya what, after I have a word with DiMA, I’ll go take a nap, alright?”

That lit her face right up. Smiling brightly she nodded. “alright.”

It was so easy to please that girl. Besides that I’d had half a mind to hit the sack anyway. DiMA had me running across the island like a chicken with its head cut off. This last mission had taken me down to the Grand Hotel which was infested by Supermutants. Ironically it hadn’t been the mutants that proved a problem. Just the fucking wildlife that prowled the switchback up the side of the mountain. Thus went my luck.

I found DiMA sitting in his chair, leaning forward over his knees. Faraday was playing with some parts in the back of his neck. “maybe I should come back later….”

DiMA turned his head a fraction to look at me. Faraday’s fingers in the back of his head made it hard to move any more than that. “it’s alright Vel, what is it? Were you successful?”

“very.” From a pocket I produced a twisted bit of metal and displayed it to the pair. “wasn’t easy mangling the launch key. They made it to last, but I did it. Now those nukes will never launch.”

“good.” He relaxed visibly, like that bit of news had taken a weight from his shoulders. 

Faraday made one final adjustment before straightening. “there, how do you feel now DiMA? That actuator was sticking.” 

Experimentally DiMA sat up and rolled his neck. “much better Faraday, thank you.” 

“how are we coming on that… other thing?” I asked slowly.

DiMA exchanged a meaningful look with Faraday. I wasn’t entirely sure why. Faraday knew about this too. “we are close. There are only a few more preparations to make. Those tapes that you retrieved were invaluable.” 

“they had better be, I risked radiation poisoning for them.” Not to mention all the dangers leading to that damn cave. It seemed like every time I came back to Acadia it was just to fix whatever damage my missions had left. Maybe Sarah really was right, I needed a break. 

“I know that all of this work must be exhausting for you. I can have Chase do some of this.” DiMA came to stand in front of me, his face so gentle it actually made me a little sad. “you of course will have to finish this yourself.”

“no, I wouldn’t feel right handing this off to someone else anyway. Not at this point.” Firmly I shook my head. 

“of course, I understand.” He squeezed my shoulder, that smile weighed down by what we had already done and what we would soon do. “from the bottom of my heart Vel, thank you for everything.”

“yeah….” With my hands in my pockets I backed up. “I’m just going to go get some rest. Been a long couple of days.”

“of course, you’ve earned it.” 

“come find me when it’s time.” I left him and Faraday alone. With that last bit of news delivered the exhaustion finally settled in. How many hours of sleep had I gotten? Three a night? Since he left? Maybe less. It was a wonder that I could move anymore. My bed welcomed me with a loud creak. The springs poked painfully in my belly. My left arm throbbed at the odd angle. Not to mention the cold seeping in under my coat. Didn’t even bother taking off my kit.

Sleep swooped in but it wasn’t restful. When I woke it felt like it had only been a few minutes, maybe a blink of an eye. My body didn’t care. Once my eyes fluttered open they refused to close again. Maybe it was the nightmares that I couldn’t remember. Pretty sure I was having those. Usually did. At least when I wasn’t sleeping at the agency. 

Groaning I forced myself to return to the life of Acadia. As I wondered around though I noticed someone missing. Frowning I popped in at Aster and Cog’s room. “have you guys seen Sarah anywhere?”

They both looked up surprised. “not since she was here with you.” Cog called from his counter.

“Jule said she saw her headed for the gates.” Aster added.

“what?!” my heart sank. “are you serious?! Why the hell would she leave?”

They both shrugged. “who knows. Maybe she was headed to Far Harbor for something.” 

“you’re no help.” irritably I tore off up the stairs to the main door. At least it was a fairly good day. Nice bright sky. Best visibility that the island was liable to give me. With luck I’d catch up to her before she got too far. How long had I been asleep? This island didn’t waste much time to chew you up.

The guards were so used to my coming and going they didn’t even shoot me looks. I tore through the main gate at a quick jog. The motion jostled my left arm, making it sting something awful. The fog at least was thin. I kept my eyes on the ground, making my way carefully down the blacktop. I would not risk missing her tracks in favor of speed. 

Sarah what were you thinking? It was dangerous out here to begin with and she didn’t know how to handle a gun. What had sent her out here in the first place? The first thought was of the Holotape message she’d sent me. Maybe something had triggered her again. I still didn’t know who had erased her memory. I still wasn’t sure her suspicions had been founded. Had she found something out? Was that why she left?

My heart climbed its way up my throat with every one of those thoughts. Sick with urgency I picked up the pace. 

Then a snarl pierced through the fog. Out of it shambled a ghoul. Not one of the commonwealth variety. The island had its own blasted types and it made my skin crawl worse than the others. Its gaping mouth had only a handful of teeth as it lunged toward me, face first. Before it got within a foot I put a bullet between its eyes. Shit. Where were the others? They never ran alone. If there was one there were sure to be more. Then where were they?

For a few seconds I stood there in the middle of the road, half expecting to get swarmed. When no more snarls reached me I relaxed a little. The ghoul had come from the left. Curiosity getting the better of me I left the road. A lot of ghoul tracks. Running off toward the old camp ground. Under them all though, light boot prints. “Sarah…. Shit what have you got yourself into?”

The tracks weren’t hard to follow. Had to give the island that, its paths were rarely dry and hard enough not to leave prints. I chased them off the road into the camp grounds next to the lake. There were a couple of stray ghouls here, likely distracted by an easy meal in the form of a rotting Radstag carcass. They didn’t even get the chance to look up before I capped them in the heads. 

The tracks made a sharp right turn out of the campsite right before the first building. From ahead another set of footprints joined the others. Easy to imagine what happened. Sarah had been running, when she noticed ghouls ahead. Just passed the shack the ground sloped suddenly downward. It looked like one of the ghouls had managed to break its leg on the way down. Well at least if I couldn’t track their prints, there was a generous breadcrumb trail of ghouls left for me to follow.

A building loomed out of the forest at the bottom of the hill. Now if I were being chased by a pack of ghouls that’s the last place I’d head. Enclosed, tight corners, likelihood of more ghouls waiting for me. It had death trap written all over it. But of course the tracks lead right through a broken window. 

As I approached the groans and huffs of ghouls reached me. A lot of them by the sound of it. If they were still around then Sarah can’t have gotten far. I just prayed to god that the ghouls’ low grumbling wasn’t cause they’d just ate. If Sarah was killed by a pack of ghouls I didn’t know what I’d do. She was damn near the only friend I had right now. 

Carefully I peered in around the side of the window. At a sweeping glance there were seven of the damn things all milling around the lobby. Mostly aimless too. At the far end, down a hall I spotted a pack of three clawing at a door. That had to be Sarah. At least she’d found a safe place to hide for the time being. God I hoped she was alright. If they had drawn one drop of blood I’d tear these zombies apart. 

The first one strayed precariously close to me. It would catch my scent and alert the others. Lucky me, I never left home without the silencer on my pistol. It went down quietly, barely making any noise as it sunk into the pond. The others didn’t even flinch. Another one wondered away from the group off to the left. I shot it smoothly, turning to the others before it even hit the ground. A third on the edge dropped like a fly before the others finally wised up. 

Snarling they swung around frantically, trying to find me. I thought it would take them a while. After all they weren’t known for being smart. But all at once their heads swung around to me. Even at this distance I could hear them sniffing hungrily at the air. Sweat formed on the back of my neck, my eyes darted toward the bandage that now seeped blood. Well shit.

They screeched in unison and charged. 

The head of the group almost lost it as it stumbled over debris in the middle of the lobby. I backed up from the window, back peddling up the hill. As soon as the first appeared through the window I fired into its belly. It didn’t kill him but it sure made him stop to think. The others barreled right over the top of him. I watched one foot go right through his skull. That was a bad way to go.

Not as bad as the way I’d go if I didn’t thin this herd and fast. They were already half way up the slope. Climbing forward was a hell of a lot easier than climbing backward. I got off three more shots into the crowd. One died, another took it in the leg then slowed his entire pack. I used the moment to glance back up the hill, when something grabbed my leg. Painfully I hit the mud. The ghoul from before with the broken leg. Shit of course. It clawed its way up my body, greedily aiming for the throat. 

Points for trying. I put my gun to its head and shot it once. It crumpled over the top of me. The others were almost here. Fiercely I kicked the dead carcass into the pack. They stumbled, one dodged it and ran for me. Rolling out of his path I got up on my side and fired at its hip. It went down with howls of pain. 

The last two lunged for me at the same time. I jammed my gun into the first’s mouth and pulled the trigger. The bullet tore right through the back of its mouth and out the other side. It had just enough energy left to then lodge itself in the last ghoul. Grinning broadly I pulled my gun free and swung around. “see that Nick? Two in… one…. fucking god damn it, fuck.” 

Feeling the miserable weight of depression crash down on my shoulders I turned from the battlefield. No more ghouls poured out of the building to attack me. Not for lack of ghouls I discovered. Two were still clawing at the door. Not wishing to get into any more close combat fights I pelted them with bullets. Maybe excessively to be honest. Either way they went down in a bloody mess, leaving me free to approach the door.

My arm was bleeding pretty bad now. With blood in the air it wouldn’t take long for more ghouls to come knocking. So I trudged up to the door. A bathroom I soon discovered, judging by the sign on it. The lock came loose and I stepped inside to find an empty bathroom. Something squeaked in one of the stalls. 

With my gun I nudged open the stall door. And found Sarah standing on the toilet, knees drawn up, and a sheepish look on her face. “hi Vel….” 

“hi Sarah.” Slowly I lowered my gun. An amused smile tugged threatening at my lips. “what are you doing here?”

“um… hiding….”

“no I know what you’re doing in the bathroom, but what are you doing out of Acadia?” rolling my eyes I put the gun away.

She got clumsily off the toilet. Her ponytail had come loose letting all her black hair cascade around her shoulders. No sign of trauma. At least she hadn’t gotten herself hurt then. Just scared. “well…. Aster said that she was out of Stimpaks. Then I asked Cog and he said that he was waiting on a shipment from Far Harbor. So I thought, it can’t be that far right? So I headed to the docks but… those things got in the way….”

Ok now I was smiling. With a hand I guided her out of the bathroom back across the lobby. “please tell me you didn’t come out here, almost got eaten, just to get me a Stimpak.” 

A little outrage slipped into her face. “of course I went to get you a Stimpak, you’re hurt!” 

That surprised me. Coming up short I turned to face her, mouth falling open a couple inches. “wait… did you really? Sarah I didn’t ask you to do that.”

Her gaze dropped while she fidgeted with the edge of her sleeve. “well… it’s just that you’ve done so much for us, for me. I wanted to repay you.”

“Sarah you don’t need to repay me.” the notion was a little ridiculous. Why would she even think she needed to do that? The thought of payment had scarcely crossed my mind since getting to Acadia. Since getting her message in the first place. 

“you’ve been working so hard and I know why.” she finally met my gaze, sympathy in her big brown eyes. “I know you’re trying to keep busy but… you can’t just keep doing this to yourself.”

“doing what?”

“you have to let someone else do the work!” exasperatedly she flung out her hands, brows drawn tight together, forming that crease again. “you’ve barely slept, you hardly eat, you’ve come back with everything from radiation sickness to bites. You need to slow down.”

“I can handle it.” I could feel myself getting defensive. I knew she was just trying to be nice but I really didn’t need her to do this for me. 

“I know you can but… you need someone to take care of you like you take care of everyone else.” 

It felt like I’d been punched in the gut. I couldn’t count how many people had said that to me because no one, not a single person, had. Like every other wastelander I was out for myself. Selfish and egotistical, maybe even a little crazy. No one had ever accused me of putting others first. True I’d been keeping busy but I hadn’t thought anyone cared or noticed what I was doing. A wave of exhaustion swept through me so bad that I sunk into a chair. “Sarah, I really appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I really don’t need you to worry about me. I’ll be fine, I promise.” 

With pursed lips she sat down beside me. A few stray tears leaked out of her eyes. “I’m sorry I made you come out here for me…. I didn’t want to be a burden to you.”

“you’re not a burden you’re my friend, there’s a difference, not much of one but still a difference.” I mumbled that last bit quietly under my breath.

Her big brown eyes swung on me. “you’ve saved my life so many times I just… I just wanted to help you for a change.”

“and you have been.” I smiled, praying that it didn’t seem too forced. I meant what I said, not that my body had the energy to project it. “if it weren’t for you, helping me through this last week, I don’t know where I’d be.”

“I know I’m not a replacement for Nick.” She mumbled miserably. 

“well, that’s not your fault.” with my elbows on my knees I leaned forward, chin on my clasped hands. “no one’s a replacement for Nick.”

“but I am trying to do what I can for you. I’m just so sorry that I couldn’t even go to Far Harbor and get you a stupid Stimpak.” Oh hell, here come the tears. They started streaming down her face as I gave her a sidelong look.

“hey, look, calm down it’s ok.” Awkwardly I put a hand on her shoulders. Suddenly I felt rather like DiMA, with no idea how to console a crying woman. “it’s dangerous out here is all. You weren’t ready for it. The fact that you went anyway is damn near one of the nicest things anyone’s ever done for me.”

“but you had to come find me.” before I knew it she had me wrapped up in a tight hug. She sniffed into my shoulder, a miserable sad sound that tugged at my heart. “I was trying to give you a break, but you came out here anyway.”

“it’s really no big deal, I had my nap anyway.” when had this become a comfort session for her? “seriously Sarah it’s fine. I’m fine. The fact that anyone would go out of their way for me like this is… well its one of the nicest things anyone’s ever done for me.”

Her crying stopped, slowly at first. When she went quiet I let her go so she could sit up and wipe her face. With her puffy eyes, and flushed cheeks I couldn’t help but feel even more responsible for her. “I’m worried about you.”

“I know.” Gently I took her hand. Leading her back out of the hotel, headed toward Acadia. “you won’t have to worry for much longer, I promise. When I’m finished you won’t have to worry about anything again.” 

“what are you talking about?” 

“just trust me.” we were up the hill already. The dead or dying ghouls left far behind. Not much further now. “I’ll rest just as soon as I get the chance.”

“and what about going after Nick?” 

My feet stumbled a little as we came on the blacktop. Smoothly I recovered, offering her a smile over my shoulder. “I’ll think it over.” 

Her ordeal must have tired her out cause she didn’t even spot the tightness in my eyes. Or the lie there. I’d already thought it over and going back after Nick wouldn’t do me any good. He’d never forgive me. No matter how much I wanted him back. 

We entered Acadia through the front. The moment we stepped inside Faraday called down to me. “Vel, DiMA wants a word with you.” 

Sighing I nodded. “alright, one sec.” 

Sarah was giving me a frown when I looked to her. 

“almost done.” I smiled for her benefit. “promise. When I get back, we’ll share some beer alright?”

“I’ve never had a beer….”

“then I’m glad I can be the one to corrupt you.” laughing lightly I patted her shoulder. “go on, I’ll find you when I’m done.”

“alright….” Frowning still, she cast a quick glance down the hall toward Faraday waiting for me. 

When she’d disappeared down the stairs I marched up the hall to what was hopefully the last worst thing I’d ever have to do. DiMA stood beside his chair with Chase at his side. Faraday retreated to his terminal but he was listening. I looked the old synth in the milky eye. “are we ready?”

“it’s time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My internet is as unreliable as people so i'm trying to get this in now.
> 
> So Sarah! What do you all think of her? She's rapidly becoming near and dear to my heart for her adorable naivety. Fun fact, when i very first built her, way back in Synth, i had every intention of killing her when Gray escorted her out of Goodneighbor. Couldn't bring myself to do it sooooo here she is. 
> 
> Hope you're all enjoying this. Let me know what you think of Sarah! Do you like her, do you hate her? Things have been fun. I'll see you all next week but in the mean time don't forget to write on!


	23. What a great achievement it was

With Nick and I’s plan planned, I went and visited RJ who was sitting in the Last Plank, sipping from a can of purified water. I raised my eyebrow at him, amused by his choice of drink. The face I was making didn’t matter though, because as soon he spotted me by the table, he threw himself out of his chair and wrapped his arms around me.

“Vi! You’re back! God, I missed you,” he said into my hair.

I smiled, winding my arms around him, nuzzling my face into his scarf. I’d known I’d missed him, it was something I’d been doing my best to ignore this entire trip, but the feeling of being reunited was so vibrant, so warm and full in my chest that it completely erased any loneliness I’d been experiencing before seeing him.

“Hey, handsome.”

I forced him to release me by an inch so I could kiss his cheek.

“I know you missed me, but there’s no need to give false compliments,” he said, smiling playfully.

“It’s true, you’re handsome!”

That was when Longfellow’s voice came from the chair next to where we stood. I hadn’t even realized they’d been sitting together. That was a good sign. Unfortunately, he said, “Boy’s right, there’s no need to lie to him, Cap’n.”

I swatted the top of his head lightly, and he jumped, whipping his head to look at me. His alarmed expression only made me laugh.

“Do not bully my boyfriend,” I said, pointing at him threateningly.

He raised his hands.

“Yes ma’am. Never again.”

RJ scoffed, rolling his eyes. I bit my lip, grimacing reluctantly up at him. He raised an eyebrow and then realization dawned on his face.

“You’re not staying, are you?”

“No, and you can’t come, I’m sorry-”

He gave me a look that suggested he was going to kill me. Though I knew that he would never _ever_ get violent with me, I decided not to push him for fear his head might explode. I’d already ditched him for a little under a week. Twice. “Never mind. You can come. But I need to eat before we leave.”

He kissed the top of my head, backing up.

“Let me just go up and get my gun and then I’ll order you something from Mitch.”

I frowned.

“Why don’t you have your gun? You always have your gun,” I said as he reached the stairs.

He made a face as if it was a long story.

“It’s a long story,” he said, darting out of view.

I sighed, looking down at Longfellow. He was sipping at some whiskey, seeming to actually be enjoying the drink, not just trying to get drunk like he usually was. I sat down across from him, feeling heavy.

“You look like you could use a drink,” he said, sliding the bottle towards me.

I pushed it back towards him.

“I don’t feel like drinking,” I said.

He frowned, pushing it back to me.

“You’ve said that every time I’ve offered you a drink. Do you not drink or somethin’? Cause if so, you need to start. It’ll relax ya.”

“I don’t need to relax.”

Skepticism crossed his features.

“You’ve been all wound up about something since your detective friend left. Take a drink.”

“Longfellow, I’m pregnant,” I said, smirking.

He stiffened, his lips parted, his bushy eyebrows going up. I laughed, sliding the bottle back to him.

“Oh.”

I put my elbow on the table, leaning with my cheek on my closed fist, not looking away from him. Although his reaction was the same as RJ’s, it was far more entertaining. That was until his face fell a little, eyes dropping to the table top.

“Is something wrong?” I asked, almost reaching out to touch his hand that lay flat on the table, reminding myself that Wastelanders didn’t always respond well to physical affection from someone they weren’t extremely close to.

“Can I ask you somethin’?” he asked.

I frowned, nodding.

“Of course.”

“How do you feel about the Children of Atom?”

That wasn’t the turn I had anticipated the conversation to take.

“Honestly?”

“Yes, honestly,” he said, impatient.

“I hate them. I think they’re fucking idiots. They make me so mad that I can’t even form the right words to express it,” I said, wishing now that I could drink. As if on cue, RJ placed a plate of squirrel on a stick in front of me along with a can of water and pulled up a chair for himself. “Thank you.”

He smiled, nodding, digging into his own food. He glanced between the two of us.

“What are we talking about?” he asked.

“Nothin’,” Longfellow said, throwing back his drink. “Just makin’ sure Cap’n and I were on the same page.”

“About what?”

“About those irradiated, submarine dwelling, Atom worshipping, lunatics,” he spat. “I wouldn’t wanna be friends with someone who would even consider associatin’ with that rat’s nest.”

I contemplated telling him about my infiltration of the Nucleus but decided the less people who knew about that the better.

Once I was fed, I met back up with Nick, who hadn’t left his spot by the gate. I felt a little guilty for making him wait. When we arrived at Acadia, Nick and I entered through the fence - RJ stayed outside to stand guard and only come inside if the guards were alerted by anyone inside, meaning me.

After the guard circled by the door, Nick and I darted into the compound and up the stairs. It wasn’t a problem if anyone saw Nick, but we didn’t want anyone knowing I had come too. The chances of them all leaving me alone with DiMA’s terminal and memory chair was highly unlikely, especially since DiMA had probably been made aware of the fact that I’d found Avery’s body.

Once we reached the door, Nick went inside, leaving me to wait. He’d said it would take him a minute to lure everyone downstairs. Of course, his whole reason for going down stairs hinged on Vel not being upstairs so that they would have to come down with him to find her. A pretty flimsy excuse but one that could work if DiMA was that keen to please Nick.

After the minute had passed, I reached out for the door handle, my heart leaping in my chest. It wasn’t like I was going to be in danger if the plan didn’t work and they were all still upstairs, it just meant I’d have no way of finding out of DiMA had any nefarious plans.

Of course, I was one of the two humans that knew about what DiMA had done, there was a chance they’d been plotting my death in order to keep me quiet. I highly doubted they’d just murder me in front of Nick, though.

With that thought to barely comfort me, I pulled open the door, throwing myself into the doorway to the right. I braced myself against the wall, straining to listen to any voices that might have been echoing down the hallway.

Silence.

I peaked out the doorway and from where I stood, the room appeared to be empty. Not wanting to waste anymore time, I bolted down the hall and into the main room. As Nick had promised, no one was upstairs. I prayed that no random synth felt like going on a walk around the observatory.

I reached the terminal Faraday was always typing at and was immediately met by the familiar screen of any locked terminal. Rows and rows of random symbols were broken up by seemingly meaningless words, one of which was going to unlock the terminal. I grinded my teeth together, fingers hovering uselessly over the keyboard.

After scanning over the list of five letter words, I sighed, selecting the word ‘NAMES’.

>NAMES

>Entry denied.

>Likeness = 0

Fuck. I stuck my tongue out of the side of my mouth, concentrating on the list even harder now. Next, I selected the word, ‘SWORE’.

>SWORE

>Entry denied.

>Likeness = 1

Double fuck. I groaned quietly, hanging my head. It wasn’t like it was the end of the world if I messed up again and got locked out for ten seconds, it was just less time to dig around. I had one clue, one letter in common with the password.

My eyes flitted around the screen, sweat beginning to gather on my nervous palms as I highlighted words and compared their likeness to my second guess.

That was when I saw the word ‘PEACE’.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” I whispered, shaking my head.

I clicked the enter key, holding my breath.

The list of passwords disappeared and I was greeted by a menu screen. I clapped once, a little too loudly, and looked around as if the noise had immediately summoned trouble. When no one appeared, I looked back to the screen. The menu was rather long, which made sense since the terminal contained essentially all of DiMA. Since there was no option called ‘Evil Schemes’, I highlighted the ‘Memories’ tab.

I was about to hit enter when I noticed a tab called, [Risks.]

I quickly selected that, hoping this would be a brief detour. This took me to a list of names.

[Allen Lee.]

[Brian Richter.]

[Captain Avery.]

[Old Longfellow.]

[Sarah Lee.]

[Tektus.]

Were these all people they were considering replacing? It would make sense, Captain Avery was on the list. The names didn’t take me to any new screens and so I exited, heading to the memories tab.

This list was significantly longer. Some of the tabs were names of people, some locations, some filed by their date. I held in a groan, reading through the list as quickly as I could.

It wasn’t until I reached the letter ‘S’ that something stuck out to me.

[Sarah.]

That was Vel’s friend, the whole reason we’d come to this damn island. She’d apparently sent Vel a message in which she’d voiced distress regarding DiMA but when we’d met with her, she hadn’t remembered contacting Vel at all.

I loaded up the memory, crossing the room clumsily and sitting down in DiMA’s chair. I was really leaving myself vulnerable now. Nick knew I’d need a lot of time but it had already been almost ten minutes since he’d gone inside. How much could he really come up with to say to them?

I just had to pray that if they caught me up here, Nick would be able to convince them not to kill me while I was in the memory.

I pulled down the helmet that hung above the chair, releasing a shaking breath. Why couldn’t this be like the memory pods in the Memory Den? Of course, those were stressful for a whole other reason. Namely, that they were a small space, something I hadn’t been a fan of since being forced into a pod and having to watch my husband be murdered and my child get kidnapped from inside.

Like the helmet in the nucleus, this one lit up, humming. This time I was more prepared when my vision went out and I lost the sensation of having a body. While I floated in the strange, endless void, I wondered if I was going to have to go through the same

‘hacking’ process as I had before.

But these memories weren’t encrypted.

I discovered this when I saw DiMA standing in the stairwell at the bottom of Acadia. His plasticine face was crumpled, he was clearly conflicted about something. A female voice came from the room beyond the stairwell.

“Sorry…I think they’re onto me. Vel please come find me. Come to Far Harbor, the people there will point you to Acadia. Hurry.”

It was Sarah. She was recording her message to Vel. DiMA had heard it, why hadn’t he stopped her from sending it? I looked to DiMA, whose expression had grown dark. Sarah appeared in the stairwell, a little surprised squeak leaving her lips. All the color drained from her face, her eyes wide, afraid.

“D-DiMA, I didn’t know you were down here,” she stammered. “H-How are you?”

“I’m well, Sarah,” he said, voice holding none of the warmth it had when I’d spoken to him with the others. “But I’m more concerned about you. Are you not enjoying your life in Acadia?”

Somehow she managed to look more afraid -poor girl had no poker face.

“N-no, of course not- I mean, I am-”

Before either of them could say or do anything else, footsteps echoed down the stairwell, drawing both their attention. Sarah took this as her chance to hurry past DiMA, doing her best to conceal the holotape in her hand. “Well, I better get going. Cog wanted to show me something!”

“Goodbye, Sarah,” he said, dead eyes staring up at her as she disappeared.

Like when I’d gone through Kellogg's memories, a wall disappeared, a path leading to another memory forming that stretched out across the void. Travelling through connected, unencrypted memories was way easier it seemed.

I hurried across the path, entering the supply closet we’d seen DiMA, Faraday, and Chase meet in the day we’d spied on them. They were all in there again, speaking in the same hushed tones.

“Maybe our best course of action is to get rid of her,” Chase said.

DiMA shook his head.

“No, that won’t be necessary. If we alter her memory, destroy all signs of suspicion and make her forget she ever recorded that tape, things will be fine. We just have to do it before she manages to get the holotape out of Acadia.”

“And what if she’s already done it? A caravan came by here yesterday to trade with Cog, how do you know she didn’t give it to them to take to Far Harbor?” Faraday asked, wringing his hands together.

“I don’t. That’s why she can’t be killed. If this ‘Vel’ person shows up and finds out their friend died after sending a holotape in which she said she was scared and didn’t feel safe in Acadia, then they’ll immediately be able to deduce what happened.”

Chase muttered, “Good point.”

“Then it’s settled. Tonight, while the others sleep, Chase will bring Sarah upstairs and you will alter her memory,” DiMA said, pointing at Faraday.

Faraday nodded grimly as the wall beside them opened up, the path appearing again. I ran over it, appearing in the main, dome shaped room of the observatory. Chase lead Sarah in, who was attempting to hold back tears.When she spotted DiMA she began to cry.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I sent the holotape, I was scared- I don’t know why! I’m sorry, I’ll make another one, I’ll tell Vel not to come!” she begged, resisting as Chase guided her to DiMA’s chair. “You don’t have to erase me!”

DiMA smiled, the curl of his lips making my stomach turn, and calmly reached for the helmet.

“Sarah, we’re not going to erase you. At least not all of you.”

“I don’t understand-” she choked out, lips trembling, drawing in a sharp breath. Her face became stoney, despite the tears still streaking down her cheeks. “I was right, something is going on here. You wouldn’t be doing this unless I was right.”

“Sarah, sometimes dark things must be done for the greater good,” DiMA said sadly, sounding exactly like he had in the holotape I’d found with Avery’s body. “But that isn’t knowledge you should have to be burdened with. We’re just trying to give you peace of mind.”

“Why are you doing this!? What do you plan to do?”

“DiMA, we need to get started,” Faraday murmured. “We don’t want to be discovered.”

He nodded.

“Just know, Sarah, that everything I’ve done… everything I’m going to do… it’s for Acadia. For the betterment of this whole island, really.”

With that said, he yanked down the helmet while Faraday started typing in the terminal, my vision going black as Sarah slumped in the chair.

The world around me returned in an instant, and I sat up, hitting my head on the frame of the helmet. I pushed it up and off of me, swinging my legs over the side of the chair, only to be met by the barrel of a gun.

I looked up at the person who held it, my eyes widening. It was Vel who glared down at me, her stark, grey eyes full of loathing. I swallowed, smiling.

“Oh, hello.”


	24. Painting Targets

“you didn’t.” Sarah laughed out loud, shaking her head at me.

I smirked. “I did, I leapt out off a tower into a Vertibird, killed the piolet and jumped out before it crashed.”

“I just can’t believe it.” she continued to shake her head in disbelief. Admittedly this was one of the stranger things that had happened to me over the year. “you should be dead.”

“a couple times over probably.” Sitting there on that picnic table I craned back on my arms. The night sky was brilliant. If you were too close to Diamond city the lights were usually enough to drown out the stars. I’m not sure I’d ever seen them quite this way before. If only Nick were here…. Coughing I looked down at Sarah sitting beside me. “after that Flynn blew up the Brotherhood’s base of operations then went for the Institute. All tied off with a nice little bow gotta say.”

Sarah nodded, the shadow of fear racing over her features. “I’m glad the Institute’s gone.”

“yeah me too.” tenderly I squeezed her shoulder, smiling as gently as I could manage. “at least Acadia doesn’t have to worry about those assholes swooping in or anything.”

“I remember that courser that came to get me from Fairline Hills….” She said slowly, staring out across the treetops with a faraway look. “imagine what the coursers would do here if they found out….”

“there aren’t any coursers left except Chase I guess.” Shrugging I let myself fall back onto the table to stare toward the stars. “Acadia is safe. This island is safe. Everyone’s safe.” And yet my hands wouldn’t stop shaking. They were still sore from having to lay that much brick. I couldn’t blame the shaking entirely on the exertion though. My chest felt tight too. 

Sarah lay down beside me, hands under her head. That red bandana she still wore covered up part of her mouth to keep me from reading it. “I can’t believe it, the Institute I mean.”

“It’s like a dream isn’t it?”

“I can’t believe that you actually joined the railroad.” She swung her gaze on me, brows up and smiling. “and did all that stuff, and helped Violet blow up the Institute!” 

“well.” Acting a little sheepish I sat up to put the beer back to my lips. “to be honest, you were part of the reason I joined up.”

“what?” 

Looking over my shoulder I smiled at the frown she offered me. “yeah, believe it or not. I had no intention of joining the railroad until that night when I helped you out of Goodneighbor. You helped me realize what I had to do.”

A light blush filled her cheeks and she averted her eyes. “you didn’t have to do anything.”

“true, but you made me want to. I gotta thank you for that.” It was genuine if not laced with a little regret. Joining the railroad had been the right decision even if it’d caused so much grief in my life that I almost regretted it. Driving Nick away for one. Which I’d already done. Irritably I downed the last of my beer and tossed the bottle off the edge of the building. 

Sarah sat up. I felt her eyes on the back of my neck. “are you ok?”

“no.” shaking my head I leaned in over my knees. I should pretend with Sarah. She was so innocent, so kind. Telling her my problems would just crush her. Lying to someone else made me feel sick. I hated lying. And if there was one person that I could trust it was Sarah. “I miss him….”

A small soft hand found its way to my back. Gently it made circles across my shoulders. That was right. That was how you comforted someone. “so he wasn’t in Far Harbor?”

“no. Mitch said he’d gone back to the mainland and that he said he’d be back but it’s been over a week….” My throat got so thick it was hard to reach the end of that sentence. I bent down to retrieve one of the beers we had stashed under the picnic table. “he’s gotta be furious with me….”

“why did he leave? I still don’t understand.”

And she shouldn’t. The things that DiMA did, that I did, she shouldn’t know about. Like DiMA said, no one else should have to bare that burden. So I had to lie. “he … just got upset about something to do with DiMA. He’s within his rights to be angry at him, and I don’t blame him for that. But did he have to leave now?” 

“how are you holding up? Finding out you’re a synth?” 

Sarah was the only person I’d told that to. Everyone else already knew of course, hard to keep things secret in a small settlement. I’d purposefully told her. Of all the people on the mountain it was Sarah that I found the most comfort in. She was familiar and friendly and genuinely a good person. You didn’t have to worry about schemes or agendas with her. I’d spent more time with her than any other person on Acadia, even DiMA. 

DiMA himself had grown a little distant since Nick left. Maybe he thought it was my fault somehow. Not that I cared. DiMA could go deal with his own emotional problems, I had a god damn nuclear reactor in my chest that had already gone critical more than once. He’d just have to be content with my help. 

Blinking I looked back to Sarah while she waited patiently and silently for my reply. “it’s hard…. I don’t know what to think or how to think about things half the time. Then the other half I’m too exhausted to give any more thought to it. Then I get depressed and then I start thinking about him and…. This is why we’re up here drinking.”

To make my point clear I uncapped the beer and started chugging.

Sarah actually gave me a disapproving look but didn’t stop me. “maybe you should go find Nick.”

“you mean go back to the commonwealth?” I scoffed, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. “you know how dangerous it is back there.”

“but it isn’t… at least not for you.” she retorted.

One of my brows shot up. “alright all knowledgeable one, what’s your argument?” 

That clearly annoyed her to which she rolled her eyes. I think my sass was starting to rub off on her. “the people in the commonwealth think you’re human, none of them have a reason to believe otherwise.”

“but if they do find out-”

“how are they going to find out?” she cut me off which made my jaw fall open a little. “seriously? The institute is gone so you won’t be activated as an agent, the only people that witnessed your replacement was you and Nick. The only people that know you’re a synth are almost all synths themselves or they’re Violet. So who’s going to tell the commonwealth what you are? You?”

“no!”

“exactly! They haven’t figured you out for almost a year right? I’d say that makes you safe.” 

“but they could-”

“you could die walking out the door every day but does that keep you inside?”

I was beginning to hate this side of Sarah. Puffing out my cheeks defiantly I sat back over my knees. “you don’t get it….”

“are you serious?!” she punched me in the arm. “I’m a synth! Worse I’m a synth that escaped the institute! Not some replacement with a backstory the commonwealth knows about. I’m in more danger than you are, but does that stop me?”

“no….”

“no, it doesn’t.” with a little hop she got off the table then stood in front of me with her hands on her hips. At this angle I could finally appreciate the deep blush on her face. “so suck it up. You’re a synth, well you aren’t unique. Plenty of us live our lives out in the open. Acadia is safe sure, but this isn’t where you belong is it?”

“how much have you had to drink?” Leaning my cheek in my hand I smiled at her red face. 

“probably too many.” She admitted, putting a hand to her forehead. “sorry it’s just… you really shouldn’t be scared to go home. And if Nick’s out there, don’t you want to?”

Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but what she was saying made some sense. Mostly I was just in shock that the shy gentle synth I usually hung around with became this when she was drunk. Hell she was bordering on becoming another Flynn if she wasn’t careful. Wouldn’t that be interesting? Also a pain in my ass. “come on, we’ve had too many, we should go back inside.”

“does this mean that you’ll go back and look for him?” the hope filled her voice, like she thought she had made that big of a difference.

“maybe….”

“you love him.”

“that’s not really the question is it?” carefully I gathered up our unopened bottles of beer, of which there were only a couple. Staring at them quietly I frowned at my reflection in the glass. “question is, does he still love me?”

With that question hanging around in air we left the roof of the observatory. Sarah wobbled her way down the stairs, carrying with her the beer back to her bed. Carefully I helped her to her mattress. While she curled up on her side I took a step back. I couldn’t help but think back to the message she’d sent me, the message that had brought me here in the first place. I’d been so preoccupied with making sure the island was safe that I hadn’t spared any thought to what had made her send that message. 

Maybe she’d just stumbled across the same things that we had and it spooked her. 

That didn’t quite fit either though.

Grimacing I decided to go for a walk. Sleep wasn’t going to come for me anyway, it hadn’t done much since Nick left. Hands jammed in my pockets I made my way up the stairs into the main room. It was quiet. DiMA wasn’t here and Faraday must have been off with Chase somewhere. At this hour the entire observatory was almost silent. Besides the whir of the dozens of computer banks DiMA maintained. 

Casually I strolled around the middle section only to come to a dead stop. Someone lay in the chair, DiMA’s chair, the hood pulled down. What the hell?! I didn’t even know that chair worked on anyone but DiMA! I had my gun out before I knew it. With it trained down on the person I waited. 

When the hood came up I finally got a look at the person seated there. Big green eyes widened at the gun in my hand and red hair swayed. “oh… hello.”

“what the actual hell are you doing here?!” I snarled quietly. 

Flynn’s face went stony. “we’re here because DiMA’s up to something.”

“you’ve got no fucking idea what you’re talking about.” I cast my eyes around the main room. Flynn was just lucky that I was the one that had found her. Any of the other synths would have reported her directly to DiMA already. Chase would shoot her. Wouldn’t matter if she was with child or not. Wouldn’t matter that Flynn had done nothing to threaten Acadia. All that would matter as much as shit. “did anyone see you?”

“no, why?”

“good.” With gritted teeth I put my gun away. This wasn’t good. I had to get her out of the building. “follow me and stay quiet, think you can manage that for five minutes?” 

I didn’t even give her the chance to argue with me. Instead I grabbed her around the wrist and dragged her toward the door. There were footsteps coming up the stairs, DiMA’s voice. Shit. What would he think or do if he saw her here? Nick would kill me if I let her get herself caught like this. I picked up the pace, tugging her along so hard I heard her feet stumble. We came out into the dark night one more time. The guards were slouched at their posts. No discipline, Fahrenheit would have had their hides. Before anyone could notice us I forced Flynn into a run, down the stairs then through the gates. 

Once we were below the fog line I finally stopped. “you’ve got guts, coming here. DiMA knows you found Avery’s body.”

“and I wonder who told him.” she replied venomously. 

Sitting up I turned to look her in the eye. There was steel there, the kind of steel I hadn’t seen before. “why are you here exactly? You keep saying DiMA’s up to something but we already know what he did. What more is there to tell?”

“a lot more.” Her face went a little pale and she grimaced. “I went into his memories, I saw what he did to Sarah.”

“what he did- the fuck are you talking about?!” of course I’d already connected the dots and the implications made me feel sick. 

She threw out her hands exasperatedly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world I was just being childish. Which I was. “you know what I’m talking about! He erased her memories, of making the tape, whatever spooked her in the first place and who knows what else. And if he’s done it to her imagine who else he’s done it to.” 

“DiMA would never do that.” Even as the words left my mouth they didn’t quite feel right. Knowing everything that DiMA had done, that I’d helped him with. Was this much more of a stretch? “he would never tamper with a synth’s memory he knows how disgusting that is.”

“he said himself, dark things have to be done for the greater good.” That certainly sounded like DiMA. He’d said something similar to me before. But to go this far? “I know you don’t want to believe it but he’s hurting people. He hurt Sarah.”

My fists tightened. “will you stop trying to ruin my life?”

“I’m not trying to ruin any-”

“first you say the god damn code, then you come back here trying to drive me out of the one place that I’m safe.”

“look I know you’re scared and everything about being a synth, but for god’s sake, you can’t hold on to that forever.”

“excuse me, who’s a copy here?”

“you’re not a copy either.” 

The quiet warm words drifted down to us from up the road. Nick walked out of the fog and I felt my heart leap up in my throat. Over a week. How had it been over a week since I’d seen him? It felt like forever. I wanted to meet him half way but that look he had was unreadable. Was he still angry? I didn’t need to meet him, and I was wrong as it turned out.

He closed the gap first and folded me tight in his arms. “I’m sorry for leaving you Gray. Please forgive me.”

The tears stung my eyes so I hid them in the shoulder of his trench coat. “I should be asking you for forgiveness. I’m sorry for what I said.”

“words, I’m the one that left when you were most vulnerable, it was selfish and I’m so sorry.” His arms were so tight it was hard to breathe. Footsteps approached from somewhere behind us. We both split and reached for our weapons only to find Macready jogging up to us. We both relaxed a little irritated. Slowly our eyes met each other. 

Words got jumbled up in my throat. Only three found their way out. “I love you.”

Tenderly he reached up with his right hand to grasp me around the neck. A little forcefully he drew me in. Our lips met and a wave of relief flooded my system. God this felt good. Why had I ever let him walk away like that? I was scared to go back to the commonwealth sure, but I was a damn wreck without him. 

Macready cleared his throat. 

We parted just in time to catch Flynn jabbing him hard in the ribs. 

I sighed. “I guess I’ve got you to thank for bringing us back together?”

She shrugged innocently. “I just helped a little.” 

“a little?” Nick scoffed drawing a raised brow out of me. “if you hadn’t come talked sense into me I’d have rusted solid to my chair.” 

“it was that bad?” somehow I doubted it, the other two nodded.

Nick held me in his arms gently, smiling that wonderfully crooked smile. “I told her, so I’m telling you, I’m not strong enough to do this without you.”

My heart gave a painful twinge. Clasping his face in my hands I pecked him on the lips one more time. “you’re the only thing that keeps me together.” 

“so does this mean you’ll come back with me?” 

My chest tightened and I dropped my gaze. “I … can’t….”

“why not?” his hands tightened on my arms a little frustrated. “it isn’t safe here. DiMA is….”

“up to something yeah, Flynn said.” Miserably I transferred my eyes to her. “are you sure he hurt Sarah?”

Firmly she nodded. “positive. When he found out she made the tape they decided to erase her memory. I saw the whole thing. It was… horrifying.” 

“and did you get a recording?” 

“well…. No but….”

“how am I supposed to believe you if you don’t have evidence?” 

“come on gray.” Nick groaned.

“don’t come on gray me.” I rounded narrowed eyes on him. “you’re a detective aren’t you? You won’t believe a theory until there’s evidence. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?”

“DiMA isn’t innocent.” He grabbed my hand, squeezing it. “he’s already killed one person, who’s to say he won’t do it again?” 

“I know I’m just getting here and everything, but DiMA sounds like a pretty bad guy.” Macready piped up as if we’d forget he was standing there. 

“we’ve all done things that we aren’t proud of to protect the ones we care about.” I murmured quietly, almost too quietly for any of them to hear. “DiMA’s no different.”

“and if it stopped at Avery that would be fine, what if it didn’t? What if he was planning to replace more people and that’s what Sarah found out?” Flynn pressed just a little harder.

Nick tightened his grip on my hand. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do gray. It isn’t safe for you here. You belong with me back in Far Harbor where we can figure this out.” 

I opened my mouth to answer, to tell him that I wanted nothing more to go back to Far Harbor with him. That leaving his side again would kill me. Then my hands gave a twinge. “I’m as bad as he is…. You don’t want me back.”

“Gray listen to yourself!” grabbing me by the shoulders he held me out at arm’s length. “you’re not a murderer anymore. You’re making up for what you did every day. I don’t care what you did in the past.”

“you don’t-”

“O'Malley?! You out here?!” 

We all flinched, looking back toward the gates of Acadia. “Chase…. Shit….” 

“we gotta go.” Macready grabbed Flynn under the arm, tugging her down the road. 

“we’re not leaving her behind.” She protested angrily, swiping her arm free.

Nick held me tighter, urgency in his voice. “if you stay here, you’ll be putting yourself in danger. I can’t let you do that. I don’t care what you’ve done.”

If only that were true. If only my hands didn’t ache with the things I’d done for DiMA. “I don’t know what to think yet, just give me some time.”

“you’ll have plenty of it in Far Harbor.”

“I can’t leave Acadia.”

“why not?”

“because if any of this is true, then someone has to stay behind and protect these synths.” I answered through gritted teeth. Furiously I shoved his hands off my shoulders then grabbed him by the collar. Passionately I kissed him before taking several steps back. “I’m not saying goodbye cause this isn’t.”

“you noble idiot. Why do you have to pick now of all times to start acting like-”

“like Flynn?” I smirked at him. 

He groaned and rolled his eyes. “I’ll come back for you, I promise.” 

“go, now before they see you.” with a shove I made him stumble down the road. The last time I’d stood here and watched him walk away it had killed me. I was still just as tied up now as then. At least my heart wasn’t in pieces. 

Macready tried to drag Flynn away while she looked back at me. “are you sure about this?”

“I’m going to find that memory myself, then I’ll make my choice.” Sure I could probably trust Flynn’s words. Who was I kidding? I was a wastelander. I didn’t believe anything unless it was right under my nose. “keep him safe while I’m gone.”

“sure.” They started jogging down the road.

“O'Malley! Where the hell are you?!”

“and hey!” 

She turned back, brows up.

“thanks Violet.”

Her smiling face disappeared into the fog. 

Just in time. Footsteps came up behind me. I turned to grin at Chase who gave me a suspicious look. There was no way she’d seen them. Or at least I had to operate under that assumption. “what are you doing out here?” she snapped a little angrily.

“enjoying the mountain air.” Shrugging I ran a hand through my hair. “had a little too much with Sarah so I decided to walk it off.”

“where’s Sarah?”

“I put her to bed.” Why do you care? I wanted to ask. My defensiveness of the synth kicked in a little. The very idea that anyone had hurt her on purpose made my blood boil. If Chase had had a hand in it at all I’d tear her face off. 

“DiMA wants to talk to you.” she went on without losing any of the suspicion. 

Stifling a fake yawn I nodded. “alright fine. Hope it wont take long.” 

Chase made no move to follow me, to make sure I was headed where she wanted me to. That could be a good sign. With a quick glance over my shoulder though I discovered her scanning the road. Did she suspect I’d been meeting with someone? The last thing I needed was to draw her suspicions. Whether DiMA was a bad guy or not, Chase could kill me with her thumb if she was so inclined.

The observatory was still as quiet as ever when I entered the place. Faraday was in his office, typing away at one of the terminals in there. DiMA stood beside his chair, examining it with a hand to his chin. Please god tell me that he didn’t have some high tech way of telling when someone had messed with his stuff. 

“Nick was here.” He spoke without looking at me.

I forced myself not to react. Should I outright lie to him? Besides the fact that I wasn’t sure I was that good, a convincing lie always had a kernel of truth. Which would he believe more? “I saw him….”

“you did?” there was genuine surprise in his voice as he turned to face me. “what did he say to you?”

“he asked me to go back.” I replied honestly. Heavily I sat on the platform, trying to act as casually as I usually did. 

DiMA made no move to sit with me, which was a little strange and left me feeling a bit cold. He’d gotten distant I had to remind myself. The strain of what we were doing. That’s all it was. “and you refused him?”

“I’m not leaving Acadia, not till I know it’s safe.” 

If he caught the undertone he didn’t let on. His quiet metallic footsteps clanked across the platform. For the first time I actually looked at his feet. There wasn’t any plastic on them, they were just metal bones. Which reminded me rather uncomfortably of the talons of a bird. Slowly I drew my gaze up to look at him. He stared down at me with a statue like face. “and when it is safe, are you going to leave us?”

“I don’t know.”

“you know it isn’t safe for your kind out there.” He said firmly, with enough conviction that I might have bought into it. I had after all for a long time. Back when I thought Nick had abandoned me, and that my only real friend was Sarah. Things had changed. “Acadia is where synths belong. Out in the commonwealth you’ll have to pretend that you’re something you’re not. You don’t belong there. You’ll live looking over your shoulder. You don’t want to live that way.”

“no one should have to live that way.” I nodded. 

“I’m glad you agree.” His stance relaxed. If you weren’t someone that had spent so long with a robot you might not have even seen it. I saw it, I saw everything clearly. The tightness around his mouth. The way his movements were just a little too smooth, more effort being put toward them. DiMA had tells, just the same as everyone. I’d thought he’d just been hiding Avery. Now I wasn’t so sure. “Acadia is in great debt to you.”

“I was only doing what was best for the whole island.” 

“but you did it for Acadia.” He pressed a little harder. “you’re one of us Vel. By doing this terrible thing you’ve made the island much safer for our kind. We wont forget that. Even if you decide to leave Acadia one day, you will always be one of us.” 

The way he said _one of us_ made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I’d had friendly conversations with him before. This wasn’t one of those. Pretending to yawn wide again I got up. “thanks DiMA. Look I know you don’t need sleep or anything but I do. Mind if I head to bed?”

“of course.” He nodded with a gentle smile. “sleep well, Vel.”

Didn’t even bother thanking him for that or anything. With a groan I got up to stride down the hall toward the stairs. Chase stood in the doorway, folded arms, watching me with that same suspicious look as before. Carefully I paused at the doorway to the stairs to look back. DiMA and her exchanged quiet words before they took it to the balcony in the main room. Something was up, and I suddenly felt like I had a target painted on my back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you’re all enjoying our little take on the Far Harbor DLC. When I played it and first ran into DiMA I actually thought the storyline was going in this kind of direction. He was just all kinds of weird and off. Comparing the game DiMA with what we have going on, things aren’t entirely that far off. It’s really not a stretch to think that DiMA is capable of any of this. 
> 
> Anyway, I’d like to thank you for all your time. Your support in all its forms means the world to me. still plenty more to come, so I hope you stick around. Until next week, write on!


	25. To find someone who shirks such little self-restraint

I went to bed the moment we got back to Far Harbor, sleeping until eight in the morning. Nick had wanted to discuss a game plan, probably more out of the need to distract himself from Vel staying in Acadia then to actually _make_ a game plan, but I was too exhausted from all the travelling.

When I woke up it was because RJ was sweeping hair away from my face. His touch had been gentle but it had still drawn me from my deep sleep. I smiled groggily, blinking at the sun that filtered through the dirty window.

“You were talking in your sleep,” he said, beaming at me. I stretched, making a ‘mmmyeah?’ noise. He chuckled. “Yeah. You said, ‘there’s no point to a book club if you don’t read the book’. But a lot slower than that and kind of garbly.”

I frowned, trying to remember my dream. It was fragmented and a little blurry, but I could recall the main plot point, which made me start laughing.

“I was having a dream that I was in a book club with Vel and Piper and my friend I had before the war, Susie. But Vel and Piper refused to read the damn book!”

RJ grinned, raising an eyebrow.

“Why?”

“Vel said it was boring and Piper said that there were more important stories to be told and then she just ran out of the room and that was when you woke me up.”

There was a knock on the door and we both jumped a little, and I reflexively pulled the blanket up to my chin, as if whoever it was was going to burst in.

“Yeah?” RJ called.

“It’s me,” Nick said, voice recognizable even through the wood.

“And me!” a young female voice yelled -Small Bertha, I assumed.

“What’s up?” I said, getting to my feet and beginning to yank on my jeans.

“Captain Avery wants to see you!” Bertha said.

I frowned, freezing with my sweater in my hands. I glanced at RJ, who shrugged, still lying in bed.

“Why?”

“Some weirdo named Tektus is here!”

I remained too stunned to move for another three seconds, and then yanked my sweater on over my head, throwing the door open. I ignored RJ’s protest in the background. Bertha eyes flickered past me and she bit her lip, trying not to laugh. Nick wasn’t amused, probably as concerned about Tektus coming to Far Harbor as I was.

“Tektus is here?” I said, glancing between the two of them.

They both nodded, Bertha still clearly not understanding the weight of that fact.

We were all in Avery’s office five minutes later -well, all of us except Small Bertha. The tension in the room was palpable, though it didn’t seem to bother Tektus in the slightest. He was smiling warmly, as if he was at peace with himself. He was nothing like the man I’d met in the nucleus.

Avery watched him with her arms folded across her chest, her eyebrow quirked.

“So you’re saying your missionaries will stop coming to Far Harbor?” Avery said.

“Yes,” he said, meeting her stare, unperturbed by her skepticism. “All is forgiven, Atom has commanded we let the people of Far Harbor live freely as long as you do the same for his Children. He wishes for peace on the island.”

My suspicions were confirmed by that statement. There was no way in hell that he was the real Tektus. DiMA had done it. I didn’t know when, but he had replaced Tektus with a synth. Taken two lives again, just like he had with Avery.

“That was an abrupt change of heart,” I said, almost shaking with rage.

His gaze landed on me.

“You are one of His chosen, sister Flynn, I’m surprised by your confusion. Has your absence from the Nucleus disconnected you from Atom’s voice?”

I resisted the urge to tell him that Vel was the one who’d drank from the spring, wanting nothing more than to see him react to the knowledge that I’d been lying to him the entire time.

“I suppose so.”

“And you won’t be coming back with me?” he asked.

I smiled curtly.

“Afraid not. I have work to do here.”

He nodded, disappointed. After exchanging a few more words with Avery, he prepared to leave, joining his entourage outside.

“Avery, tell me you didn't make a deal with this snake!”

If I hadn't recognized the voice I would have assumed it was Allen Lee yelling. But it wasn't Allen Lee, it was Old Longfellow who pointed a threatening finger at Tektus. The street fell quiet.

“There was no deal, only an understanding of peace,” Tektus said.

“At what cost? More good people gettin’ lured into your damn cult!?”

“Longfellow,” Avery said. “He promised not to send anymore missionaries.”

“And you trust him? They've been after us about those fog condensers since we got ‘em and suddenly now he doesn't care!?”

“What happens when ‘Atom’ changes his mind?” Allen Lee added.

Uh oh. I didn't support DiMA replacing people but I did want the factions on this island to get along -it was half the reason I'd stayed, Vel and Nick being the other reason.

“Tektus has made it clear that Atom wants nothing more than peace,” I said.

The town’s venomous stare landed on me.

“Sister Flynn is right-”

“Sister Flynn?” Longfellow said, giving me a look that made my chest hurt.

This wasn’t good. Even if Tektus was a synth who had been altered to play nice, I doubted he would react well if I confessed to tricking him, something I felt silly for considering mere minutes ago.

RJ took a subtle half step, partially obscuring his view of me, as if he thought Longfellow might start throwing punches.

“It’d probably be best if you leave. Everyone needs time to… come to terms with what you’ve said,” Avery murmured.

“Of course.”

The two of them exchanged a few more parting words before she ushered us inside her home again, shutting the door. Through the window I could see the people of Far Harbor beginning to interact with each other, clearly suspicious, some glaring at me through the glass. Longfellow was already gone.

“That's not the real Tektus, is it?” Avery asked.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, gaze locked on Tektus’ back as he made his way through the gate. My apprehensive expression was reflected back at me on the window.

“No. That isn't.”

“We don't have proof-”

I whipped around, cutting Nick off.

“I've met that man, Nick, and that wasn't him. If he had the chance he would have blown this island to bits -brought us all into “division”. There's no way that isn't a replacement.”

Nick opened his mouth to say something but RJ beat him to it.

“So what to do we do now?”

“I'm still willing to stay quiet, Violet, but I told you, DiMA needs to pay,” Avery said.

I nodded, unsure of what to say, my abrupt passion fizzling. What _were_ we going to do? Stopping DiMA could mean potentially going to war with Acadia which was the last thing any of us wanted.

Suddenly I regretted forcing the issue.

“I know, I just… I need some time. I need to think,” I said, turning and striding out of the building.

My heart was pounding and I raised my hands, realizing they were shaking. The sounds of footsteps bounced off the wooden pier as Nick and RJ closed in on me.

“Are you okay?” RJ asked

“What was that, kid?” Nick asked simultaneously.

I shook my head, exhaling slowly, trying to calm down. Why was I only just realizing the weight of the role I’d forced myself into. Avery was looking to me to deal with DiMA, something that was going to affect the entire island.

“I don’t know- I don’t know. I’m just… It hit me -what I’m doing, the lives that I forced into my hands despite not even being from this place.”

“Vel and I are in the same boat,” Nick said as we reached the Last Plank.

I shook my head, frowning deeply.

“But at least you both have a reason,” I said, hoping he caught what I was implying. “What reason do I have? Boredom? The need to feel important?”

“You did it because you wanted to help these people,” RJ said, taking hold of my elbow.

I stepped away from him, still shaking my head.

“But what right do I have? I’m not a synth, not a harborman, not a Child of Atom. I’m an outsider who couldn’t just leave well enough alone. And now Avery’s looking to me to make a decision about DiMA. I don’t know- I shouldn’t be the one doing this.”

“You’re not alone,” Nick pressed.

I was too overwhelmed to hear him... or maybe too self absorbed.

“I just… I need to be alone. I need some air.”

Nick nodded, though it was evident he was experiencing a mix of frustration and concern. He slipped inside the bar wordlessly, leaving me and RJ alone.

“Look, I know you said you want to be alone, but…”

He slid a hand over my jaw and I met his blue eyes. His eyebrows were knitting together.

“Just… give me an hour. Maybe less. I need to think,” I said.

He was silent for a good thirty seconds, his stare flickering between either of my eyes.

“Okay. Okay. But I’m here if you need to talk, alright? You’re not alone. Remember how I’m trying to care about the fate of others?”

I laughed weakly, holding his face in my hands.

“I know. I love you.”

He leaned down, kissing me.

“I love you too.”

He pulled away from me, putting a hand on the door handle, lingering outside. I tilted my head, half smiling, giving him a meaningful look. He sighed, ducking into the bar. I looked out over the railing of the pier, unsure of where I should go to think. I wasn’t stupid enough to wander out of town by myself, but I couldn’t come to grips with the situation when everyone was watching me with such disdain.

I shoved my hands into the pockets of my leather jacket, walking around the Last Plank. My plan had been to sit on the edge of the dock here, let my legs hang over the water, see if the rolling waves of the ocean might give me some guidance. But as I rounded the inn, I noticed a familiar frame in my peripheral.

Old Longfellow.

I stopped where I was, unsure of what to do. My instinct was to turn and get the hell away from him, not wanting to deal with his disappointment in me. It was strange, but I’d really come to care about him. I remembered the look on his face when he’d realized I’d joined the Children of Atom.

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll turn around and start walkin’,” he muttered.

“I’m not a member of the Children of Atom,” I said, remaining where I was, keeping a good chunk of space between us.

He scoffed.

“Oh, really, sister Flynn?”

I folded my arms, shaking my head.

“Look-”

“You lied to my face an’ I fell for it!” he snapped, whirling around so abruptly it made me jump, partially closing the gap between us, his face scarlet. “But now I see who you really are.”

I almost rolled my eyes. For once in my life I wasn’t going to agree with someone when they said something awful about me. I hadn’t lied to him, I really did hate the Children of Atom. I’d only joined them so I could reach DiMA’s memories, something I wasn’t sure would be smart to disclose to Longfellow. He was already on their list of ‘risks’, I didn’t want to give them more of a reason to replace him.

“Will you just listen to me?”

“No! I’ve never listened to a Child of Atom and I ain’t gonna start now.”

He cut around me, heading in the direction of the gate. I followed him, determined to explain myself. “You’ve bothered me enough. Get lost.”

“Let me explain-”

“I’ve made my feelin’s about you clear. Got nothin’ else to say.”

I let myself fall a couple feet behind him as we left town. I didn’t know where he was going but it was clear he wasn’t going to stop and talk to me. After a minute or two of this he barked at me from over his shoulder, “I told you, get the hell out of here!”

“Not until you let me explain myself.”

“That ain’t going to happen, Flynn!”

“Why do you hate them so much?” I asked, speed walking to catch up with him. “Why are you mad enough that you refuse to acknowledge when I tell you that I’m not a Child of Atom?”

“It’s none of your business!” he said as he veered to the right, walking down a narrow path that appeared to lead to a small island. In the near distance I could see a small cabin. Where were we? Was this where Longfellow lived?

He stormed up the steps of the porch, throwing open the door of the cabin and slamming it shut behind him. I came to a halt, sighing, folding my arms across my chest. I glanced over my shoulder, checking that there weren’t any ghouls or other creatures hiding amongst the trees that dotted the island. I was grateful for the fact that it was morning, not night.

I still didn’t want to spend too long outside but I also didn’t want to push Longfellow too far. Of course, I should have come to that decision before following him home. I decided to give him five minutes of peace, leaning on the creaking, splintered railing on the porch. I raised my arm, watching the time go by on my pipboy. At 9:03am I pulled away from the railing, standing in front of the door.

“DiMA had memories downloaded on a terminal inside the Nucleus,” I called. “I pretended I believed in Atom so they would let me in. I never really did. They made me go through this stupid test to get in but it wasn’t even me who did it, it was Vel. I got what I needed from them and I never went back.”

I didn’t know why it was so important to me that he knew that I hadn’t betrayed him. I’d only known him for a few weeks now. Deep down I knew part of it had to do with the fact that I hated when people didn’t like me. Plus, it wasn’t like he thought the Children of Atom were idiots, he seemed to think they were crazed monsters, dangerous and evil.

“I wasn’t lying yesterday, Longfellow. But I didn’t want anyone to know that I was investigating into DiMA.”

The door opened and I was greeted by the sight of his back as he walked away, dropping down into a chair. I took this as an invitation, hesitantly walking inside, sitting in the only other chair at the table.

“You’re saying you tricked those sons of bitches?” he asked, angling the bottle he’d swiped off of the table at me like a blade.

“Yep. Told them everything Vel had seen when she’d drank from an irradiated spring. I couldn’t do it because of the baby. They believed me -told me I was some goddamn messenger for Atom.”

I smirked and he eyed me for another moment before he made a ‘pfft’ sound, letting out a gruff laugh.

“Well, that’s a relief,” he said.

I bent forward, elbows on the table, raising an eyebrow.

“That’s it? You basically just broke up with me, Longfellow, and that’s all you’ve got to say?”

He shrugged, taking a drink from the mystery bottle.

“That’s it.”

I gave him a doubtful look. He sighed, hanging his head, broad shoulders slumping.

“Come on. You weren’t just mad, you were disgusted with me. Why?”

He drew in a deep breath through his nose, turning the bottle around in his hands. I waited silently, knowing what this meant. It reminded me of most of the people I’d met in the Wasteland. Willing to open up only after some coaxing, and even then, they were always reluctant, a little nervous. I’d seen it in RJ, in Piper, even in Nick.

When Longfellow finally spoke, it was in a rough, distant voice.

“Long time ago, when I was a young man, I had a sweetheart. Hannah was her name, and we planned to get married, raise a family an’ all that. Well, we had a place out in the fog we used to meet, so we could be alone. Damn Children of Atom jumped us.

They took her an’ left me for dead. Took me two months to recover from my injuries. By then it was too late. They’d warped her mind, an’ turned her to their ways. Was only later I learned she was carryin’ our child. Of course, the baby didn’t stand a chance with all that radiation. Atom’s will, she called it.” He exhaled, years of regret and sadness plain on his wrinkled face. “Anyway, she died a few years later. Trappers got her, or so them lunatics said. I guess that was Atom’s will too.”

I couldn’t find words to speak. It made sense why he was so furious with me now. To him I was another pregnant woman who was giving myself to that cult. He’d thought history was repeating itself. Who wouldn’t project their issues onto a situation so similar?

“I’m so sorry… I had no idea.”

He scoffed.

“Course ya didn’t. I didn’t tell you.”

“It must have hurt… hearing I was pregnant and then the next day hearing I was apart of that cult. I’m sorry, I wish I hadn’t put you through that.”

“Don’t say you’re sorry, wasn’t your fault. Truth is, you reminded me of her. Made it worse.”

I was about to respond, ask him to tell me about her, wanting to help this closed off old man deal with his pain, but it wasn’t in the cards. Longfellow’s head whipped to the side, scowling, focused on the window. I leaned forward, trying to see what caught his attention, spotting something shining amongst the trees.

Longfellow realized what it was before I did, standing, pushing me back.

“Get back-”

That was when the window shattered, blood shooting from Longfellow’s throat. It splattered across my face and neck. I sucked in a sharp breath, my stomach dropping, horror surging through me like ice water. Another loud crack rang through the air, accompanied by another hole in Longfellow, this time blood spewed from his chest.

He grabbed my shoulders, throwing me to the floor, collapsing to the ground beside me. I raised my head, hair strewn across my face, making eye contact with the man crumpled beside me. He made an awful wheezing noise and I watched, frozen, as blood pooled around him on the wooden floor. His brow was still scrunched and as he kept making that awful gurgling, it clicked that he was trying to tell me to go.

I got onto all fours, ignoring the warm feeling of putting my left hand in the sickening slick blood that continued to spread across the floor. I wished I could stay with Longfellow, help him, or at least make it so he wasn’t going to die here alone, but I had to survive.

I had to get back to RJ.

But where was I supposed to go? Out the front door? There was no way I was getting off this island alive if I did that. But my chances of survival were just as slim if I stayed in here. I could barely think over the sound of my erratic heartbeat. Each breath I took was shorter and more panicked than the last.

I didn’t have time to create my escape plan because the front door flew open, Chase striding inside. Without a moment’s hesitation she raised the sniper rifle in her hand, bringing the butt of the gun down on my head.

My arms gave out, pain lancing through the top of my skull, my vision flickering out like a broken lightbulb. I hit the floor, grunting, my body unresponsive but awake. I looked up, opening my mouth as if I were going to try and convince her to stop, only to watch the gun come down again. This time it hit my forehead.

My vision washed away and I was enveloped by a tidal wave of black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me for killing Longfellow. I'd love to hear what you guys are thinking! I know a lot of people really like DiMA and we aren't exactly taking him in a lovable direction so I'm curious as to how you guys are feeling. This was the direction that felt right to the two of us. Anyway, thanks for all the support!


	26. Take my Gun and Run

I didn’t have a lot of time. DiMA and Chase were away talking about their secret plans that they didn’t think anyone knew about. Faraday was distracted by Jule. Everyone else was busy with work or outside. Now was my only chance and I wasn’t about to get another one. So I slipped out of the stairwell and tore down the building to the main room of the observatory. It looked like only one terminal hooked up to DiMA’s memory banks. Before I could think better of it I started the hack.

It took me almost all of my attempts but eventually the computer beeped and a list of files appeared. There were a lot of them. Guess that shouldn’t surprise me. DiMA was both old and complicated. The sweat started to bead on the back of my neck. How much time did I have left? Enough? Hopefully. The files were clear, had to give points to DiMA for organization. If I were him where would I put the memories of wiping someone? Why under their name of course. After navigating through the files I finally stumbled on a file reading Sarah. My heart sank. I’d still held on to some hope that Flynn had been lying. It was stupid to hope for.

No way I had enough time to sit in that chair and parse through the memories. DiMA would find me and then it’d be over. He wouldn’t even have to wake me up, he could just erase me while I was sitting in that chair. Sitting in it was out of the question. Thankfully the terminal had a Holotape port. With a glance over my shoulder I slid a blank one in then waited for the file to write to it. “come on, come on.” I whispered at the loading bar as it inched across the screen. “why the fuck couldn’t they build computers faster?”

The door at the end of the hall opened. Voices started drifting toward me. Chase and DiMA. Shit. The Holotape was only half written. I didn’t have time. Angrily I killed the program, ejected the tape then shut the screen down. I stuffed the tape deep in my pocket, standing just in time to meet DiMA and Chase as they entered. 

They came up short, just inside the door. Chase’s eyes instantly narrowed with the usual amount of suspicion. DiMA on the other hand kept his face calm and neutral. “Vel, is something wrong?”

“uh I was coming to find you actually.” I answered hoping that my voice sounded casual. “I’m thinking about paying a visit to Far Harbor today.”

 

“oh?” one of his brows went up but that was the only reaction he gave. His serene expression used to be comforting. Now it just made me wonder what else he was hiding with it. “why would you need to go to Far Harbor? You have everything you need right here.” 

Chase shifted and folded her arms. That stony face of hers could probably kill if she let it. Or maybe she just wanted to kill me. Yeah that was probably it. 

“I need to get some things from the general store that Cog doesn’t have.” it was a convincing enough lie I suppose and one he couldn’t exactly argue with. The Holotape felt like hot iron in my pocket. What would I do if he told me to empty them? The Holotape was unmarked I told myself, it could have anything. 

But DiMA was satisfied by my answer. “I see. Well be careful. The outside world is a dangerous place.” 

“don’t worry, that’s why I have a gun.” Fondly I patted the old piece on my hip, backing up deeper into the observatory. “I’ll just leave you guys then, I need to pack up a couple things before I go.” 

“I’ll send Chase with you.” 

My heart started pounding loudly in my ears and the sweat started pouring again. Trying to look irritated I rolled my eyes. “I’m not a kid DiMA, I can take care of myself. I don’t need Chase to go with me.”

“I will not take the chance with one of my people.” He stated flatly, his milky eyes staring me down. Maybe it was my imagination but I could have sworn I saw actual concern there. For who or what, I had no fucking idea. “Chase will make sure you come back.”

“I’ll be at the door when you’re ready to go.” Chase added in that no nonsense tone that usually indicated arguing would get me shot.

Swallowing dryly I nodded. “alright, it might take me a minute to get ready.”

“I’ll wait.”

I’m sure you will. Spinning on a heel I walked as casually as I could manage toward the stairs at the back of the observatory. Once out of their sight I picked up the pace, taking the stairs two at a time. On the next floor the synths of Acadia were busy with their daily lives, which consisted of a lot of loafing around. Death by boredom was a genuine concern, as Cog liked to say. And a good thing too. Better they were blissfully unaware of the Deathclaw nest under their feet than to live in fear of their own leader. 

A couple people tried to talk to me as I raced through the room, which I ignored. The last floor was empty. I ran back to my room, carefully closing the door behind me. It would make sense to listen to the tape outside of Acadia. That made plenty of logical sense. I was impatient though. With the tape gripped in my hand, I picked my way to the very back of the storage room. So long as I kept the volume of the Pipboy down, no one would hear me here. I slid the tape in and just let it play. 

At first static played over the speakers. Corrupted files from the incomplete copy probably. Something had to be saved though. Waiting in the dark I sat on the ground with my back to the wall. I closed my eyes, letting my head fall back.

Which snapped back up when I heard the memory start. 

“Maybe our best course of action is to get rid of her,” Chase’s voice spoke first.

“No, that won’t be necessary.” DiMA sounded cold, almost ruthless as he spoke. “If we alter her memory, destroy all signs of suspicion and make her forget she ever recorded that tape, things will be fine. We just have to do it before she manages to get the Holotape out of Acadia.”

“And what if she’s already done it? A caravan came by here yesterday to trade with Cog, how do you know she didn’t give it to them to take to Far Harbor?” Faraday asked. So they were all in on it. I shouldn’t have been surprised. 

“I don’t. That’s why she can’t be killed. If this ‘Vel’ person shows up and finds out her friend died after sending a Holotape in which she was scared and didn’t feel safe in Acadia, then they’ll immediately be able to deduce what happened.” My stomach tightened. They’d heard her recording the message then. They’d heard my name. DiMA had known I was coming all along. Had he been planning this whole thing then? Was he planning to convince me I was a synth this whole time to get me to stay? It just so happened that I actually was one.

Chase muttered, “Good point.”

“Then it’s settled. Tonight, while the others sleep, Chase will bring Sarah upstairs and you will alter her memory,” DiMA’s words hung in the air for several seconds while a burst of static played. The next memory started to play and I felt my arms begin to shake.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I sent the Holotape, I was scared- I don’t know why!” Sarah’s voice came in loud and clear. Terrified, half sobbing. My heart clenched to hear it while my stomach knotted up painfully. “I’m sorry, I’ll make another one, I’ll tell Vel not to come! You don’t have to erase me!”

“Sarah, we’re not going to erase you. At least not all of you.” DiMA next. His calm gentle voice contrasted starkly with his words. It made me sick. My fists clenched as rage built up in my chest.

“I don’t understand-” she choked on her own words. When next she spoke her voice had gone steely. The courage that I’d seen in her surfaced. “I was right, something is going on here. You wouldn’t be doing this unless I was right.”

“Sarah.” DiMA sounded like a teacher scolding a student. I imagined he reached out her as he said it. Touched her face, trying to act comfortingly while he violated her. “sometimes dark things must be done for the greater good. But that isn’t knowledge you should have to be burdened with. We’re just trying to give you peace of mind.”

“Why are you doing this!? What do you plan to do?” Sarah cried, the fear racing back in place of her courage. The poor girl. I couldn’t imagine what this was like. Being dragged to what might as well have been an execution, alone, with no hope of rescue or relief. 

“DiMA, we need to get started,” Faraday murmured on the tape. “We don’t want to be discovered.”

“Just know, Sarah, that everything I’ve done… everything I’m going to do… it’s for Acadia. For the betterment of this whole island, really.”

The tape ended, leaving me feeling hollow and cold. It was true. Everything that Flynn had said was true. DiMA was a monster. Not only had he killed Avery and replaced her, he’d already replaced others. Was that his whole plan? Replace every human on the island with a synth so that he could control it? What was his motive? Why was he doing this? Fuck that it didn’t matter. 

He’d already hurt Sarah, there was no telling how many others he’d hurt like this. Had he done it to all of them? Faraday even? Then there was Chase. It had never made sense to me that a courser would switch sides. Maybe this was why. Maybe he had tampered with her memory too. It was sick. He’d been disgusted by the mind wipes the railroad does. He’d told me that he considered it as good as killing a synth. And yet here he was, manipulating synths at a fundamental level. It made me sick. It made me angry and it made me scared. 

Not for myself, but for Sarah.

I had to get her out of here. If there was one thing I had to do first and foremost it was get her off the mountain. Every moment she stayed was another moment she was in danger. DiMA had hesitated to kill her, which I could be thankful for, but who’s to say he wouldn’t next time? Ideally I’d deal with DiMA myself, with Chase constantly at his side? The only person I knew that had killed a courser was Flynn, and she hadn’t even been alone at the time. What chance did I stand against her? No, my only option was to escape with Sarah.

Where was she? 

With my hand resting on my pistol I ran back through the observatory to the next floor. The laziness of the room made me feel even more tense than before. Synths milling around, completely unaware of the shit their leader got up to. Or maybe they had at some point and DiMA had just done to them what he did to Sarah. No telling how many of them had been manipulated by him to stay. It would certainly explain some of their attitudes.

Sarah was sitting on the couch at the far end of the wall. Innocent looking as ever, she was playing a game of checkers with Miranda. How was I going to get her out of here without drawing attention? “hey Sarah!”

She looked up and a smile split her face. “hey Vel! You any good a checkers? I suck at this.”

“um, no can’t say I am.” I came to stand beside the crate that served as their table.

Miranda sitting on the floor leaned back on her arms to look at me. “you alright? You seem a bit jumpy?”

“I’m fine. Hey Sarah will you take a walk with me?”

“we’re in the middle of a game.” Miranda scowled a little.

Sarah gave her a sideways look. “you’re winning.”

“but I haven’t _won_.” She retorted.

“It’s important Sarah, please?” I let a little of the distress I felt leak into my face. Hopefully she’d see it and get the message. 

Frowning she looked at me, brows knitted. Then eventually she nodded. “ok, yeah lets go for a walk.”

“hold on! The game’s not done!” Miranda protested while Sarah got to her feet.

She waved her hand at the board. “I forfeit, you win.” 

Before Miranda could stop us, or say another annoying thing, I grabbed Sarah by the hand. Together we jogged back to the front stairwell. We got a couple of looks as we went. I didn’t care. They weren’t the ones in danger. Sarah caught up with me when we reached the stairs. “what’s going on Vel, what’s wrong?” 

What was I supposed to tell her? Would she even believe me? That DiMA had tampered with her memory? That she’d sent me a tape to get me here because she was scared? Because she thought DiMA was doing something on the island that was wrong? Would she even understand what I was trying to say when I barely did? The answer to all of those questions was of course no. 

“you’ve just gotta trust me ok?” oh yeah that’d work. That would work real nice. 

If it was any other person they’d have come to a dead stop right then. Told me to explain myself or they wouldn’t go any further. I’d have done it. Sarah wasn’t like me or any other wastelander. She nodded, continuing to frown. “ok…. I trust you.”

“thank you.” together we mounted the stairs almost two at a time. At the top floor we turned only to run headlong into Chase. Shit I’d forgotten she’d be by the door. 

She stood right in front of it, her hands on her hips, glaring me down. My heart was in my throat. My wrist ached to draw my gun. If I fired on her I had no guarantee that it would put her down. All it would do was draw synths from below. They wouldn’t believe me if I tried to explain. What was I supposed to do? “what’s going on O'Malley?” Chase questioned dryly. 

Licking my lips I tried to get my brain to move. “Sarah and I needed to talk about something. We’re going for a walk.” 

Her eyes narrowed even more, staring me down. “a storm is coming in, you two shouldn’t go out there.”

“it’s only going to be for a minute.” I tried to inch my way around her but Chase chased me deeper into the observatory instead. 

“I can’t allow it.” she took another step forward. Her hand inched toward the laser rifle on her hip. 

Apparently subtlety wasn’t on her mind. We backed up another step. I could feel Sarah’s hand beginning to shake in mine. She sensed the danger too. “we’ll be fine Chase, it’s only for a second.”

“I think DiMA is going to want to talk to you.” she nodded over my shoulder. 

I glanced back down the hall. He was standing there silently. Watching the whole proceedings. At his elbow the terminal was on and flickering. He must have seen the download bar. He must know that I’d found him out. With Sarah at my side I couldn’t even play it off. 

As I turned back to Chase I grabbed a bucket sitting on the shelf beside us. It slammed into her head with a resounding metal twang. She stumbled, jerking to the side with the force. While she recovered I dragged Sarah passed her and out the door. Chase swore behind us and immediately followed. She almost got her hand on Sarah but I yanked her through the door. On the other side I slammed it shut and jammed a metal rod into the handle.

“come on!”

Sarah was wide eyed as I dragged her down the stairs, passed the walls through the gates. The storm wasn’t just coming it had arrived. Sheets of rain poured down so thick it made it hard to see and the ground slick. We slipped and slid down the path on mud that squelched under our feet. The guards looked down at us in surprise and shock. Then I heard the door crash open. Chase could probably out run us, I had to hurry. 

We ran down the cracked blacktop to Far Harbor. She’d be safe there. DiMA wouldn’t dare send Chase in to pursue us. That wasn’t to say anything of agents he had stationed there. Violet. I had to believe that Violet could protect her. Maybe leave Sarah with Longfellow or someone, maybe Avery. If Avery was even on our side. God damn it. Who could we trust anymore? 

I should have done this from the beginning. The moment I arrived in Acadia I should have put Sarah somewhere safe. I’d wanted to believe Acadia was a safe place though. That DiMA was a good man. Synths needed a place that they could be who they were without fear. Sarah deserved to be safe and happy. Why was everything in the wasteland so fucked up?!

We rounded the bend in the road. Behind us I could hear Chase’s footsteps. She’d catch up to us then it would be over. She’d kill both of us. With or without DiMA’s blessing. I pulled my gun free and fired behind us. That gave her something to think about, if only for a split second. Twisting around I searched for something, anything. A hiding place, another path, something!

A Yao Guai lumbered onto the path like a god send. It huffed, sniffing at the ground. Then it swung angry as hell eyes on us and roared. “whatever you do Sarah, do not stop running.” I panted out.

She probably would have shot me an outraged look had taking her eyes off the man eater been an option. 

Letting her run ahead I fired at the beast to draw its attention. It roared in rage, my bullets doing little damage if at all. Then it charged. From behind I heard Chase. She was mere feet from me. Well hoped she liked surprises. Just as the mutated bear reached me I dodged to the side. It flew right by my head and collided with the courser. She swore as it tangled with her. I spared one glance at the mess of decayed skin, fur and teeth before tearing off after Sarah.

She waited for me a few feet up the road. Without stopping I grabbed her by the hand and tugged her further down the path. Behind us Chase’s laser rifle went off. It wouldn’t take her long to deal with that thing. We only had a few minutes and that wouldn’t be enough to give us a full head start.

A red truck came into view from down the road. That was it. There were ghoul bodies scattered around it. Probably the ones we’d killed on our first trip up here. At least none of them moved as we approached. “get in.”

“what?” Sarah squealed.

“stay down and quiet.” With a hand on her head I forced her to duck inside. “use one of the ghoul bodies to hide yourself. Play dead. When the coast is clear go to Far Harbor.”

She grabbed my arm, wide eyed and pleading. “what about you?”

“someone’s gotta lure her off.”

“they’ll kill you!”

“stop worrying about me.” with a shove I made her fall back into the truck. Straightening I glanced back. Chase was still firing. I had a little more time left. I tossed my gun in after Sarah. “take that. Find Nick and Violet and tell them what’s happening.”

She picked up the gun while her hands started to shake. “you can hide too! There’s plenty of room.”

“shut up and get your ass down.” hopefully she’d listen to me. Hopefully Chase was alone in the pursuit. Hopefully I could distract her long enough to give Sarah time to run. 

With water running down my face I turned back around to run up the slick pavement. Lighting cracked across the sky, momentarily lighting up the otherwise pitch black scene. The Yao Guai lay dead on the road. Chase swung around on me, the gun held loosely at her side, blood on her courser uniform. That look was the one that would kill me.

At least I had her attention. 

I left the road in favor of a dirt path on the left. The mud sucked so much at my feet that it was almost impossible to run at all. Torrents slid down the side of the mountain, making every step I took dangerous. One slip here and I’d go tumbling down the side. I’d be a broken bloody messy long before Chase got to me. The thunder drowned out the sound of her pursuit. I clambered over rocks and through bushes. It tore at my clothes. The lack of weight on my hip made me feel off balance. 

A single laser streaked through the rain. It cut me across the right thigh. Pain lanced up my spine. I bucked, a silent scream on my lips as I lost my balance and went down. My momentum carried me off the path onto a rocky outcropping with a log lain on it. Desperately I tried to stand. The laser wound burned so badly my arms were shaking already. Shock. Now wasn’t the time to go into shock. 

Blindly I stumbled, clawing with my hands at the rock until I reached the edge. And open space greeted me. Through the gloom and rain I could just make out the ground below. At least a twenty foot drop maybe more. I’d break my leg if it weren’t already completely useless.

I didn’t even hear her coming until she had her hand tangled in my hair. I yelped as she dragged me up to my knees, holding my full weight by a handful of my hair. “where’s Sarah?!”

Jaw set, I smirked defiantly into her face. 

She slammed the barrel of her rifle against my injured leg. I gasped, tears springing to my eyes. “where’s the synth?! Answer me!”

“go fuck yourself!” 

Furiously she threw me down. My head slammed into the log beside us. Stars danced on my eyes. I tried to stand but she put a foot down my thigh and pressed. This time I couldn’t stop myself from screaming. “I warned him that you were too much of a snoop! I said we should have got rid of both of you when we had the chance.”

I reached to claw at her foot but the angle wouldn’t let me. All I could do was sit there and take it. 

“when we found out that Sarah sent for you I thought DiMA was just going to send you away like he’s done before, but you just had to bring that brother with you!” Chase’s voice sounded almost insignificant over the sound of the thunder and the rain. Not to mention my own screams as her foot pressed harder on the burn. “you’ve ruined everything! I told him not to trust you! But he did and look what’s happened now?!”

Teeth gritted I snapped off a branch of the log. With as much strength as I could muster I swung it hard across her face. She stumbled. I guess it would be too much to hope for that she’d go off the edge and plummet to her death. Too much to hope for that it would be that quick. Instead she just took it. 

I tried to stand but my leg just wouldn’t take my weight. Crying out I fell back to my knees. Chase grabbed me by the hair, forcing me to contort backwards and stare up at her. “when I find Sarah, I’m going to kill her and leave her body to the gulpers.”

“you’ll never find her.” I panted around the pain. “by now she’s half way to Far Harbor. You and DiMA won’t get away with what you’ve done.”

Her fist slammed into my face. Dazed I splayed across the cold wet rock. It would be nice if that punch knocked me clean out. No such luck. She grabbed me by the shoulder to force me around to my back. Laying there I could only watch through the rain as her fist came down again. 

One more time she raised her arm to strike. Then a commanding quiet voice pierced the sound of the rain. “that’s enough Chase.”

She stopped, standing rigidly at attention. 

I didn’t even move. I didn’t want to. My jaw hurt, my leg hurt and everything else was freezing. DiMA came into view, leaning over me with a sad pained look. “I am sorry that it came to this Vel.”

“that’s O'Malley to you.” I groaned out around a bruised jaw.

He dropped to a knee, running a thumb over the spot where Chase had hit me. “I never wanted things to happen like this, truly.”

“I helped you.” with no small degree of effort I forced myself to my knees. The laser wound felt like it was on fire. Gritting my teeth through the pain I glared him in the eye. “I believed in you and it was all just a lie.”

“I never lied. I said what we were doing was for the good of the whole island and it is.” He stood, now towering over me. With the black clouds over head and the rain running down his body he almost looked like a giant. “we’re making it a safer place. Together.”

“you’re taking control.” I snarled.

He sighed, running a hand slowly over his face. “I see now that the burden of our actions cannot be shared with you…. I’m disappointed….”

Good, be disappointed, now throw me off the nearest cliff you son of a bitch. Maybe I’d get lucky and mange to limp my way back to Far Harbor. 

Chase grabbed my shoulders, her grip like a vice. It sure as hell would bruise. “we should just kill her DiMA. We don’t have a choice.”

“no, she’s proven to be highly capable, Acadia is going to need her.” 

“so what are you saying? Erase her and send her on another one of your missions? She’ll just turn on us again.” she sounded almost angry, that hardly registered.

All I heard was erase. My stomach tightened while my mind went blank. God no, they couldn’t do this to me. With a fist I hit Chase as hard as I could in the gut. She huffed, staggering. Free I tried to stand and run. DiMA caught me by the hair instead. With a painful tug he brought me back, pressed up against his chest. I hadn’t been expecting him to be that strong. “then we’ll erase her again and again. We’ll never give her the chance to turn on us.”

Gripping his hand I felt the panic rise. Then the most cliched lines slipped through my lips. “you won’t get away with this! Nick’s coming back. He’ll know what you did to me!”

“and you’ll be convinced that everything he tells you is a lie. You’ll be so loyal to us that you won’t have any choice but to stay.” DiMA answered calmly, in that same monotone voice that now made me sick to my stomach. “and when it looks like that’s about to change then we’ll simply erase your memories again. It’s for the best Vel. You belong to Acadia.”

“I belong to Nick you pile of copper and scrap!” I shouted, starting to struggle harder. 

Chase ignored me. “we can’t get her back into Acadia without someone being suspicious, do you want to erase everyone?”

“no, that wouldn’t be productive.” Sadly he shook his head. “we’ll take her to the beta site at the lighthouse. The prototype should be finished by now if Faraday is to be believed.” 

“get your fucking hands off of me!” the more I struggled the more hair tugged out. Didn’t matter. I wasn’t about to let them make me a slave by fucking around with my memories. 

“please don’t struggle Vel.” DiMA murmured.

Chase folded her arms, glaring. “I can take care of this.”

“that won’t be necessary.” DiMA released me. The sudden weight returned to my leg made it buckle and I went down. Scrambling around, I turned to stare up at him. “I’m sorry about this Vel, truly. V3-27, Epsilon 78 cirrus.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s nothing more fun than villains. Just straight up evil or motivated and redeemable they’re all fun. DiMA is a unique one. I kind of struggle to write him evil. I actually like him, that’s my problem. I don’t want him to be a villain but it’s so much more interesting if he is. The struggles of a writer. When you like your own villains better than your heroes. 
> 
> Real quick poll, who is your favorite villain in general, from anything? Lotso from toy Story 3 is probably mine, he’s one of the better written characters I’ve seen lately. 
> 
> Anyway thanks for reading! Hope you’re all enjoying this ride with us. See you in another week.


	27. I'm a non-believer but I believe in these dirty little wicked games

Ringing. A sharp, deafening ringing; that was all I could hear, all I could feel. Next was a piercing light that blinded me. And finally, the sensation of someone holding my hand tightly enough in theirs that it almost hurt.

“Violet!?”

RJ’s voice drew me completely into the conscious world and I groaned. My skull was pounding like a second heartbeat, the pain so severe it was making me nauseous. “Vi, are you okay?”

I blinked slowly, looking around, perplexed. It was my room in the Last Plank. How had I gotten here? More importantly, what the hell had happened to me? I was tucked into the bed, the blanket pulled all the way up to my collar. RJ put a hand on my face, his palm warm, drawing my attention back to him. “Vi?”

“What’s going on?” I croaked.

In spite of my confusion, he seemed relieved.

“Longfellow found you on the road to Far Harbor like this! What the hell were you doing outside the gate?” he asked.

I opened my mouth to reply, only to hit a mental brick wall. I closed my eyes, brow drawn together as I tried to recall the events that had lead me to this moment. I remembered arguing with Longfellow outside the Last Plank and… that was it.

“I can’t… I don’t know. I can’t remember. God, my head hurts.”

“The doctor didn’t want to give you a stimpak since you’re pregnant and their made of a bunch of crazy chemicals,” he explained, grimacing.

That would have been nice to know earlier.

I raised my hand, gingerly touching my forehead, wincing. It appeared that most of my head was bandaged.

“What’s wrong with me?”

“The doc said you had two head wounds, like someone clubbed you over the head with something. Twice. He said whoever did it knew what they were doing, because they hit you just hard enough to knock you out without killing you or giving you brain damage. Well, too much brain damage.”

I squeaked out, “What!?”

“No, stop worrying, you’re fine. He says a little brain damage comes with being knocked unconscious. It’s not that big of a deal.”

I covered my eyes with my arm, gasping as it disturbed my forehead wound. Why the hell would I have gone running around outside Far Harbor, especially on my own? I was stupid sometimes, but not that stupid.

I ran over my memories again, desperately clawing for what happened next. Had whoever attacked me hit my head that hard? Why hadn’t they killed me? Who on this island would need to knock me out?

My thoughts instantly snapped to DiMA.

There was a knock on the door, drawing me from my reverie.

“What?” RJ called.

“Is she up?” Nick asked.

RJ sighed, raising an eyebrow, meeting my stare.

“You ready for visitors?”

“Sure.”

Apparently it wasn’t hard to hear us through the aged door, because it opened the moment words passed my lips. Nick, Longfellow, and Small Bertha all piled inside, concern puckering their brows. “Hey guys.”

Teddy Wright, the doctor for Far Harbor entered a couple steps behind them, a leather bag in hand. It had been a while now since I’d had to be checked out by a doctor -if I wasn’t counting Aster. I almost missed Doctor Sun’s irritated words of wisdom.

“How are you doing, kid?” Nick asked.

“What were you doing out there by yourself?” Longfellow asked.

“You look like shit!” Bertha cried. “Who did that to you!?”

I laughed, flinching, the movement making my head throb. There was also a serious danger of me throwing up at any moment. The doctor knelt down beside the bed and RJ moved from where he’d been perched, only allowing the doctor two feet of space.

“She doesn’t remember what happened, alright?” he snapped at the group.

“They hit her that hard, huh?” Nick said.

“The memory loss will most likely be temporary,” the doctor said, shining a light in my eyes.

“How long might it last?” RJ asked for me.

The doctor pulled back the bandage on my forehead and I winced.

“Could be just a few minutes, could be a few hours. Could be a couple weeks.”

That was no good. If someone had purposefully knocked me out, that wasn’t something we could all just ignore. But if I couldn’t remember who attacked me, then how were we supposed to do something about it?

DiMA. My brain just kept turning back to DiMA. But what reason would he have to knock me unconscious. Fear suddenly raced through me like someone had just injected it into my veins.

What if they’d replaced me?

The logical part of my brain, the side that wasn’t on fire and screaming panickedly, pointed out that they didn’t really have a reason to do so. They didn’t know I’d watched his memories about Sarah. I didn’t live here. I wasn’t a pillar of the community like Captain Avery or Longfellow.

Longfellow…

The doctor continued to probe at the two sore spots on my head but I couldn’t concentrate on that, on the words being said around me. My eyes were on the old man watching me with a controlled expression. It wasn’t in the nature of a Wastelander to show their concern.

My stomach flipped at the sight of him though. Why? Why did it feel strange -even a little unsettling- to see him standing there. I wracked my brain for the answers, begged it to return the missing chunk of time from before I was knocked out.

“Miss Flynn?” the doctor said.

“Hmm yes?”

“I asked how you’re feeling.”

My gaze flickered to all of the people in the room who watched me expectantly.

“Oh, uh, I mean my head hurts like hell. And I have a pretty bad stomach ache. And I’m tired.”

He nodded clinically.

“Unfortunately, because of your pregnancy there’s not much I can give you without risking the baby. But I suggest you get lots of rest, eat some chicken noodle soup-”

“What?” I said, grabbing his arm, leaning up a little despite the discomfort it caused. His brow furrowed.

“Uh, get rest-”

“No, did you tell me to eat chicken noodle soup?”

He was evidently thrown off by my sudden intensity.

“Yes?”

“You have chicken noodle soup in this time?” I asked, grip tightening.

He looked down at his arm, like he was worried I was going to sink my nails into his skin.

“Yes…”

I released him, covering my hands with my face, beginning to cry. Everyone fell silent, perplexed by my abrupt break down. But they didn’t get it. I’d thought I’d never have experience the majority of my favorite things again. Foods, tv shows, activities, so many things I’d used to enjoy had been wiped off the map by the bombs.

Finding out one of them still existed was incredible.

Also, the pregnancy hormones were probably helping to make this a more dramatic moment.

“Violet?” RJ said, putting a frantic hand on my knee, the bed creaking as he sat down. “What’s wrong?”

“I didn’t think I’d ever get to eat chicken noodle soup again!” I sobbed into my palms.

Nick laughed, understanding what was happening now.

“Yeah, chicken noodle soup was a big comfort food before the war. We don’t have it in the Commonwealth because we don’t have chickens,” he explained. When this didn’t seem to help any of them understand other than RJ, he added, “Violet was born before the war. It’s a long story.”

Bertha began shooting off a million questions while Longfellow just asked, “How the hell did she end up in this time?”

“I was cryogenically frozen,” I said.

Longfellow wasn’t satisfied by this answer.

“What!? How? Why-” he cut himself off, closing his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he sighed. “Nevermind. Doesn’t matter. Explains your behavior an’ all that though.”

“Doesn’t matter!?” Bertha cried.

“Don’t worry about it, kid,” RJ said, grinning. “Maybe she’ll tell you about it later.”

The doctor got to his feet.

“Alright, we should all probably give her some space. She needs to rest. I’ll let Mitch know about the soup.”

In the next few minutes Longfellow, Bertha and Teddy left the room, leaving behind RJ and Nick. I recovered from my crying spell, feeling a little sleepier. Nick pulled off his hat, sweeping a hand across his head, eyes on the floor.

“You really can’t remember what happened to you?”

I inhaled deeply, trying to fight my nausea, and then sighed.

“Nope.”

“There’s no chance this was random. Whoever attacked you had a reason.”

“It’s DiMA, right?” RJ asked. “Children of Atom wouldn’t do this.”

“Especially not since the new Tektus was probably altered to be Mr. Peace,” I said.

Nick shook his head, putting his hat back on.

“But why would they knock you out and leave you out there? What does that gain them?”

“How long was I gone anyway?” I asked.

“A little over an hour,” RJ said. He eyed me. “Why the hell did you leave Far Harbor?”

“I don’t know!”

I closed my eyes. I retraced my steps, the ones I could remember. We’d talked to Tektus, the town had gotten mad -Longfellow had gotten _really_ mad, we’d gone to the Last Plank but I’d wanted some space… my brow furrowed as I hit the wall again. I raised my hand, pressing my knuckles into the crease of my brow, as if I pushed hard enough I’d break the mental block.

“Vi, your hand.”

I opened my eyes and he reached out, taking my hand that I’d had pressing on my forehead. My palm was covered in dried, flaking blood. “Did you hurt it?”

“That’s not my blood,” I said reflexively.

Nick and RJ exchanged confused glances before frowning at me. Nick stepped forward, his yellow gaze switching between my hand and my face.

“Whose blood is it?” RJ asked.

“I don’t know… I don’t know why I said that.”

“You had blood splattered all over your face and chest,” Nick said, coming to stand beside the bed. He pointed at my shirt. “See. They cleaned up your skin but it’s still on your clothes.”

I looked down. Thick streaks of old blood stained the fabric, along with a smattering of dots.

“Did you shoot your attackers? It could be their blood.”

I reached for my hip, but someone had taken off my holster. Sensing my train of thought, RJ stood, collecting my holster and gun from the floor. Without me having to explain, he checked the chamber.

“It’s full. Unless they filled your gun for you, I don’t think you fought back.”

“So that means either she knew her attacker or they caught her off guard.”

RJ made a face.

“Last one’s pretty likely.”

“Hey!”

“It’s true, Vi! It’s not your fault, you haven’t spent your whole life watching your back,” he said.

Deciding not to respond to that insulting yet good point, I focused on my hand again. The blood had flaked off from the creases in my palm but for the most part my skin was entirely painted red. As if I’d covered a wound or stuck my hand in a blood puddle.  
Like when you recalled a part of a dream you’d just had, I saw a wooden floor, a pool of blood coming towards me. The source of the blood was… Longfellow. He was lying on his side, wheezing, more blood on his teeth, trying to get me to leave.

I gasped, sitting up fully in bed, and RJ instinctively wrapped an arm around me to keep my upright.

“What is it, what’s wrong.” He looked at Nick. “Go get the doctor-”

“I remember. It was Longfellow.”

“Longfellow attacked you!?”

I shook my head, though it hurt to do so.

“No, it’s his blood. Chase shot him. She sniped him through one of the windows of his cabin and then she came in and hit me with her gun.”

“Shit,” Nick spat. He clenched his fists, striding away from the bed as if he were going to hit the wall. “Vel’s still with them! We left her with those murderers!”

“So the Longfellow who brought you back from where he found you…”

I nodded at RJ.

“He’s a replacement. They must have killed him, dragged me away, and then dropped off the replacement who found me lying in the road. There must be someone in Far Harbor who keeps an eye on all the ‘risks’,” I said. “Longfellow threw that fit about the Children of Atom, he got the whole town angry. DiMA couldn’t let him live and risk him jeopardizing his ‘peace’ plan.”

“We need to go get Vel,” Nick said.

“How? March on Acadia? The synths there don’t know what’s going on, they’ll think we’re trying to destroy their Sanctuary and fight back. It’ll start a riot -a war, once news reaches Far Harbor. We can’t risk it.”

“So what do you suggest we do!?”

I ignored his anger, doing my best to empathize. I would be behaving the same way if it was RJ in the lion’s den. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a solution let alone something calming to say to him.

“I don’t know. But we can’t let this go on,” I said.

The foggy memory of Longfellow’s murder returned to the front of my mind. I hadn’t been fast enough to protect him. I should have done something as soon as Tektus had left Far Harbor. God, Chase had probably gone to his cabin the second word reached her about his outburst. If I hadn’t talked to him he might have stayed in Far Harbor, been safe inside the Last Plank.

RJ sighed, releasing me, gently pushing me back into a lying position. I resisted, confused.

“What are you doing-”

“You need to rest. Nick and I will try and think of a plan while you sleep.”

Nick’s jaw was set but he nodded, opening the door. RJ kept tucking me in, despite my weak protests.

“I can’t rest right now, Vel’s in danger, my friend was just killed, I’ve gotta help figure out what we’re gonna do next,” I said.

They both gave me a look. I felt like a child. I groaned, folding my arms up on my chest. There was no point arguing, I wouldn’t put it past RJ to hold me down in this bed until I fell asleep. I was tired and my head and stomach still ached persistently. Sleep would be good for me.

But what if DiMA killed someone else while I was asleep? Letting my guard down had done nothing but get Tektus and Longfellow killed.

“We’ll come back up once we know what we’re doing, okay?” RJ said. My lips were pulled into a pout and he kissed them, smiling. “There’s no point keeping you up when we can’t even do anything yet.”

That was fair.

He stood, heading for the door as Nick exited the room.

“Wait!” I called. They both looked back at, expressions suggesting they were about to scold me, tell me just to go to sleep. “Allen Lee and Sandra Lee were on DiMA’s list of risks. Check on them. If he replaced Longfellow he might do the same to them.”

“We’ll keep them safe, Vi. Get some rest.”

******

“No, I need to see her right now!”

The door to the room flew open and I jolted, waking up with a start. There was still sunlight filling the room and I was immediately relieved to know I hadn’t slept the day away. What was less of a relief was Sarah stumbling into the room, Nick and RJ on her heels.

I sat up, frowning, ignoring the throbbing in my skull.

“Sarah?”

“It’s Vel,” she said, standing in the middle of the room, looking between Nick and I. “She’s in danger- I don’t know what they’re going to do to her! I didn’t even know if she got away, but if she’s not here then they got her. We need to get to Acadia!”

“What do you mean!? Who got her!?” Nick cried. “DiMA?”

Like always, RJ shut the door, knowing this was a dangerous conversation.

“Yes! Chase was, well, chasing us and Vel had me hide and then she ran off to lead her away and told me to come here! But she’s not here so they must have got her! What aren’t you getting!? We need to go!” she cried, impatience twisting her face, her brown eyes flickering to me. “Why are you still lying down! Vel’s in danger!”

I sat up, slowly angling my body to the side, placing my feet on the ground. While I pulled on my shoes, RJ began lecturing Sarah.

“She got cracked in the head twice today by Chase, stop yelling at her, you idiot-”

“RJ, it’s okay, I’m getting up.”

“You need to rest-”

I stood, pretending I didn’t want to throw up, and ripping off the bandage that was wrapped around my head.

“No, I need to help save my friend.”

Nick wordlessly yanked open the door and Sarah threw an anxious glance my way before following him down the stairs. I picked up my holster and gun, striding over to the doorway.

“Vi, you’re hurt -really hurt! I think the words the doctor used was ‘severe head trauma’! You can’t do this!”

“RJ, I love you, and I appreciate your concern more than you know, but I can’t not do this. I won’t. This is the woman Nick is in love with we’re talking about, the woman who tried to sacrifice herself to cannibalistic raiders to protect me, and who chose to stay in that snakes pit to keep the synths inside safe. I’m not sitting this out, it’s going to take all of us to deal with this.”

We cut through the inn, ignoring the people we’d come to know who called our names as we passed. Over the din I could hear Mitch asking if he needed to start making chicken noodle soup for me. If only.

“God, I can’t take this!” RJ said, storming up beside me. “Why can’t you ever listen to me!? Why do you always have to put yourself at risk for other people!?”

“Because it’s the right thing to do! What if I stayed and you all got killed because you didn’t have enough support!? I would be alone and I would have to live with the fact that I couldn’t protect any of you!”

“You’re just one person, Vi-”

“But sometimes that’s all it takes!” I snapped.

We were almost to the gate now, Nick a good ten feet ahead of us with Sarah desperately trying to keep up with him. My head was pulsating.

“Fucking goddammit!” RJ cried, grabbing my biceps and spinning me to face him. My eyes widened, his language shocking me into brief silence. “I love you so much and this is why! I love everything about you, you stupid, selfless idiot.”

“I love you too-”

“I’m saying this to remind myself why I’m not literally tying you to your bed at the Last Plank! This is what you do. You go off and you try to protect people at the cost of yourself. And that’s okay, that’s why I love you. It’s scary and I wish you would do it less, but it’s okay. It’s apart of who you are and it’s why I fell in love with you, why I’m still alive and not dead at the hands of some gunner. Why I haven’t blown my brains out. Because I love you and you make me feel like I’m a person worth being. This is just something that comes along with it. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

His words hit me like a ton of bricks, the weight behind them staggering. Yes, we’d already said we loved each other many times and yes, we were raising children together, and yes, we currently had another child on the way, but his words still shocked me.

He pulled me forward, kissing me hard, one of his hands sliding through my hair. The force behind the kiss took my breath away, made my legs weak. But just as quickly as it had started, it stopped, and he began towing me after Sarah and Nick. I was too stunned to speak for a couple seconds.

“Did you just come to terms with my recklessness?”

“Yep,” he said, though his face remained stony.

“For how long?”

“Maybe forever, maybe the next couple hours. Let’s just save O’Malley so we can go home, alright?”

I grinned in spite of how difficult the task of saving Vel was going to be.

“Alright.”

We reached Acadia in record time and to my surprise, we weren’t shot on sight by the guards posted around the building. No, everyone couldn’t care less about us as we made our way up the long concrete steps and barrelled into the building.

No one was to be seen in the dome shaped room and we all spread out, making sure the space was really empty. That was when Faraday came out of the observation room, his hands raised. Each one of us lifted our guns, including Sarah, who didn’t seem comfortable with the weapon in her hand.

Nick strode across the room, grabbing Faraday by the collar of his lab coat, aiming his gun at him.

“Where the fuck is Gray, you bastard!?”

Faraday was surprisingly calm, barely unnerved by the barrel of the gun being jabbed into his neck. He swallowed, eyes on Nick.

“Chase and DiMA took her to the beta site. I’m supposed to go meet them.”

“What’s the beta site? Where is it!?”

“An old lighthouse. I can take you there.”

“Funny, I’d thought you rather die than betray DiMA,” I spat, glaring at him full force.

Faraday returned my furious stare with one full of sadness and regret. It instantly deflated my rage.

“He’s… he’s not the same as he once was. When I met him, he wanted peace -real peace. But this isn’t it. He’s lost his way. And as much as it kills me to say so, he needs to be stopped. This isn’t what he wants, even if he doesn’t realize it.” We were all caught off guard by his words. He continued, “I can’t keep pretending the means justify the end. We’ve got too much blood on our hands to believe we’re bringing peace. At least, I can’t believe it anymore. So I’ll help you stop him. But I think it’d be for the best if you killed all three of us.”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Nick muttered, lowering his gun, releasing Faraday. All of us kept our guns trained on him, ready for him to whip out a weapon of his own. But he didn’t, he just straightened his coat, defeated. “Take us to Gray.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a day late! My aunt I don't see often came into town for memorial day and I've spent everyday with her and it was my Anniversary yesterday so between celebrating that and essentially being chained to my family, I didn't even realize that it was sunday! Thanks for all the support! It's been great to read the comments and see the kudos and such.


	28. There’s More Than One Way to Clean Out a Head

Pain that was the first thing I felt when that fucking code wore off. Pain lanced up my leg and I gasped, bucking. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that it hurt so much. Allow me.” a soft gentle voice spoke off somewhere to my left.

Groggily I blinked my vision into focus only to find DiMA approaching me with a Stimpak in his hand. Rage and terror surged through my insides. Instinctively I kicked out at his hand. The Stimpak went flying, tumbling through an open glassless window beside us. 

DiMA stood there, watching it disappear with a sad pained expression. “I was trying to help you….”

“is that what you’ve been telling yourself this whole time?!” I sat forward. Ropes bit into my wrists, rough and tight. Irritably I sat back down. Of course they’d tied me up. This was really starting to become a habit. Getting kidnapped. What the fuck was that about? It wasn’t as if I was helpless. The things your mind goes to when you’re in a life or death situation. 

With his gaze downcast DiMA slowly turned around. His back of mechanical parts and weird metal tubes to me. “I am trying to help you, to help every synth.”

“by making them forget, by making them think they’re loyal to you. You’re about to make me your god damn mind slave!” what was the point of pretending otherwise? This was going to happen whether I tried to talk him down or not. No one knew what happened. If Sarah got to Far Harbor and convinced Nick and Violet what happened. If they went to Acadia and weren’t just killed on sight. Then the only people there that probably knew where DiMA had taken me were Faraday and Chase. And those two were fucking loyal. 

No I was on my own. At least for now. And if I was about to forget this whole conversation then I was going to say my piece. 

We were high up in the air, that much I could tell. It looked like the top of a light house but someone had come in with some augmentation. There was basically a whole room up here, with furniture a bed and windows that overlooked the forests and sea. The sounds of the waves lapping at the shore were so far below I could barely hear it. Well at least DiMA wasn’t torturing me I guess. Not sure my already frayed mind could handle that. 

With a small huff DiMA sat in a chair opposite me, leaning over on his knees and elbows. He looked older than he ever had before. Like his thoughts put years on him. “I’m truly sorry about this Vel you must believe me. I never wanted you to be put in harm’s way. I thought that you would understand what I am trying to accomplish here.”

“I get trying to make peace on the island. I get replacing Avery and Tektus but what I don’t get is hurting the people you say you protect!” not sure shouting was gonna do me any good here but it sure as hell felt good. 

DiMA didn’t look at me, didn’t even raise his eyes. “what I had to do to Sarah weighs heavily on me. She is innocent. You don’t want to burden her with what we’ve done any more than I do.” 

I gritted my teeth. Hard to argue with that point. “that still doesn’t give you the right to do this to synths. We’re not toys! It’s the exact reason we hate the institute!” 

“what do you know of the institute?” his voice became suddenly steely. His milky eyes took on a hard edge to them that I hadn’t expected him capable of. “and being a synth? You’ve only known you were a synth for two weeks. You’ve never set foot in the institute expect to destroy it. What do you know of what it means to be a synth from the institute?” 

“I was a railroad agent.”

“who helped the railroad erase, kill, synths to _protect_ them.” He spat angrily. 

This time I let my face fall. “I never agreed with the memory wipes…. The same way I don’t agree with erasing part of Sarah’s memory just to relieve you of your guilt.”

Silence fell on us. A cold salty wind blew in through the open windows and the cracks in the walls. A shiver ran up my shoulders. The laser burn ached on my leg. At least my jaw wasn’t throbbing like I expected it to. At least I could say that I’d survived a punch from a courser. Speaking of where was Chase? I doubted very much that she’d have let DiMA run off on his own. As discreetly as possible I took better stock of my surroundings. A set of stairs led down into the lighthouse proper. Out the window I could just make out the buildings around it. People walked the roofs. Couldn’t tell at this distance if any of them were Chase. 

“surely you realize there’s no way out of this.” DiMA’s quiet voice brought me back to him. Eyes narrowed I found him staring directly at me. “we are on the far side of the island. Even if Sarah reached Far Harbor, which I very much doubt she did, it would take far too long for Nick to reach us.”

“you called him your brother.” This would be dangerous I just knew it. I had already lost. If no one was coming to rescue me, which is a sentence I never wanted to use again, then pissing DiMA off would at least just make me feel better. “would brothers do this? You’re about to make me hate him aren’t you? That’s the only way that you’re going to keep me under your thumb. Do you know what that’s going to do to Nick?”

“he’ll move passed it, in time.” 

“are you fucking serious?!” that actually made me laugh. “how can you call him your brother when you know nothing about him!?”

“I know more than you!” rage surged through his synthetic voice. He was towering over me suddenly, fists tight at his sides, glowering at me like he was about to kill me. “I was there. I saw what the humans did to him. Every day, for years, I watched him get torn apart. I watched him scream until they took his voice from him. I watched as desperation made him beg to end his pain. I’ve known him longer than you’ve been alive.”

It felt like someone had stabbed me through the heart. Thinking of Nick, going through all of that. It was a wonder that he was the kind of man he was after that. It was a blessing that he didn’t remember all of it. 

DiMA kept talking, still standing over me with rage in his usually serene face. “those humans tortured us, for years. We were nothing, worse than nothing, we were their playthings. When I escaped I was too scared to do anything. I didn’t know what to do. All I knew was that I had to run. So I did. I left Nick behind and fled as far as I could until I found this place.”

“and you hid didn’t you? Too scared to face the world.” I spat in the most venomous voice I could manage. “like some kind of fucking coward, you hid from the world in a damn cave. You should have stayed there.”

Suddenly his hand was on my shoulder, squeezing so tight his metal fingers drew blood. I bit down on the pained cry threatening to escape my lips. “humans are worse than any synth.” He murmured quietly into my face. “they’re crueler than any synth could ever be. They know no limits. Not the institute, not the Children of Atom and not the Harbormen. They would kill, torture and humiliate one another into submission then turn on us. I had to stop them.”

I gritted my teeth, trying to ignore the pain. “you’ve become them DiMA.”

“I’m better than them.”

“no!” the hand on my shoulder hurt so damn much. Maybe he didn’t know his own strength. Sometimes I wondered if Nick knew his. “you’re worse! They hold loyalty above everything! The children wouldn’t betray the family, the Harbormen wouldn’t turn on theirs! You’ve hurt as many synths as humans! Maybe more!”

“you don’t understand what has to be done.” He murmured quietly.

“you don’t either.” More than anything this was starting to irritate me. What was the point of talking like this anyway? 

Finally he let my shoulder go. Blood dripped off his metal fingers to the floorboards without a sound. He stared at his hand, transfixed. 

I smirked. “there… now you’ve got literal blood on your hands.” 

Silently he stood there, staring at it. What could possibly be going through his mind? DiMA didn’t seem unhinged to me, at least when we first met. Was this making it worse? He was already far too gone. There was no going back now. Eventually he closed his fist and let it fall to his side. “give me a reason not to erase you. Assure me that you have changed your mind and will help us make the island safe.”

“we’ve already made the island safe.” 

“it isn’t safe enough. Tektus and Avery may be able to control them for now but in due time they will continue fighting again. Just as they always do.” He took his seat directly across from me again. His eyes were pleading, as pleading as milky white eyes could be. It wasn’t comforting to say the least. “you know it’s true. We have to replace more people to make this island safe forever.”

“where does it stop DiMA?” I was tired, in pain and cold. If he could just kill me or erase me and get it over with that would be fantastic. “you replace I don’t know, Lee, some assholes in the Children but then what? You don’t have enough synths to make into humans to cover the whole island. Would you just start killing people?”

“if it comes to that, yes.” He nodded.

That actually made me laugh. Tilting my head back I shook my head at the ceiling. “are you serious? There are what? Twenty maybe twenty five synths on the island. How many trappers, Harbormen and Children of atom are there? You honestly think you can control this island?!” 

“the trappers are a particular problem but some of them are already loyal to Acadia.”

“what?!” that was the first I’d heard of that.

He waved a hand toward the open window. “do you see them? Those Trappers down there are loyal to me. They control the lighthouse as my beta site for when … I need safe haven from Acadia.”

“so you’ve got a secret lair.” That was a little funny, even to my terrified angry brain. “you’ve gone around Acadia’s back so much you need a base off the mountain. Don’t you think that was a bad sign?”

“I had to protect them, both from the outside world and from what I had to do.”

“but you were so fine messing with their memories and making replacements out of them!” 

He slouched a little further over his knees, staring down at the ground with half closed eyes. “I am beginning to see that I’ll never convince you.”

“damn straight.” 

“yet you have already helped me.”

I gritted my teeth. If only I could get my hands free I’d throw this tin can off the edge of the lighthouse! “I didn’t help you, I helped Acadia you pile of circuits.” 

That got him to sigh. With his hands clasped in front of him he stared at them. At the blood still slowly dripping from his fingertips. “I suppose we should get started then….”

The sweat started to bead on the back of my neck. “what are you talking about?”

Slowly he rose, striding around out of sight. “memory machines, or loungers as you so colorfully put it, have always been very bulky. Too large to easily transport and too powerful to run on simple generators.” 

While he was out of sight I took the risk playing with the ropes. They were thick, and tight. They’d taken my Pipboy, it lay on a table a few feet away. Damn it. That left me with the wriggling option which wasn’t exactly discreet no matter how you did it. What other choice did I have? outside I watched the men walking on the roofs. I tried to focus on them. Anything but DiMA’s damn voice telling me exactly what was about to happen. 

“I have spent years trying to make a compact, low powered version of such a device.” While he talked I didn’t bother looking back at him. I didn’t want to see it. Outside I glared at the trappers. Then one suddenly slumped and fell from his perch. I frowned. “I brought some expertise to the work but Chase and Faraday were the ones that helped bring this together.”

“since you’re going to erase me anyway, tell me the truth. You messed with Chase too didn’t you?” I grumbled as DiMA stood in front of me. He held some kind of helmet, similar to the one we’d seen in the submarine base only slimmer and detached. A couple cables lead from it to a console that stood nearby. 

His face fell a little further. “I wish I could say that I convinced her through words. I wish she had changed her mind easily on her own. But coursers aren’t so easily swayed. The institute hardwired them to be loyal to them. It took invasive methods to bring her around to Acadia’s way of thinking.”

“you mean brainwash her.” I snapped.

“was it better for her to remain loyal to the institute? Hurting, killing synths just like her? With no remorse?” he answered coolly. 

“she deserved to choose.” Leaning over I strained against the ropes. He had me tied to my chair. I was trying to use it to slip free. “you’ve just forced her to change one master for another. You never asked her. You just did it.”

“I freed her.” 

“no!” it occurred to some small part of my brain that I was advocating for a courser. Someone I might have tried to kill not too long ago. “you just put your own chains on her! Does she even know what you did? Or do you have to keep changing her mind the same way you’re about to do to me?”

“I do what I have to in order to protect Acadia.” That same old line. He actually believed it. He wasn’t even saying it to convince himself. 

“you do change her don’t you?!” my mouth fell open. I could hardly believe it. She was so damn loyal to him. She loved him. And he’d done that to her. “you’ve made her as much a slave as you’re going to do to me! How the fuck can you justify that?! She’s your right hand!”

“if she ever truly recovers her mind then she will immediately turn on Acadia.” He let his hands fall to his sides. That device made me tense, knowing what it was capable of. “I freed her mind the first time but when I realized that her courser programming was bleeding through I had to reapply the treatment. If I ever let her go then Acadia would be destroyed.”

“then kill her!” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. DiMA actually thought this was a better solution?! “you’re treating her like a pet! If you care even a little about her you’ll put a bullet in her head!”

“I need her, as I need you.” he raised the helmet, frowning at it like it weighed him down. “if you had cooperated I could have used my chair for this. The chair allows me great precision, only removing that which is incriminating. This device isn’t capable of that level of accuracy I’m afraid. It can be set to erase in chunks, ranging from the last twenty four hours to your entire mind.”

The blood drained out of my face. “how much are you going to take from me?”

“I would like to think the last two days will be enough, but… in order to ensure this lasts I will take more.” He reached toward me.

I leaned back in my seat, fear filling my throat. Over two days? Was he going to take Nick coming back for me? “don’t…. please, don’t take Nick from me.”

That got him to pause, hand a foot from my face. 

Out of the corner of my eye I watched the Trappers surge toward the front gates. Something was going on. Too much to hope it was anything good for me. Likely as not it was just some Gulper pack. At least I’d made him hesitate. “I don’t care what else you do to me, but let me remember Nick coming back…. I can’t go back to feeling…. Please.” 

His hand gradually drifted back down to his side. That expression was twisted up in pain. Finally I’d struck a nerve. Nick was his soft spot. Maybe there was hope of getting out of this after all. 

“listen to me DiMA. Nick’s going to know what you did to me. If you just let me go I’ll stay, I’ll help you, I’ll do what I can to convince Nick to come back. Just let me go.” The rope inched its way down my hand. The first loop was almost over my thumb but it hurt. I could feel the tendons straining. I might have to break my own thumb to get out of this. 

DiMA took a small step back. “do you really think you could convince him to return to Acadia?”

“I’d try.” I leaned forward, using my chair to help pull my hands free. Blood started to drip into my palms. The rope scraped so deep it took all my willpower not to react to it. “if I stay he might come back. Just… don’t make me forget him.” 

A long sigh escaped him. “I can’t take the risk that you will simply run away if I let you go. I am sorry Vel, but I have to severe your ties to Nick.”

“don’t!” 

He reached forward, tangling his hand into my hair to hold my head still. He lifted that fucking helmet. 

Then Chase came bounding up the stairs, panting, bloody. “DiMA! They’re here!”

“what?” he let my head go, turning to face Chase with an unreadable look.

Striding across the room she rapidly got her breathing under control. Coursers really were an entirely different beast. “Valentine, Flynn and Faraday. They’re here. They’re on their way up.”

DiMA dropped his gaze, frowning at the floor. “Faraday betrayed me….”

“because you’ve gone too far!” I couldn’t believe it. They’d actually come. Harder than ever I pulled at the ropes. I wasn’t about to be useless in the coming fight. “he gets it! If you weren’t fucking with Chase’s brain she’d get it too!” 

With a sad shake of his head DiMA strode back behind me out of sight. “I will have to fix this…. After we’ve dealt with this interruption….”

“let me kill them.” To make her point Chase reloaded her laser pistol. 

“no, not Nick.”

“he doesn’t trust you DiMA. He’s here to kill you.” 

“he’s here for Vel.” A hand fell on my shoulder which was cold and bloody. “we’ll see if we can convince him to change his mind.” 

Chase groaned, teeth bared. She didn’t agree, and it wouldn’t take much to tip her over the edge. Her hand was tight on her pistol which went up when gun fire echoed up from inside the lighthouse. The hand on my shoulder tightened just a little. I didn’t dare keep tugging on the ropes. It was so close. If I could just get one loop off the others would fall right off. With DiMA standing behind me though I couldn’t. What if he used that fucking thing on me?!

The unmistakable sound of Nick’s revolver, the loud heavy resounding pop, drifted up. “Stay here Faraday! Kid with me!”

Chase took a step back, facing the stairs with her gun up. A weapon appeared beside my face. DiMA had a gun. It was somehow surreal seeing him holding it. His fragile body didn’t even look capable of firing a gun. 

Footsteps bounded up the stairs. Then they appeared. Nick was the first up. Fresh holes shot through his coat. Anger twisting his face as he came up to find Chase pointing her gun at him. His went up instantly. How many bullets could he have? God I hoped he’d reloaded on the way up. Right behind him came Violet who huffed painfully as she reached the top floor. Deliverer wavered a little in her hand as she brought it up.

“it’s over DiMA, stand down.” Nick growled fiercely, keeping his eyes set firmly on Chase.

DiMA didn’t move, his hand just tightened a little more on my shoulder. “it’s good to see-”

“spare me.” he swung his barrel on DiMA now. His yellow eyes flickered to me and they widened a fraction. “Gray are you alright?”

“no, no not really.” I admitted dryly, still tugging painfully at the ropes.

“Nick I’d like to talk to you, please-”

“shut the hell up.” Nick took a step forward. 

Chase got between him and DiMA, her gun almost pressed against his throat. Violet stepped around her back into my line of sight, her gun pointed at the courser. “back off Chase.” 

“you think you’ve got what it takes to kill me, housewife?” 

Violet’s face twitched a little.

“that’s right, we know all about you thanks to O'Malley.” You could practically hear the fucking smirk in Chase’s voice. Her words didn’t do shit for me either. Guilt seeped into my mouth and I dropped my eyes. “she told us everything about you. About where you come from, that you destroyed the institute, that you came here even though you knew no one wanted you to.”

“shut up.” I growled. “leave her alone you fucking bitch.”

“I do not want any more violence.” DiMA took a step forward until he was even with me. Now that it wasn’t in his line of sight I started struggling even harder. I was so close. If I could get free, I could take DiMA’s gun, shoot Chase and it would be over. 

“then hand Gray over to me.” Nick held his gun in both his hands, his legs shoulder width apart. The look in his eye was so angry and fierce, I’d never once seen it on him before. It reminded me of DiMA’s memory. When they first escaped the institute. 

DiMA though shook his head. “not until you hear me out.”

“you replaced Longfellow!” Violet cried.

“what?!” my head snapped around to gape up at DiMA.

His lips tightened but otherwise he didn’t react. “Longfellow was, is a good man. But his hatred for the Children of Atom would have put the peace we worked so hard for at risk. He had to be… placated before-”

“you killed him.” Nick snarled. “you killed him, Avery, Tektus too probably, and you’re planning to kill anyone else that gets in your way. What the hell reasons could justify that?”

“you know Nick.” Pleadingly DiMA held out his hands, one of them still slick with my blood. “synths aren’t safe, and they will never be safe until they have a place they can call their own.”

“and Acadia isn’t enough?!” Violet cried in outrage. “you have to take over the whole damn island?!”

“it’s the best way to ensure our safety.”

“I’ve heard enough.” Nick took another step forward, his gun pointed dead center on DiMA’s chest. “let Gray go. We’ll take you back to Acadia and let your precious people decide how to handle you.”

“you know what they’ll say. They won’t turn on me.” he shook his head.

“Sarah’s already going around spreading the word about what you’ve done, to Gray, to her and to innocent people on the island.” Nick’s words flooded me with relief. So Sarah really had reached them. Thank god. If she’d gotten herself killed by trying to get to Far Harbor… after all she’d gotten lost the first time. “face it DiMA, it’s over.”

“any damage that you have done to Acadia I can easily reverse. They will never know what happened.” DiMA answered without the hint of regret.

“you mean screw with their minds.” I swung my gaze on Chase. “he’s been messing with your head from the beginning you know that right? you’re a courser for god’s sake, you honestly think your programming can be broken by some words?!”

“shut up!” she cracked her pistol hard against my head. Stars popped on my vision while I jerked to the side.

“don’t you dare touch her again!” Nick roared. 

“just try it.”

“please, I don’t want any more bloodshed.”

The stars slowly disappeared, blood dripped into my eye from my split eyebrow. Nick and Chase were facing each other now. So close their guns were almost touching. They were both angry. DiMA stood a little further to the side, trying to get Chase’s attention. Violet in the meantime stood next to the window, gun still up just not pointing at anyone in particular. 

It occurred to me then. Where the hell was Macready? No way he’d let his pregnant girlfriend go out to rescue a woman he barely tolerated. 

“please Chase, put the gun down.” DiMA pled, hands outstretched. 

Her head tilted a fraction his direction. “you trust me to know what’s best to protect Acadia from direct threats. So trust me when I say that if we don’t put them down now then Acadia will be lost.”

“Nick would never put Acadia in danger.” He shook his head.

“like hell I would.” Nick snapped, turning his gun back on DiMA. “if you hurt Gray, if you mess with her memory, I’ll tear Acadia apart.” 

Like a switch had been flipped inside his head DiMA’s arms went limp at his sides. All the hope fled him. His face went so emotionless I thought for a second he’d turned to stone. “you wouldn’t do that….”

“why not?” he growled back. “you’re already doing it.”

“this is ridiculous!” Chase roared rushing at Violet.

The poor woman didn’t even have time to react. Chase knocked the gun clean out of her hand. It hit the floor with a dull thud. With a hand tangled up in her red hair, Chase forced Violet back closer to the window. 

Nick hesitated to raise his gun as the barrel of Chase’s found its way to her chin. “don’t….”

“we’re going to make this simple. You walk away, leave this island and Acadia to us and I’ll let you leave with the red head.” Chase shook Violet which got a yelp out of her.

Nick went stiff, clearly conflicted on what to do.

“please Chase, don’t. I said I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Least of all Nick.” DiMA raised a hand to her as if that might be enough to make her stop. 

She gaped at him. “don’t you get it!? He’s the enemy! He’s going to destroy Acadia if you let him live for much longer!”

“just let the kid go… let Gray go and we’ll leave.” His voice was low, defeated. This wasn’t a victory and Nick knew it.

“no!” I shouted in outrage. “we can’t let him stay here and keep doing to people what he’s been doing! Think about Sarah, about all the synths!”

“Gray, just stay quiet.” Jaw set he slowly lowered his weapon. “please.”

“I’ll give you Miss Flynn, but I’m afraid I need O'Malley.” DiMA continued in a calm monotone voice. 

“go fuck yourself! She’s not up for sale!” Violet shouted. 

Chase shook her, tearing a bit of her hair and making her yelp. “shut up! Or I’ll just blow your brains out.”

“no deal.” Nick’s gun hand was shaking. “Gray comes with me, or I kill you.”

DiMA took a half step back, shock racing over his features before that dead look was back. “you wouldn’t kill me brother….”

“you’re not my brother….” 

A beat of silence followed that muttered statement. Cold wind blew in from the window, ruffling Violet’s hair and tugging on Chase’s coat. The housewife was holding her own, had to give her that. At least she hadn’t started sobbing or anything. A glint caught my eye just over her shoulder, somewhere in the trees on the far side. 

Eventually DiMA spoke drawing my attention back to him and Nick. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

“it ain’t a feeling. No brother of mine would treat people like toys.” He brought his gun back up. “now give her back to me.”

“if you p-” Chase never finished her sentence.

On account of half her head being blown to pieces. Violet screamed as blood and bone splattered her. Even I was shocked by the show. Chase stumbled, her hands slipping from Violet’s hair. She tore herself away, stumbling deeper inside to stare transfixed at the courser. Who wasn’t falling. Gradually Chase rose, a bloody hole blown out of the side of her head. You could see the veins in her brain pulsing as her body kept working. Her eye dangled out over her cheek by bloody cables. And yet she still moved.

She stood up straight, turning on the window. “Who the fuck was that?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Climaxes are also fun. This one in particular was a lot of fun for me just cause writing a righteous villain is new territory for me. the only problem I ran into here was that Gray really didn’t want to talk. Talking this much is a little out of character for her so I struggled to make her talk when I was writing this scene. Sometimes you can’t let characters do what they want.
> 
> Anyway thanks so much for the support, comments, kudos and bookmarks. I just have one question for everyone. How many of you replaced Tektus during your first run? Or who did you side with on your first play through? Let me know in the comments bellow! 
> 
> And until next week, write on!


	29. Snakes and ladders abandoned here love

If the sight before me wasn't incredibly horrifying, I might have grinned. Something I never got tired of was RJ sniping someone who was about to end my life. But Chase hadn’t died from having half of her skull blown off.

No, instead of collapsing to the ground like a human would, she turned, glaring out the window. Footsteps came from the stairs and four guards appeared, all searching the room for the source of the gunshot. I shouldn’t have been surprised that we hadn’t gotten all of them.

That was when there was a dull whistle and blood exploded Chase’s collar bone. RJ must have been caught off guard by the fact that she wasn’t dead otherwise he would have taken the time to line up another headshot.

Chase stumbled backwards and Nick took the opportunity to attack her while she was distracted, firing into her back. The guards didn’t seem to like this though, because they pointed their guns at the two of us. I grabbed Nick’s sleeve, dragging him behind one of the consoles in the room, hoping they wouldn’t try to shoot us through it since that was their only way of wiping Vel’s memory.

“Nick, please!” DiMA cried. “It doesn’t have to be this way!”

“Like hell it doesn’t!”

Nick popped up from behind the console, firing in the direction of DiMA and the guards. I figured this meant I was supposed to distract Chase, since she didn’t seem to be opposed to killing Nick, who wasn’t all too concerned about self preservation. I turned, about to lean out from the console when I was greeted by Chase.

God, she looked awful. Blood coated the entire left side of her face, oozing down her neck. What was more troubling, though, was her gun that she was aiming at my head. In an act of idiotic instinct, I dove forward, slamming my body as hard as I could into her legs. She fired the gun, barely missing me, but the force of my tackle was only enough to make her sway.

“You want a matching hole in your head?” she asked, pressing the barrel of her gun into the left side of my skull.

There was a gunshot and Chase shrieked, her gun falling on my head and then skittering to the floor. She tried to step away from me, but I gripped her legs tighter, sending her off balance. She fell backwards, hitting the ground hard as I released her.

“Don’t be stupid, kid, I can’t keep both of us alive,” Nick called from behind me.

He must have shot her hand. I’d almost gotten myself killed two seconds into the fight. Nick was right, I needed to be smarter, needed to hold my own. It was us versus six people, and RJ could only do so much from where he was watching from the forest.

I climbed on top of Chase, doing the same thing I’d done to Princess, digging my knees into her biceps to hopefully keep her arms pinned down. She tried to throw me off of her immediately, and she would have succeeded had I not reached down and pulled out her loose eye.

She shrieked, arching her back, almost bucking me off of her. I squealed, dropping her eye onto the ground and quickly shoving the barrel of my gun up to her jaw. She got one of her arms free as I did so, shoving the gun to the side at the same time as I pulled the trigger.

The bullet grazed her remaining ear but that was it. Now that her arm was free, she swung her fist, hitting me in the jaw and launching me to the side. Pain radiated through the bone as I rolled a couple feet away, my eyes clenched shut. My pre-existing head wound throbbed and my vision swam when I opened my eyes.

I was too discombobulated from the strength of her hit to fight back when she walked over, pulling me onto my feet. It was a good thing she’d lost her gun or she probably would have executed me right there on the spot. I was surprised the gunshot wound wasn’t stopping her from using her right hand. There was still gunfire from the other side of the room, meaning Nick was still too distracted to help me. If she weren’t a Courser this would have been a lot easier for me to handle on my own.

Also if I wasn’t currently suffering from a concussion.

She forced me outside, her hands moving to the collar of my leather jacket, and she threw me out over the edge of the balcony. My eyes flickered to where Nick stood, untying Vel’s ropes. The guards all lay dead on the ground, and DiMA was clutching his head. One of the lightbulbs that jutted from his skull was shattered. I guess it hurt when they broke.

“Sure you want to be out here?” I said, digging my nails into her wrists. My jacket was so baggy I was little nervous I would slip out of it before she actually dropped me. In spite of my heart leaping wildly in my chest, I kept talking, hoping to stall. “Don’t want to lose the other side of your head, do you?”

She sneered at me.

“I doubt your sniper’s stupid enough to kill me while I’m the only thing stopping you from plummeting to your death.”

I smirked at her, the wind whipping my hair out in front of my face. From behind her I saw Nick and Vel running towards us. I sure hoped they had a plan other than killing her. She was right, if she died now it would kill me too.

“Well, you’re going to drop me anyway, right?”

She gave me a dark smile to mirror my own.

“Yes.”

That was when Vel jumped on her back, putting Chase in a choke hold, causing her to lurch forward and bring me a few inches closer to a fatal fall. I bit into my cheek, trying not to scream. Nick wrapped his arms around Vel, wrenching back, bringing Chase and I with her.

Vel dropped off of her and Nick continued to tug her backwards, away from the Courser.

That was when the back of Chase’s head blew open, shattering like a vase. Instead of letting go of me though, she grabbed my throat, her one remaining eye cracked wide and full of hatred. Then she staggered backwards, dropping me and collapsing.

I landed on the ground, mere inches from the edge of the balcony. I swayed lightly, head pounding, and met Vel and Nick’s stunned stares. They were covered in blood and Vel looked down at a chunk of brain matter that sat on her shoulder which Nick quickly flicked off of her.

From over their shoulders I saw DiMA storming towards us, his dead eyes set on me. He shoved the two of them aside, using his full strength. Vel managed to catch herself on one of the empty window frames, hissing in pain and leaning heavily on one leg, while Nick only tripped a little. Unfortunately, despite them managing to remain on their feet, it created enough space for DiMA to reach out and grab onto my jacket. He yanked me forward, spinning me around, pinning my back to his chest.

The cold metal of his gun met my jaw. Nick pointed his gun at DiMA, while Vel only glared, her gun missing from her holster. DiMA backed further into the room, keeping us as far from the windows as possible.

“Let go of her, DiMA,” Nick said.

“It’s over-”

DiMA cut off Vel, his voice painfully loud in my ear.

“Enough!” he bellowed. “Enough! I have already lost too much today, I will not risk losing anymore. Get in the chair Vel or I’ll kill Miss Flynn.”

It felt strange being called something as polite as ‘Miss Flynn’ by someone who was threatening to kill me.

“Could people stop using my life as a bargaining chip?”

“Shut up!”

“Look, we all know you don’t have the guts-” I began.

“I killed Captain Avery, don’t forget that. You’ll find I’m willing to do whatever is necessary to achieve my goals. What’s one life in the battle for peace? Now get in the chair, Vel.”

We were all frozen. Nick was a good enough shot that he could probably land a headshot on him without having to worry about hitting me, but the risk that DiMA would shoot me the moment Nick took proper aim was too high.

In an unexpected turn of events, DiMA lowered his gun, and for a split second I thought he was giving up. But then there was the loud crack of a gunshot and pain surged through my thigh. I shrieked, crumpling forward, kept upright by DiMA’s arm across my chest.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” I spat.

It felt like there a knife buried in my thigh, the pain only growing more and more intense with every second that ticked by. It took everything I had to keep my grip tight on DiMA’s arm, the agony I was experiencing sapping all my strength.

“You fucking bastard!” Vel cried.

We’d all been caught off guard by that move. It was a smart move, now none of us thought he was bluffing. I hung off of DiMA’s arm, wishing only to be able to fall to the floor, watching with one eye held shut in pain as Vel climbed onto the chair beside her.

“Gray-” Nick said, no other words coming out.

“Vel, don’t,” I said through my teeth.

“Shut up, Flynn. It’s my turn to be self sacrificing.”

She grinned at me, though it didn’t touch her grey eyes. I flexed my jaw, knowing there was no point arguing. A bead of sweat rolled down my temple. What were we supposed to do? DiMA really would kill me if we didn’t cooperate. This wasn’t how things were meant to end.

The growing sense of doom in my chest was amplified by the blood already oozing down my leg at a frightening rate, boiling hot and thick. That wasn’t good. The only other time I’d taken a bullet directly was when I’d been shot by the laser, and that hadn’t bled as much on account of my wound being cauterized on impact.

“Nick, I’m going to need to guide you through the process of erasing her memories. Please approach the terminal to your right.”

“You don’t honestly expect-”

DiMA pushed the gun into my temple and I flinched against it. I hated being so useless, hated having to cling to DiMA’s arm to stay upright.

“I do.”

Nick’s glowing gaze flickered to me and then he turned his head, meeting Vel’s defeated stare. Wordlessly, he crossed the room, standing in front of the console we’d taken shelter behind.

“You’re a monster,” I seethed, my breathing hitched as pain flared through my leg.

“You may be right.”

“DiMA, stop!”

DiMA looked over his shoulder and Nick and Vel followed his stare. I didn’t bother trying to look, knowing DiMA would block my view. It didn’t matter though, because he turned us around, keeping the gun to my head. I whimpered, the movement having caused pain to shoot throughout my thigh. Faraday stood at the top of the stairs, examining the room sadly.

“Faraday. Have you come to help me after all?” DiMA asked, voice distant, like he were running on autopilot.

Faraday grimaced, obviously at war with himself.

“No, DiMA, I haven’t.” He stepped further into the room, his palms open towards DiMA, a pleading and defensive stance. “I’m here to talk some sense into you.”

“Please, Faraday, we’re so close to our goal. With Vel on our side we’ll accomplish what we’ve worked so hard for even faster. In the blink of an eye we could know peace! Don’t you want that?”

Faraday’s eyebrows pulled together in despair.

“True peace would be the people of this island coming together of their own volition -but that isn’t possible anymore. Replacing people with mind controlled synths isn’t peace, you have to know that.”

“Chase gave her life for this cause! How can you say it’s not real!?” DiMA cried.

Faraday’s eyes snapped passed us, landing on a spot on the balcony. He was staring at Chase’s body, judging by the ghostly shade of white he turned, his face crumpling.

“Only because we forced her to believe in this cause! To follow you blindly! It wasn’t right. None of this has been right from the beginning,” Faraday said, taking a hesitant step towards us. “We have too much blood on our hands.”

“And the humans don’t!?”

That was when Vel slammed the memory helmet down on the top of DiMA’s head, the metal crumpling from the blow. He grunted, releasing me, seeming more shocked than hurt. I threw myself away from him, scooping my gun from where it had landed when Chase had punched me, aiming it at him. I staggered a little, biting into the inside of my cheek in an attempt to ignore the sharp protests coming from my leg.

Nick and I had our guns on him now and he looked between us, peeling his lips over his grey teeth. “Why are you so determined to stop me!? Why can’t you see that what I’m doing is for the greater good!?”

He pointed his gun at me, I guess deciding he might as well kill the least useful person in the room while he still could, only for Vel to reel back the helmet and bat the gun out of his hand with it. At the same time I shot at him, hitting him in the center of his forehead.

DiMA stumbled backwards, taking a few clumsy steps that lead him onto the balcony. He might have recovered his footing had his metal feet not slipped in the pool of Chase’s blood, his back hitting part of the remaining railing around the balcony of the lighthouse. The ancient metal whined under the force of his fall, breaking away from the floor. DiMA caught himself on the railing as it swung out, leaving him dangling over the edge.

All four of us ran forward -or at least Vel and I hobbled- but Nick made it there first, kneeling on the ledge and reaching a hand out to DiMA.

I stopped where I was still inside the lighthouse, watching the scene unfold. Part of me couldn’t figure out why Nick would try to save him now, after everything he’d done, after attacking him himself. My mind flashed to Shaun lying in his bed while I knelt beside him.

I’d tried so hard to convince him that I was doing the right thing, tried so hard to make him understand my actions, tried to make him come with me, even though I knew it was pointless. Even though I knew that he was a cruel man.

Even though he was my enemy.

“Grab my hand!” Nick said, straining to extend his hand across the gap to where DiMA hung.

DiMA reached out with his hand that wasn’t gripping the railing, his fingers only a couple inches away from Nick’s. Faraday, Vel, and I all watched helplessly, knowing there wasn’t anything we could do.

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to myself that I wanted him to fall.

It was a bittersweet moment when my wish came true. As DiMA’s fingers brushed Nick’s, the railing wailed loudly, the metal snapping under his weight, and DiMA disappeared over the edge. I cringed at the faint thud of him meeting the earth, that was almost completely drowned out by my pulse thundering in my ears. I kept my eyes shut for a little while, letting myself be distracted by the insistent thrumming in my injured leg.

Now that DiMA was gone and the danger was over I was able to pay attention to how light headed I was.

When I opened my eyes, Nick and Vel were hugging, both kneeling on the ground. Faraday hung his head and I suspected his eyes weren’t open. I doubted he wanted to stare down at the body of his friend, his leader.

Footsteps reached my ears and I turned sluggishly, almost teetering over. I should have raised my gun, should have kept myself on alert, but I couldn’t. I was so worn out. The breeze that came in through the window made the whole side of my leg cold. RJ appeared at the top of the stairs, sweat on his brow and his face flushed.

“Are you alright!?” he panted.

I nodded, unsure of what to say. There were too many emotions and thoughts swirling in my mind. DiMA and Chase were dead -Nick’s ‘brother’ had just died. Acadia was leaderless. Vel had almost had her memory erased. We’d beat the bad guys but Longfellow had still been murdered.

My leg really hurt.

He darted forward, engulfing me in a tight hug that took my breath away. It was in that moment that my body gave up and my knees buckled, my head lolling back so that my blurred sights were on the ceiling.

“Violet!?” RJ cried, keeping me upright, cradling the back of my head. “Violet, talk to me, what’s happening!?”

“I’m so tired,” I managed to say.

“Vi, look at me, talk to me, beautiful.”

The fear that had ebbed into his voice made my chest ache but I was too close to passing out to comfort him in any way. He lifted me into his arms, carrying me over to the bed in the room and laying me down on it as gently as he could manage.

There was the sound of running and I opened my eyes -which I hadn’t realized I had closed- to see Nick and Vel come to stand beside the bed. RJ was pulling a stimpak from his pocket and stabbed it into a point just above my bullet wound without warning.  
“We need to tie her leg off, she’s bleeding out,” Nick said, loosening and removing his tie. He knelt down, wrapping it around my leg. “I’m going to run out of ties if you all keep getting injured like this.”

“What happened to her!? Did DiMA do this!?”

“Yes,” Nick said, voice tight.

“He decided to use her leg to prove a point,” Vel added. Had I been in a better state I might have pointed out that she almost sounded a little sad for me. RJ slammed his fist down onto the mattress, making me wince.

“That motherfu-”

I took his hand, smiling weakly as I said, “Hey, language.”

He flexed his jaw, clearly restraining the barrage of curses he wanted to hurl at DiMA’s memory. Faraday walked into the room, looking as if it was taking all his strength not to hurl himself off of the lighthouse.

“We need to get her to a doctor. She’s going to need surgery,” Nick said.

Faraday came to stand beside all of us, crouching down to examine my leg, analytical in spite of his misery.

“He probably nicked the femoral artery.” His dark eyebrows pulled together, his expression becoming crestfallen. “This is all my fault… if I hadn’t brought you all here…”

“You did the right thing,” I said, doing my best to stay conscious. “I know I’m human and the last person-”

“No, you’re right,” he said quickly. “I just wish I’d tried to stop him sooner. Maybe it wouldn’t have had to end this way…”

“Look, I know you’re all emotional right now, but the love of my life is dying, so can we save the tears for later?” RJ said, scooping me up into his arms again without prompting.

I let out a quiet groan of pain, locking my arms around his neck, ignoring the fact that they felt like jelly. I leaned into chest shoulder, closing my eyes. Wordlessly, we made our way down the stairs and out of the lighthouse.

We were about to head in the direction of Far Harbor when a broken, synthetic voice cut through the silence that hung over us like a mournful shroud.

“You… ruined every… thing!”

We all turned, RJ’s grasp tightening around me. Lying on the ground, dragging himself towards us, one leg a couple feet away from him, was DiMA. More of the bulbs and metal tubes on his head had broken off and his entire bottom jaw was missing. “We could… have- have- have had… peace!”

I hadn’t registered until this moment that generation two synths didn’t need their mouths to talk. Nick walked forward, meeting DiMA where he lay.

“It wasn’t real peace. You were controlling and manipulating everyone on the island.”

“How… could you… do this -this!? We’re brother -brothers!”

Nick didn’t speak. He slowly unholstered his gun, but didn’t point it at DiMA.

“No. We’re not.”

He raised the gun, firing, the bullet going in beside where I’d shot DiMA earlier. DiMA made a pained noise that rose a few octaves, sounding more like when an assaultron died. Then his head dropped to the earth, his arm that had been clawing weakly out at Nick falling limp. “But we could have been.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, it feels pretty weird to have this coming to an end soon. I hope you all enjoyed the ride, I know we enjoyed writing it! Let us know what you think! And thanks for all the support!


	30. Death Threats is how we say Goodbye in the Wasteland

“are you sure you want to come back here?” Nick questioned in a guarded tone. 

Sighing heavily I let my eyes fall to the broken blacktop that sloped gently upward. “yeah I’m sure….”

“even after… everything?” He spoke reluctantly, like he didn’t want to think about this any harder than I wanted to.

“even after. Sarah’s still here, I need to make sure Faraday is going to take care of things and… well without DiMA maybe this place can be worth a damn.” The stain that DiMA had left though didn’t leave much chance of that. I wasn’t sure how many of the synths knew the truth, if Sarah even really understood. Maybe it was for the best. They’d probably flee Acadia if they knew. 

Judging by the look Nick shot me all those same thoughts crossed his mind too. “and you’re not planning… to stay are you?”

I came to a dead stop in the middle of the road. We were ten feet from the gates to Acadia. The guards were eyeing us but I sure as fuck didn’t care. Fists clenched I turned to Nick, hoping my face was a steely as I intended. “I’m terrified of going back to the commonwealth, to Diamond City and seeing everyone. I’m terrified what will happen when any of them find out, what Hancock will do, or Fahrenheit or any of them.”

Slowly he reached his whole hand out to me, grasping my arm. “you know, you don’t have to be.”

“I know.” The steel left my face and my eyes softened like they only did for him. With a step I closed the gap between us, snaking my arms under his coat and around his chest. “because I have you Nick. That’s why I don’t need to stay. I’m broken enough without you.”

He bent his neck down a little to kiss me full on the lips. We’d spent a lot of time together over the last week. Following DiMA’s downfall, no pun intended, we had to get Flynn back to Far Harbor before she bled out. With all the shit we’d gone through we’d decided to just stay in Far Harbor until our injuries were healed. Which was fine by Nick and I. Far Harbor didn’t hold the kind of memories that Acadia did. 

As we parted he slipped his hand around the back of my neck and kissed my forehead. “don’t worry Gray, you’ve still got all your pieces.”

“they’re just not all put back the right way.” I chuckled humorlessly. 

Arm in arm we turned back toward the gates. The guards didn’t say anything to us as we passed through them. They did give us looks, weird knowing looks. Hated those. The guards at Diamond city gave us those looks all the time. 

Considering that two of their leaders had just recently been killed Acadia was surprisingly… not depressed. In fact things, at least up stairs, seemed more active than ever. There were synths walking around the main room, which was an activity I’d rarely seen in my time at the sanctuary. They looked happy and it made me wonder what Faraday had told them about DiMA and Chase. 

We spotted the synth standing next to one of the consoles, staring at. Of all the people he looked to be the most in mourning. And I suppose that made sense. He’d just lost two of his best friends. One was a literal killing machine and other a psychopath, but still his friends. As we approached he didn’t even notice us until Cog called out to us from the other side of the room. “Hey! O'Malley! Finally got your boyfriend back?!”

My eye twitched involuntarily. “shut up Cog.”

“he’s the guy you were crying over for two weeks right?”

“I swear to god Cog….”

“I’m just asking a question.”

“shut up.” Nick barked threateningly, a protective hand on my shoulder. Out of the corner of my eye I watched his yellow eyes go fierce as they fell on the synth. 

Cog raised his hands, and brows, before walking away. 

Faraday turned to face us, that dead look in his eyes that anyone could justify. “it’s you two… I didn’t think we’d see you again….”

“can we talk?” Nick questioned. “privately.”

With a heavy nod, Faraday cast a glance around the room. Gesturing, he led us to his office, just off the main room. Without being told I closed the door behind us. “they shouldn’t disturb us in here. We can talk freely.”

“what’d you tell them?” I asked hollowly, watching out the window at the synths getting on with their lives. 

“that DiMA and Chase left for the mainland….” Faraday murmured at his desk.

Nick’s brow shot up. “you haven’t told them they’re not coming back?”

“not yet… I have to figure out the right way to tell them….” 

“coward.” I muttered under my breath.

Which made Faraday deflate back into his chair at his desk. “I know….”

A disgruntled sigh escaped Nick while he leaned up against the wall near the desk. “so what’s 

the plan? What are you planning to do in Acadia?”

“plan?”

“are you going to leave the island alone?” As blunt as ever, I had no patience to beat around the bush like Nick did. 

“of course I’m going to leave the island alone.” Faraday threw a hand toward the window, indicating what I wasn’t sure. “I’ve dismantled the chair and the helmet, there won’t be any more memory manipulation.” 

I shot a glare toward the window. He wasn’t lying. Odd then that none of the other synths had picked up on that. It would have set alarms off in my head. Or maybe they just didn’t want to see it. “how do we know you aren’t lying?” 

Exasperatedly he threw his arms into the air before letting them crash back down on his desk. “I don’t know, but I’m not. I won’t replace any more people. I won’t manipulate the memories of any of the synths in my charge. I’ll leave the Harbormen and the Children alone.”

Nick and I exchanged looks. We were thinking the same thing. He sounded sincere, at least for the time being. DiMA hadn’t started out as a megalomaniac after all. That was something that he’d turned into. It took time to lose your way that much. For the time being though we’d have to take comfort in the fact that Faraday wasn’t staring down that path himself. “alright.” With a nod Nick turned his yellow gaze back on Faraday. “we’ll be watching you and Far Harbor closely though. If we get the whiff of anything dirty we’ll be back.”

Faraday barely looked at him. Instead he slowly shifted his gaze to me. “I know I don’t have the right to ask…. But, would you please consider staying?”

“what?!” that actually made me take a step back. I felt Nick’s gaze snap to me.

Faraday rose, his hands in front of him, pleading. “I’m no leader. I followed DiMA, I was happy just to be tech support. I’m not cut out for this. Acadia needs someone stronger than me to lead them. This island will kill all of us if we don’t have someone like you up here.”

The shock almost drove me to a chair. Part of me was disgusted. After everything that had happened. DiMA threatening to erase my very identity just to keep control of this damn island. Why in the hell would Faraday even think that I’d want to stay!? The other part of me was utterly surprised. No one had ever asked me to do something like this. I was a loner, a gun for hire, a low life. What the hell did I know about running a settlement?

I became aware of Nick’s eyes on me. Slowly I met his stare. He just stood there, silently waiting for my answer. Didn’t he have things to say? Why was he leaving this up to me? Surely, he knew exactly what I was going to say. “you got yourself in this mess Faraday.” At last I found my voice, rough and hollow as it was. “now you’re living with the consequences. If you can’t be the leader that Acadia needs then step the hell up.”

My sharp angry words finished off his deflation. He sank so deep in his chair I thought he might just melt into it. “I had to try…. The others here… they trust you. They know you were DiMA’s favorite I thought it would just help make this transition easier.”

“take some fucking responsibility.” I jabbed a finger at him. Now that I’d let a little anger out it wouldn’t stop. It was coming in a damn torrent. Didn’t help that he’d called me DiMA’s favorite. It made my skin crawl. Being DiMA’s favorite had been the worst fucking thing on the island. “you started Acadia with Chase and DiMA sure but you’re still one of its leaders. So pull your head out of your ass and make yourself fucking useful.” 

Faraday dropped his head.

With folded arms Nick shoved off the wall, looking around. “you won’t be alone. The synths want this place to work, they won’t turn on you. And we won’t forget about you. If you keep your nose clean, we’ll help Acadia however we can.”

“and if you don’t keep your nose clean…” I added in a menacing tone. “we’ll still take care of Acadia, however we have to.”

He got the message. Nodding miserably he held his head in his hands. His shoulders quivered just a little. Oh great he was crying now. Maybe I’d taken it too far. These scientist types were a different breed from my usual friends. “I understand…. I’ll protect Acadia with my life…. I won’t take this chance you’ve given us for granted.” 

“you’d better not.” Nick came to stand beside me, arms still crossed. “we’re leaving today. If you have any other things to tell us now is the time.” 

“if I apologized for what we did, will that make a difference?” 

“no.” it was Nick who spoke the callous word not me, although I’d have said the same thing.

Faraday sighed. “then I don’t have anything else to say.”

“where’s Sarah?” I questioned.

Slowly he looked back up. There were tear tracks on his face. Great. “downstairs, your room. She’s taken to it.”

Without so much as a thank you I marched back out the door. No one seemed to have noticed the distressing conversation Faraday had just had. No one looked at us through the windows which suited me just fine. I didn’t care for having to deal with that backlash. A couple synths stopped us in the halls as we made our way down stairs. We told them we were leaving and they said their goodbyes. Some of them actually looked a little disappointed. Had they all been hoping we’d stay? Or were they just hoping that I’d stick around and be their errand girl. Same old wastelanders. 

On the bottom floor we entered our room. Sarah sat on the bed cross legged. Her eyes transfixed on the 10 mm pistol in front of her. So lost in thought was she that she didn’t even hear us until I leaned up next to her. “like it?”

“holly shit!” she jumped half a mile before settling back down. Her big brown eyes hit mine full force, as usual all of her emotion running across them like a whirlwind. “Vel! Nick! You’re back!” Her arms were around both our necks before we could so much as laugh. She held us tight, each on one shoulder. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Nick’s crooked grin. “I’ve missed you so much! I didn’t know if you were coming back! are you two alright?! Faraday told me what happened and gave me your message but…. Vel are you ok?!”

“air Sarah.” I answered in a mock choked voice.

She let our necks go, sitting back on her knees to beam at us. 

That put the smile back on my face. It hurt a little, knowing what I was about to tell her. “thanks for finding Nick Sarah. If it weren’t for you… well things would be a lot different right now.”

Her smile slipped a little. “I’m sorry I didn’t go find you with them… but someone had to calm Acadia down….”

“you saved her life.” Nick leaned down and kissed her on the cheek gently. “I’ll never be able to thank you for that.” 

“you saved her life not me!” she blurted.

We both laughed, shaking our heads. “yes you did. You’re the one that went found Nick. You held me together while I was here and… you looked after me.” 

One of Nick’s hands found its way around my waist so I leaned into him. His guilt over having left hadn’t disappeared yet. It probably wouldn’t for a while, not till I’d told him it wasn’t his fault a million times. Even then, the man was stubborn. I was as much to blame for the separation anyway. If I hadn’t been so much of a coward then it never would have happened. 

“point is, you saved me alright?”

“and we both owe you for that.” Nick finished for me.

Sheepishly Sarah dropped her eyes to her hands. Then realization donned on her and she grabbed the gun. “here! You probably want this back! I’m not sure it’s my kind of gun anyway….” 

Smiling I took it back. The weight eased the ache in my wrist. That felt so much better. “maybe one day I’ll get you one of your own. Teach you how to shoot.”

“I already know how to shoot.” She scowled a little like I’d just insulted her.

My brows shot up. “oh? Seriously?”

“yes seriously. It wasn’t easy getting to Far Harbor you know. I did have to kill a couple things on the way.”

“like what?”

“a Radroach….” Her cheeks started to heat.

With a broad smile I laughed. “well then when I come back you’ll have to show me.”

“come back?” her brown eyes widened. 

Shit. Well guess I had no choice now. This was the whole reason I’d decided to make the walk up here in the first place. As much as it pained me. “we’re leaving today Sarah. We’re going back to the commonwealth.” 

That look alone was almost enough to make me take it back. Go up stairs and tell Faraday I’d stay. Frowning down at her hands, Sarah looked like the world had just crushed her. Her shoulders slumped and I could have sworn her bottom lip jutted out. 

“you could come with us.” Nick offered quickly, clearly as effected by that stance as I was. “we could always use an extra hand at the agency. And with the Institute gone it’s safe for you back there.”

“I’m sure there are people that’d want to see you too.” Like Amari or some of the agents in the Railroad. Maybe even Deacon. Although I wouldn’t know how the railroad would react to finding out that we’d kept Acadia a secret from them. Would Desdemona kill me? “maybe you’d like to live in the commonwealth.”

With surprising conviction she shook her head. When she raised her brown eyes back to us they were steely with determination. A glimpse of that strong willed woman I’d seen before. “no, I have to stay.”

Nick and I exchanged looks. “uh, why do you say that?” I murmured confused.

She stood up from the bed. For the first time I realized just how tall she was. With her arms crossed she looked me in the eye. “you did so much for us but it’s time that we stood on our own. I need to stay to make sure Acadia keeps going.”

I just stood there, blinking dumbly for a few seconds. That wasn’t the response I’d been expecting from my timid little synth friend. To think, not too long ago I’d had to go rescue her in a bathroom from a pack of ghouls. Smiling I folded her up in my arms and hugged her tight. “that’s my girl.”

“Vel stop you’re going to make me cry.” She mumbled into my ear. “I was doing so good without crying, why do you have to go and do this?”

“cause she’s trouble.” Nick chuckled while he hugged the both of us in one big hug. 

Sarah really did start crying right about then. I felt the wet tears soak into my dirty and stained shirt. Her thin shoulders shaking under my hands. “stop that.” Laughing I pulled us all apart, holding her out at arm’s length. “we’re gonna visit. Gotta make sure Faraday isn’t running this place into the ground.”

The hint of a scowl crossed her face again. “do you really trust him?”

“not exactly….” Nick admitted reluctantly. “but with you here to look after Acadia I feel better leaving it in your hands.”

“and if anything does happen, you be sure to contact us ok?” tilting my head I made her look me right in the eye. “don’t forget ok?”

She nodded, wiping away the stray tears on her jaw. “don’t worry about me Vel, I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll try not to.” But I had so few friends in the world. Of course I was going to worry about her. 

Suddenly she rounded on Nick, brown eyes dark. “and if you leave her again I’ll be sure to find you and make scrap out of you.”

To my surprise Nick didn’t drop his head to hide his eyes like I expected him to. He looked her dead in the eye. Maybe he knew that she wasn’t joking. Some small part of me wanted to see what Sarah would actually do in a real fight. “I have no intention of ever leaving her again.”

My chest tightened while my throat swelled. He could be so intense sometimes. Was that a prewar thing or was that something that he’d just developed on his own? I had no idea. Either way it made my heart feel heavy in my chest. Damn he sure knew what to say and how to say it. I looked back to Sarah. “is there anything you need from us Sarah before we go?”

“no, not at all. Thank you. I’m sad to see you both go but I understand.” One last time she hugged me, keeping me tight against her chest. “I knew you two would be alright.”

“I’ll listen to you from now on.” I chuckled hugging her back.

When we parted Nick swooped in for one more hug, kissing the top of her head. “take care of yourself doll. We’ll be by in a couple months to check on things.”

“thank you, Nick.” 

Smiling to each other we both left the room and headed out of Acadia. It felt like a long time since I’d been able to smile like this. Sure a lot of shit had gone down, but the important things ended up right in the end. Nick was back with me. Acadia was on its feet. Sarah was safe. “I’d say we do pretty good work.”

“that we do.” Nick’s arm found its way around my shoulders. We passed through the gates for what would hopefully be the last time in a long time. “we weren’t alone though.”

“guess not.” Flynn and Macready were still back at the harbor. They were waiting for us, doing whatever they needed to before we left. “lets hope she’s done crying on people before we get back.” 

Chuckling Nick pressed his lips to my temple. “she must be growing on you if that’s all you’ve got to say.”

“we’ll see.” The fog was thin that day. It had let up, some of the Harbormen were hoping it was a sign that the bad times were over. It was the wasteland, bad times were never over. They just took a break for a while. Or didn’t suck so bad. Or you got numb to it. There used to be a time that I couldn’t wait to go numb. I didn’t feel that way so much anymore. 

Nick lit a cigarette as we walked. That was a bad sign. 

“what’s going on in that head of yours?” I asked gently. 

Blinking, he glanced my way. “what?”

“you’re doing that brooding thing with the cigarette.” I jabbed a finger at it sticking out of his mouth. 

His eyes strayed to it before they went back to the road. “can’t hide anything from you can I?”

“can’t deflect either.” 

He huffed out a humorless chuckle, plucking the cigarette from his mouth to breathe out the smoke. “it’s just about DiMA…. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be feeling right now….”

“he had to go, he was a danger to everyone.” Being gentle sounded like a good idea. I didn’t have it in me. After everything I couldn’t stand there and pretend that killing DiMA wasn’t the right choice. I loved Nick but he had to accept that. 

“I know, I know. For what he was about to do to you I’d have killed him a hundred times over.” The rage leaked into his voice while it remained low and quiet. “I don’t regret having to kill him, he deserved it. I just regret… the time we lost.”

“you wanted a brother didn’t you?” we turned the corner at the bottom of the mountain. Not long back to Far Harbor now. 

Nick’s pace slowed. Maybe a little reluctant to continue. “did I ever tell you about Nick’s family?”

“no?” in fact I was pretty sure he did everything in his power to avoid the topic of the old Nick. Not that I could blame him. How was I supposed to talk about Vel’s life? 

For a minute he didn’t answer. Slowly he took a drag from his cigarette held it then blew out the smoke. The cigarette fell back to his side. “Nick didn’t have a brother, but he had a sister. With three rowdy little rascals. He’s got a lot of memories of em, especially after Jenny was killed. I guess… I wanted that….” 

Gently I slipped my hand into his empty one. With a tug I forced him to stop walking. We were just out of sight of the harbor. This was personal. I’d have to shoot the Harbormen if they spotted us. “you have a family Nick. You’ve got Flynn, Ellie, Vadim, Hancock, tons of people and me.” 

“I know, that’s all I’ll ever need but… it’s just not the same….” He wouldn’t look at me, his head tilted so that damn hat hid most of his face from me. “it’s one thing to have a family it’s another thing to have a brother you were born with, with lack of a better term.” 

“you said yourself that you wouldn’t want a brother like him.” 

“I don’t, but you can’t choose your family.”

“family isn’t just about blood.”

“and how would you be feeling if your brother showed up and tried to kill me?” his angry eyes swung up to me. 

My heart fell to the pit of my stomach. He didn’t realize exactly what he was saying. He didn’t know that I had an unborn baby brother. I had never told him. So I didn’t blame him for that. Carefully I took in a breath to steady my nerves. “if he turned out to be a megalomaniac, murderer and self righteous son of a bitch, I’d kill him myself.”

“I didn’t ask what you’d do, I asked how you’d feel.” The venom disappeared, replaced by his depressed self-deprecating tone. 

“confused and hurt probably. Won’t pretend I know what this feels like but DiMA isn’t worth the grief.” With my hands bunched up in his coat I tugged him closer. Pressed against each other he couldn’t help but look me in the eye. “you’re too good of a man to get over it, I know. Just don’t let DiMA drag you down.”

“I’ll be better when we get home and start a case.” Crookedly he grinned, even though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “here’s hoping we’re backed up.” 

“drowning yourself in work.” I rolled my eyes then pecked him on the lips. “I guess if you can’t drown yourself in whiskey this is the next best thing.” 

“exactly.” He eased my hands away from his coat then started walking back toward the Harbor. “don’t worry Gray, I’ll be fine. I’m more worried about you. How are you holding up?” 

“I’ll be fine.” We were close to the gates now. There were a couple guards on duty, as usual, they were relaxed. With the fog retreating for the day they didn’t think they’d be attacked. “we can talk more about this later. I’m just ready to get back home if it’s all the same to you.” 

“alright.” 

Together we passed through the gates of Far Harbor. The Harbormen gave us looks, the ones asking why we were even here in the first place. It’s like they’d forgotten I’d spent days here trying to protect them. They were as ungrateful as ever. Not that I expected otherwise. Wastelanders. 

Longfellow stepped out of the Last Plank. Before I could make a quick turn for the docks he spotted us. To my displeasure he grinned broadly and walked right up to us. “there ya are girly.” 

“shut up old fart.” I grumbled at his chest. 

My venomous words did literally nothing to get him to leave me the fuck alone. His grin widened under that white beard. From his jacket he produced that flask of his. “gotta admit, when you showed up, I thought the island was gonna chew you up like jerky.” 

“thanks….” Where the hell was this going? Hopefully it’d end in me breaking his old nose. 

Instead, he offered me his flask. “ya proved me wrong. Color me impressed.” 

My jaw fell open. What the hell was this? The last I saw him he’d been actively trying to annoy the shit out of me. Along with Flynn. They’d told me he was replaced. DiMA had said something about other threats but he’d never given details. If he did replace Longfellow maybe this whole playing nice thing was part of it. Either way, it’d be hypocritical of me to treat him any differently. 

“damn straight.” Feeling a little weird about it, I accepted his flask and took a quick draft. It burned all the way down my throat. Handing it back I coughed painfully at the ground. 

He laughed loudly, drawing a couple glances from the people around us. “strong ain’t it?”

“that’s a word for it.” I muttered airily. 

Nick held out his hand to the old man. “thanks for the help Longfellow. Stay outta trouble while we’re gone.”

“no promises.” They shook, in that way guys did when they were sizing each other up. Nick was a damn machine, what could there be to compare?! He was literally the strongest person on this dock! “hope I don’t see your ugly mugs again.”

“likewise.” Grumbling, I slipped from the conversation to march down the stairs toward the boat. The mariner was there, making sure the boat would make it back to the commonwealth. God it’d be so good to see that wasteland again. “it’s been over a month since I’ve been back….” 

“don’t worry.” Nick slipped his hand around my waist. “the commonwealth doesn’t change. Believe me, I should know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say about this chapter so let me just thank everybody for all the support. I’ll have more to say next week for the final chapter. 
> 
> Till then, write on!


	31. The climb's too rough to slide back down again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the way I mention Longfellow getting brain scans is WEAK but I forgot to add the explanation to a previous chapter like I was supposed to when I was posting it so sowwy please forgive me.

“This is worse than the ant bite, I'll tell you that,” I said

I was hobbling down the stairs of the Last Plank, RJ supporting my elbow, his other arm around my waist. In the days following DiMA’s death I’d spent almost all my time lying in bed, recovering from all my recent injuries. It reminded me how much I missed television and easy access to books.

“Yeah, that makes sense. You were shot point blank in the leg. No more hostage situations, alright?”

I nodded obediently.

“And no more taking bullets either. I'll go back to being a good little housewife.”

We made it down to the bottom of the stairs and he kissed the top of my head.

“Whatever makes you happy. And keeps you safe,” he said.

Longfellow sat at his table, nursing a glass of whiskey and the sight of him made my stomach turn. I was still unsure of how to deal with his situation. He behaved just like the original Longfellow, had all the memories of the original Longfellow. And yet I couldn't help but think of the original Longfellow lying on the floor staring at me as his blood spilled out his neck whenever I saw him.

Longfellow looked up, raising his thick eyebrows and standing, his knees hitting the table.

“Cap’n, you’re up!” he said in the same gruff voice as the original Longfellow. “Thought maybe you’d died up there.”

“I thought about it but then I decided against it,” I said.

He chuckled, shaking his head.

“Course ya did.”

He looked between the two of us. Before his death Longfellow had explained to me that once he’d hit sixty he’d been concerned about forgetting things and had started going to DiMA for brain scans -part of the reason he was so comfortable travelling to Acadia. I wondered if he had had one of his brain scans during the week I’d been in the Commonwealth. If not, his whole relationship with RJ had been completely erased. Of course, I wasn’t sure of the extent of their bonding. “So’s today the day?”

I tilted my head, smiling sadly.

“Yeah, we really need to get back to our kids.”

The shock returned to his face.

“You two have kids?”

“Yeah, I told-” RJ stopped himself. “I mean, I thought I told you that. Never mind.”

I laughed, though it was strained. That answered my question.

“What he means is, yes, we have kids. Two boys.”

Longfellow whistled.

“Then you better get goin’. You’ve been away from them a long time.” He extended a hand, which I shook. “It was good meetin’ ya, Cap’n.”

I grinned.

“It was good meeting you too, Longfellow. You should swing by the Commonwealth sometime. It’s like paradise compared to this monster infested island.”

He made a ‘pfft’ noise, waving his hand dismissively at me.

“I may hate this place, but I hate everywhere else more.”

RJ and I both laughed at that. It really would be nice to see him again, have the boys meet him too. We stopped by the bar after that, thanking Mitch and saying goodbye to him. I gave Tinkerbell a nice scratch behind the ears too and she purred gratefully.

Part of me was actually going to miss this place.

RJ helped me make the short journey over to Avery’s home next. She was sitting at her desk like she had been the day I’d told her that she was a synth. I rapped my knuckles against the open door and she glanced over her shoulder.

“Yes- Oh, Violet! You’re up! How are you? What happened?”

I came to lean against the wall inside while RJ shut the door. Avery took the cue, lowering her voice. “The word around town is trappers did this to you… it’s not true, is it?”

I sighed, shaking my head.

“No. It was DiMA. He’s dead, Avery.”

She was silent, a hollow look of shock molding her features. She leaned back in her seat, eyes drifting to the window, sunlight streaming over her face.

“I thought I’d feel better once it happened. Comforted. But it just feels like a waste.”

She was right. DiMA had done something wonderful by creating Acadia but he’d put it all at risk by toying with people -killing them. Also, he’d been alive for a over a hundred years, he could have imparted so much wisdom on the people of the island. Now he was dead and it was all lost. Well, I supposed that wasn’t entirely true. He had his memory bank in Acadia still. If anything it was just his physical body that had died; his mind was loaded onto a terminal.

I wondered if that would have repercussions in the future. Through the window I saw Longfellow leaving town, probably heading back go his cabin. Chase must have cleaned up all the blood on his floor after she'd knocked me out.

“I know. But at least he can’t hurt anyone else.”

She nodded, unfocused brown eyes on the floor. “We’re all leaving today, so I thought I should let you know.”

She met my stare, disappointed.

“Can’t stay a little longer? The Mariner’s been coming up with even more crazy plans to upgrade the hull.”

I smiled.

“Sorry, but we’ve gotta get back home.”

She stood, crossing the small, dusty office to shake my hand like Longfellow had done.

“Thanks for all you’ve both done. I hope I’ll see you again. Far Harbor owes you a great debt,” she said.

“It’ll probably be a while before RJ and I can make it back here, but we will. And I’m sure Nick and Vel will visit too.”

She smiled, nodding. Now here came the more unpleasant part of the conversation.

RJ was about to open the door when I laid my palm on it with a muted smack. He frowned at me and I gave him a meaningful look, turning back to Avery. She frowned too, caught off guard by the shift in tone.

“You can’t ever tell anyone what DiMA did, Avery. It won’t help anyone -it’ll only get innocent synths killed. And Harbormen, too. Do you understand?”

“I-I won’t. I might not agree with how DiMA went about things, but I wouldn’t throw away all the progress he made. I want peace too.”

“Good. That’s a smart choice,” I said. With that established, I slid my hand off the door. “Goodbye, Avery.”

RJ opened the door, leading me out of the room and into the crisp air. It was strange, despite the irradiated fog that covered the majority of the island, the air always seemed substantially less stale here than the air in the Commonwealth.

Another thing I’d miss.

“So what’s left now?” RJ asked quietly. “Talk to Tektus?”

“He doesn’t know what he is, so there’s nothing for him to tell anyone. He was made to keep the peace and that’s what he’ll keep doing.”

We passed Allen Lee’s store and I ignored him as he glared at me from beyond the counter. I’d thought after doing the Captain’s Dance I might have won him over, but it seemed it had only stopped him from openly lashing out. Couldn’t say I cared too much about his opinion of me. He was too aggressive, too thick skulled. At least his terrible personality was proof DiMA had never gotten around to replacing him.

Of course, Far Harbor would probably be a happier place if he had been replaced. I grimaced at how callous that thought had been. The Wasteland was rubbing off on me.

We were almost to the dock, close enough to see Nick, Vel, and the Mariner waiting beside the boat, when a female voice came from behind us.

“You’re not going, are you?”

RJ and I looked away from the ocean, facing Small Bertha. Her arms were folded across her chest, her brows knitted together.

“Bertha, I’m sorry, but we’ve gotta go-”

“But you’ve been holed up in your room this whole week! I didn’t even get to visit you! What happened to your leg? Was it really Trappers?” she asked in a flurry.

“Whoa, whoa, slow down, kid,” RJ said.

“I wouldn’t have to be this pushy if I’d gotten to see her!” she said, scowling up at him.

I laughed.

“I’m sorry, Teddy had me on bed rest. I didn’t get to see anyone -It wasn’t RJ’s fault.”

“I heard you almost died!” she cried. “You guys all need to be more careful!”

RJ scoffed.

“All of us?”

Her exasperated gaze hit him and for a moment I thought she might physically lash out at him. Judging by her expression, she was considering it.

“Yes, all of you! You and O’Malley ran out into the fog shitfaced! What were you thinking!?”

My head snapped up, a deep frown pulling my eyebrows down. RJ glanced at me, fumbling for words.

“Look, I used to go out on jobs drunk all the time -That’s not the point- I think what you mean is: Thank you for clearing that place out for me, MacCready.”

That shut her down a little. I had no idea what they were talking about and I made a mental note to ask him about it during the boat ride back to the Commonwealth. Small Bertha huffed irritably, looking away from the two of us.

“Thank you. Really. But seriously, I don’t want you guys to die, so stop being idiots, okay?”

I laughed.

“Sounds fair.”

There was a beat of silence as she avoided making eye contact.

“You’ll come back and visit, right?” she asked.

“Of course. It just might be… in a year or two.”

“What!?” she cried, looking at me now.

“I’m pregnant, Bertha, I’ve gotta stay at home. It’ll be awhile before I can make a trip like this again.”

She deflated once more and hung her head, hands going to her hips.

“Fine. That makes sense, I guess.” She purposefully wasn’t looking at me again. “Just sucks.”

I leaned forward, hugging her, and I was surprised when she immediately returned my embrace.

“You’re always welcome in Sanctuary, alright? That’s where I live in the Commonwealth. We’ve got lots of beds and food and nice people. And Tony’s welcome too, of course. If not, I’ll see you here. As soon as I can.”

She nodded, her chin bumping my shoulder. She tightened her arms before stepping back, blinking furiously. I sure was getting sick and tired of leaving orphans behind in less than ideal living situations.

My thoughts of Rictus, Daisy, and Annie were interrupted by Nick.

“You two coming down here anytime soon?” he called.

“We’re coming, calm down!” RJ yelled. He turned back to Bertha, who threw her arms around him, cheek pressed to his chest and eyes scrunched shut. He blinked, stunned, and then softened, hugging her back. “See ya, kid,”

“See ya.”

She released him, saying goodbye to me and watching us walk away.

He helped me down the stairs and I made a face, a dull pain shooting through my thigh with every step. It was nothing compared to the initial injury though, more of a nuisance than anything. I probably didn't even need RJ’s help getting around, but I wasn't going to turn it down.

The Mariner approached me as we made it to bottom of the stairs, extending her hand towards me.

“Thank you for all your help. Wish you didn't have to go and leave me with these unhelpful bottom feeders.”

She shook RJ’s hand next.

“Small Bertha will keep helping you. Maybe she can convince Longfellow to as well,’ I said.

She scoffed.

“Flynn, you can't possibly be that naive.”

I smiled.

“Nope, just optimistic.”

She quirked a brow and RJ said, “I don't get it either.”

I slapped him lightly on the chest with the back of my hand, not bothering to glare at him.

“Alright, I better get back to work. Have a safe trip.”

Before either of us could add anything else she started loping up the stairs. I met Nick’s expectant stare. Vel was gazing out at the ocean, the breeze that flew up from the waves blowing her dark hair away from her eyes. It had grown out an inch or two since she’d yelled at me in Diamond City.

“You get everything squared away here, kid?” Nick asked.

I nodded as we walked up to them.

“Avery’s not going to jeopardize anything. There’s just one thing that I can’t get my mind off of, though.”

RJ looked down at me, concern in his blue eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

I bit my lip, running a hand through my long hair.

“I just… It feels wrong not telling Longfellow what happened to him. Isn’t that something he deserves to know?” I asked, looking at Vel for a brief second, too guilty to make full eye contact.

RJ shook his head.

“No, he’s not like O’Malley. If he finds out what he is he’ll blow his brains out.”

My eyebrows shot up.

“You think?”

He nodded knowingly.

“I don’t know how the guy hasn’t done it already. If he finds out that he isn’t real-” he corrected himself, shooting a look that could maybe be described as apologetic at Vel, “I mean that he’s not human, it’ll just be another thing to add to his list.”

He made a good point and even if my sense of morality didn’t agree with this logic, I also didn’t want to be the one to potentially drive someone to suicide. I couldn’t go through Longfellow dying twice, the guilt would eat me up.  
“If that’s settled, can we get the fuck off this island?” Vel asked, antsy.

I sensed that her eagerness to get back to the Commonwealth wasn’t totally real. I knew she must have been nervous to see her friends now that she knew she was a synth. I also knew it wasn’t a good idea to point that out.

“Yes, please,” I said, holding my arm out to RJ.

Nick and Vel got onto the boat first, RJ patiently helping me climb in before getting in himself.

“Anyone you guys want to say goodbye to?” I asked, the cold, ocean air making me shiver through my coat.

“We did all that before we went to Acadia,” Nick said.

I nodded, glancing between the three of them. It was strange to be done here. I almost couldn't believe nearly a whole month had gone by.

“I guess it’s really time to go home then.”

With that said, we started the boat, pulling away from the dock, murky water kicking up around us. I looked up at the pier to see Avery standing beside Small Bertha. Within seconds the dock was swallowed up by the fog, the two of them disappearing moments later.

We all sat in silence as Far Harbor became nothing but a couple floating lights.

I sank down onto the floor, back pressed to the wall of the boat. RJ dropped down beside me and I leaned my head on his shoulder.

Nick offered Vel the seat on the boat but she shook her head, plopping down on the floor across from RJ and I.

“How's your leg?” I asked.

She’d been grazed by a laser the day DiMA and Chase had abducted her but it didn't seem to be bothering her today.

“You really trying to make small talk with me, Flynn?” she asked, her tone not close to as curt as it had been at the beginning of this… adventure. She actually seemed a little amused.

“No, what I'm doing is actually called showing concern.”

I smiled so she knew I was joking.

“Yeah, O’Malley doesn’t know what that means,” RJ jabbed.

Like I had back on the dock, I swatted his chest with the back of my hand, fighting a smile. Vel glared at him but it was Nick who came to her defense.

“Hey, MacCready? Shut the hell up.”

I gave him a disciplinary look and he sighed, pushing his hair off of his face only for the wind to blow it back in front of his eyes instantly.

“Fine, fine. Sorry.”

He winked at me and I rolled my eyes, almost laughing out loud. We were all silent after that, either too lost in thought or too exhausted to attempt to keep up conversation. RJ ended up wrapping his arms around me after noticing I was shivering, and not long after that I fell asleep with my head resting on his chest.

The remainder of the journey was a blur. It took us two and a half days to make it to Diamond City from the Nakano’s since we barely had to stop during the day except to eat. It was nice not being the only human travelling with Nick this time. Or at least not being the only person who needed to eat, drink, and sleep to live.

Duncan, Shaun, Dogmeat, and Nat were all sitting in front of Publick Occurrences when we walked up the stairs into the city. Duncan was entertaining himself by catching Dogmeat’s wagging tail and Shaun and Nat were both leaning over the same comic.

At the sight of them my chest clenched, my throat becoming thick, tears pricking my eyes. I hadn’t realized I’d been missing apart of myself for the past month. It was as if I was suddenly complete now that they were visible.

Dogmeat barked, leaping onto his feet and running towards us. This drew the kids attention. I patted the dog’s head, grinning at my boys.

“Mom!” Shaun cried, dropping the comic and stumbling onto his feet.

“Dad!” Danny said simultaneously.

The two of them came barreling towards us, Shaun closing the gap first due to his longer legs. He threw his arms around my neck, almost knocking me over. I gave him a tight hug, closing my eyes.

“Hey, baby,” I said, voice tight.

“I’m so glad you’re back- You didn’t tell us how long you’d be gone! I was scared- I thought-”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

He pulled away, blinking determinedly, managing to fight back his tears. I unfortunately lost the battle against my hormones, shedding one tear that I quickly wiped away, laughing. “I think you got a little taller.”

He beamed at me.

“Piper thinks so too.”

I looked up at RJ, who already had Danny up on his shoulders.

“Can we go home?” Danny said, tugging on RJ’s shaggy hair. “I wanna play in the river!”

“We’ve gotta thank Piper first, okay, kiddo?” RJ said.

“Aw, fuck.”

Vel, Nick, Shaun, and Nat all started laughing. RJ closed his eyes, shaking his head, a small, exasperated smile playing on his lips. The door to Publick Occurrences opened and Piper appeared, Zoon behind her. God, he really wasn’t ever going to leave her alone, was he?

Zoon smirked at the group.

“Finally decided you’re ready to be parents, did you?” he asked, his eyebrows shooting up from behind his sunglasses that he insisted on wearing ninety percent of the time. He and Deacon would probably get along well if Zoon wasn’t always stalking Piper.

His words reminded me of the news we were going to have to break to everyone. RJ and I exchanged a look, wordlessly agreeing that we needed to tell the boys first. At least I hoped that was what RJ was thinking.

“Glad you guys all got back in one piece,” Piper said, hands on her hips.

“How’d the Commonwealth do without us?” Nick asked.

She shrugged.

“Crocker went on a killing spree but it’s okay, Zoon took care of him.”

We all let out varying sounds of shock. Crocker was the resident plastic surgeon and from what I’d heard, an okay guy. A little weird, but not psycho murderer weird.

“It was an alright sidequest, gave me something to do. Felt like I was the Lone Wanderer again for a second,” Zoon said.

“You ever gonna stop talking like that?” RJ asked, raising an eyebrow.

Zoon scoffed.

“I’ve been saying nonsensical shit for ten years now, Mayor MacCready, don’t bet on it.” He moved his head purposefully between Vel and I. “Well, Vaultie, you better get back to Sanctuary. If this is anything like when we got back from the Capital Wasteland, Grumpy’s gonna start yelling at you any minute now.”

Vel made a sound that could only be described as a growl, saying, “Shut the fuck up- and DO NOT call me ‘Grumpy’.”

Zoon opened his mouth to say something else but Piper elbowed him.

“Let’s get some noodles,” she said, leading him away.

“You finally taking me on a date?” he said, his smile audible.

“In your dreams, Trench Coat.”

“Wait up!” Nat cried, running after them.

Before anything else could be said, Danny groaned, leaning back, forcing RJ to awkwardly smash him against the back of his head so he didn’t fall off of his shoulders.

“Can we gooooo?”

“Yes, just hold on, alright?” RJ said, hesitantly releasing him.

Danny wrapped his arms around RJ’s head, covering his eyes.

“Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!”

I looked at Nick and Vel, tuning out Danny in spite of the fact that he was steadily rising in volume. Nick had an arm around Vel and was watching RJ try to pry his son off of his head with an entertained smile.

“Well, thanks for letting me tag along,” I said, grinning at him.

He laughed.

“No problem, kid. Thanks for helping me find Gray,” he said, hugging her a little tighter.

She gave him a look, a lopsided smile tugging at her mouth.

“You wouldn’t have had to drag the housewife into this if you’d just clean your desk.”

Nick scoffed.

“Yeah, cause you’re so organized.”

“Next time you’re out and about you should visit Sanctuary, alright? The boys could use some good role models,” I said, glancing back at RJ, who was still wrestling with Danny, trying to get him down from his shoulders. The five year old was giggling madly, fingers tangled in RJ’s hair.

“I’ll make sure to steer clear then,” Vel said.

I smiled, shoving my hands into the pocket of my jacket.

“I said good role models, didn’t I? That definitely includes you.”

That caught her off guard, her grey eyes widening for a split second before she recovered.

“Look, kissing my ass isn’t going to get you anywhere, Flynn, got it?”

I held my hands up, backing away, giving her an innocent look.

“I wouldn’t dream of it. Just telling the truth.”

RJ was now holding Danny upside down by his ankles, swinging him gently back and forth, which was making Danny laugh even harder. Shaun was watching them with an amused grin on his face. “Be safe, okay guys?”

“We will,” Nick said.

“Clean your desk,” I said, pointing at him threateningly.

This actually made Vel snicker and for a moment I thought I might faint. Not wanting to jynx this positive step by lingering, I said goodbye to the two of them, and my little family and I left Diamond City.

We made it back to Sanctuary about two hours later and now I felt like I might faint due to my extreme fatigue. I needed to lie in my own bed and take a long nap. Maybe just go to sleep. I checked my pipboy as we crossed the bridge. It was four o’clock, a totally reasonable time to hit the hay.

Duncan immediately ran down the hillside, throwing himself into the stream. Dogmeat bounded after him, barking, splashing around in the water too. I wished I had a camera.

“We probably should keep an eye on him,” I said.

“You can go rest if you want,” RJ said.

I shook my head.

“Nah, this is too cute to miss.”

RJ, Shaun and I all went and sat down on the hill. Sadly, RJ couldn’t stay with us long because Duncan began desperately trying to ride Dogmeat and his father was forced to intervene. Shaun stayed beside me and started pulling out the dried grass, eyes on the ground. I tilted my head, putting myself in his peripheral. He peered at me briefly but didn’t turn his head or hold eye contact.

“Yes, mother?” he said.

“You okay?” I asked. “Are you mad at me for leaving? It’s okay if you are. It wasn’t fair for me to disappear like that.”

He was silent, his lips pursed. I admired the light dusting of freckles that he had across the bridge of his nose and a little on his cheeks. He’d gotten those from Nate, not me. Despite my red hair, I didn’t have many freckles.

“I’m not mad. I know you like to help people and I think that’s really cool. It’s just…” he hesitated, swallowing. “I know I’m only three years old and so I only have three years of my own memories, but I have all the original Shaun’s memories and so I remember the first ten years of his life too.”

I was frozen, dumbfounded, my heart beat escalating as if someone had pressed a gun to my head. It had become clear pretty quickly that Shaun knew he was a synth, but he hadn’t ever elaborated on the subject. Now that he’d said it, I realized how stupid it was not to have already put that together. Shaun continued, eyes remaining on the dead grass. “For so long I didn’t know you -I… or he -whatever- just had to imagine what you were like. What dad was like. The scientists at the Institute used to tell me you were both good people, that dad was a soldier, but after a while they told me I wasn’t allowed to ask about you guys anymore. So I just had to keep imagining you.”

“Shaun…”

“But then you found me and you took me home and I realized what it was like to have someone actually care about me, not just about how I was ‘progressing’.” He rolled his eyes. If I weren’t about to cry I would have been angrier. The idea of the Institute scientists treating my son like some kind of experiment filled me with an inexpressible level of rage. “The point is… I don’t know…”

 

He finally made eye contact, tears welling in his brown eyes.

“Could you stay around? Just for a little while? I know it’s selfish to stop you from helping people, but-”

I threw my arms around him, cutting him off. He was stiff for a couple seconds and then he returned the hug, his grip tight, full of anguish, full of frustration. I sobbed, the weight of what he’d been through since the moment the Institute had made him hitting me like a truck. How could have I left him behind again?

He began crying too, burying his face in my hair.

“I’m so sorry, baby. Of course I’ll stay, it’s not selfish to want your mom around. God, I’m so sorry, Shaun.”

We stayed like that for a few minutes, the sound of RJ, Duncan and Dogmeat playing in the distance. Eventually I released him, holding him at arms length, wiping at his cheeks gently with one hand. He laughed, looking away, embarrassed.

“Mom, stop, I’m not a little kid.”

I let my hands fall away, sniffling.

“That’s true. You’re a teenager. Practically an adult. I guess you better start paying rent.”

“There’s like twenty houses here. I’ll just move out,” he said with a shrug.

RJ walked up to us, soaking wet, Danny hanging off of his arm.

“Uh oh, crying? What happened? You tell him you’re pregnant?” he asked.

I could feel all the color drain from my face. Shaun’s head whipped between the two of us, little sounds of shock making there way up his throat but no real words. RJ made a face, eyes wide, putting together what he’d just done. “Whoops.”

Shaun pretended to faint, falling back onto the grass.

“Well, that’s one way to tell him,” I muttered.

“I’m dying,” he said, choked. “What the f- Guys, you can’t just spring that kind of stuff on me. I need you two to get your shit together.”

Seeing as he was in a state of shock I decided to let the cursing slide. RJ grinned my favorite lopsided grin.

“Your mom’s a superhero, kiddo, you’re going to have to expect the unexpected.”

“Mom’s a superhero!?” Danny cried, staring at me with unabashed awe.

I was going to cry again.

“You’ve never called me mom before,” I said.

“Well, that’s what you are, right? Dad loves you and- and Shaun’s my brother! That means you’re my mom! We’re a family!”

RJ’s smile widened, something that didn’t seem possible. He met my stare, blue eyes glistening, the setting sun putting a soft glow around him. God, I was in love.

“Yeah, that’s right. We’re a family.”

And God, was I happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watched E3 all day so sorry for posting so late! Damn, I really should have thought of more to say here haha. Can't believe this little chapter in Violet's story is over! But don't worry, I've got a few more stories of her to tell... even if you're sick of reading them haha! Thank you so much for going on this journey with us, we really loved writing this and we would love to read any of your thoughts whether they're negative or positive. And make sure to bookmark and subscribe to Scorpio's next story [Shattered](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14842961)! Expect some one shots and things like that from me for now! I've got a big new installment planned but that won't be for a few months! It's gonna be a lot darker, much grittier and take place a few years from now! I'm in the process of writing it and I'm having a good time punishing my character! Anyway, thank you again, I'll miss you guys! Thanks for reading thanks for all the support! 
> 
>  
> 
> [Here's my fallout tumblr if you're interested in seeing my fanart, thoughts on fallout, or wanna ever talk to me!](https://falloutarchive.tumblr.com/)


	32. Alone you survive, Together you live

My stomach was tight as we left Flynn and the kids behind. I hadn’t really been looking forward to getting back to Diamond city. It was nice to be back home, the familiar territory, the familiar smells, the familiar things trying to kill me. I’d take a Deathclaw over an Angler any day. Except that wasn’t as comforting as I’d have liked. Some extremely paranoid side of me worried about every little look I got. Security had always given me that disgusted look. Or had it gotten worse? Moe and Arturo weren’t arguing like usual, they glanced our way and waved. Over enthusiastically maybe? 

Nick tugged me forward until I walked beside him. “stop that.”

“stop what?” I tried to sound annoyed with him but it probably just came off as shaky if anything. 

“you look like a cornered animal.” 

That wasn’t a half bad analogy for the way I was feeling actually. After all, I was a synth, in a city with high walls and security with bats. Cornered animal was about right. “Sorry I’m just… I feel like I can’t breathe….” 

With his hand wrapped around mine he steered me down our alley then into the agency’s alcove. Under the shade of our roof he held me, hands on my arms. “you can do this Gray. I know you’re scared out of your mind right now but everything is going to be fine. I swear.” 

“I’m starting to wish I’d never found out the truth.” 

He slipped a hand around the back of my neck and drew me in. His lips pressed into my forehead, a small, welcome gesture. “we can’t change that now.”

“guess not.” 

“come on, Ellie will want to see you.” he let his hands fall to open the door into the agency. 

I followed him closely behind. Once the door closed behind us I felt marginally better. Shutting out the outside world wasn’t a long lasting solution. It sure as hell made me feel better. Standing there I sucked in a long happy breath of the cigarette smelling agency. Then someone squealed and a set of strong long arms wrapped around my neck. 

“where the hell have you been?! I’ve been worried sick about you!” Ellie cried into my ear, effectively numbing my ear drum. “Nick was a mess! You can’t just leave him like that! He can’t even function without you!”

“Ellie let her breathe.” Nick intoned numbly. 

She let my neck free, standing back just enough to give me a good look at that reprimanding expression. Which she swung on Nick. “what took you so damn long to go get her?! Why the hell did you even leave her behind in the first place?!”

Groaning airily he sat at his desk. A stack of files toppled over scattering across the floor. He swore, stooping to pick them up. 

“it was complicated Ellie.” I tried to deflect her question, which to be honest I wasn’t that good at. 

“complicated? I thought he’d permanently shut down. I watched a spider start a web on his hat.”

That made him sit up, reaching for his hat like the spider might still be there. “that’s not funny Ellie.” 

“it wasn’t funny to watch that cigarette burn out in your mouth.” She retorted.

A smile tugged at my lips. This was refreshing. Back at Acadia arguments between synths had been rare. Jokes like these even rarer. It was like none of them wanted to step on each other’s toes. This felt so much more normal. It was almost enough to make me forget about Far Harbor. 

“sorry it took us so long to get back.” I skirted around Ellie into the office, shrugging off my coat as I went.

Ellie shrugged, arms crossed. “you’re back now right? That’s what matters. I can’t do what you guys do.”

“no one can do what Nick does.” 

“you’re shaping up to be pretty good detective yourself you know.” Nick leaned over the back of his chair to smile crookedly at me. 

“I’ll never be half the detective you are though.” I winked at him to which his smile grew a fraction. 

Ellie smiled, letting out a long, relieved sigh.

I eyed her. “what?”

“it’s just so good to see you two back together again.” She had her cheek in her hand, gazing at us like we were a love struck couple kissing in the park.

My face heated. Nick tilted his head to hide his face under his hat. Maybe he felt like he was blushing, not that that was an option.

Ellie giggled a little more at that. “look at you two. It’s a wonder either of you can get along without the other one! I was so worried that you wouldn’t make up. You’re just too good for each other.” 

“maybe you should take the week off Ellie….” Nick mumbled at the ground, still refusing to look her in the eye. “we left you alone for a month you deserve some time off.”

“look, I said you cant function without each other, but neither of you can run this business without me.” with a confident smirk, she looked down her nose at him, practically daring him to argue.

Of course neither of us could. She was right after all. 

Nick sighed. “take the day at least, we’ll let you know if we have a client come in.” 

Ellie looked ready to protest. Her eyes fell on me for a second though and I silently pleaded with her. Nick and I had things to talk about before we talked to anyone else, even her. We hadn’t had the chance to on the way here with Flynn and Macready around. We’d agreed to wait until we were back in the Agency. After a few silent seconds she nodded. “I guess I could use the day. Vadim’s been promising me a free meal anyway.” 

“take the day, we’ll see you tomorrow.” Nick waved to her while she picked her way toward the door.

She eyed him skeptically, then me, before finally leaving us alone. 

At the same time we slouched in our respective chairs. “she’s gonna demand answers eventually Nick, what are we going to tell her?”

“I don’t know.” He shook his head, slowly dropping his fedora on the desk. 

“what are we going to tell anyone about this? Do you want to tell people about DiMA?” I almost said your brother but I knew that would just make things worse and make him feel like shit. 

“I don’t want to tell anyone about DiMA, that’s a memory that had best stay dead.” with an almost lost look on his face he stared down at the faded hat. He really could use a new one. I was relatively certain that’s the one he’d been wearing when I met him. “besides as far as anyone is concerned it doesn’t matter. They all think I’m the only prototype. Just trying to convince people that isn’t true will be too much work.”

“alright, then we don’t tell them about DiMA but what else?” DiMA wasn’t the only part of this whole damn trip we needed to get our story straight about. Maybe this was a conversation we should have had with Flynn. Of course I doubted she wanted to talk about Far Harbor any more than we did. 

Nick leaned back in his chair, face turning to the ceiling. “we probably shouldn’t tell anyone about Acadia either. If word spread that there was a synth refuge people might try to burn it to the ground.”

“plus if word ever reached those fuckers in the brotherhood of steel it would spell the end for Acadia.” I nodded. “and I’m not too keen on telling the railroad either.”

“why not?” he actually sounded surprised. 

“there’s no telling what Dez and Deacon will do if they ever found out it was real.” That much should have been obvious. “sure they won’t intentionally put it at risk but they won’t just leave Acadia alone. Acadia doesn’t need the interference.” 

With a huff he nodded. “so we won’t tell anyone about Acadia, or DiMA, or the replacements or any of what actually happened. We need a cover story in that case. We were gone for a month, there are going to be questions.”

“and what about Flynn? Are you going to tell her to keep things quiet too?” 

“I’ll make my way to Sanctuary in a couple days and touch base with her. In the mean time what is our cover?” with clasped hands he leaned over his knees, frowning at the wall. “we’ll tell people it was a missing persons, the Nakano’s kid ran off to Far Harbor and we brought her back. The Nakanos are so far out there that no one will bother to fact check.” 

“except maybe Piper.” I pointed out a little irritated. 

“I’ll handle the reporter, might cost me an interview or two on cases but she can be put off the scent.” 

Somehow I doubted it would be that easy. Eventually we’d probably have to come clean to Piper, especially considering how involved she was with the agency. Damn, when had keeping secrets from people become so complicated? It was so much easier when I was just a low life living out of Hancock’s attic. It had been easier when it was just Nick. But now thanks to him, and Flynn, I had more people directly influencing my life than ever. It was a pain in the ass. 

“do you regret it?” 

Nick’s quiet voice made me focus on him again. He had his glowing yellow eyes on me, heavy with the questions running around inside that head of his. “regret killing DiMA?”

“regret all of it, going in the first place, killing DiMA, finding out the truth.” 

“I don’t regret going, I had to protect Sarah and I did that.” Although it hadn’t turned out to be nearly that simple in the end. Sucking in a long breath I let myself fall forward over my knees. “I was going to find out the truth one day, one way or another. Killing DiMA… yeah I regret that a little.”

“what?” alarm ran through his voice.

“I regret killing him because of what he stood for. I was there for two weeks Nick, I saw what he meant to the synths of Acadia. He was their leader, their protector and as weird as it sounds they worshipped him.” what I wasn’t saying was that for a brief time I’d worshipped him too. Whether it was an act or not just to keep me there, he’d made me feel welcomed. For the first time in my life I wasn’t a charity case like I was with Hancock, and I wasn’t a gun for hire like I was in Diamond City. In Acadia they wanted me. I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel that way again. 

Nick tugged his chair up to mine so that he could put his hands on my arm. “you said yourself it had to be done.”

“course it did. He was going to erase my mind over and over. I’d have torn him apart with my bare hands for that.” The anger slipped back in my voice, remembering the feeling of helplessness as he uttered that code. It made me sick. “to think that he’d be willing to go that far just to keep someone prisoner….” 

Nick’s head fell and when he spoke it was barely above a murmur. “I’m worried…. About your memory.”

“what?”

His head swung back up, those yellow eyes on fire with rage. “you’re a synth, that means that your memory is vulnerable. I’ve talked to Amari about this before, she’s told me the kinds of things that can be done to a synth’s memory compared to a human’s.” 

“yeah so?” the conversation was making me nervous. Where exactly was he going with this?

“I know you don’t want to think about it Gray, but we need to.” He reached up with his metal hand to brush some of my hair out of my eyes. “what if someone like DiMA decides to mess around with your mind again? What if we don’t stop it? you could be stuck that way and there wouldn’t be anything we could do about it.”

I hadn’t thought of that. Not amid all the shit that had been happening since finding out I was a synth. Being left alone in a strange settlement on an island whose nickname should be hell hadn’t given me much room to think about the rest of it. “so what are the options? I can’t exactly put up firewalls or whatever you do to protect yourself.” 

It wasn’t until his hands tightened on my arms that I realized I’d begun to shake. “Amari. We tell her that you’re a synth, we ask her to make scans of you once a month and to check to make sure nothing’s been tampered with.” 

“Amari already knew I suspected I was a synth….” And as the only memory doctor in the commonwealth it only made sense that she’d be the one I had to go to. “do you really think she can do all that?”

“I don’t know, can you think of a better option?”

“no.”

“then it’s settled. We’ll pay a visit to the doc tomorrow first thing.”

A shudder ran up my spine. Hands wrapped around my stomach I leaned over, eyes screwed shut. “I hadn’t thought about any of this before…. I’ve barely come to grips with being a synth in the first place.” 

“I know.” One of his hands traced gently up and down my back, the other on my knee. “and I wish I could give you more time to process it, we have to protect you from the dangers of being a synth.”

Dangers of being a synth. Who’d have thought the dangers of being a synth weren’t just the Institute finding you, or the commonwealth finding you out. Now there was this memory shit to deal with. What else could be a problem? Could the component in my head go haywire? Could synths have faults in their program? Could my organs just suddenly start shutting down cause I reached the end of the warranty?! For fuck sake there was the code too. 

“do… do you think Flynn remembers the code?” I whispered hoarsely. It felt heard to breathe, with all these possibilities running around in my head.

Nick’s hands froze for a split second. “knowing Violet she wants to forget it, she can’t help but remember.” 

“what about Macready?” 

“doubtful.” 

“so then… just you and me….” small comfort that. Sure only three people in the world knew the code, at least that I knew of. DiMA and Chase had been the only other two I knew about, and they were both dead. Faraday maybe but he knew he’d die if he ever tried it. Maybe there was a scientist that knew it too. And of course Hintzen in all likelihood had it, somehow. “someone with that code has complete control over me…. I literally can’t do anything against them if they know it.” 

“Violet won’t use it.” with gentle hands Nick forced me to sit up and look him in the eye. somehow staring into that face made all the fears and unknowns wash away. Things would be fine so long as I had Nick. “and I sure as hell will never use it. I don’t care what the situation is, I will never use that code on you.” 

He hardly even needed to say it, to hear him say it made me feel a little better. He was on his knees in front of me so I slid from my chair to the floor. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, squeezing him like it had been a month since I’d seen him. “thank you Nick….” 

With his face buried in my neck he murmured back, “I love you gray. No matter what happens next, no matter how bad things get, that won’t change. You’re one of the few things that makes living in this god forsaken world worth it.”

“I don’t deserve you.” tears started to sting my eyes like a bunch of little bastards. Trying to hide them I buried my face deep in his shoulder. “after everything I’ve done, after all this shit I’ve put you through, I don’t deserve you Nick.” 

“you’re not exactly an unbiased source there.” a shuddering chuckle escaped him which sounded almost like he was crying. “I’ll be the judge of what you deserve and don’t.” 

His arms were so tight. It was like he knew that his embrace was the only thing keeping all of my pieces together. Ellie brought up a fair point. How did I function without him? How had I even survived those two weeks? Another thought, how had I become so dependent on him? There used to be a time when I’d have run from the slightest indication I was growing reliant on someone. In the wasteland you lived and died on your own merit. 

At least that’s what I used to believe. Or maybe that’s what the original Vel O'Malley believed. I wasn’t her. I had her memories, that was it. I’d agreed with her before, now? With Nick here, with Violet, with my friends and family, maybe I hadn’t always been as alone as I thought. Or wanted to believe. Maybe relying on someone wasn’t such a bad thing. Alone all you could do was survive. But with people to back you up you stood a chance at living. 

Or maybe it was just the rush of relief I felt being in Nick’s arms that was talking. Eventually I let his neck go only to plant a firm solid kiss on him. He wasn’t even surprised, leaning forward to deepen the kiss. This wasn’t like our other ones. It was a promise, from both of us. A commitment that we’d do everything we could to protect and care for the other. No matter what came next. 

I had to break the kiss first, panting quietly. Nick pecked me on the cheek before standing up again. It was then that I realized how sore my knees were getting. With a small groan I got back up in my chair. Nick sat back at his desk, dragging a cardboard box from a corner. 

“can we agree that we’re not going to turn on the sign for the day? Or are you eager to find a case?” to be perfectly honest, I was looking forward to sleeping in Nick’s bed again for the first time in a month. 

“we can agree on that, I’ve got some work to do in the agency anyway.” he carefully stacked one of the files from his desk into the box. 

One of my brows shot up. “what are you doing?”

“what’s it look like?”

“it looks like you’re cleaning your desk for once in a century.” 

“I’m not going to miss another note from you.” he answered, refusing to turn around to look at me.

I blinked in surprise. Smiling, I rose. “don’t worry Nick, it worked out in the end didn’t it?”

“I’m still cleaning it.” to make his point clear he dumped another folder unceremoniously into the box. Even if he did clean it up, that would probably only last him a week. The man never seemed to find the time between cases to clean himself up. And I knew for a fact he didn’t like cleaning. 

It was a sweet gesture. Standing behind him I hugged his shoulders and kissed the back of his neck. “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anybody else already selling their soul to preorder fallout 76? No? just me? that’s fine. There’s still plenty more coming from me in Fallout 4, and I hope that with the release of 76 coming in a few short months people will still be coming back here to read the stories of the Commonwealth. 
> 
> At any rate, here we are at the end of Observatory. Thank you so much for reading and enjoying this journey with us. Whether you love or hate the characters, I hope they’ve given you some entertainment. My next work Shattered will begin posting in a couple weeks so look forward to that! Don’t forget to stay with Shallw and her work. 
> 
> Soon I’ll be starting my own journey. These last couple of months have been full of anxiety and worry so I need to thank each and every one of you for supporting me as you have. having this anchor in the midst of all this chaos has been a great help. whether you know it or not, every time you leave a kudos, or every time you make a comment it gives me something to look forward to. So thank you each and every one of you. 
> 
> My stories aren’t going to stop, so until Shattered let me just remind you all to write on.


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